Information about the 2013 Stolen Valor Tournament
OK, so some of you haven’t been around for the tournament before, so I am going to do a quick and dirty on how this will work. Later today I will start by listing the biographies of the North Regional folks. This is your chance to get to know some of these turds. (/ht to green thumb) The rest of the Regional bios will come as I complete them. Would like to finish as many today as I can, but it depends on whether the muse sings to me, or flagellates me endlessly while I stare at my computer without movement. Either way, this week all the biographies will be posted.
Starting on Monday we will start voting. As you’ve seen, there are 16 contestants per bracket. I’ve broken them down, and they will compete 1 on 1 against each other, advancing as they go. Here is an example of what the North looks like:
So, on Monday, you will vote for 8 winners. You need to pick between Kersten and Mueller. Then between Partain and Pusley, all the way to the end. I’m not entirely sure how we will do that yet. It may be as in past years where we just do it with Survey Monkey, but we had someone develop some software to use, and if I can figure it out, we will go with that. I wanted to “sex it up” with the tournament, and someone kindly developed the software. Unfortunately, I’ve been busy as hell, and haven’t had time to check it out fully, and then Stolen Valor hit the front burner and now seemed a good time to go. So, we might do this one old school, and next Tournament (tentatively around Veterans Day) we use the good stuff.
Anyway, so on Monday everyone can vote for their 8 “winners” in this regional. 1 vote per computer. But, you can, and should, utilize other computers, solicit votes from friends, share on your facebook etc. The more voting the better. There is no poll tax, and we won’t check IDs because homeless people owning MACBook pluses should vote the same as the rest of you.
On Tuesday (and Wednesday, and Thursday) we will go through the other Regionals. Working on having a special guest do a video on Friday of next week telling you who advanced. The following week all the winners from the first round will square off in the second round. By then you will figure it all out. I will do shorter bios as it goes on. I’m thinking Haikus for all the turds that advance, but we’ll see.
After that week, we will be down to 4 folks in each of the 4 brackets, meaning 16 left. From there we will hold two day votes, where you can vote each day. Then we’ll be down to 8. The following week you can vote once a day for 4 days and we’ll have our Fecal Four. At that point Sniper will show up with some outrageous photoshops, and it will be game on.
HISTORY:
By way of history, I believe we’ve had this tournament twice, but it could be 3 times. The first one was in 2011, when Michael Patrich “General Ballduster McSoulpatch” McManus defeated Nick “Soup Sandwich” Androsky.
I think there was another Tourney in here before last years, but nonetheless, last year’s final four featured:
5 Jonathan “The Cock Inhaler” Sharkey v.
15 Timothy “Durango + Delta = Douchebag” Oliver
2 Jake “I rethunk whether I was in Astan” Diliberto v.
2 Ron “Gunny Driveway” Mailahn
In the finals, Jake Diliberto (bottom left) defeated the Inhaler of Cock, Jonathan Sharkey.
Category: Politics
I’m still sad about the Cock Inhaler’s loss. LOL
I’m forever bitter.
Nicki: look on the bright side. Since he lost to a true Dildo, as a former PA-type you should be able to come up with some great headlines for the article announcing Sharkey’s defeat. (smile)
There were “irregularities” in last years contest…Gunny was the worst of the worse and yet he was not selected. Even the Inhaler was more worthy. Plus, everyone I backed in the brackets lost…kinda like who I backed for prez.
I’ve finally gone over the field. I’m seeing a few interesting bracket-busters, but as with the NCAA tournament, none of the #1 seeds face a serious threat until at least the Excremental Eight.
Oh, wait a second now…since we have the Fecal Four and the (hopefully) Excremental Eight, does that now mean we also have the Shitty Sixteen, the Turd Thirty-two, and the Scumbag Sixty-four?
As I sit in Summer School today, my mind will be wandering thinking about shitbags.
Thanks a lot, guys.
I disagree.
Jerry Partain at “8” is dangerous.
That dude is an Olympic-sized shitbag.
He could easily upset Tina in the second round.
I’m so excited for this year’s tourney. It’ll be a good distraction from school this summer, like Green says. When I SHOULD be thinking about Genetics, I’ll be wondering which of these guys is the biggest douchenozzle in his region.
“So, we might do this one old school, and next Tournament (tentatively around Veterans Day) we use the good stuff.”
This excites me and worries me at the same time. Excites me for we will see the good stuff.
Worries me because we might have that many new Philip Dale Monkress (GOOGLE HIT) apprentices aka “Turd powder sniffers” in the next four or five months.
But as far as the upcoming tournament, let the shit hit the fans.
@1: You’re bitter? I backed the pirate lesbian and she didn’t even make it as far as cock inhaler!
Make sure you contact your “poser” and let them know that you have their back; that you are pulling for them.
It helps your chances.
So many idiots. So little time.
Never in the course of human events have we seen so many losers with so little shame!
@13 – Master Chief, LMFAO! Priceless.
Doesn’t this one need a name? Last one was named after Ballduster McSoulpatch, so am I right in thinking that the tradition is that this contest is named after the previous contest’s winner? Therefore, shouldn’t this be the “2013 Dildo-Dilberto Stolen Valor Tournament?”
I’m still upset that my horse, the stuttering jackass, didn’t win. He held a special place in my bowel movements.
Soupy was robbed i tell you…I demand a recount!!!
Hondo… I didn’t think of that angle. But that makes me feel a little better.
Dildo Licks Cock in Terrible Two…
Survey Says 2/3 Prefer Dildo to Cock…
Oooooooh…..
Nicki: I was thinking more along the lines of “Inhaler chokes on . . . ” – but those work too. (smile)
Oh, there’s a plethora of one-liners we could use here! 😀
I can never get past the Bio’s.. I get either so pissed and laugh so hard I just walk away…I will give it the old Marine Corps try this time… honest…(no one sees my fingers crossed right?)
KillerB–we know you’re telling the truth. You know you can’t put anything on the Internet if it isn’t true.
Uh, bonjour!
@22 LOL I have had that stuck in my head all day because someone said it earlier.
I am so confused they all deserve the Cock Gobblers Cup picking them off (on the bracket) is gonna be hard to do…
I swear, I’m just lost in all the glory these guys generate for themselves. It’s just a shame they can’t hear what I think of them.
A lot of loose stool in this years’ tourney.
No telling who could ooze into the finals.
We need to get this tourney going!
My man “Punk” is loosing steam as he plays the back nine waiting….
When is Round Two starting?