Disgraced AF major spends years working the stolen valor con
Major Brandon Bailey
ninja sends in the story of this former US Air Force officer, Brandon Bailey. The medical officer was drummed out of the service after stealing and selling drugs while in Iraq. Since then, he’s made the rounds talking about how he was a 20 year retired, totally and permanently disabled from combat injuries, and was a recipient of the Bronze Star and Purple Heart. According to prosecutors, none of that was true.
From Air Force Times;
Lt. Col. Brandon Bailey said he retired from the Air Force after nearly 20 years of distinguished service to his country, with a combat tour in Afghanistan under his belt and a Purple Heart and Bronze Star pinned to his chest.
Bailey said he spent years as a search-and-rescue and battlefield medicine specialist. He said combat wounds caused a total and permanent disability that has stopped him from working, following his medical discharge from the Air Force.
But it isn’t true.
For the past two years, Bailey has been the subject of a federal investigation into a complex web of financial and bankruptcy fraud he spun over the course of a decade.
The former major was expelled from the Air Force, following a 2010 court-martial conviction for illicit drug use and theft while stationed in Iraq. The decision aimed to strip him of his pay, benefits and access to Veterans Affairs resources.
Then, unbeknownst to the Air Force, the service continued sending him paychecks — for seven years. So Bailey cashed in.
All told, he stole about $1.5 million — including around $820,000 in pay and benefits from the Air Force — from an array of federal agencies and financial institutions while getting paid for consulting and teaching jobs under false pretenses, federal prosecutors said.
He hustled the bankruptcy system and likely laundered money through his mother’s bank account, according to court documents.
“He never medically retired from the Air Force. At no point during his military service did Brandon Leross Bailey receive the Purple Heart medal,” federal prosecutors wrote in a 2020 indictment.
Under a plea deal the DOJ struck with Bailey and his attorneys, the government plans to drop all but two of the 13 counts of misconduct against him. He pleaded guilty in June 2021 to stealing money from the Air Force and to bankruptcy fraud.
His sentencing hearing is scheduled for Wednesday at U.S. District Court in the Southern District of Alabama in Mobile.
There’s more, so much more at the source. Dude was stealing and using a wild cocktail of drugs to the point of having conversations with non-existent people.
Category: "Your Tax Dollars At Work", Air Force, Crime, Stolen Valor
mountain dew snorting, corn dog anal injecting, only listens to Lynyrd Skynyrd when making cornbread, fuck, is going on, Fucking less worthwhile, hairier, dirtier and uglier than Hillary Clinton’s taint, if this guy even *had* a woman, or any balls, he’d keep them in her purse anyway, failed fido fluffer in doggo pron, even using an entire jar of top quality, organic, gourmet, peanut butter If you started fucking off today and kept fucking off until the sun burns out you still wouldn’t fuck off far enough to fuck off, Fuck you Fucksicle, You’re so fucked up that his imaginary friend took a Restraining Order out against him, This pissant is such a genius of monumental proportions he can skullfuck his own asshole, You man meat munching, spunk bubble blowing butt sponge, The only thing that he is good for is pulling targets on the Hand Grenade Range, You are a disease, worse than a crotch tick, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper,
Boy, you couldn’t lead a fresh turd down the bowl, Thinks that he is in the “dark” secret ops, not realizing that he has his head up his ass, You were born stupid and had a prolapse, In need of an appointment with a brass-knuckles Amateur Dentist, exposure to diseased posers is also known as “the Result of Cyclospora” with * “Symptoms of cyclospora include diarrhea and frequent, sometimes explosive bowel movements, according to the CDC.” I say, I say, That boy’s about as sharp as a sack o’ wet mice, Dear fucking 8 pound 6 ounce baby Jesus on a cement tricycle, banjo eyed, insignificant and inconsequentially ignorant imbecilic idiot, single strand DNA refugee from a blow job, not worthy to lick taint lint off my cats backside, Unable to prevail against his one brained celled activity taking him over, so he types, talks, acts as if a retarded ghost possessed him. dickwad that can’t make a good seal on Tupperware, Buttcrackiula, tit,
Oh, fuck you sideways with a roll of horse liniment coated concertina wire…you sorry, miserable, posing, shit eating goat fucker, You look like the product of an orgy at a family reunion, got-damn cum drop, You’re funnier than a sock full of frogs and tougher than a jar of marshmallow crème, Sharmouta, hey douche bag, I bet your ass is jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth, sniveling, codpiece licking toilet seat sniffer, as worthless as a Toyota airbag, lying bucket of Chihuahua shit, taintpimple, Pillow bitin pickle smoocher, meat-gazing walrus fart hamster queef that should have stayed a tittyfuck cumstain in the back seat of an AMC Pacer, Bowl of ass soup, Festering fuckwart on a sewer rat’s ass, I heard you volunteered to go to the Middle East to take on terrorists…dressed as a goat, I believe you to be one of the few, proud pieces of shit that flies won’t fuck on, You’re not the dumbest person on the planet, but you sure better hope he doesn’t die,
needle dick bug fucker, wad of fungus on a pile of roach turd, Drongo, Satan even said about you, “Boy is this guy a DICK!, Sparklepony, Toilet weasel, pigshit fungus, grubby little dick-beater, You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john, Connoisseur ,worthless, Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas, Blows winos behind bus stops for a nickel and gives change, jejeongsin-iya?, whore-hopping fecal wart, Soppspiste Pitbulkukkforhud, stench-ridden, Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you only gargled, shiftless, monkey-buggerer, petrified shit biscuit, More worthless than rubber lips on a woodpecker or tits on a boar hog, ignoble itching buttcrack, You’re the reason God created Irritable Bowel Syndrome, moldy bowl of ratshit, would wear Richard Simmons’ used jockstrap as a facemask, lickspittle, useless bag of monkey fuck, dickbutt, rectum circling colon goblin, Asshole casserole, Vafanculo,
Someone should take your fake shit and shove it so far up your ass that you’ll never be able to wear a cover correctly, Nut hugger, People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore, salad tosser, gonorrheatic urethral cliff diver, smeerlap, fud, cock-sucking piece of shit, overused prison fuckboy, Because it’s a hazard to all mankind and it’s my opinion, the sloot you wiggled out of, the gaping cloaca from which your mother excreted you, should be added to the EPA’s Superfund site, and because it’s highly unlikely it will ever be again, habitable for humanity, should probably be sealed up for all eternity, much like the Agbogbloshie Dumpsite in Accra, Ghana, with Chernobyl coming in a close second, tittyfuck cum spatter (Shamelessly stolen and credited, Terminal Lance …https://terminallance.com/2017/02/28/terminal-lance-461-drill-instructor-academy/?fbclid=IwAR36LjF848ATFa879zl5OZ6An7xsUuRL1_-VASzLgdLTI-p5o4g14ylaXE4) and from the Book of Face comments
if I could, I’d shove you back into your mother’s pussy so the doctor can FINISH the abortion, Peter-Puffer, I bet the knobs of all the cocks you’ve ever sucked are shinier than the arse end of a bald eagle in a nose dive!, ncid floor buffer wax spreader, both of your Grandmothers should have had an abortion, just in case, Harebrained duckfucker, I’ve seen bigger wieners on a cocktail plate!, You look like something I’d draw with my left hand, untreated, festering pus pocket, You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake, you twink, You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel, It’s impossible to underestimate you, Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents’ job, oh wait, you *SHOULD* be ashamed too, because, the more the merrier, You are the human version of period cramps, If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty, You are like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day,
you thought you’d be nice the other day and you lent a girl an umbrella, so, that makes the total of girls you’ve made wet this year -1, if you were a trophy at the end of my race, I’d walk backwards, you try to present yourself as a knight in shining armor but really, you’re a loser in tinfoil, if you were ever a teacher, your students would never wear a seatbelt while driving to school, because they’d want to die before ever having to take one of your classes, you’re what Olive Garden is to real Italians, He has the facial expression of a washed-out panhandler you see at finer Bus Stations everywhere, he looks like Hunter Biden’s stunt double. If he was on Prison Bachelor, he would offer his cellmate his brown rose, you have a chronically, domestically abused, tiny pee pee, this valor poacher thinks he’s so hot and such an intellect, that he gets a semi chub (all that he is able) by his actions and subsequently, is in danger of raising blood blisters on his Third Thumb
due to the protracted use of his Special Purpose Magnifying Glass and eyebrow tweezers, You just **HAVE** to have any attention you can get, eh you rabbit fucked, chihuahua, shit-for-brains, don’t you? DON’T YOU?!?!, the only currency he should be dealing with is cigarettes (fags for you Brits) while he’s in the pokey and he is known to be a pack a day smoker of the cock, Sphincter reaper, That ‘stash you may or may not have (if you had one) looks like Goal Post for a Dick…. Blower and boffer of balls, Devil of cock gobbling, Bacha bāzī “boy”, Dildohead, cunt giblets (Thanks ASMDSS), If this goose shit gobbling mongoloid were an MRE, he would be Spaghetti and Dick, is a sack sucking semen slurper, nut nibbling nincompoop, and jizz juicing jackoff. This guy, I mean, this fucking guy right here, is the poster boy for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome as a fucking cross eyed, cock gobbling, 55 gallon drum of cock snot, dumpster fire
Your face makes onions cry, nsumbyeotchkizzmyazzwingwipineffoffanbeholdemyfieldofphuquesyouphuquingphuquer, Mayor Grundle Butter of Scrotumburg and Anusville, waste of oxygen, Grandstanding cunt, prickwrinkler, Holy cupcake munching monkeys, clitwart, cuntscab, his breath smells like he ate a dead man’s underwear, Fuck you, you nutless chickenfuck cocksucking rat-bastard piece of roach shit! Eat a whole fucking ConEx full of dicks!, anal sphincter canyon yodeling phallic squeezer, numbnuts, malodorous odiferous felonious fido fucker, snowball, You have the kind of creepy ass grin like you like slipping in the shower and falling on dicks, you look like the type of guy that trolls the harsh urban streets for rando destitute, impoverished, tainted, desperate dudes to fuck start your face for you, fuck this dude with a cactus, Coprophagous fop, Gonorrhea breath, swizzle tits, giggling beerflecked canker blossom
how did you survive infancy, rectal rapee, Dude looks like he smells like hot dog water, GonnoSyphaHerpaClapAIDS Patient Zero monkey buggerer, ball-tickling & ball gargling bullshiat artist, R2-Dildo, You suck dick for beer money and you don’t even drink beer, secret squirrel masturbation specialist, hand in your badge, Adolf, you fart repeatedly just to make yourself smell better, spunk-trumpet, Bakrauf, face down ass up weak kneed pillow biter, maybe this hero could strap a suicide vest to himself, go out in the open desert and make people confetti out of himself, Wait, of all the lucky sperms that came outta your daddy, you’re the one that WON??, This twat is gayer than Liberace skydiving ass first into a canyon of buttplugs, He’s so much of a dickhead he takes Viagra thru a nasal spray, and he’s still limp, How I the fuck do assholes like this sleep at night? With one hand on their tiny dick and the other thumb in their ass, Holy shit,
maybe a “buggerer of little boys”, rottencrotched, rump wrangling, colostomy bag curator, A butter knife amongst razor blades, Rusty Trombone Virtuoso, he is the kinda guy who likes meeting up with two strange men so they can sword fight in his mouth, he’s the kind of guy you’d find hanging out around highway rest areas because he’s frequenting the public bathrooms trying to gargle marbles for change, culo de chongo, booger eating fuckbucket, Lemon Party-lusting, Pissflap, fucknuckles, is about as real as a Civil War Issue polyester blanket, Menstrual quimsquirt, you’re as useful as Anne Frank’s Drum Set, overzealous polyp burglar, poser quim squirt, bed wetting, follows in Victorious Felder’s bovine excrement -filled boots, Weeping Pustule on the Whipworm Shat by a Flea Plucked from the Hairy Anus of a Noble Bilge Rat, I wanna get a running start and drop kick him right in the ‘ol yogurt gun,
Fustilarian, Knobgobble, prancing pony penis puffer, Likes to turn his mouth into a day care center with guys baby gravy behind the local truck stop, I hope his rectum is popped so hard, he will achieve liftoff on Mr. Tiny’s launch pad, less popular than a Cheese and Veggie Omelet MRE, You are so full of shit, your ears stink, I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral, butt-pirate, as popular as an SBD fart in church on a packed house Sunday, you should get dorked in the squeakhole with the Barbed Cock of Satan, toadstool slime-inhaling dick-drizzling sludge, putrid barrel of fermenting manatee prostatic fluid, prodigious jenkem huffer, He never joined Columbia Record Club because he could not afford a penny, You’re a dirty coffee mug on a Monday morning filled to the brim with steaming frothy panther piss, Asparagus-dick, as fucked up as an opossum eating shit out of a hairbrush, Champion Jailhouse Baloney Pony Rider, You’re dumber than snake mittens, He is so stupid,
he buys matinee tickets at a drive in theater, His erectile dysfunction and impotence is so severe that his continual dick-beating of such pointlessness amazes anyone that is so unfortunate as to be acquainted with him, Wooden dildo, assplow, Piss Whistle, moron, Poodle Raper, cunt fart, Prevaricating orally diarrhetic sphincter mouth, lintlicker, Wino sphincter/ballsack coinesseur, Cock Bagel and Dick Doughnut, Stronzo, Pie-Faced Crotch Pheasant, Road apple, Mule muffins, Buffalo bagels, Beaver biscuits, pony pucks & Pigeon pellets (Shout out to M*A*S*H Col. Potter) (Not Colonel Potter but if he’d have thought about it, he’d have said it. ) one giant pile of Moose marbles, Straight Up Stupid Motherfucker, manpleaser, you are such a disappointment to the human race, I think I’m gonna have to court your slovenly, unhinged, cow of a Mother, in real life, second only to the character Annie Wilkes in Misery,
and then hate slam the psychosis right out of her dirt box, such that another chromosomally challenged creature like you never occurs again, this buttmunch needs to eat out the rotten asshole of a road-killed skunk, baby unit, one eyed snake charmer, this is the kinda guy who’s feet swing when he’s on the toilet, People like this make me wanna hatefuck a dumpster, on fire and then give sloppy seconds to a menstruating porcupine, perpetual Turd that just keeps circling the bowl and will never flush, Shit-Slot Cosmonaut, Proper Daft Cunt, you thought you had a hair on your dick until it peed, zombies would take one look at you and walk the other direction, Do you know who has more friends and is more popular than you? The Shit Pool at Kandahar Airfield Afghanistan, he has less brains than a bony eared assfish if he thought he would continue to get away with his bullshit, Fair suck of the sav, This motherfucking guy makes my ass itch,
, is so unimaginably and extraordinarily vapid and mindlessly stupid that he could get lost in an elevator, Meretricious, you’ll never be the man your mother is, Odious Twonk, spaghetti straw-sized personal organ, real boy babies have bigger nuts, putting the squeeze on this nugatory nut nibbler is not worth the juice, there are ants that are smarter than this dorkwad from the bottom of Poontang Pond, he is just a rock with lips rocking the dick head look, likes to suck the turds out of rabid dogs bungholes, is a lying sack of wet doughnut batter, He looks like the kind of guy that really needs to take a bath…with a toaster. baby cave, analconda, this fartlump is the human embodiment of a $2 haircut, Grade A chode yodeler, tittilating scrotalator pole smoker, Vaginal Sand Fairy, Drollenpijper, wide open mouth pivot man in a circle jerk, feral abacus, leg humper, You look like you were conceived through anal, meadow muffin, ax wound drippings,
, you’re such a loser, when you spank your little wee-wee, your hand falls asleep, horse squeeze Ball Cheese, you were born after your Dad cream-pied her asshole then finger fucked her vagina, your “heroic “ career is less believable than UFOs, Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster, pre-pubescent, hairless ballsack here has all the charm and charisma of a burning port-a-shitter, you are the poster child for ED, when I want to terrorize my children, I tell YOU are under their bed, when I saw this sperm receptacle, soggy biscuit eater, my eyes rolled so hard I saw my own brain stem, I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid, Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid.
Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid, you emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid, nothing in our universe can really be this stupid, Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid, Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know, His mother made it be known that he had a Do Not Resuscitate declaration when she would take him for a haircut, Schlumpadinka, wazzock, Tampon Tunnel, used toilet paper-sniffing Turbo knob vacuum of a meat gazer, terminal crotch infection, asshat, roach turd-munching shit-for-brains, a black hole would spit you out, the founding fathers said all men are created equal….except for you, you make scientists contemplate the possibility that there’s a negative IQ number, if you an 2 other guys ran a race together, you’d come in fourth, dick pickle, gòrach pìos de cac
It looks like he smeared Gorilla Glue on his lip and chin and went down on Whoopi Goldberg’s cootchie, You make PTSD/TBI look like a state fair, a 3 ring circus and Disneyland all rolled into one, likes to gargle with a mouthful of unborn crib midgets, He can shit and fall in it as far as I am concerned(This one is for the Ladies and Medical Staff) this prancing fairy is about as popular as a failed Episiotomy with a 4th degree perineal tear, wanker, herpes-ridden dung beetle target, feejackapeesack, first volunteer for being part of a jailhouse human centipede, bunghole warrior, cockwomble, You’re like the end piece of a bread loaf. Everyone touches you but nobody wants you, should eat a nice steaming pile of monkey shit you ass clown, looks like hammered dog shit, puborectalis spasm, you are so bad, you’re a disappointment to the table of elements and the molecules that they represent, that came from space to form humans on Planet Earth,
, you are so awful, you make humanity want to beg for a near extinction level, asteroid impact event, Your mother may have told you that you could be anything you wanted, but a douchebag wasn’t what she meant, If Mr. Rogers were alive, he’d piss on your grave, helmet wearing short bus riding window licker, Head paddler in the douche canoe, Uncle Fucker, more ate up than a chocolate dildo in a crowded gay bar, shitbag, He is so stupid, he overdosed on placebos. dipstickus giganticus, Humpty Dumpty cleanup man after the fleet visits Naples, Herp-Burger, poofter, intergalactic cunt muffin, knob gobbling, fimicolous galactic Jackoff, Deputy executive assistant jizz mopper in training, chronic hemorrhoid, stugatz, inbred, toe-jam from an infected Filipino hooker that specializes in foot jobs, tortured turnip turd, Sea Donkey, festering pool of anal leakage, your penis lives in eternal darkness, I’d hate to see your toilet, retardus maximus, Microcephalic Toad Licker,
, can go suck a fat baby’s dick, steaming rat-felching bucket of moldy monkey fuck, Bellicose ball gnashing raper of babies with rabies, Pecker-puffing pickle licker, catcher not pitcher, bawbag, about as useful as a white crayon, Arschloch, impotent koekeloeren, slaptard, when you hear that he claims to be suffering from TBI or PTSD, it’s not the traditional definition but He suffers from TBI (Tiny Ball Insecurity) as well as PTSD (Penis Too Small Disorder.) He has a face that screams “Amber Alert”, couldn’t even be trained in my AFSC in the USAF to suck farts out of C-5 seat cushions, mumpsimus, reverse dirty sanchez lover, scunner, he claims to have PTSD and he really does have PTSD, PTSD” when it stands for “pretty talented sucking dicks, kutomba wewe, This clown dresses up like the False Commander “Phony” Phil Monkress (CEO of All-Points Logistics) for Easter, and likes to squat and drop colored Easter eggs out of his asshole,
, for the assorted homeless that gather for such festivities, next to the dumpster and used grease and cooking oil disposal bin, behind the Pilot Flying J truck stop, until either the consumables are depleted or the mob disperses. Bonus points if an accidental, bleeding, rectal prolapse and depressed crying occurs for the gathered audience. And the crowd goes wild!! Cryptosporidium-ridden tire tosser, fudgepacker, turbo douche & enema nozzle, mental midget, likes to molest small farm animals, dead and alive, is a hemorrhoid, 100 retarded monkeys could jerk off in a stagnant swamp and generate a better life form than you, You are about as useful as a knitted condom, nasty enough to pass gas during a colonscopy, thinks a GI lavage is a mixed drink at a party, if I had the taste of you in my mouth, I’d lick the taint of a dead rotting water buffalo in the Vietnamese jungle just to get the taste out, just to fix your shit, you could make a Jew deny the Holocaust,
, consuming connoisseur of the chocolate starfish, Cocksucking Catfish, anal & vaginal prolapse, giant anal Q-Tip, this freak fancies himself performing fellatio on a variety of pinnapeds, He went all vaginal. You *never* go all vaginal, If there was a stadium full of assholes, like maybe a medium sized NFL stadium, say 70,000 assholes, all sizes and colors, pink, brown, black, red, yellow, green, and then all types, big, small, middle, inflamed, dripping, unclean, festering, etc, a gun would go off and then fireworks and a cheer would arise and build to a deafening crescendo and there, on the 50 yard line, the lights would come up and the announcer would say, “Yes, there he is folks, let’s have a round of applause…” and the stadium would start doing the wave and then more cheering, a cacophony of assholes, at first softly and then building, building, “king, king, king, king, King, King, King, King, KING, KING, KING, KING!!!! <b> KING OF THE ASSHOLES!!!!</b>,
yes, quite a feat but you’ve achieved it. And you’re such a self-centered asshole, you’d take a bow, fucked himself faster than a horny chihuahua by lying about his Military Service, you are the reason Jesus can’t play peek-a-boo, he has holes in his hands, you are a 0 EPR/OPR, If the Road of Life was paved with dicks, this guy would walk through it on his ass, you are worse than a Dishonorable Discharge….from your Mom’s vagina, Massive, back alley, bucket of schlong fuck juice, cockalorum cum-guzzling gutter slut, Dalton Coldiron’s bunny-butt buddy atomic sphincter goblin, If you stuck your brain up a gnat’s ass, it would look like a BB in a boxcar, Jackanape, has all the charm and charisma of a burning Orphanage, Fuck Tart, Sitzpinkler, lispian, pussytits, Milksop, you’re such an embarrassment to your family and your father is so ashamed of you, he’d refuse a free blowjob out of fear of further spilling his seed, Forrest Gump points and laughs at you,
you suck so bad, AIDS and Cancer have nightmares about you, your shit is about as funny as Anne Frank, Helen Keller and Terri Schiavo having an orgy in the showers at Auschwitz, you suck so bad, puppies, kittens and babies hate you, you are so loathsome, looks like the kind of guy who lets his wife gets her shit pushed in by Mr. Ouch while he watches, smells like he wipes from back to front, Gandhi would ass rape you for giggles, you are about as welcome as a yeast infection, hemorrhoids, gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, genital wards and herpes, you’re one of the reasons Trump is President, you make God want a do-over, You vacuous, toffee-nosed malodorous pervert, pillock, puss soaked jackwagon, waste of trace elements and water, Jizztissue, knob breath dick biscuit, Pettifogger, Bunghole Baby, Rear Admiral of the Butt Piracy, donkey raping shit-eater, twatface, pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo it, may he lay a lip lock on the snotty end of a moose cock,butt munch,
deep sea crotch lobster, man of the night in a large animal bordello, I bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck your own mother in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give her a reach-around (Thanks R. Lee Ermey, R.I.P), this Major fuckwit is just a giant fraud and criminal, druggie, pusher, thief, NEVER was awarded the Purple Heart NOT the Bronze Star, NEVER in combat, NOT retired but thrown the fuck OUT of the Air Force, NOT Disabled, looks like a failure as a Q-Tip, also looks like be is a bottom and enjoys the company of other men, goats and inflatable toys not to mention phallic vegetables and accoutrements,
Jesus Christ himself would take one look at you and shake his head ruefully, hopefully you’re about to get fed a steady diet of the old prison pork sword, you are worse than the Devil’s Hemorrhoids, TOTALLY a retarded, soul patch ball dusting, burn pit of worthlessness, you know the old saying “don’t throw the baby out with the bath water?”
You would be the exception, he can go fuck a hill of dildos, you’re so fugly, you could make the Sun go down and not want to come up again, you make people that know you, want ass cancer, you make Hillary Clinton’s vagina look attractive, should be blowing everyone in cell block D and taking it up the ass, simultaneously from everyone in cell block C, This guy is a piece of lint on stinky goat nuts, You fucking LAND WALRUS, shit snorting stain on Hillary Clinton’s yeast infected kootchie covers, you’re lucky we don’t dress you up in drag, drop your ass off somewhere in the Middle East and let an entire battalion of ISIS soldiers and supporters butt rape you until you’re turned inside out, This guy has spunk. And by spunk, I mean he likes to ingest copious, and I mean immense, monumental and breathtaking, amounts of Baby Batter, Ball Barf, Trouser Gravy, Man Chowder, High Fructose Porn Syrup, Daddy Sauce, Choad Nectar, Throat Yogurt, Penis Colada, Nut Butter, and Weiner Sauce,
remember that story in the news a while back about a guy that was arrested for fucking his girlfriend’s dog that had been dead for a few days, in front of a daycare center? Yeah, you’re worse than that guy, I hope that soon you get to meet Jesus, and by that, not die, but that would be nice, BUT and I mean “BUTT”, you get vigorously and repeatedly ventilated by a guy named Jesus in jail, you make child rape and crib death seem funny, you are such a fuckgasim, you’d leave Don Rickles speechless, you could make Goodwill, the Salvation Army and the Red Cross give you the finger, You make your own Mother cry on Mother’s Day, you’re the reason proctologists are a thing, seeing you frolicking around in all your finery makes me understand why Abba wrote the song Dancing Queen, I’d rather watch AFRTS than see this guy’s shit on the Internet, if you were a planet, you’d be Uranus, YOU are the reason monkeys throw poop, you stupid toilet mint licker,
Hitler wishes he had you as a mentor because now he feels like a failure, you weak-kneed no-load pus-nuts pisspants needle-dicked cockroach-fucking slug-licking bucket of lying cockroach shit!, Ball Basting Boy Wondor, What an oily little meatgazer, planetary level atomic flaming douchebag, Santorium, lying shitbag wanna-be fucknozzle cleaner, Impacted breaching turtle head, Rumpleforeskin, parasite on society, What in the bipolar fuck, fuckstain skidmark on the underwear of life, anal bum cover (LOL SNL Jeopardy), ), ugly Nut Captain, supports bacteria, it’s the only culture he has, looks like an insecure prick socket, must have been born on a highway because that’s where a lot of accidents happen, taint cookie, Mr. Men’s Room Wide Stance toe tapping glory hole hero, Fartleberry, Some NCO Should have beat you within an inch of your life, insult to humanity, I hope his ego hits the floor like a turd from a tall cows ass, shit-filled meatsack
masturbates to videos of Jar-Jar Binks, pisses off more people than the clackers on an abacus, prepare your anus, karma is going in dry, You are a moron. A window pane licking, urinal cake eating, lying moron, YOU’RE THE REASON ALIENS COME TO EARTH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND STICK THINGS UP OUR ASSES BECAUSE EVEN ADVANCED CIVILIZATIONS CAN’T FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT, walking shart shooter, minge, moldy dingleberry on a roadkill swamp rat’s ass, test subject for Preparations A thru G, Remedy critch, Gnard gargling queefsquirt, I heard you were created via frozen embryo, you must have thawed, obstreperous shit-whistle, what’s gross, a truckload of dead babies, what’s grosser than gross, a truckload of dead babies with a live one in the middle trying to eat its way out, what is more disgusting than that? You, stupid enough to try to sandpaper to a wildcat’s ass in a phone booth, Handgallop, twatscicle, Obamawad, tool, bint, sleezebag, weaksauce, Gobshite, fuck hole,
Pillsbury Dough Bitch, <b>Should NOT be around WOMEN OR CHILDREN, </b> touches himself inappropriately, Turd-Burglar, rimjobber, turd lizard of a roadkill opossum-humper, cum-dumpster, Inbred buck-toothed slimy toadstool on a Swamp Donkey turd, Useless mangy crotch-dropping, needle dick buttfucker, Putz, rectal inspector, this swollen, sweltering manhole should be infected with herpegonasyphilaids, ferger, Sheep tits, gonad, queefer, chicken shit, choad, Puppy fucker, dopus, Blue Falcon and Blue Waffle, Fuck Apple with mold, twizzletits, tallywacker, Bozack, Fiction-flinging Richard Gere’s Ass Gerbil Felcher, dingleberry circling ass buzzard, bitch, Saprophyte, ATM, pap smear, bukakke glazed shitmitten, Dandy prat, Tazmanian Dorkwad rat fucking, shit-sucking warthog’s asshole, gimp, bescumber, coccydynia, you lying sack of mosquito, Siberian bag of cum-stained hadji sheep shit”, mangina micropeen, Fuckrag, Syphilitic Turd Burglar,
possibly likes to pick his teeth with his OWN used catheters, Hircismus, cheat, You couldn’t make a point if someone gave you a pencil sharpener, should be pounded in the poop hole with a turret of a M1 Abrams, and then fired a WP round therein, pope-fondling, turbo apeshit crazy, Cacafuego, Cock-juggling *Pussy* thundercunt, And a new addition thanks to Sarge , I hereby introduce you to the ALPHABET ASSAULT: Annoying asinine Ampharos asshole assistant to APL; bulimic ballsack biting butt buddy at Brucie’s Bathhouse (entrance in the rear); chronic cocksucking clymidiacic chickenfucking cretin; dumbass dumbshit dickguzzling dimwitted douchebag, erratic earwax eating enema expert; fowl felching monkeyfucking ferret fluffing Uncle Fester look-alike; gregarious gangrene carrying Grinch; hypocrtical hippo humping hackeysack full of horse shit; idiotic inbred imbecile with a low IQ and impotence issues; jumping jackass with jockey shorts full of jellyfish jism;
kooky kommunistic klown kitty fucking knave; lying loathsome limpdick lillylivered lazyass llama blowing loser; manmeat mooching meatslapping moosecock muncher; no good ninja nippled needlenutted nobody; obsolete overfucked octopus orgy observer; penis pumping pee filled poster child for proper prophelactic usage; queasy queef quaffing quantum horsesqueeze; ratt fucking rump ranger who plays the rusty trombone; Shit surping semen burping dick sucking sorry sonavabitch with syphilis; taint ticking test subject for tits on men at Tiny’s Truck Stop; unclefucking ugly ass unborn umbilical discharge; valor Vulture and volunteer for vile vaginal discharge vacuum duty, wanks to blue waffle porn while waiting for winos to blow at the aforemention truck stop; useful as an upset ugly unicorn uterus; yodleing yellowbellied yak yanker; zipper gazing zealot with zits on his zero inch dick. Fuck off, eat shit, die in a fire,
this guy has been a shitbag for years and the fucker *still* won’t flush, unfortunately, some turds just refuse to go down, what do you expect from someone who is mostly shit and hot air?
If any of this offends you, I’m sorry. If something here *doesn’t* offend you, I’m not trying hard enough!
We now include the <b> NEW & IMPROVED
OFFICIAL TAH BINGO CARD®™
/FREE with every deployment of an equal or greater value <b> The As(s)teroid of Insults®™ </b>
FUCK YOU, ASS HAMSTER!!!
Can I get an AMEN?! (Or your choice of exclamation/interjection.)
Here endeth the lesson.
Oh and one time <b> Blake Morgan</b> said: “ I swear I was hearing “O Beautiful for spacious skies… For amber waves of grain” playing as I was reading this…. “
So without further ado, here is a link to the New York Orchestra performing America the Beautiful, at Carnegie Hall, for your listening pleasure, if you want a musical accompaniment to the <b> The As(s)teroid of Insults®™ </b>
The Gun Bunny, along with the entire Assembly of Adorable and D’Weeded Deplorables Chorused…AMEN! PREACH IT! TESTIFY! 👏
<b>Patton Quote added to the end …</b>
On George S. Patton: (Multiple sources but… http://www.pattonhq.com/speech.html )
“He could, when necessary, open up with both barrels and let forth such blue-flamed phrases that they seemed almost eloquent in their delivery. When asked by his nephew about his profanity, Patton remarked, <b> <i> “When I want my men to remember something important, to really make it stick, I give it to them double dirty. It may not sound nice to some bunch of little old ladies at an afternoon tea party, but it helps my soldiers to remember. You can’t run an army without profanity; and it has to be eloquent profanity. An Army without profanity couldn’t fight its way out of a piss-soaked paper bag.” </b> </i> “
Speaking of using words, of late, I’ve been reminded of someone who gave us this classic piece, something many of us grew up with and is, in my opinion, worthy of consideration, having assembled this diatribe, I give to you this…The Man and His Work.
And finally
No, Good Sir…Thank YOU veruh much. All Hail ChipNASA, the Keeper of the TAH As(s)teroid of Insults! ALL HAIL!!!
Now…go drop one on that lying skrunt of a wannabe Marine, that is Farr away from being an Angel(a).
Oh trust me the only reason I haven’t is because it’s an ongoing investigation AND she’s got a vagina so I don’t want to be called a misogynist.
Other than that she will 1000% deserves the nuke
It really is glorious. Makes me warm and tingly inside every. single. time.
“your face makes onions cry” <- h/t to whomever…
Thanks for keeping the launch codes, Chip!
Yeah, sounds polite, like something Ex-PH2 offered, or something I pulled off the Intrawebz. I wish there was a way I could credit everyone that’s contributed to a specific insult but at this point it’s ridiculously huge and everybody has practically contributed some thing at sometime so, except for the recent addition that my 12-year old son pulled out of his ass in the car the other day when he referred to a female of the democratic persuasion as a “wiener bucket.” 🌭🪣.
Hi shit you not I almost had to pull over to the side of the road🤡😅😳🥰🤣😂💩
OSI just released their documents on the case. Good riddance to the leech.
https://www.justice.gov/usao-sdal/pr/former-air-force-officer-sentenced-more-five-years-prison-theft-government-property-and?fbclid=IwAR3omU7utUW7WNhUWOC0pIAtLFUY6xeaKl-PkWO9jQzIzkH4XC2TILru_jg
Looks like he will only spend about four years in the federal pound. He should have received ten years. But he likely blamed it all on his drug use and PTSD.