How To Make A DUI Bust Worse

| August 2, 2021

Chris Hoskins, LSOS.

One of our ninjas sent us this gem.

Somerest man arrested for DUI and lying about military status

By Hagan Wells

MIDDLESBORO, Ky. (WTVQ/WRIL) – A DUI arrest led to even more charges following the false statements a Somerset man made while in custody.

According to a report from WRIL, Middlesboro Sgt. Kenny Vanover was searching for a reckless driver of a red Pontiac around 5 p.m. on July 31. The call said the car was in the area of Highway 25 East and the Big Lots parking lot.

Sgt. Vanover found a vehicle matching the description turn back onto the highway and made a traffic stop.

The driver, Christopher Hoskins, 21, of Somerset, seemed to be intoxicated and he had the odor of alcohol on his breath. Inside his vehicle was a Jack Daniels whiskey bottle and an open 16 oz Budweiser beer. Hoskins failed the standard field sobriety tests and was taken into custody.

Once at the Middlesboro Police headquarters, as Hoskins was being processed on his charges, he made false statements to the officers, one of which served in the U.S. armed forces, that lead to an additional charge under the 2013 Kentucky Stolen Valor Act.

Self-inflicted wounds hurt the most.

“Tennessee Stolen Valor Act”

An amendment to Tenn. Code Ann. § 39-16-301 makes it a criminal offense to impersonate a member or veteran of uniformed service for purpose of obtaining money, services, property, or tangible benefits.

Category: Army Poser, Dick Stepping, ninja, Police

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Hack Stone

Yes, his photo would convince anyone that at the age of 21, this individual carries himself with the deportment of a US Military Veteran. Someone should inform him that wearing a Kiss Army patch on your denim jacket does not make you a military veteran.


So much fail in one human, and at 21 years old mind you.
I’m half tempted to send this young gentleman a box of uniform pieces, extraneous ribbons and a case of Old No. 7 to see if a better result can be had.
Any partakers?


Damn skippy, Ed.
RIP Staff General Sergeant Doorgunner.
Daily reminder: if YOU buy meth, you have a problem.


Ahhh, Soup Sandwich. I remember him… sort of… as a “poor thing” who seemed confused about his status. He was, indeed, an eye-opener.


Confused about a LOT of things. High profile supporter of Houston’s lesbian mayor.


I’m 95 percent convinced that Soupy was autistic.

It would explain a lot.


I remember this one well.

A sad little man.


Yeah, imagine you’re finishing up basic, boot camp or whatever, and this thing shows up at the main gate, asking for you by name.

Hack Stone

The platoon members of his mother’s husband at that time are probably still talking about it. Just wondering if his mother was a Hottie or a Nottie, scarfing up that young man to be her military sponsor until he sobers up and realizes what he has agreed to marry.

When Hack Stone was living in 29 Stumps Base Housing back in the early 1990’s, the couple next door was Corporal Fat Randy and his disgustingly obese significant other who outranked him by 20 plus years. The epitome of White Trash. Hack wonders sometimes if they are still together.

USMC Steve

Did anything unpleasant ever happen to this stupid spunkknuckle in the photo?

The Stranger

He died a year or two later of a drug overdose…so there’s that.


In honor of the late “Classy” Freddie Blassie … what a pencil-necked geek

Jeff LPH 3, 63-66

So he disregarded the advice that Chief Masterson gave me when I first got transferred into M div. from being shitcanned from R Div., And I was on watch in main control and excited about my first Liberty Port so the Chief tells me to keep my pecker in my pocket and drink soda pop. I guess the DUI suspect ignored the Chiefs second advice but I don’t know about the first advice. Next stop was A Div. where I got my shit together, was asked to ship over and made MM3 near my separation. Is somerset related to Maum??


A drunk, phony, and now a prisoner. Wonder if any group out there is aware of his ass. Think he likes chili?

“Behold my field…”

Jeff LPH 3, 63-66

he’s missing the US Antarctic Expedition medal and the Distiguished Flying Cross.

Drag Racing Maniac

DFC is second row to the viewer’s left.


Okay, got enough here to work up a Whiz Wheel score, so let’s see:

Sergeant E-5 in the Army, got shot up four times all at the ripe old age of 16 in 2016, but doesn’t have quite enough juice to rate a tick mark as a Valor Vulture./s

Christopher M. Hoskins (FRPR*) 38 x 8 = 304

* Hat Tip to API®™


That must be a Spinal Tap sympathy meter – it goes up to 11 vice 10. (smile)


Great catch.
“If we need that extra push, over the cliff….”


Future worm-shit…And if there’s Meth involved, the worms will be fed sooner.


“D’oh!” –Homer Simpson

Hack Stone

This guy is in contention for The All Points Logistics Mentorship Program. Phil Monkress will personally guise him through the intricacies of resume enhancement.

Green Thumb


Probably in some sort of internship program.

Green Thumb

Might also be chosen for Phildo’s “personal grooming”.

The Stranger

This dude looks like a stoned Eric Forman. Looks like he needed BMC Albert “Red” Forman to put a foot up his ass.

Green Thumb

Might be taking Phildo’s pole instead.

Veritas Omnia Vincit

Drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son…

The Stranger

Actually, it is A way. Not the smartest way, or even a GOOD way, but it is A way.