The US Coast Guard arrests man attempting to ‘run’ from the US to the UK
Reza Baluchi attempted to run from the US to the UK. (Flagler Country Sherriff’s Office/Facebook)
Reza Baluchi attempted to literally “run” from the United States to the United Kingdom. His means of running? A waterborne “hamster wheel.” Unfortunately, the U.S. Coast Guard cut his run short. After they asked him standard questions about his watercraft; they determined that it did not meet the standard to continue its job. Baluchi also did not have the proper registration for his water craft. Baluchi refused to cooperate when attempts were made to get him onboard Coast Guard vessels. However, he eventually disembarked at a Coast Guard base in Florida.
From Fox News:
The complaint says that Baluchi was unable to provide officials with the required registration for his water vehicle and informed officials that he was running in his hamster wheel all the way to London, England.
When Coast Guard officers told Baluchi they were cutting his voyage short, Baluchi threatened to kill himself with a 12-inch knife if anyone tried to apprehend him, and claimed to have a bomb aboard, according to the complaint
After days of trying to get Baluchi to board Coast Guard vessels, he admitted that he did not have a real bomb and on September 1 officers were able to get him to disembark at the USCG Base in Miami Beach, Florida.
Court documents said that this was not his first attempt to run on water in his hamster wheel. Officials said he attempted similar voyages in 2014, 2016 and 2021, all of which have ended with Coast Guard intervention.
He faces federal charges of obstruction of a boarding, and violation of a Captain of the Port order.
According to an exclusive interview with FOX 35, Baluchi efforts were meant to raise money for various charitable causes, including “homeless people,” the U.S. Coast Guard and police and fire departments.
“My goal is to not only raise money for homeless people, raise money for the Coast Guard, raise money for the police department, raise money for the fire department,” Baluchi said. “They are in public service, they do it for safety, and they help other people.”
Fox News provides the balance of the story here.
Category: "Teh Stoopid", Coast Guard
“threatened to kill himself with a 12-inch knife if anyone tried to apprehend him, and claimed to have a bomb aboard, according to the complaint”
I would have waved goodbye.
Isn’t standard procedure to move back to a safe distance and blow the device in place?
That’s what she said.
Makes ya wonder, in some cases, if it wouldn’t be better just to hang back and allow Darwin to solve the issue.
It would’ve been better to just observe, let him continue, and run a betting pool on the date and time Darwin wins. Serious morale builder.
“I have a bomb!”
CG, peering through semi-transparent plastic, “Nope, not seeing anything”
Deleted. Show tact next time. If you think you’re capable of juggling a crap ton of outside responsibilities while also contributing blog post articles without error, feel free to take my place. And since you’re going to mention a nun, put your hands out right next to mine for forgetting the scene where people were challenged to cast the first stone.
-thebesig
AI
Well, the f key and t key are close together.
So yeah, lack of caffeine, glasses, fat fingers or no edit button or proof reading led to this (says the one guilty of any of the above).
Dude has his own Website and GoFundMe page:
https://runwithreza.tv/
https://www.gofundme.com/f/barefoot-running-across-the-country
Somehow, this 2016 Cracked article tells a better story of his misadventures….😉😎
“A Glorious Asshole In Giant Air Bubble Keeps Getting Rescued From The Ocean”
“Reza Baluchi is a marathon runner, but marathon running is boring. Baluchi tried to shake things up a bit by pulling a Jesus and running across the goddamn ocean, all the way from Florida to Bermuda. In case you haven’t done the math in your head yet, that equals over a thousand miles.”
“In 2014, the Coast Guard began receiving phone calls about a “disoriented” man in a giant inflatable bubble running around the ocean off the coast of Miami, asking if anyone could tell him how to get to Bermuda. Which leaves us with a thousand questions, not the least of which is “How the hell did Baluchi expect to cross a thousand miles of ocean if he couldn’t even get out of Miami without assistance?”
“After three days of running in place, Baluchi gave up on his dream of reaching Bermuda via mobile hamster wheel. Which meant the Coast Guard needed a helicopter, an airplane, and $144,000 to rescue him from his own stupidity.”
https://www.cracked.com/article_24126_6-people-who-never-gave-up-their-stupid-dreams.html
Fleetwood Mac.
Love That Song. “Dreams.”
We still have the original album that came out in 1977…in fact, we still have a turntable, a receiver and 2 speakers…🫡
Thank You, 5JC!
In the same link annotated above, we found this funny AND true story…and it ain’t about Maverick or Navy Pilots Making Sky Penises..😉😎
“Guy Spends Five Years And Two Trials Failing To Make His Signature A Penis”
“Fed up with the outrageous task of having to sign his name over and over again every time he moved, Jared Hyams wanted to see if it even mattered what he put in the little box on the form, so he drew a straight line. What happened was nothing. Believing this meant he could put whatever the hell he wanted in the box, Hyams started drawing a tiny penis any time a form asked for his signature. Shockingly, people noticed.”
“The Australian Electoral Commission told Hyams that the drawings didn’t count as a legal signature, but he refused to take no for an answer, and continued forcefully using his little dick art in lieu of his name.”
“Hyams started using the image for everything, frequently butting heads with the AEC over whether the doodles could be legally recognized as a signature. Hyams was shot down every time, and every time he came away more bullheaded than ever, still convinced that the government had no right to tell him what the visualization of “Jared Hyams” could look like. When Hyams went to have his driver’s license signature switched to his new, Prince-like-but-dickish symbol, he noticed his updated card never arrived in the post. He investigated and was informed that the address on file didn’t match his current home. He was convinced that the address was intentionally changed to prevent him from ever receiving the license, because that’s a totally sane and rational explanation.”
“Hyams twice took the issue to court, and twice he was thrown out on his ass, because forcing public officials to process genitalia images as part of their job constitutes “sexual harassment”.
https://www.cracked.com/article_24126_6-people-who-never-gave-up-their-stupid-dreams.html
This story as funny as the hamster wheel guy.
Odie, we had to do a double take as well as research Ole Jared…and sure enough, we found THIS story…😆😂🤣😅
“Melbourne Man Faces Stiff Opposition To Penis Signature”
https://www.smh.com.au/national/melbourne-man-faces-stiff-opposition-to-penis-signature-20160107-gm0sx6.html
He might have had a better case if his name was Richard.
Yep…We thought the same thing!
😉😎🫡
Sounds legit. My problem is my visualization of my penis won’t fit on an 8.5X11 piece of paper. Others have tried to tell me this this might be an exaggeration but they are haters.
Let’s call it a tallywhacker please.
To get from Norfolk, VA, to Vieques, Puerto Rico, one cuts through the Bermuda Triangle… I’ve made these kinds of transits multiple times while in the Navy. 😀
😆🫡👍👍👍👍
And you probably were running on the ship you were on! (PT running…Hoo-Aahh!)
He did another stunt in 2021. https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2021/07/30/flagler-deputys-body-camera-shows-man-who-floats-hamster-wheel-ray-reza-baluchi/5426834001/
Dude reminds us of the classic movie “Galaxy Quest”…😆
At least he was creative….
The same was said about Stockton Rush….and we know how THAT turned out…🫣
Good point.
Dang, let the guy run. Who cares. Have him sign a paper acknowledging he gets no support if he “runs” into trouble.
Kudos to the USCG for picking up this almost invisible “threat” multiple times, but taking the kudos back for hassling a guy who just wants to do something cool. Net score: 0:0. Plan a better evasion plan next time.
It doesn’t work that way. They have no actual duty to rescue him. If they had him sign a letter it might create such a duty. They did send him a letter years ago telling him to quit his antics as it was costing the tax payers money and putting people at risk, he keeps at it.
Fine. Agreed on the “precedent “ associated with a letter. No letter. Just Let him run. Why does the CG care if some guy is on his floatie device? Now I’m going to have to read their mission statement. I bet it says nothing about shutting down guys running on a floating hamster wheel on their way out of territorial waters!! Seems like a waste of resources, every time. Yet they keep picking him up? If he’s a criminal, charge him. If he’s not, stop stopping him.
Yes, let’s allow Darwinism to run its course on this looney toon.
If dood identifies as a hamster, he may find a funding source at Brucie’s Bath House (enter thru the rear). Richard Gere had no comment.
Run, Reza, Ruuun!
If he’s got the balls and the technology to make the attempt, I say let him go.
If he has to ask for directions, he needs to update his GPS navigation system.
And his man card. No man asks for directions. We don’t ask for them when traveling or putting together ikea furniture or anything made in China.
This guy is like a zit… if you leave it alone, it’ll go away; but since we keep picking at it, it just gets worse.
I thought this sounded familiar. I think I may have read about his 2016 adventure in one of our Coast Guard Auxiliary publications. I remember thinking at the time; “I wonder if this guy is done…?”
Well, I got my answer.
This makes me want to re-watch The Prisoner tv show.