Tournament Awards
The awards for the last two Ballduster McSoulpatch Memorial Stolen Valor Tournaments are in. I’ve inspected them; they appear to be in good order. Jonn should have them in a day or two.
I’ll let Jonn write an article regarding his plans for delivery if he likes. But I thought our readers might want a sneak peek at them in the interim. Photos are below the break.
For the 2013 “winner”, John “Shovelman” Giduck:
Since that one’s a bit hard to read, here’s a closeup of the medal:
For the 2012 “winner”, Jake “Dildo-man” Diliberto:
And the closeup of that medal:
Just thought our last two tournament “wieners” deserved a tangible reward for their sh!tbaggery – one that told them exactly what we here at TAH thought of them.
Category: Shitbags
Perfect!
I hope you got those for free, because you know the “winners’ will shitcan them as soon as they receive them. I would think a large cup, ala the Stanly Cup, where the winners names could be ingraved thereon and the cup could reside a TAH headquarters. Thes medals could turn up in court as evidence someday. That’s something that that I would not put passed Giduck with his history.
Where will the awards banquet be held? May I suggest Fantasyland? Make sure that they include imitation crab on the menu.
@2, I second that motion, then we’ll have a record of the Tourney Winners outside of cyberspace!!
You should make a formal certificate to be presented with the award, you know so they can add it to their dd-214.
Epic awesomesauce.
Nothing like a horse’s ass medal to prve you’ve won at failing.
Beautiful.
You can find a few TAH readers living in the vicinity of the “winner” to deliver the prize and carry a camera and balloons like in those Publisher’s Clearinghouse commercials. Giduck’s reaction would be worth the bandwidth to see that.
Excellent!!
#5 – I’m with you on the Certificate/DD214. Good idea.
Brilliant.
Outstanding stuff!
Those look awesome.
The “presentation” of these non-awards should be made in public and recorded for posterior — I mean, posterity – and posted in cyberspace (what’s YouTube’s policy on such?)
I would pitch in for a nice big glass trophy will the winners of the previous years are and new ones are just added to it … definitely a great idea #2
make sure you print off one of those cheesy certificates of “achievement” that are suitable for framing to go along with the only medal these guys ever truly earned.
Absolutely out-f**cking-standing!!!
There Should be some sort of Lombardi type trophy, Perhaps Plaque with a Donkey’s ass on it where you could attach a new name plate every year.
🙂
Awesome
Fuck yeah!!
Time to break out the ‘Shine.
One week to dealing with non-sensical BS.
Might as well take an opportunity…
These medals need to be displayed at the local VFW or Legion where these guys live, so no one gets fooled again.
A PICTURE of a horse’s ass attached to an old toilet paper roll is all these true losers deserve.
Absolutely PERFECT. Well done!
I like it…congrats(?) to our “wieners”?
I like you guys, I do.
And as stated, cool.
But I think you are taking a very conservative approach.
I am thinking some random phallus dropping a load right on their respective facial replications.
And you guys totally (and I am in on this one if need be) should present it as a surprise at their next speaking engagement or training class.
GT: maybe it’s just me, but a trophy as an award for a Stolen Valor tournament just seemed . . . well, wrong. For the SV Tourney, a medal just seemed more apropos.
I liked this one too, but couldn’t find it as a medal – it only seems to be available as a hat pin:
Plus, I didn’t want to go broke. Trophies like this one (warning – the link is NSFW) are kinda expensive!
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_KxT3bZCpsqw/SP7yDlibmUI/AAAAAAAAC3o/O8XNgPBsFh4/s320/gold-penis.jpg
I like the idea but I suppose the horse’s ass was easier to engrave…easier than, let’s say, two Greek lyres above a pair of burning trousers.
But #2 has a point. These guys need a form of recognition they can’t throw away, then claim it is “classified.” That’s right – they need a monument!
And I found a website with just the right kind of sculptor.
I like it. Instead of a COA, give them a DD215 with the award added to go along with their fake DD214s.
Attention to orders!
LebbenB: pretty sure ginning up a DD215 – even as a joke – would have the same legal issues as ginning up a DD214.
However, an obviously-bogus knock-off form that was similar – say, a “Bureau of Separations Form 215” (short number: BS215) titled “Interim Material Alteration to List of Individual Awards Received” (acronym: IMALIAR), would probably be legally OK.
Alberich: sounds OK to me – so long as I don’t have to keep the trophy in my house . . . . (smile)
Hahaha!very nice I’m sure the winners will wear proudly.
Absolutely outfuckingstanding!!
Simply brilliant!