The Festival of John Moses Browning

| January 23, 2023 | 18 Comments

Today we celebrate the birthday of John Moses Browning, and his Gospel. Sit you down and harken.

The Holy Gospel of JMB

As translated from the original ancient manuscripts by Friar Frog.

1) In the beginning was the 1911, and the 1911 was THE pistol, and it was good. And behold the Lord said, “Thou shalt not muck with my disciple John’s design for it is good and it workith. For John made the 1911, and lo all of his weapons, from the designs which I, the Lord, gave him upon the mountain.”

2) “And shouldst thou muck with it, and hang all manner of foul implements upon it, and profane its internal parts, thou shalt surely have malfunctions, and in the midst of battle thou shalt surely come to harm.”

3) And as the ages passed men in their ignorance and arrogance didst forget the word of the Lord and began to profane the 1911. The tribe of the gamesman did place recoil spring guides and extended slide releases upon the 1911 and their metal smiths didst tighten the tolerances and alter parts to their liking, their clearness of mind being clouded by lust.

4) Their artisans did hang all manner of foul implements upon the 1911 and did so alter it that it became impractical to purchase. For lo, the artisans didst charge a great tax upon the purchasers of the 1911 so that the lowly field worker could not afford one. And the profaning of the internal parts didst render it unworkable when the dust of the land fell upon it, and these profaners didst try and fit more rounds of ammunition into the magazines than the holy number of seven, appointed for the .45.

5) And lo, they didst install adjustable sights, which are an abomination unto the Lord. For they doth break and lose their zero when thou dost need true aim. And those who have done so will be slain in great numbers by their enemies in the great battle.

6) And it came to pass that the Lord didst see the abomination wrought by man and didst cause, as he had warned, fearful malfunctions to come upon the abominations and upon the artisans who thought they could do no wrong.

7) Seeing the malfunctions and the confusion of men, the lord of the underworld did see an opportunity to further ensnare man and didst bring forth pistols made of plastic, whose form was such that they looked and felt like a brick, yet the eyes of man being clouded, they were consumed by the plastic pistol and did buy vast quantities of them.

8) And being a deceitful spirit, the lord of the underworld did make these plastic pistols, filled with tiny springs and parts that were easily lost, and they were unmendable to the artisans of earth so they were unable to muck much with the design, and lo these pistols did appear to function.

9) And the evil one also brought forth pistols in which the trigger didst both cock and fire them and which require a “dingus” to make them appear safe.

10) But man being stupid did not understand these new pistols and didst proceed to shoot themselves with the plastic pistol and with the trigger cocking pistols for lo their manual of arms required great intelligence which man had long since forsaken. Yet man continue to gloat over these new pistols blaming evil forces for the negligent discharges which they themselves had committed.

11) And when man had been totally ensnared with the plastic pistol, the lord of the underworld didst cause a plague of the terrible Ka-Boom to descend upon man and the plastic pistols delivered their retribution upon men. And there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth in the land.

12) Then seeing that the eyes of man were slowly being opened and that man was truly sorrowful for his sinful misdeeds, the Lord did send his messengers in the form of artisans who did hear and obey the teachings of the prophet and who didst restore the profaned 1911s to their proper configuration, and lo, to the amazement of men they didst begin to work as the Lord had intended.

13) And the men of the land didst drive out the charlatans and profaners from the land, and there was joy and peace in the land, except for the evil sprits which tried occasionally to prey on the men and women of the land and who were sent to the place of eternal damnation by the followers of John.

Now go ye forth and sin no more.
Amen.

Category: America, Historical, The Warrior Code

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SFC D

And everyone said amen. Let us now read the words of Revelations 19:11, proof that St. John Moses Browning was indeed divinely inspired:

“Then I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse! He who sat upon it is called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he judges and makes war”.

Geetwillickers

What about the Second Book of The Prophet St John – the Ma Deuce?

SFC D

“When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Ma Deuce comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be”

Andy11M

Mods! Can’t believe one of the bots is actually using someone’s screen name, the AI is getting smarter, although that gibberish is clearly written by a non native English speaker

SFC D

Actually written by an English English-speaker, modified by an English speaker fluent in redneck, both the southern and western dialects.

Andy11M

There was a bot post , seems a mod deleted it

MustangCPT

Amen.

The Word of our Lord.

Thanks be to God.

KoB

AMEN! And all of the True Believers doth stand and sing Praises to The One True Disciple of The God of War Designers. All Hail His Most Saintly John Moses Browning (Howitzer Be His Name)…ALL HAIL!

Plasticized abominations and water cooled maxims cower in shame that their legacy will NEVER be able to strike the match, much less hold the candle compared to the glory of the JMB Designs.

As posted on the FGS Thread, the victuals for the Festival Dining In are being prepared, serving will commence @ 1800 hours.. The dinning will include the Makings of Joyful Noises and the firings of many of His Designs.

A Most Gracious Salute to our Beloved AW1Ed for his posting of the Festival Gospel.   :saluting: 

AZRobert

230 grains of wisdom, praise the lord!
Amen!

11B-Mailclerk

Well. Almost. Mr Browning specified a 200 grain projectile at 900. The Army wanted a 225 to match the Colt revolver load, so it wound up slower.

You will find that properly made 1911s run very well with a 200 at 900.

USMC Steve

Shoots flatter too.

STSC(SW/SS)

God made man
Samuel Colt made men equal
St Browning made some men more equal than others
Let it be written, let it be so.

Last edited 12 days ago by STSC(SW/SS)
A Proud Infidel®™

For those wishing to read further about the genius of John Moses Browning, I suggest the book “The Guns of John Moses Browning” by Nathan Gorenstein Copyright 2021 published by Scribner, it’s something a true Firearms Aficionado won’t be able to put down once you’ve started reading it!

rgr769

If one wants to see all the Master’s creations, they are on display at the Browning Museum in Ogden, Utah,

Andy11M

I entered the Army after that Italian pop gun was adopted, so I never got to shoot a 1911 until I purchased one for myself, and I really wish I had bought one sooner, nicest recoil I have ever felt.

SFC D

MRS D fired my 1911 and promptly put her .38 back on the shelf for exactly the same reason. I had to buy her a 1911 of her own to get mine back.

MIRanger

I have sinned, I must confess, that I doth hold in my pocession a profane instrument of those sinful artisans. Their name was Para and this instrument most foul doth hold a lustful number of rounds greater than thy holy number of seven.
I have tried to atone for my sins by performing penence and creating by hand a true instrument in his image, and by his holy grace I shall sin no more!

SFC D

Brother Maynard will hear your confession. Go forth and spread the gospel.