The TAH “Playlist From Hell”
OK, we’ve weeded out those that were “NO GOs”, the near misses, and those that were “saved by the bell” due to having some kind of redeeming factor. Now it’s time for the TAH Playlist From Hell.
These are the audio and/or video clips that are truly, remarkably bad. They’re the ones bad enough to make you want to pour bleach in your eyes and jam a pencil in both ears after you’ve seen them.
I must say I’m a bit surprised that no one suggested Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s “Relax” (especially the original video version that was filmed in a gay S&M bar and which no one would screen because it was so hugely disturbing – it’s out there on YouTube) or Nine Inch Nails’ “Like an Animal” “Closer”. Or maybe Michael Murphy’s “Wildfire” or Gerry Rafferty’s “Baker Street”. Or something from Pat Boone’s “In a Metal Mood”. Or . . .
Ah, the hell with it. There are probably a bunch of others out there that are just as bad (or worse) that I didn’t think of either. In any case, I think what follows is a worthy Playlist From Hell.
No rank-ordering of items here is intended or implied. They’re pretty much in order of submission.
And they’re all . . . bad. Really, really bad.
Without further fanfare, I give you der Würst: the TAH Playlist From Hell.
Submitted by TSO: Winny Puhh – “Meiecundimees üks Korsakov läks eile Lätti”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dllo85ZSUk&feature=player_embedded
There was absolutely no way this one wasn’t making the list. It’s a complete WTF moment, both visually and musically. Absolute Playlist From Hell material.
Submitted by Twist: Banana Song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1INy7UZ1kI&feature=player_embedded
Bad. Just freaking bad. PHF, here I come.
Submitted by Hondo: Neanderthal Man – Hot Legs (older live version)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGWaP7Q5vCI&feature=player_embedded
My personal candidate for worst piece of crap I’ve ever heard on US radio in my lifetime – and maybe the worst ever to hit the US airwaves.
Submitted by Blanka: Peanut Butter Jelly Time
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ekIzGfJkBs
Yeah, that’s bad enough for the Playlist From Hell.
Submitted by Devtun: Tiny Tim – Tiptoe Through the Tulips
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_PLWqnfFgU
It’ freaking Tiny Tim’s “Tiptoe Through The Tulips”. ‘Nuff said. PFH.
Submitted by LCDR M(Ret): unknown amateur band – “Cocaine”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvZaOJA_BO8&playnext=1&list=PL08D6B24ED6D286EB&feature=results_main
Even incredibly bad audio can’t disguise just how horrible a cover of J J Cale’s classic “Cocaine” this is. Ugh. PFH.
Submitted by LCDR M(Ret): Mr. Trololo!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oavMtUWDBTM
PFH, no question. More Soviet exports like this might have changed the course of the Cold War by ending the West’s will to live!
Submitted by Old Tanker: (anonymous Japanese artist) – Ah-Eee
AIEEEE! is right. This sucks Honorable Emperor-sama’s Imperial Wazoo. Playlist From Hell all the way.
Submitted by rb325th: artist – Friday
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfVsfOSbJY0
Yeppers – PFH material. Thoroughly and completely 100% died-in-the-wool bad.
Submitted by Heidi: Trio – Da da da ich lieb dich nicht du liebst mich nicht aha aha aha
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Cl9C19u2Yc
Before seeing this, I did not know that German-techno-rap-folk-salsa fusion existed. After seeing this, I wish I still didn’t know that genre existed. Clearly PFH material.
Submitted by USMCE8Ret: TACO – Puttin’ on the Ritz
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OG3PnQ3tgzY
A thoroughly bad cover of a classic song, coupled with a thoroughly bad and rather incomprehensible video as well. It’s got nowhere near enough camp humor to make the “redeeming qualities” list. PFH material.
Submitted by NHSparky: William Shatner – Rocket Man
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L77R2eJ279k
I really debated this one – it seemed to be more an example of really bad beat poetry reading than a song. I finally decided it was just too damn bad to keep off the PFH. So it goes here.
Submitted by MCPO NYC USN (Ret.): Yoko Ono performing at MoMA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdZ9weP5i68
Playlist From Hell. Had to think about this one for a while, too. I finally decided that this qualifies as music even though it’s wordlessly lyrical, much like “The Great Gig in the Sky” by Pink Floyd. But unlike the Pink Floyd tune (which is IMO absolutely excellent), Ono’s “song” here is absolutely butt-ugly God-awful bad.
Submitted by Country Singer Says: Reelin’ in the Years – Donny and Marie Osmond
PFH, no question. Donnie and Marie Osmond covering a freaking Steely Dan classic? ‘Nuff said.
Submitted by Country Singer, Claymore:
Anonymous crackhead – Amazing Grace (I think)
So bad that words fail me. PFH all the way.
Submitted by Twist: Afro Circus (10 min)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_aELcXyjpts
PFH – barely. I almost tossed this for being too long a repeating loop, and probably should have. But it’s just so freaking annoying!
Submitted by MCPO NYC USN (Ret): I wanna love you tender – Vikko Sammi?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPnGPIMUnus
PFH. Monumentally bad music and video.
Submitted by Heidi: Mc Einar – Arh dér
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugKQvPJXC0Y
PFH. Really, really bad.
Submitted by Country Singer: Touch My Body (mercifully unknown karaoke singer)
Yep, PFH. It really is that bad.
Submitted by Heidi: Mr. T – Treat Your Momma Right
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhZRqPPTNjE
PFH. Mr. T trying to sing? ‘Nuff said.
Submitted by Heidi: Baltimora – Tarzan Boy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8pYwJ8fKMY
PFH all the way. Truly crappy song; even worse video.
Submitted by Twist: Pee Wee Herman – You’re My Special Chair
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMzduCJG6OU
That’s just bizarre – and disturbing – enough to make the PFH. And I do hope that wasn’t the chair from the theater where Pee Wee got busted for . . . well, never mind. (smile)
Submitted by Veritas Omnia Vincit: Denise Richards – “Take Me Out to the Ballgame”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54fsrgLIc9E
Wow. PFH, right next to
Submitted by Hondo: Mike Ditka – “Take Me Out to the Ballgame”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAXTbPCcGNM
Mike Ditka “singing”. ‘Nuff said.
Submitted by MCPO NYC USN (Ret.): Moon Unit Zappa – Valley Girl
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qb21lsCQ3EM
I had to really think about this one for a while. I finally put this in the PFH. Moon and some of the others in her video are easy on the eyes, but the song – and her valley girl “OMG” and “totally” and “fer shure” – are even worse than the screech of nails on a chalkboard.
Submitted by MCPO NYC USN (Ret.): Minny Riperton – Loving You
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kE0pwJ5PMDg
Bad enough to deserve PFH status. But if you’re male, I understand it can be useful – just turn the volume way up and stand next to the speakers during some of the high notes. You’ll be “shooting blanks” for a couple of weeks. (smile)
Submitted by PortDawg: Jan Terri – Losing You
PFH. And I really do need bleach for my eyes now.
Submitted by Veritas Omnia Vincit: Fat People Dancing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8Ilpm5n4iU (NSFW)
PFH. Holy crap, where is that damn bottle of bleach! Does it work on memories, too?
Submitted by CC Senior: Mrs. Miller – A Lover’s Concerto
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8t_tDsYd7Rg
Oh my God. PFH with a bullet!
Submitted by CC Senior: Klaus Nomi – You Don’t Own Me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-Yrg9xNSS0
Yeah, definitely PFH material. A truly bad cover of a modern standard with a really bad video to match – and an even worse “backstory” concerning the artist (yes, the pun in the choice of words there is intentional).
Submitted by Detn8r: Roseanne Barr – Going to the Doctor
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfPxkuJMrjw
PFH. Be thankful – at least we didn’t see her “play doctor” with anyone in the video.
Submitted by Twist: Jan Terri – “Excuse My Christmas”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5Ng1HbOAKs
PFH. Ye gods – that’s bad.
Submitted by Aysel: Leek Spin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wnE4vF9CQ4
Yep, PFH material. Tune’s catchy for about 20 seconds, then rapidly thereafter gets annoying as hell. And the video is absolutely lame.
Submitted by EdUSMCleg: He Man – What’s Up (What’s Going On)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itvJybdcYbI
At 2:07, that’s PFH material.
Submitted by Just Plain Jason: Aqua – Barbie World
God, I’d managed to forget that truly awful piece of . . . junk. PFH. Damn you, Jason! (smile)
Submitted by SGT Kane: Alice Cooper, Clones
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xgow_GbXhk
Discussion: Added to the PFH due to multiple reader recommendations to add it. Alice Cooper did some great stuff – but this one wasn’t anywhere near one of his better efforts. It’s pretty damn bad. (I will say that the studio version of the video has some great eye candy, though.)
Submitted by Twist: David Hasselhof – Du
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yT5rqKMaHAg
Discussion: When ladies who grew up in Europe start telling me it’s crap, that enough of a tie-breaker for me. PFH.
Submitted by Hondo: Alien Sex Fiend – Attack
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHTn-vw3g64
Discussion: I thought it was bad enough for the PFH – and most who gave inputs about it agreed. So it goes on the PFH.
OK, there it is. The TAH Playlist From Hell, in all its “glory”. I’d say “enjoy”, but I don’t really think that’s possible with this list – and I never did like hypocrisy. (smile)
Special mention: the Beach Boys self-spoof submitted by AW1 Tim was indeed god-awful bad. But the freely-viewable version got taken off YouTube, apparently for legal reasons. And all other versions of it seem to require YouTube login. I’m putting the link to one of the login-required versions here for anyone who wants to see it, but I can’t really put it on the PFH under these conditions. But yeah – if it were freely available, I’d probably have put it here. It was really God-awful bad, even considering it’s a self-spoof.
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=xYc4DT18EJg&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DxYc4DT18EJg
Category: Pointless blather, Who knows
I looked all over for that Mrs. Miller destruction of Mozart. Damn your eyes! Beat me to it.
first, Nine Inch Nails song is called “closer”, not like an animal. second, its an awesome song
My fiance suggested I put something up from Pat Boone’s Metal album but you had already closed submissions…..that was truly aweful…
Smitty: thanks for the correction on the title. On the song itself – well, some folks like Justin Bieber and/or Tiny Tim, too. To each his/her own.
NIN compared to Justin Beiber? thats harsh
Sadly my 10 year old daughter has “Bieber fever”. I am trying to figure out where I went wrong as a parent.
Twist…just wait until she gets married…then you can pull out the Bieber poster and she will be mortified. Problem fixed…you did the perfect parenting job!! 🙂
I feel truly honored to have the the two I submitted, (Tiny Tim and Roseanne Barr)on such a list. I am old enough to remember seeing Tiny Tim on TV, and I have never met anyone who enjoyed his cat screeching voice! I remember sitting in the chair with my Grand Father and having to get up and turn the TV down whenever he started!
@2 Agree with your assessment but Johnny Cash does NIN better: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aF9AJm0RFc
#6 Do what I did with my cousin that kept talking about Beiber. I introduced her to Volbeat, Sonata Arctica and Buckethead. Of course, this probably doesn’t work on everyone, but I got her to stop asking about Beiber before I had to pull out the heavier metal.
#9 Former 3364 – Even Reznor acknowledges that Cash did that song better.
at work and cant pull up youtube videos, but assumeing that is “Hurt”, and no, NIN is better. Even johnny cash cant top the origonal.
i think anything by The Black Keys should be on this list, there is a band that truely sucks
Dear Sweet Mother of Christ Man!! Have you no mercy!!! (I watched them all)….
Amen–the Johnny Cash version of “Hurt” is incredible. Even the video (of which I watch precious few of late) is awesome if you look at the images they use of the young versus old Cash, and the fact he and June Carter were both in poor health (she died a couple of months later, IIRC.)
And as far as sucks bands–ANYTHING by Nickelback. Fuckers need to get in a cage death match with Celine Dion and Justin Bieber, with the “winner” getting run over by a train.
For pure laughs and WTF moments, the Village People’s videos slay me. The cowboy and the biker dude are a riot. Laughing out loud in the office gets people to wondering.
add The Black Keys into that death match
Someone pass me the soul cleansing bleach please. And a shotgun.
Nein … Nein … dis noot vunderbar … where is me “Das Boot”
Das vunderbar video and lirics in das vorld!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuDtACzKGRs
Good list, Hondo
17 was me!
Nice try #17(mcpo)
What..no GWAR on the list?
Finrod: not submitted by cutoff.
MCPO: Vat19’s – Das Beer Boot made the “Saved By the Bell” list. It was simply too funny for this (or any) Playlist From Hell.
Finrod–if you’re gonna start with GWAR, you can’t leave out Insane Clown Posse.
And worst of all, these people have FANS.
BTW Vat19 makes funny videos for all their crazy on line shopping items!
What?! No nyan cat or retarded running horse? I at least expected Van Morrison’s “TB Sheets”. I fear this is merely the Playlist from Purgatory. Don’t get me wrong though, I’d rather go deaf than listen to any of this shyte.
I am just glad I hit the pause button on youtube when I copied the link for my submission…. that song steals brain cells. I don’t know where they go, but I think it could be a violation of the Geneva convention to play it above a whisper. Even at a whisper with headphones it could be almost subliminal torture….. Just a thought for the CIA…
Wow, I got two on the list…thanks Hondo. Nice to know I can still identify some pure crap when i see it!!
Denise Richards – “Take Me Out to the Ballgame”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54fsrgLIc9E
Couldn’t even get two seconds into her singing…OH MY POOR EARS!!
Twist. Not only did I last 10 minutes with the afro circus, afro circus, polka dot-polka dot…but I replayed it AND sang along with it. My wife is crying, I think one of our pets jumped through a window…and me, I’m finally rid of ‘Makin’ Bacon Pancakes.’ Well, I was until I wrote that…
Tough call on the Mr. T song. I’d say the redeeming quality there was he used to teach kids to respect their parents, elders, etc.
I could only listen to a few seconds of the rest of them, good god that is bad stuff. Well played…
Redacted1775: the nyan cat video that was submitted was a 10 hr loop; I summarily excluded anything that long. A shorter one (2-3 min) would have been here, but no one submitted a shorter one of nyan cat.
PineywoodsNCO: Denise Richardson and Mike Ditka doing the 7th inning stretch at Wrigley are both on the list above.