The Nirther and the Clown: A Morality Tale

Once upon a time, a nirther went to the circus. He was very excited, as he lived in RonPaulLand and had never seen a circus before.  Anyway, as circus days drew nigh, the young nirther grew ever more excited. He arrived before dawn to get the best seat in the house, and was seated hours before the first trapeze act.

 

Finally, the trapeze artists gave an awe-inspiring performance, the elephants danced, and the lion tamer tamed. At last, the clowns came out in full regalia and green hair. They rode around by the gross in a purple volkswagon. The volksie pulled up to center of the ring, and an overweight clown with orange hair, acne, and a purple nose advanced to the podium:

 

“Will the person in section A, row Y, seat 42 please stand up?”

 

The young nirther looked at his ticket, and to his surprise, he was sitting in that very seat. The young nirther stood up.

 

Clown sez, “Wellllll, there’s the horse’s ass, now where’s the rest of the horse?”

 

The nirther, dumbfounded, stood for a moment, then made his way quickly through crowd and out of the tent. Returning home, the nirther wept for days, and mourned the loss of dignity and honor. Eventually reason overcame his grief and the nirther grew determined. “I’m not going to get mad, I’m going to get even, and avenge the honor of myself, my family, and this town,” exclaimed the nirther. He picked up the curriculum guide for the Taft Law School correspondence courses and started to read.

 

Eventually his eyes came to rest on an advert for a class in “Quick Wit Retort.” “Learn how to use those snappy comebacks to your advantage, now!” So the nirther sent in his $19.95 and soon received the course materials. In a few weeks, the nirther mastered the materials, and sent the final back to Taft Law School.

 

Much to his surprise, a registered letter arrived from the president of Taft Law School. It read:

Dear Sir: We are utterly flabbergasted at your performance in Quick Wit Retort 101. We would be most gratified if you could come to Taft Law School to complete your degree with our fine academic institution. Here’s a check to cover your expenses.

To make a long story short :-), the nirther made straight A’s in the QWR program. He was awarded numerous distinctions, and when he graduated, the graduation speaker Ron Paul awarded the nirther the Medal of Outstanding Quick Wit Retort, signed by Paul himself!

 

Some days afterward, Sally Struthers Air Conditioning Repair University sent a lear-jet to pick the nirther up for an interview. The graduate admissions officer didn’t mince words. “If you complete our masters/doctoral tenured track program in QWR, you will never have to worry about money again,” said he. Needless to say, the nirther promptly moved to Campus.

 

In 5 years, the nirther had finished his doctorate. By this time, the nirther was known throughout the world as the leading expert in Quick Wit Retort. Word had even reached RonPaulLand, which made his mother very proud.

 

Everyone from Pentagon pundits to Beltway bandits consulted the nirther on technical questions of QWR.

 

One day, while sitting at his desk reading his hometown newspaper, the nirther noticed that the circus was coming to his hometown again. An evil smile crossed the nirther’s face. “Siegfried,” cried the nirther to his assistant, “We must be away to the Circus. Ready the jet!” As the plane crossed border of RonPaulLand, the nirther savored the moment of victory that was to be his.

 

The nirther arrived at the circus tent very early, making sure to get the seat in section A, row Y, seat 42.

 

Finally, the trapeze artists gave an awe-inspiring performance, the elephants danced, and the lion tamer tamed. At last, the clowns came out in full regalia and green hair. They rode around by the gross in a purple volkswagon. The volksie pulled up to center of the ring, and an overweight clown with orange hair, acne, and a purple nose advanced to the podium:

 

“Will the person in section A, row Y, seat 42 please stand up?”

 

The nirther glanced at his ticket. This time he was ready.

 

Clown sez, “Wellllll, there’s the horse’s ass, now where’s the rest of the horse?”

 

The nirther rose to his feet, full of confidence. He thrust out his chest and said in the loudest voice you can imagine:

FUG YOU, CLOWN!!!!

Category: Politics