Deploy the Branum Bat Signal!
From Brown Neck Gaitor comes a potential client for Branum:
U.S Army soldier was arrested Monday in Volusia County. Deputies say he stole a military Humvee and took off.
Deputies say Private Sean Johnson drove the Humvee from his army base at Fort Stewart in Georgia all the way into Volusia when he ran out of gas. A Volusia County deputy saw the vehicle stranded on Interstate 95 near the Port Orange exit and stopped to check it out. He got suspicious when Johnson didn’t have any military paperwork to prove he was on a military mission.
The deputy called the Army. Army police say Johnson was AWOL and had stolen the Humvee earlier in the week. Johnson is in the Volusia County jail facing grand theft charges.
Branum has gotten more criminals off the streets than anyone I can name with the possible exception of Joe Arpaio. Matter of fact, I am considering giving him a donation to assist in incarcerating more of these numbnuts.
Let’s give Branum some time off and help him prepare the defense. On this one I think I would argue that Johnson was 8 months pregnant, and those dirty bastards in the Army refused to give him the proper pre-natal care he needed and he was left with no recourse but to steal a humvee and run for it. He was enroute to Canada where he figured Pez Dispenser Kimberly Riviera could talk him through the birth.
(I warned you I was pissed off today.)
Category: Politics
Dearest,
Would you like me to send you some Midol?
Heh… I’d hate to see you when you were REALLY angry about something.
And Tom Andrews is still a crapweasely crapweasel.
WTF was this moron Private thinking? Where was he going? What was his objective? I think the Kansas Gravel Academy is about to get a new team member. I may be wrong, but this will probably be a little harsher, on the punishment end, than just being AWOL, since he was in possession of stolen gummint property, also.
Do you think that Branum will reply without the “This Soldier Neads [sic] your help” at the bottom of the signal?
Otherwise it could be a trick signal sent by the people that can press F7 to run spell check.
P.S. – TSO is in second in the P.O. factor to me today.
For those of you playing at home, this Soldier drove about 220 miles (almost all of it on 95) from Stewart to Volusia County (Florida).
Suggested Defense: Soldier was trying to get a good parking space for Spring Break. It didn’t have a fording kit, so that leaves off driving to Cuba.
Umm, gas station? On 95? Who am I kidding.
This guy is going to get the holes in his collar filled in.
E – I owe you 1.
Dramatic movie voice guy:
This winter, one man will go AWOL and nothing can stop him.
Except an empty tank of gas!
Now only two men can save him! James “The Minnow” Branum and
The Masked Objector!
From the leading Production Companies the ISO and the IVAW comes
a gripping thriller you won’t want to miss!
Please donate so we can finish the film.
NOT a Casey J Porter film.
No, because The Minnow and The Masked Objector (anyone notice you never see both at the same time?) hate your movies because of the chicks blocking the view of the latest car doors.
Casey, that’s a movie you should do…..just make sure there are hot chics in it…..
Agreed, that would be a great movie. You should get a famous retarded person to star as Branum, like that kid from Seventh Sign or Rosie O’Donnell.
Heh.. “Brought to you by ‘Nothing Under The Hood’ Productions”. 😉
“Masked Objector, they said if I take the Article 15 and deploy I can keep my rank and still support my family.”
“Nonesense, this is a time to take a stand. You should first go AWOL.”
“Minnow, call IVAW and set up a press conference.”
I would like to go on record and say that this guy could be very smart.
He could take the cases pro bono like other lawyers would, but he insteads lobbies and accepts donations for their “legal defense fund” (which he runs). Then he bills the LDF some dollar figure per hour for his services. So he has figured out how to get libs to give him money. So what if the guys do time and have their life ruined? He is getting paid.
I should say “allegedly”
A lot of slacktivists are pissed off at me for the models in my films. Of course, they support Matthis the rapist and let Victor Agosto slide when he calls Selena Coppa ( Army Sergeant ) a bitch. But I must be the real devil.
Wow, I didn’t know that about Agosto. I like that guy less and less the more I hear about him.
So do I.
Ravens beat the Patriots. That’s right, we knocked Tom Brady’s shitshow of a team out of the runnings for the superbowl this year. The wildcard Ravens. The thugs, the criminals, the low brow followers of O’Malley did it.
How’s that help your mood tso?
VT–not as much as seeing, “Brokeback Brady”…
http://www.boston.com/ae/sidekick/blog/BradyCowboyHat.jpg