Arrest After Arrest
Jeremy DeWitte
The endless traffic stops that Jeremy DeWitte made were posted on YouTube to the entertainment of many. He was not shy about his encounters, employing the full use of body cams.
The only problem – DeWitte was not law enforcement and had no authority to stop anybody. He even had an official-looking motorcycle with the name “METRO-STATE” imprinted on the windscreen.
He Pulled Over Countless Drivers. One Big Problem
Narratively explores the tale of ‘notorious police impersonator’ Jeremy Dewitte
By John Johnson, Newser Staff
Posted Feb 18, 2023Jeremy Dewitte, during one of his arrests. (YouTube/Fraudie International Operations)
The thing of it is, the business idea itself wasn’t a bad one. In the early 2010s, Jeremy Dewitte launched a company called Metro State to provide escorts for funerals in Florida. But as Dylan Taylor-Lehman writes at Narratively, things got seriously out of hand. As in, Dewitte would go on to become the “world’s most notorious police impersonator,” writes Taylor-Lehman. The story explains how Dewitte and his small team of co-workers would don uniforms that looked for all the world like police uniforms, then exercise authority they absolutely did not have on the roads. Dewitte would routinely pull over drivers, or attempt to do so, and berate them. Countless videos of such encounters exist, like this one. In fact, an entire YouTube channel is devoted to the subject.
Dewitte became very familiar to police in the Orlando area, and he had numerous run-ins with officers. Once during questioning, he let slip that he kept body cam videos of his encounters to protect himself legally. A judge then issued a search warrant, and the seized footage helped prosecutors build a case against him. He served about a year in jail, was out for a month, then was rearrested in November for violating the terms of his probation. He is currently incarcerated again. Amid all this, Dewitte and his “strange and twisted” tale have become an internet obsession for many. A key detail: The story notes that Dewitte was charged with felony impersonation of an officer back in 1998, just after he turned 18, an offense that made it impossible for him to ever become a real officer. Read the full story.
Category: "Teh Stoopid"
You vacuous, toffee-nosed malodorous pervert, pillock, puss soaked jackwagon, waste of trace elements and water, Jizztissue, knob breath dick biscuit, Pettifogger, Bunghole Baby, Rear Admiral of the Butt Piracy, donkey raping shit-eater, twatface, pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo it, may he lay a lip lock on the snotty end of a moose cock,butt munch, deep sea crotch lobster, man of the night in a large animal bordello, I bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck your own mother in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give her a reach-around (Thanks R. Lee Ermey, R.I.P) Jesus we don’t have time or space Mr Black Hole of Fuckitry for all your shenanigans, but sufficice it to say, you’re a COLOSSAL pile of Pterodactyl PUKE, child molester, police fail wanna be, not a RANGER, NOT a veteran combat jump, buttfucker, motor bicycle motorcade ass nugget, bitchly cow corn, waste of a human being and just merciless,
, unforgivable, non repentant pyloric valve, penile puckerer, Jesus Christ himself would take one look at you and shake his head ruefully, hopefully you’re about to get fed a steady diet of the old prison pork sword, you are worse than the Devil’s Hemorrhoids, TOTALLY a retarded, soul patch ball dusting, burn pit of worthlessness, you know the old saying “don’t throw the baby out with the bath water?” You would be the exception, he can go fuck a hill of dildos, you’re so fugly, you could make the Sun go down and not want to come up again, you make people that know you, want ass cancer, you make Hillary Clinton’s vagina look attractive, should be blowing everyone in cell block D and taking it up the ass, simultaneously from everyone in cell block C, This guy is a piece of lint on stinky goat nuts,
You fucking LAND WALRUS, shit snorting stain on Hillary Clinton’s yeast infected kootchie covers, you’re lucky we don’t dress you up in drag, drop your ass off somewhere in the Middle East and let an entire battalion of ISIS soldiers and supporters butt rape you until you’re turned inside out, This guy has spunk. And by spunk, I mean he likes to ingest copious, and I mean immense, monumental and breathtaking, amounts of Baby Batter, Ball Barf, Trouser Gravy, Man Chowder, High Fructose Porn Syrup, Daddy Sauce, Choad Nectar, Throat Yogurt, Penis Colada, Nut Butter, and Weiner Sauce, remember that story in the news a while back about a guy that was arrested for fucking his girlfriend’s dog that had been dead for a few days, in front of a daycare center? Yeah, you’re worse than that guy, I hope that soon you get to meet Jesus, and by that, not die, but that would be nice, BUT and I mean “BUTT”, you get vigorously and repeatedly ventilated by a guy named Jesus in jail,
you make child rape and crib death seem funny, you are such a fuckgasim, you’d leave Don Rickles speechless, you could make Goodwill, the Salvation Army and the Red Cross give you the finger, You make your own Mother cry on Mother’s Day, you’re the reason proctologists are a thing, seeing you frolicking around in all your finery makes me understand why Abba wrote the song Dancing Queen, I’d rather watch AFRTS than see this guy’s shit on the Internet, if you were a planet, you’d be Uranus, YOU are the reason monkeys throw poop, you stupid toilet mint licker, Hitler wishes he had you as a mentor because now he feels like a failure, you weak-kneed no-load pus-nuts pisspants needle-dicked cockroach-fucking slug-licking bucket of lying cockroach shit!, Ball Basting Boy Wondor, What an oily little meatgazer, planetary level atomic flaming douchebag, Santorium,
lying shitbag wanna-be fucknozzle cleaner, Impacted breaching turtle head, Rumpleforeskin, parasite on society, What in the bipolar fuck, fuckstain skidmark on the underwear of life, anal bum cover (LOL SNL Jeopardy), ), ugly Nut Captain, supports bacteria, it’s the only culture he has, looks like an insecure prick socket, must have been born on a highway because that’s where a lot of accidents happen, taint cookie, Mr. Men’s Room Wide Stance toe tapping glory hole hero, Fartleberry, Some NCO Should have beat you within an inch of your life, insult to humanity, I hope his ego hits the floor like a turd from a tall cows ass, shit-filled meatsack, masturbates to videos of Jar-Jar Binks, pisses off more people than the clackers on an abacus, prepare your anus, karma is going in dry, You are a moron. A window pane licking, urinal cake eating, lying moron,
YOU’RE THE REASON ALIENS COME TO EARTH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND STICK THINGS UP OUR ASSES BECAUSE EVEN ADVANCED CIVILIZATIONS CAN’T FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT, walking shart shooter, minge, moldy dingleberry on a roadkill swamp rat’s ass, test subject for Preparations A thru G, Remedy critch, Gnard gargling queefsquirt, I heard you were created via frozen embryo, you must have thawed, obstreperous shit-whistle, what’s gross, a truckload of dead babies, what’s grosser than gross, a truckload of dead babies with a live one in the middle trying to eat its way out, what is more disgusting than that? You, stupid enough to try to sandpaper to a wildcat’s ass in a phone booth, Handgallop, twatscicle, Obamawad, tool, bint, sleezebag, weaksauce, Gobshite, fuck hole, Pillsbury Dough Bitch, <b>Should NOT be around WOMEN OR CHILDREN, </b> touches himself inappropriately, Turd-Burglar, rimjobber, turd lizard of a roadkill opossum-humper, cum-dumpster,
Inbred buck-toothed slimy toadstool on a Swamp Donkey turd, Useless mangy crotch-dropping, needle dick buttfucker, Putz, rectal inspector, this swollen, sweltering manhole should be infected with herpegonasyphilaids, ferger, Sheep tits, gonad, queefer, chicken shit, choad, Puppy fucker, dopus, Blue Falcon and Blue Waffle, Fuck Apple with mold, twizzletits, tallywacker, Bozack, Fiction-flinging Richard Gere’s Ass Gerbil Felcher, dingleberry circling ass buzzard, bitch, Saprophyte, ATM, pap smear, bukakke glazed shitmitten, Dandy prat, Tazmanian Dorkwad rat fucking, shit-sucking warthog’s asshole, gimp, bescumber, coccydynia, you lying sack of mosquito, Siberian bag of cum-stained hadji sheep shit”, mangina micropeen, Fuckrag, Syphilitic Turd Burglar, possibly likes to pick his teeth with his OWN used catheters, Hircismus, cheat, You couldn’t make a point if someone gave you a pencil sharpener,
should be pounded in the poop hole with a turret of a M1 Abrams, and then fired a WP round therein, pope-fondling, turbo apeshit crazy, Cacafuego, Cock-juggling *Pussy* thundercunt, And a new addition thanks to Sarge , I hereby introduce you to the ALPHABET ASSAULT: Annoying asinine Ampharos asshole assistant to APL; bulimic ballsack biting butt buddy at Brucie’s Bathhouse (entrance in the rear); chronic cocksucking clymidiacic chickenfucking cretin; dumbass dumbshit dickguzzling dimwitted douchebag, erratic earwax eating enema expert; fowl felching monkeyfucking ferret fluffing Uncle Fester look-alike; gregarious gangrene carrying Grinch; hypocrtical hippo humping hackeysack full of horse shit; idiotic inbred imbecile with a low IQ and impotence issues; jumping jackass with jockey shorts full of jellyfish jism; kooky kommunistic klown kitty fucking knave; lying loathsome limpdick lillylivered lazyass llama blowing loser;
manmeat mooching meatslapping moosecock muncher; no good ninja nippled needlenutted nobody; obsolete overfucked octopus orgy observer; penis pumping pee filled poster child for proper prophelactic usage; queasy queef quaffing quantum horsesqueeze; ratt fucking rump ranger who plays the rusty trombone; Shit surping semen burping dick sucking sorry sonavabitch with syphilis; taint ticking test subject for tits on men at Tiny’s Truck Stop; unclefucking ugly ass unborn umbilical discharge; valor Vulture and volunteer for vile vaginal discharge vacuum duty, wanks to blue waffle porn while waiting for winos to blow at the aforemention truck stop; useful as an upset ugly unicorn uterus; yodleing yellowbellied yak yanker; zipper gazing zealot with zits on his zero inch dick. Fuck off, eat shit, die in a fire, this guy has been a shitbag for years and the fucker *still* won’t flush, unfortunately, some turds just refuse to go down, what do you expect from someone who is mostly shit and hot air?
If any of this offends you, I’m sorry. If something here
*doesn’t* offend you, I’m not trying hard enough!
We now include the <b> NEW
& IMPROVED
OFFICIAL TAH BINGO CARD®™
/FREE with every deployment of an
equal or greater value
The As(s)teroid of Insults®™
This man is a replica of Regurgitation. Put another way, he is a “Regugitaint”.
FUCK YOU, ASS HAMSTER!!!
Can I get an AMEN?! (Or your choice of exclamation/interjection.)
Here endeth the lesson.
Patton Quote added…..
On George S. Patton: (Multiple sources but… http://www.pattonhq.com/speech.html )
“He could, when necessary, open up with both barrels and let forth such blue-flamed phrases that they seemed almost eloquent in their delivery. When asked by his nephew about his profanity, Patton remarked, <b> <i> “When I want my men to remember something important, to really make it stick, I give it to them double dirty. It may not sound nice to some bunch of little old ladies at an afternoon tea party, but it helps my soldiers to remember. You can’t run an army without profanity; and it has to be eloquent profanity. An Army without profanity couldn’t fight its way out of a piss-soaked paper bag.”
Speaking of using words, of late, I’ve been
reminded of someone who gave us this classic piece, something many of us grew
up with and is, in my opinion, worthy of consideration, having assembled this
diatribe, I give to you this…The Man and His Work.
And finally…
Oops…I forgot this….
Oh and one time Blake Morgansaid: “ I swear I was hearing “O Beautiful for spacious skies… For amber waves of grain” playing as I was reading this…. “
So
without further ado, here is a link to Ray Charles performing America the
Beautiful, for your listening pleasure, if you want a musical accompaniment to
the The As(s)teroid of Insults®™
(Updated
to the Ray Charles version because I love the Man (and the old link died)
And the entire TAH Choir gives a rousing AMEN (or AWOMEN as needed)!
All Hail The Vaunted TAH As(s)teroid of Insults and the Keeper thereof, ChipNASA…ALL HAIL!!!
Enjoy your added Google Fame there Jeremy “Dimwit” DeWitte. The inherwebz are forever.
Watching this guy sabotage his life used to be amusing. Not so much anymore.