Wanted; William Derek Church

| February 8, 2014

Guy made this wanted poster for us last night for The Round Ranger. I posted it on our Facebook page and over 30,000 people have seen it so I thought I’d bring it over here for you sociopaths who don’t have Facebook yet;


Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (104)

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  1. Hondo says:

    Brownwolf: yes, the service academies accept students from other institutions. But they don’t “transfer” – they have to do the full 4 year program, just like someone coming in right out of high school. Ditto those who are appointed from active duty.

    Interestingly enough, a Cadet/Midshipman from any of the 3 service academies (USMA/USNA/USAFA) who begins their 3rd academic year and then fails out/is thrown out/quits is ordered to active duty in an enlisted capacity. They’ll typically be given a E2/3/4, depending on precisely when they leave after starting their 3rd academic year. So I guess that’s a possibility – and the “studied at the US Naval Academy” would then be technically true.

    Other sources indicate this guy’s middle name is probably Wayne. Mow we need a USNA grad who can check their online site to see if there is any grad named “Mark Tiemann” – and preferably, “Mark Wayne Tiemann”.

    Anyone out there in TAH reader-land a USNA grad?

  2. Brownwolf says:


    I looked on Intelius and Mark Wayne Tiemann of Las Cruces, NM is currently 47 years of age, year of birth possibly 1966. Also, When I went back to his FB page, on the About section, he was married in 1987 and if you look at his Education section – he graduated from the US Naval Academy in 1996, which indicates he was 30 and married by then – according to his FB page.

  3. Brownwolf says:


    The “droopy” looking eyes were the match for me!


  4. Marine_7002 says:

    @50 Brownwolf: not in the sense of transferring from another college after one or two years and starting as a second-, third-, or fourth-year student.

    They welcome candidates who already have some higher education, but they have to go through the entire application/screening process and must attend all four years, no matter how many credits/diplomas they’ve earned previously.

  5. Hondo says:

    Brownwolf: another source give his age today as 50 – not that it really matters, as your timeline points out. Neither works out based on the other info in his Facebook page.

    I’m pretty sure the Service Academies all had a “not married/no legal obligation to support dependents” policy for attendees in the 1980s (they do today). And someone entering must be between 17 and 22 years of age.


    Bottom line: there are some serious disconnects between this guy’s Facebook claims and what’s possible. I’m getting the feeling this guy just might be the (round) one we’re looking for.

  6. SJ says:

    52 & 55: For instance, Patton did a year at VMI and then started all over again at USMA. I think he was a 5 year man there because of grades.

  7. Brownwolf says:

    @52 Hondo & @55 Marine_7002,

    Thank you guys for the clarification on service academies and older students. Also, do service academies accept cadets with dependents? According to the Intelius report, he was married and had at least one six-year old child by the time he claims to have graduated from the USNA. He also has at least two other children but I cannot ascertain their current ages at this moment.

  8. Brownwolf says:

    @56 Hondo,

    Oops, I missed reading your comments for 56 – I must have been two-finger pecking my previous comments. :-/

  9. ArmyATC says:

    This Mark Tiemann’s Facebook page is a mess. On it, he claims to have graduated from the Naval Academy after only two years.

  10. Brownwolf says:

    @60 ArmyATC,

    I’m listing other discrepancies on the Round Ranger page; http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=29376

  11. ArmyATC says:

    Checking his timeline, on 10 November 2013 he claims to be a “retired MGySgt.”

  12. A Proud Infidel says:

    Y’all suppose the Round marine and William Derek Church the Round ranger might be separated siblings?

  13. Green Thumb says:



    This turd is more likely the result of unprotected ass sex.

  14. Army Medical says:

    Willie, Turn in the uniforms!
    Let’s see if your apology is sincere!

  15. D Hayes says:

    First thing I saw was the purple heart improperly worn. Not only is he the round range but a dumb fatass pimple on the ass of a Pvt E1

  16. jim mcclain says:

    Please give this guy a break.
    He is obviously a Clinton Casualty.
    Why can’t we all live together and sing Kum Bai Yah/Cum On Me. After all, he did serve all of 5 weeks ‘active’.
    Which is amazing.
    But how can he strut around NC of all places, and not be recognized as a poser?
    The decs and others are obvious.
    Guess that’s why there’s fewer USAF posers.
    Our uniforms are simple.
    Just ask any bus driver.
    I have assisted in outing a LtCmdr SEAL where I used to live and where a plankowner lived…not pretty.
    With the two wars going on, and Nam vets getting older, I guess the cancer has spread.
    And as long as politicians pay lip service, it’s up to us.
    I’ve been attacked as a poser myself due to being USAF Air Commando (“Air Force don’t have Commandos).
    And being ‘injured’ vs ‘wounded’,(hey, if you got hurt in Iran, where’s your Purple Heart?). Mission time wasn’t considered ‘combat’ goober, (hence no PH, or other decs).
    Being mentioned in two books does help, ha…
    But as far as this one and others…I wish they would pull prison duty.
    I’d donate a carton of cigs to some receptive bad azz.
    I do tell incarcerated vets I counsel that they didn’t give up their “Oath”, so it still applies…maintain the Duty, Honor, Country and stay on the path.
    Thanks for the job you all do…much of it unmentioned.

  17. jim mcclain says:

    If I still had the poundage on he’d look just like me.
    Don’t know whether that’s good or bad.
    Should I try to impersonate him, maybe hold up a bank or ‘come out’?
    Would he have a legal case of another person defaming his character (or lack of)?
    Maybe we could start an Impersonate the Impersonators Unit? Could we get corporate sponsorship?

  18. jim mcclain says:

    There were some comments about how some guys had a lot of fruit salad vs not.
    I believe as long as you served, you earned the “Oath” Award…to protect against all enemies foreign and domestic…and you should be proud of even a few ‘regular’ awards.
    I will talk to other guys and hear their stories of how they were ‘just’ admin or finance types, etc.
    I was a zipper suited sun god, but they were just as important to me.
    So, I salute you all who have one row of decs vs 8.
    That DD214 is something you have that the guy next door, or the cubicle commando, will never have.
    When I was a Sgt, I went to Instructor’s school and later NCO Academy as a four striper.
    The Commandant and Chief at each saw myself and another guy with me.
    They pulled us out of processing and ‘gave us a chance’ to get in proper uniform.
    We didn’t know what he meant until he said when do 3/4 striper airmen get DFC’s, Airmans Medals, MSMs, etc.
    We said ‘in Special Ops, Sir’.
    He called our Commander and also got a shred out of our decs and didn’t bother us rest of class.
    When I retired, I had a few rows like most of us. I missed out on te active part of Desert Storm but some other missions.
    If I’d stayed in a year longer I’d probably have a few more stripes and rows.
    On other hand, my son, third generation USAF special ops aircrew just got his 5th stripe, and has more decs than most of us.
    It’s not about the dec, it’s the service and the memories.
    Why this site is so important, because irregardless of whether a civie ‘honors’ the military by faking it, or a vet does it from feeling inadequate, they are smearing the honor of those who have gone and still serve.
    Next to liberal collaborators (where ya’ll gonna go when the flag comes down? you think Mexico will take you), posers are a cancer that kills from within.
    Nuff said.

  19. OWB says:

    Well, Jim, gotta say that you summed it up quite well.

  20. A Proud Infidel says:

    @67, Jim, it’s like a quote from Mary Schantag if I’m correct, “Omly about 500 Navy SEALs served in Vietnam, and we’ve investigated all 30,000 of them.” Some say that nowadays that every legit Vietnam Vet out there has at least five posers riding on his or her back!

  21. SJ says:

    Church is pissed…see his new rant at Topix Lenoir. http://www.topix.com/forum/city/lenoir-nc/TUGP0Q05KGRJ6AASI/p8

  22. SJ says:

    Ooops, looks like the Liar of Lenoir Topix thread at link above got smoked.

  23. Jonn Lilyea says:

    Almost 110k people have seen the poster on Facebook. So, I guess the word is getting around.

  24. Ex-PH2 says:

    Good. Glad to see that. The more, the better.

  25. ChipNASA says:

    Make. Him. Cry.

  26. Enigma4you says:

    Posted in Craigslist Henderson


    Help keeping this going would be great

  27. This sorry piece of shit is still calling himself “Ranger” on his G-mail.
    First is the e-mail that I sent to him yesterday:
    ” Church:
    Hiding under the bed will not make this go away! I told you that I want a reply from you about your reason for the photos, and also that I want you to surrender every damned piece of unearned Ranger paraphernalia that you have. Every. Damned. Piece. Of. Ranger. Paraphernalia. That. You. Have. Take it to either your wife’s inlaws, (I doubt that you have the guts to do that, you obese coward.), or to a Bonified Veteran’s Service Organization such as a VFW or American Legion post. Do it!
    Have you read the latest on you at “This Ain’t Hell” Blog? You damned sure should be reading. You wanted fame when you put that uniform on. You got it, but don’t expect any glory. Get off your lazy, permanently unemployed ass and do something.
    What are you telling your father and mother about this? You do realize that very soon, they too will be informed of this blog post, the Topix Lenoir, the Craigslist, and the upcoming TV coverage, don’t you?
    Get busy.
    Frankie Cee”

    and his reply:
    “from: Ranger wdchurch76@gmail.com
    reply-to: Ranger
    to: Frankie Cee
    date: Fri, Feb 14, 2014 at 7:03 PM
    subject: RE: This is not going away!
    No thanks. I’m done with this. Stop your harassment.
    mailed-by: gmail.com ”
    And my reply to him this morning:
    “You insidious bastard. You are still calling your self Ranger. You piece of shit, it is not you who will turn this off. You started it, you set the ball rolling, we who care about our troops, our veterans will call the final shot, and we are but midway in this.
    We are not harrassing a person, we are working to publicly humiliate a phony. The degree of humiliation rendered will depend entirely on YOU. Your reply to me will be added to the comments at both posts on you at This Ain’t Hell, (one of them has around 1600 comments, with all of them further engraving your sorry name in the granite that is the altar of St.Google.
    That you refuse to answer questions about your phonyness, that you refuse to get rid of ALL Ranger Paraphanalia, (including this damned G-mail claim of Ranger, illustrates that you don’t intend to “come clean” to do your part to make your pathetic life easier. You and that similarly lyin’ wench of a wife deserve all that you both get as a result of your lies.
    You challenged me to meet you at the Darby Queen. I Know that is a bullshit call on your part.
    I am challenging you to show some balls, (you will probably have to call on a friend as you don’t appear to be endowed with a pair.), and proceed to unfuck yourself.
    You have pissed of far too many people with your act to feel comfortable even just going down to the stale bread store for your donuts.
    I doubt that you have enough respect for those who serve and have served, to do it, but how about taking a look at what the world thinks of you here: http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=39182 and at the artwork that your idiocy has caused here: http://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=39689
    And yes, in this regard, We. Are. The. World.
    Frankie Cee, Veteran “

  28. How about Y’all sending this lowlife, william derek church, an e-mail expressing your thoughts on his still claiming Ranger, as in the header to his gmail correspondence. And please, if you do, please mention me, Frankie Cee, so that he can see that I will not relent.
    His e-mail address is: wdchurch76@gmail.com

    And the header to his e-mail is as shown here:
    from: Ranger wdchurch76@gmail.com
    reply-to: Ranger
    to: Frankie Cee
    date: Fri, Feb 14, 2014 at 7:03 PM
    subject: RE: This is not going away!
    mailed-by: gmail.com
    signed-by: gmail.com
    “No thanks. I’m done with this. Stop your harassment.”
    Thanks, People. Your participation is appreciated.

  29. If anyone is so inclined, He has his own personal postcards, with his very own Wanted Poster embossed on the backside. For the rockbottom low price of 8 Bucks, you can grab an 8 pack of these, ready for you to put an address and a nice message on the front side.
    See the postcards here:

  30. asknod says:

    Ruh-oh Rorge. The WWP is now sponsoring these jerks. Meet Sgt./CWO2 Ryan J. Webster, with 39 missions under a light wheeled vehicle as a 63 Bravo. He has suddenly taken off his Clark Kent outfit to become CWO2 Webster w/ 2 combat parade jumps and the Swett Warriors Las Vegas gala. Oh, and the Cow Harbor (Long Island) parade two years running. The man is a rumor in his own room and a legend in WWP’s mind.

  31. ChipNASA says:

    Fat Fuck.

  32. ChipNASA says:

    I’d LOVE to see William Derek Church, Mark Wayne Tiemann and Dennis Chevalier in a fight the the death cage match over a 7 lb block of gubmint’ cheese. 😀

  33. HEY CHURCH!!!
    My efforts are paying off. Got a fresh report from up your way. Are you aware that many of the good people of Lenoir do not approve of your phoniness? The time has long passed for you to get your self straightened out, but yet you lay up in the house with nothing to do but take your dependapottamous to work, and then sit around eating jelly donuts.
    Get your lazy behind outside and get the Ranger Tag off the front of that nasty, grungy black Ford expedition, and while you are at it, get the Purple Heart and Airborne decals off the back too. Do it!
    It takes a better man than you to Rock those images, much better than you. We’re watching you.

  34. At lunch today, in conference with two “REAL DEAL” RANGERS, I mentioned William Derek Church, and that he lived up in that area. One of the Rangers has relatives not far away. Neither of these guys,(both Bronze Star Medal awardees, one also has the Silver Star Medal, and both have purple hearts from when they “got blown up”), appreciate a lardass who would impersonate them. They asked me: “How dumb, how low classed must a person be to do that?”.
    Tell us Waddlin Willie, or your bedpan carrying wife, how low classed are y’all anyway? When you go to your parents house, do you check the bottom of your shoes to see if there is any of that blood that you stand in seeking a way to be an actual man? It must really suck to be so lacking as to feel the need to pretend to be an actual man. How inadequate must a woman feel, to need to be attached to a male who must lie to put himself forward as a man? Kiaya, how do you even look across the room at him? Hell, how do you even look in the mirror to brush your hair, knowing that you are so low that the only male you can attract anymore is such a phony.
    You two are “The Despicable Duo”, for sure. Wallow in it.
    Purple Heart Medal, Ranger Tab, Airborne wings. The mark of a better man than you!
    And NO! We are not going away!

  35. Green Thumb says:

    I have not heard anything about/from this shitbag lately.

    Any updates?

    • Green Thumb says:

      Resting before the tournament, I assume.

    • ArmyATC says:

      Over on the Topix thread, it’s been said that he gave up all rights to his own children and beats his step children constantly. What a coward and lowlife POS.

      • HMCS(FMF) ret says:

        Oh, he’s one of those type of “manly” men… can take and beat a kid, but probably is the one to get his ass kicked when it’s someone his size and age.

        There’s a place in Hell for his type… right above the Mass Murderers of this world.

  36. ArmyATC says:

    The ass fuck is at it again. He posted the military pics back on his Facebook page and put up his Will Chamberlain sockpuppet again. He’s also still claiming to be a EMT.



    • HMCS(FMF) ret says:

      Waffle House Willie has either blocked them or taken them down.

      Willie – don’t fucking go there… the PAIN TRAIN will be followin’ you fat ass all over the place, LOSER!

    • Currahee John says:

      I happen to have some knowledge and contacts in the EMS world, and made a few calls. No one by his name or a reasonable facsimile thereof is a certified medic on any level in NC. No one by his name or a reasonable facsimile thereof is a certified medic on any level in KY. No medic I spoke with in western NC knew him or had heard of him.

      (rant) Why in the world would someone want to FAKE doing a job as low-paying, mind-warping, marriage-killing, dirty, dangerous in a not even hardly heroic sort of way, and downright degrading profession as EMS? It’s not exactly a glamour business, wearing the badge, patch and pants means you still have to pay too much for bad coffee at Starbucks, and no-one knows who Roy and Johnny were anymore, so there ain’t no good TV/movie connections.

      “Sirens” sucks, btw.

      It’s like someone cobbling together a faked career as a boot camp reject, or pulling a BCD for molesting the general’s dog, or being a lawyer who can’t get admitted to the bar because your ethics ain’t high enough for THAT crowd, or being a pilot who doesn’t understand that no gas means no fly, or getting kicked out of a dress-up wanna be program for general malfeasance or something.

      Geez louise. (/rant)

    • Currahee John says:

      One more thing, on his FB page, he claims to have taken a Paramedic course at CCC&TI in Lenoir, NC; you guessed it, they do not offer that course:


  37. OIF '06-'07-'08 says:

    All I get trying to access the FB links is “content not found”, but it seems that the wutound ranger wants to get back in the race as the tourney is right around the corner, but he may have to settle for third place behind CheesFlake in second and Bernastypants in the lead. All depends how the tourney is seeded this year.

    • ArmyATC says:

      I just checked again. I’m having no problems. Maybe try doing a search from your Facebook page for Derek Church. That’s how I found his page again. He’s got all his old “spec ops challenge” pics back on the page.

    • SJ says:

      I had high hopes for Rotund but even he cannot hope to unseat Hollywood or Bernasty….these 2 are some serious players.

      • Hack Stone says:

        Nothing worth getting worked up about. Church just seems to have some generic illustrations of old automobiles and V8 engines. Will Chamberlain’s page has not had any comments since his untimely demise in that skydiving accident. Unless he starts acting like an ass (again), I recommend that we allow him to continue his life with his exquisite spouse in their opulent mansion in Lenoir.

  38. Just an Old Dog says:

    Im seeing them, but thee has been no activity on them since jabuary.

  39. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    He’s popped back up like a big, nasty ZIT, I wonder if he hasn’t been in touch with and retained Bernath as a lawer?