And In the Irrelevant Humor Department . . . .
From Reuters via Yahoo News:
BERLIN (Reuters) – Methane gas from 90 flatulent cows exploded in a German farm shed on Monday, damaging the roof and injuring one of the animals, police said.
No, I’m not joking. And some of the comments to the article are absolutely hilarious.
Elsie the Cow could not be reached for comment.
(Hat tip to the Drudge Report for the link.)
Category: Pointless blather, Who knows
I love the comment “Short article, at least they didn’t Milk the story”. Comment sections (as y’all know from here) is where you can find comedy gold, unless it’s on YouTube then everyone’s gay and racist. hah!
I tell ya’ it’s the cows causing global warming! 😀
Global warming is a LIE cooked up by the man to control our hairspray use! I tell you what it’s…… hold on my tin foil tiara slipped a bit.
Shit happens when you’re farting around with livestock!!
Is there a chance for an “edit” option? I should have posted “Shit happens when your livestock animals are farting around”!
Burger King: freshly grilled over cow farts fueled flame – for that special taste
Best comment: “Pull my hoof!”
“Elsie the Cow could not be reached for comment.”
Neither could Commander Monkress.
@PI- if you hadn’t asked for the edit, maybe nobody would notice. Maybe…now I have the giggles…
You ever been on the wrong end of a cow, say in a milking barn? The smart folk don’t hang around any longer than they need to>
Did the redneck cow say “hey check this shit out” before he lit his fart?
Too much farting around, and look what happened!
This is why smoking is not allowed in barns.
Dereck Church inadvertantly popped a SPEC OPS flare causing the massive explosion. Church was there feeding on a lovely three grain mixture.
Hoof hearted?
Moments before blasts:
Cow 1: I am gassy!
Cow 2. So am I, want some Beano?
Cow 1: Sure thing!
Cow 3: Anyone got a light?
Cows 1 and 2: NO!
As fart stories go, it still can’t top the farting opera singer.
http://www.newser.com/story/181369/opera-singer-farts-when-singing-files-lawsuit.html
So, the cows were having a bit of fun and it got out of hand. Oh, like no one here ever lit a fart before!
The mystery of the Great Chicago Fire is, as Closseau would say, sol-ved. That cow never kicked over anything.
“Ah told ’em ’bout eatin’ them soybeans and drinkin’ that damn Everclear while smokin’ that damn locoweed. Told ’em that sh!t was bad fer ’em, and was dangerous.
But did they listen? No! They just said “moo”, ignored me, and went right on eatin’ them soybeans and partying like it was 1999!
Stupid cows, every one of ’em!”
–
Or, since this happened am Deutschland:
Ich erzählte ihnen von Eaiing Sie Sojabohnen und trinken dieser verdammte Everclear beim Rauchen die verdammte Locoismus. Ich habe ihnen gesagt, dass Scheiße schlecht Fer sie war und gefährlich.
Aber Hörten sie? Nein! Sie nur sagte, “moo”, ignoriert mich, und ging direkt an sie Sojabohnen essen und feiern wie es 1999 war!
Dumme Kühe, jeden einzelnen von ihnen!
Are we sure it wasn’t a chicken farting around the cows.
Oh …. Gary Larson of the Far Side could not have written any of this!
“Hide the Zippo … he is coming”, said the cow as they split their last cigerette.
@13, MCPO, are you sure it wasn’t the fake SEAL clown, the one with the business named “The Stunning Agency” being careless with a flaming squirrel?
Fixing the barn will probably take until the cows come home
And NO MORE farting around once they do!
I told them repeatedly ‘DO NOT CUT THE CHEESE IN HERE.’
Ab 05:45 wird zurückgefurzt
Try to google that and the historical reference 😉
@19 – Hondo — I’m thinking that the use of Sie with a cow may inappropriate. Perhaps it depends on the cow.
@ Proud. Oh shit. I fergot the MOGAS Soaked Squirrel Signalling System (MSSSS). Big NAVY R&D called it MS4! SEALs use it all over the world. Specially trained squirrels are secretly imported and naturally populate imbattled AORs.
This is classified. Keep it quiet!
This story really affected me-it was very mooooo-ving.
(C’mon-almost 30 comments and no one made this obvious joke yet)
@10. Um, Twist? “redneck cow” and “before he lit his fart?”? Cow? He? Lol.
@16, CC, Yeah, that too, was a gas!!
The farmer was left holding the bag!
Now I want barbecue……
Richard: perhaps. Deutsche Grammatik is not my strong suit.
Off Topic but…humor, well at my expense.
So today, I decide I need to get some strength going on for my legs considering my upcoming right knee replacement Feb 24th. Good idea I thought. I get my mountain bike down from the garage to take a ride to the mailbox. I figure a little ride every day will help me get in shape for recovery post-op. Still, so far, so good. It is 47 degrees here which is great and I put my jacket on and my little bikey-boy helmet. I straddle the bike and take off on a gravity cruise down the driveway. I hit the street and push the power on. My leg goes down while I’m in a standing stomp for a full throttle acceleration and…my foot slips off the peddle and well, guess what’s next? I am laying in the street next to my bike gently holding and cradling my man junk. The pain…oh, the PAIN! I landed right where you guessed! Damn top bars on boy’s bikes! I was down there in all of my humiliation, as cars passed me by honking, for about five minutes before I could draw a good, deep enough breath to try to get on my feet. I turned my little bike around and LIMPED it back to the garage. Throwing it in instead of hanging it back up because I couldn’t lift it. I mean, we are talking a weapons grade ‘nad stuffing here, big time! I thought I would have to give myself the lower abdomen punches to get them to distend! I am now sitting here with all of you and a BIG ice pack on my boys. And a sense of throbbing pain mixed with short breaths and great humiliation. I will now leave the bike where it is probably…forever! Being honest sometimes involves self embarrassment. P.S. Anyone want a good Raleigh mountain bike?
Back blast area, clear!
My daughter told me she wants to become a vegetarian. I should show her this and explain that she’s only doing the planet a service by eating those gas-spewing meatsacks.
I spent 10 minutes, reading all the comments, hoping no one would post what number 36 posted, so I could. Stole my golden moment.
Damn you number 36. Damn you.
@35. Yeah, thanks for sharing. Feeling a tad nauseous here. I always wondered whether it was a design flaw. I mean, why should they just be hanging out like that? Makes no sense, yet our arm pits and the spaces bewteen our toes are so protected…
Sparks. If you need to ride a bike to the mail box to collect said mail. You need to consider moving off the ranch and getting an apartment. Or you can hire one of those mechanical lawn jockeys I saw on cable.
Now about the testicles. I might not suggest a lap dance, however alternating hot and cold while watching Asian porn may help!
Sparks, you have my sympathy. But you should ask the doctor to give you a check for epidydimitis while you’re under the gas. It can be extremely painful, even if you packed your boys in ice. Look it up.
On another note, for anyone who needs an emergency ice pack and there’s no crushed ice in the freezer in little zipbags, you can grab a bag of frozen peas, limas, corn or any other frozen veggie that is pellet shaped, slap it on your knee or the counter to loosen the peas (whatever), and put it on the needed spot. It will easily conform to the bruised area and can be returned to the freezer for use at dinnertime.
I have used this after a smackdown on the rink when I had no crushed ice in baggies.
At the same time, I’m enjoying trying to picture the lot of you sorry dickweeds sitting around the living room, commiserating with each other over beer, with bags of frozen mixed veggies on your laps.
@41, Ex, why do you think the old guys sit around with blankets covering their laps? It ain’t because they’re cold. They’re making sure no one can see the bags of mixed frozen veggies.
@UpNorth: Heeheehee! 🙂
Sparks: ouch. Sorry to hear about your mishap, amigo.
Regarding the bike: no need to give it up. But maybe readjusting the saddle and making a point to only pedal while seated and using the hell out of the derailleur might be in order, at least for a while.
And yeah, I know – you already figured that last out all by yourself. (smile)
Seriously, best wishes for a speedy recovery.
Toe clips or clipless pedals….. yer boyz’ best friend.
PH2 – for something more permanent, fill a gallon storage bag a tad over half full with equal parts water and rubbing alcohol. Force out any air bubbles, put another bag around that, and freeze. Flexible cooling without the ick factor of serving yer nad cooler for dinner. (OK, I know that last is irrelevant for those of the fairer sex, but still… a real good frame shot on a bike can be a unisex experience)
Sparks, I’ll see your bike and raise you riding my horse at a full gallop losing the left stirrup trying to maintain control and not fall I accidentally pulled back the reins, horse make a sliding stop and your truly landed square on the saddle horn. No amount of crushed ice or Green Giant product was going make that feel better any time soon. Needless to say I always check the stirrups now.
As for the cows, there is a reason Dairy barns are ventilated at both ends and roof. We can be sure the EPA here is writing up anti-flatulent regs as we write.
Thanks for all the sympathy and ideas. They will be heeded. I didn’t give up in basic and I won’t give up on the bike either. Feeling much better this morning.
Ex I’ve had epidydimitis a few times, mostly as younger man. We use to just call it “Blue Balls”. Easy and fun remedy for that! 😀