Doug Reeves – Fake Navy SEAL Diver, Persian Gulf War Participant

| July 19, 2021

The folks at Military Phony send us a case on Douglas Robert Reeves.  Reeves lives in Hialeah, Florida which is in Miami-Dade county.  Although Reeves is 64 years old at the time of this writing – mid-July 2021 – he will be 65 years old in a few weeks.

Reeves is a real estate agent / realtor.  On one of his realtor profiles, Reeves claims he was a “Navy SEAL diver” as well as being a “participant in the Persian Gulf War.”  This profile is written in the first person.

On another of Reeves’ profiles, the same claims are made that Reeves was a “Navy SEAL diver” as well as being a “participant in the Persian Gulf War.”  This profile is written in the third person.
A similar profile with the same claims exists on Zillow.

. . . . .

After the UDT/SEAL database was checked, it was determined that there is NO record of “Douglas Robert Reeves” or any other variation of his name ever completing BUD/S Training or assigned to any SEAL teams.

Douglas Reeves’ military records were ordered through a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request. Due to his age and claim of service dates, we filed with the Department of the Navy which maintains records from the mid 1990s-present.  The Department of the Navy indicated that Reeves’ records were kept with NPRC due to a release from the Navy in 1988.

. . . . .




NPRC FOIA Results – Douglas Reeves – Summary Sheet


NPRC FOIA Results – Douglas Reeves – Assignments 1976-82

NPRC FOIA Results – Douglas Reeves – Assignments 1986-88

. . . . .




There is no record of Douglas Robert Reeves graduating BUD/S-SEAL training and no record of him serving with a SEAL Team. There was an entry in Reeves’ assignments that was not legible, and it corresponds with a period that BUD/S Class 93 classed up in 1977, so it is possible that Reeves went to BUD/S training.  However, there is no indication that he graduated and as stated above, there is no record of him serving on a SEAL team.



As a side note – although used occasionally, the term “Navy SEAL diver” is a bit awkward if not odd and sends up a red flag.

. . . . .



Reeves makes the claim of being a “participant in the Persian Gulf War.”  Since this was combined with a reference to being in the Navy and in the context of duty stations, one would take this to mean Reeves was a Gulf War veteran. However, there is nothing in his official military records to indicate that he served on active duty during the Gulf War.  There is a possibility that he meant that his ship was patrolling waters in and around the Middle East when there was some friction, but the statement is misleading.


Semantics aside, Reeves has no medals that signify he served during the Gulf War.

If Reeves has used false claims to gain anything of value – he may be in violation of the Stolen Valor Act at worst or represent unethical behavior at best.

. . . . .



Category: Fake SEAL, Gulf War, Navy Poser, Persian Gulf War, Phony SEAL, Valor Vultures

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Heh heh…Here comes that GOOOGLE Fame that was commented on in the MP Site on evening past, there Dougie Boi. Yepper, you have sealed your fame when you decided to dive into the embellishing pool Douglas Robert Reeves. Oh, and BTW, you are a Native of Ohio (born there) but can call yourself a RESIDENT of Miami (live there). What else have you embellished?

Smooth move, too, on being your own sock puppet at MP. Hope you show up here with the same. Been awhile since we had a nice chew toy. POS! Coulda, shoulda, woulda, had oughta been proud of your service which, on paper, seemed to be honorable. Be interesting to hear from any shipmates that may recall all of the Seal Diver (sic) and rescue swimming you did.


Holy crap.
Perhaps our new Phony Gulf War veteran Douglas Reeves knows this
(outed in 2015) Phony Navy SEAL Phony Gulf War Veteran.
Same Bat year. Same Bat base.

Steve Zahuranec Sr. pulled this same crap,
and then went further, with a FAKE DD-214.
Steve put SEAL on it, and whited out the fake class number.
Because, you know, it’s classified.
GOOOGLE Fame for Steve Zahuranec Sr. here >>>


As Mel Gibson was heard to say: “Will somebody shoot this prick”!!!


Memes you could use on the sites he hangs out at…

White lettering:

Yellow lettering:


thebesig – Outstanding work! Send it!! Everywhere…

Skivvy Stacker

I was a “participant in the Gulf War” too.
I watched it on TV. That’s participation, right?

Green Thumb

The Phil Monkress is strong in this one.

E4 Mafia '83-'87

A Gunner’s Mate on a destroyer for 3 years does not make one a Navy SEAL Diver if there is such a thing. Trying to boost sales/commissions by portraying himself as some type of ‘Cool Guy” is some weak sauce. I wonder how many stories of daring top-secret missions…oooppss…they call them Ops he bored people when trying to close the deal. Real Estate is name recognition business so good luck with your found fame.


Ass clown couldn’t even make PO3.


Green Thumb

Probably did not matter.

When he went to work for All-Points Logistics, Phildo “promoted” him to PO1.


Algebra. heh heh.

A Proud Infidel®™

He had Introduction to Business as well, I bet that was a tough course – NOT!

Keepin' It Real

Hold your horses… someone was able to dig up a photo of BUD/S Class 93 in 1977. It had four Marines and yep, one Navy SEAL diver.



Navy Seal Driver……
He was a Navy Seal Driver and drove the Humvees to drop the real Navy Seal Diver’s to various strip clubs, pogey bait stations, whorehouses, liquor stores, gun shops, outdoor equipment retailers and other associated places of ill-repute known to harbor and provide services to REAL Navy Seal Divers !!!!!


Is there anything wrong with just being a Sailor in the best Navy on the planet? This coming from an Army guy too.


You wouldn’t think so…

But I’m even more curious about how having been a SEAL might make one a better realtor.

I mean, really?

For me, that screams “stay away”.

We have a roofing company locally that advertises “national champion college football” and the school and year.

How does playing football have dick to do with the roofing business?

Hack Stone

Are the employees of the roofing company members of that championship team? Are there cheerleaders on the sidewalk yelling “Pound That Nail!’ When they complete the roof, do they pour Gator Ade over the head of the site chief?


Who knows? Not like I would hire them.

Some of the companies around DC amaze me.

Valor Roofing

Hero Plumbing

I mean, who falls for this crap?


I’m an airborne parachutist


I was a Specialist 5 microwave operator.
“Special Operator”
In between assignments I was “airborne”.
“Airborne Special Operator”
Prove me wrong….


But did you jump with your equipment? 😉


only once…LOL


Left it behind. Took the stairs then the bus.


Can I be a Infantry Rifleman? Too on the nose.
DUI collector?
SIR causer?
30% APR car buyer?
Ok, I’m done.

Stripper dater?

Daisy Cutter

A ‘Navy SEAL Diver’ sounds similar to a ‘Marine Sniper shooter.’


Wow, he got to take Intro to business and elementary algebra while he was in? That’s like half way to a bachelors degree, I never got to take any college classes while I was in.


8th grade algebra?
The trident equation:
Navy**2 + diver**2 = (Navy SEAL Diver)**2

Yeah, that’s the ticket.
>>> SNL – Pathological Liars Anonymous.
Includes Vietnam, underage, mortar, 3-Star General.


Not even the NDSM.


The Brotherhood sighs in relief.


Full moon in FLORIDA last night. Phony Gulf War Veteran Douglas Reeves came out howling on the MP page. Twice. He finishes off with the always futile Caps Lock SLANDER. So much (more) to critique here. Enjoy… (paste 1) [Douglas Reeves 07/18/2021 at 22:40 I never said I was a Navy Seal. I said I was a Navy Seal diver. There is technically no designation for that, and it’s a fact I completed 2nd phase dive training. I have my training records to prove it. Yes, I should have stated, I have had Navy seal dive training, that would have been more politically correct. Would have, should have, could have. It was not that big of a deal to me. I have never been so egregious to state that I was a Seal, period, end of story, and you are a damn liar if you say you can substantiate this fictitious rumor. The people on this blog who have bothered to tar a feather me have upgraded my status to a Navy Seal Imposter. Nice job guys. I was a rollback and after my injury at the demolition pits I was dropped to the class behind me. I was at Coronado for 18 months, almost half my navy career. While your were raising the body count on people I got my college degree (BSNRN) and for 23 years worked in the capacity of an Emergency Room RN, saving lives, not taking them. Yeah, what a strange turn of events. Your facts about my Naval service are all screwed up for staters. I don’t know who is fact checking you, but they are dead wrong on a lot of things. Even Don Shipley would have done a better job. I don’t believe any self respecting Navy Seal worth his salt would take issue with my service record. When I was in the Gulf of Oman I attempted to save Navy pilots whose planes had crashed in the Indian Ocean, because I was the ships rescue swimmer. Apparently there are a lot of seals, retired or not with a hell of a… Read more »


with all these comebackers above,
Douglas Reeves’ 2nd FakeBook page has now mysteriously gone POOF.
In reality, no mystery at all.


Hey DOUGIE, guess what? The United States Navy BUPERS has absolutely NO record of YOU ever starting or completing BUD’s.. Guess what, DOUGIE?! YOU ARE NOT A USN SEAL!! While your stated bona fides are nothing more than a LIE, one truth does remain: I’d love to be in on that call that you’ll likely get from Don Shipley “Hey Dougie, were you a Navy SEAL”?! FUCK YOU DOUGIE🖕


I noticed the “ALL CAPS SLANDER!!!!!!!!” as well but FIRST I noticed the NAVY EXPEDITIONARY MEDAL. Well, you know what, I have the AIR FORCE TRAINING RIBBON!!! and you know what else Dougie SMOOOOOOTHE?? I have the NATIONAL DEFENSE SERVICE MEDAL!!! TIMES TWO!!!! Which you have *zero*, of, slick mom boy.

So there….and to wit…..PPPBBBHHHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!

I agree with KoB we need a chew toy here because it’s been too long but I bet Dougie FRESH ain’t gonna show up here because his bags have been packed and he’s been showed the door at MP already.


Someone should inform DOUGIE that a Navy SEAL is spelled S-E-A-L with all caps, because it means Sea, Air, Land. I guess he didn’t learn that in studying Algebra.


Unless things have changed, a shipboard rescue swimmer is a collateral duty- there is no formal training to my knowledge. A BUD/S washout would make an excellent choice for the job- being a strong swimmer is an obvious requirement.
This duty would likely be mentioned in his Evals, not his DD-214. I’m inclined to give him a pass on this particular claim.
Ain’t no such animal as a Navy SEAL diver.


No, but there ARE women in Dive/Salvage that can probably outdo his claims by about 10,000 leagues.


Navy has a four week formal training and has had it Sense late 80’s. The school is called Surface Rescue Swimmer School, it’s a four week school. The school is in San Diego and Jacksonville. So it would be listed as a qualfaction, not just a Collateral duty. The qualification should be listed on DD214 the same as the 2nd class swimmer Qualification, he should have.

Also don’t see the 18 month TAD he claims to have been at NSW.

A Proud Infidel®™️

Well hell, is Douglas Reeves (Google Hit!) now going to lawer up and go Bernath? I’m stocked up on popcorn and nachos!


A Proud Infidel@,
1st day Google Fu…. It’s a Soup Sandwich. And MORE…

1 – Valor Guardians (here)
2 – Military Phonies
3 – Douglas Reeves of Coldwell Banker Realty
[I am a military veteran of the United States Navy and during my training in Coronado, CA, became a Navy Seal diver certified by Lt. Peter E. Tonnies at the Phil …]
4 – VG/TAH post on the Book of Fake

WORSE – I tried the Fu of Google on Peter E. Tonnies….
and (only) 1 result, the same Coldwell Banker realtor page.

That’s like claiming Capt. Joseph BagOfDonuts
as the vouch for turdish Army Gulf War Rambo claims.

Google is your friend… Until…


I served with Pete Toennies at Special Warfare Group TWO. Great guy, one of the best CO’s I ever served with (He was also the officer’s detailer in Washington in the mid-80s). He may have been assigned to BUD/S as a training officer in the 1970s, as I have known him since 1973.


There was a spelling error on his last name
(by Doug Reeves himself on his real estate bio),
which carried over to these articles.

When Reeves uploaded his diving summary sheet
later in the day on his Book of the Fake,
the correct spelling for retired SEAL Toennies was found and recognized.

Note – I share rare name syndrome,
when anyone misspells my name, and finds nothing on Google.

Thank you for replying.


As a person with a NEM, not only did I NOT land on foreign soil, nor did I engage in combat against an armed enemy, this idiot sucks at math as well.

Imma guess his lack of a “good cookie” is telling as well.

And Gulf of Oman? Out and back in less than 90 days? Would explain the lack of SSDR. Oh, and marksman ribbon for rifle and pistol, as a GM? Surprised you didn’t shoot yourself in the foot.

Christ, I want to see this guy’s Page 4.


Sock puppets! I want sock puppets! The foogas is getting stale!


I think all my foogas has past the expiration date.

The sock puppets aint even what they used to be.


They just don’t apply themselves anymore. No effort. I’m so disappointed.

A Proud Infidel®™️

Posers and embellishers ain’t what they used to be!

Daisy Cutter

His realtor Facebook account is now gone under. I guess he scuttled the ship.

Didn’t even put up a fight. I looked forward to the debate about ‘Navy SEAL diver’ and ‘participated.’


I knew Pete Toennies for over twenty years, he was one of the most competent commanding officers I ever served with. See my reply (above)to “MarineDad61.”

Daisy Cutter

The page that Reeves presented looked authentic, and I have never disputed that Reeves went to BUD/S. The dispute is the clever use of words to – in my opinion – mislead folks into thinking Reeves was a Navy SEAL.

Here is the paperwork Reeves presented on his Facebook page. I have no reason to believe it was not authentic, including the signature of Pete Toennies. It does not seem to indicate that all phases were passed to graduate, but then again I’m not familiar with BUD/S school records.

Right-click to enlarge in new window.

Reeves - BUD/S


IMO, that looks like a document that would be used in house (schoolhouse training record).

Also, when I was at NHCS San Diego (Phase II 8541 school) and HCS GLakes, if you didn’t graduate, you just wasted a seat. There were schoolhouse files on your training, but nothing went into you service record, except that you were disenrolled from training.


I just wanted to clarify any mistakes/erroneous info or implications about Pete Toennies. He was a great officer – one of the few who would step up in defense of his guys when things got ugly and the lawyers came looking for a scalp(I know from personal experience). I know nothing about this Reeves character. Some of the most convincing “non-qual” Seals are those who spent some time at BUD/S before quitting or being “invited” to leave, and are thus able to bluff their way through the fairy-tale, replete with names of instructors, class number and phase details. There are also large numbers of non-quals assigned to the Teams in support roles, who never went to BUD/S, but who know enough to pass themselves off as Navy Seals.


I had an awesome Soldier, former Navy, that attempted BUD/S. He made no excuses. Said something about a certain pool-oriented training; “You’re within an inch of drowning, I said fuck this I ain’t tough enough”. And he was one tough sumbitch, too.


I trained for STA Indo so I’m basically Force Recon sniper.


I worked inside the US Army Sniper School compound on Harmony Church, this makes me sooo deadly I had to register with BAFTE BBQ and Dog Removal Club as a NFA Destructive Device.
It wasn’t a problem until I had to engrave a 1/8 inch deep reg tag on my ass with an electric pencil, my fat ass wouldn’t fit in the laser machine.


Hmmmm… maybe the term Navy SEAL diver is used?

Frogman Creed


Who is that guy? I’ve seen that before. Only someone who uses the term Frogman, which is back in the 1960s and prior, might use “diver”, especially if he was UDTing, too.


Had to use “diver” in that poem to make it rhyme, but I’m told the term is not commonly used.


Looks like Dougie’s trying to pull a Karen on us.

He is SO easily offended that anyone has the audacity to question — nay, even vaguely doubt – his quals as a Navy SEAL diver that he produces copious quantities of rebuttal to make a point that could be contained in one short sentence, e.g. as follows:

You are all Big Meanies!!!

Or perhaps 2 sentences: You are all Big Ol’ Meanie Manatees!!! I was TOO a Navy Seal Diver, and I can prove it!!!

Not that the above does not specify what species of seal: could be Northern fur seal, California sea lion, Walrus, Harp seal – the list is endless.

So tell us, Dougie: exactly what species of seal are you? And before you go all Karen on us, I should add that I, too, was a participant – in the Vietnam War, for 5 years, 6 months and 28 days. They couldn’t fork over those two extra days, could they? I have pictures of me in my dark blues, answering the phone because our Yeoman had to step down the passageway to the hea, and getting off the Victory Train to the applause of a thundering crowd (well, my Dad, really).

Ah, those WERE the Days!!!

Seriously, Dougie, grow the EFF up and stop malingering. People wash out of BUD/S all the time. You should have stuck to being a Frogman in Dive/Salvage, you sap.

Grow the EFFing H-E-double hockeysticks up.


[…] This Ain’t Hell: […]

Daisy Cutter

E-3 after 12 years. ‘Nuff said.

Green Thumb


Hard charger.


And to think that, after 2 years, I made E5 and had to wait 6 months to sew on my crow….

It’s SO unfair!!!! I had to wait SO LONG!!!! Where is a trash can I can pound on!!!!!

David Parish

Not sure which I like better… “very nearly could have served with” or “attempting to save”… apparently we had a rash of crashes in Carter’s term?


Obviously, someone who’s mastered the much-needed skill-set to talk out of both sides of his face at the same time..


A handy devious skill set when unloading
termites, septic seepage, and neighbors from hell on unsuspecting northerners looking for a Florida retirement deal (home).


You left out the part about frogs and palmetto beetles (giant cockroaches).








Phony SEAL realtor.

So not shocked. Salesmen are generally some form of con men, with varying levels of almost-integrity.


With all due respect, screw you very much. Good sales people sell products on merits and know that when you lie to get a deal, it’s the last deal you ever make with that customer.

Green Thumb

I knew a few hookers like that…..


Fish taco with a side of crabs?


a) you ain’t my type.
b) even “good sales people” employ a bit of con man in their techniques even when they don’t lie.

To quote a line Louis L’Amour used “When you chunk a rock at a pack of dogs, the one what yelps is the one what got hit.”

Mustang Major

Show me a real estate sales person with an advertisement photo of themselves less than ten-years old.

Hack Stone

About 15 to 18 years ago, the Henderson Hall/Fort Myer base newspaper had an advertisement for a car dealership. Star saleswoman was featured in the advertisement, wearing her Dress Blues with all of the bling. Next edition of the paper had the same advertisement, except this time the rank insignia, Marine Corps emblems, ribbons and medals were photoshopped out. Looks like the Base Public Affairs Officer had the dealership do what is known as a “Reverse Bernath” touchup.


Once worked with a genius e-5 that worked part time at a local dealer. A PFC went in to look at a car, e-5 went into obnoxious salesman mode. PFC left the lot. E-5 starts calling the PFC nightly, trying to make a deal. PFC gets fed up, tells e-5 to go fuck himself. E-5 goes to the commander, wants an article 15 for disrespect. PFC tells his side of the story, says “I didn’t tell the e-5 to fuck off, I told an obnoxious salesman to fuck off.” Commander agrees, sends the PFC away and tears the e-5 a new asshole for abusing his rank and being a worthless prick. It was a good day.

A Proud Infidel®™

What was he trying to sell the E3? I’m guessing it was a 15 year old V6 Camaro with 200+ thousand miles that had a fresh cheap paint job at ONLY about 30% interest!

Green Thumb

2000 Ford Aerostar with 200k + miles, cigarette burns and bondo.

Crank it up, it sounds like it has the flu. Let go of the wheel, it makes a right hand turn!


That E-5 is lucky he didn’t walk out a stripe and some pay lighter.

I distinctly remember back in the day having to get the CoC permission to seek outside employment and that it better not be anything that might interfere with primary duty or bring discredit on the service.

Or at least that’s how it went when I was a “volunteer” bartender at Andy’s Hut back before it fell in the ocean.

Green Thumb


We used to all work the doors at local bars for about $100 cash a night.

Not bad on E-$/E-5 pay.


I’ve worked sales. I never had to lie to make a sale, but I absolutely was a con man. It’s called “upsaling”. That can be good or bad for the customer. Depends on the integrity of the sales person.


I honestly could not sell a thirsty man a glass of water in the desert on a hot sunny day.


I’ve worked sales too. Always tried to be fair and honest with my customers. Even turned down a sale for a grieving widow who didn’t really need – at that time – what I sold.

I absolutely Hoover as a salesman, would starve to death for sure. I’m a lousy con man – but was still a con man.

Green Thumb

Wish my recruiter had followed that model.


I remember a line from Glengarry Glenn Ross (that wasn’t “third prize is you’re fired) from Dave Moss who said, “What was the first thing I learned on the car lot? You don’t sell a guy a car today; you sell a guy 5 cars over the next 10 years.”


((((Fire-mission, Fire-mission, Fire-mission)))) – REALLY think Dougie is dire need of the TAH Hemispheres of Insults ™ ®. Send it. Please.


Oh Doogie Doo-Doogie, you in deep DOODY NOW!!!

I have a request for the HoI.

DO I have a second??


To quote Pappy, The Stranger (daHell he been lately?)

Segundo! Can we get an AYE? (or is this embellishing POS Douglas Robert Reeves such a stale packet of weak sauce that he is only qualified for the Toilet Bowl of Taunts and or The Staff Summary of Shame Sheet?) You be the Judge! (ht 2 ninja) 😛




OK Folks, I’ll make it quick…. We have a request, a Segundo and an “AYE” (properly capitalized) so away, we, GO!!! You’ve earned it Douchie, by being an asswipe and sockpuppeting your shit and making up excuses AND mincing your own bullshit wording. FUCK YOU, BRING ON THE CAPIToL LETTERS, FUCK BoI, SLANDAR SALAMANDAR!!! (yes intentional sp) The Hemisphere of Insults®™ (aka, “This Ain’t Hell” Thesaurus) FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!! TACTICAL NUCLEAR ROUND OUT!!!! THREE PASS AIRCRAFT BOMB RUN!!!!! DANGER CLOSE!!!! MOPP LEVEL 4!!! TAKE COVER!!!!! Doug (Douchie) Reeves (Gives everyone the “Heaves”), NOT a NAVY SEAL, NOT a participant in the Persian Gulf War, HEY DICKLESS (SUPER Dickless) WONDER, (“Yes, it’s true this man has no dick!” …**HT to Ghostbusters**) We all hope you read this and come back here and try to defend your actions, but, you won’t because, YOU’RE A STRAIGHT UP COWARD, , vile, flaming piece of skunk shit, ALLEGEDLY, but not confirmed or proven, but in some people’s opinion, works balls, tickles taint and tongue punches hobo’s crusty fart boxes all, I Guess, while being a syphilitic, turd-sucking feces factory, HOLY Baby Ape Shit Breath, Bitch-ass Fuckstick guzzler, pile infested, onion-eyed flapmouthed butt-bailiff, “Fowl” mouthed Chicken Fucking Chickenfucker, You flaccid piece of tofu, broke taint cocksucker, Simply a fart in life waiting to be fabreezed away, YOU’RE the reason Joe Biden tried to throw himself down the stairs of Air Force One, moral equivalent of pond scum, THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS A WALKING TURD, inflamed, “Towel boy” in a gay bath house, DILLY DILLY!!, Anal ring dome probably left over from bobbing for apples in the porta potty, When he wants to put on some mood music, he has Alexa play Dueling Banjos, Ambulatory verbal dissembling anus, Fucking one cell spermatozoon with a tiny flagella, gaping giant ass walking fungus shit nugget, Bag of seasoned dog shit, Cambodian cunt sauce, he deserves to have his private parts gnawed by angry badgers, Anyone who ever loved you was wrong, bucket of ass chum, Poopy Headed ball working asshole, JERK OFF !!, Soup Sandwich, if you Mom would… Read more »


Peter-Puffer, I bet the knobs of all the cocks you’ve ever sucked are shinier than the arse end of a bald eagle in a nose dive!, ncid floor buffer wax spreader, both of your Grandmothers should have had an abortion, just in case, Harebrained duckfucker, I’ve seen bigger wieners on a cocktail plate!, You look like something I’d draw with my left hand, untreated, festering pus pocket, You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake, you twink, You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel, It’s impossible to underestimate you, Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents’ job, oh wait, you *SHOULD* be ashamed too, because, the more the merrier, You are the human version of period cramps, If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty, You are like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day, you thought you’d be nice the other day and you lent a girl an umbrella, so, that makes the total of girls you’ve made wet this year -1, if you were a trophy at the end of my race, I’d walk backwards, you try to present yourself as a knight in shining armor but really, you’re a loser in tinfoil, if you were ever a teacher, your students would never wear a seatbelt while driving to school, because they’d want to die before ever having to take one of your classes, you’re what Olive Garden is to real Italians, He has the facial expression of a washed-out panhandler you see at finer Bus Stations everywhere, he looks like Hunter Biden’s stunt double. If he was on Prison Bachelor, he would offer his cellmate his brown rose, you have a chronically, domestically abused, tiny pee pee, this valor poacher thinks he’s so hot and such an intellect, that he gets a semi chub (all that he is able) by his actions and subsequently, is in danger of raising blood blisters on his Third Thumb due to the protracted use of his Special Purpose Magnifying Glass and eyebrow tweezers, You just **HAVE** to have any attention… Read more »


when I saw this sperm receptacle, soggy biscuit eater, my eyes rolled so hard I saw my own brain stem, I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid, Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid, you emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid, nothing in our universe can really be this stupid, Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid, Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know, His mother made it be known that he had a Do Not Resuscitate declaration when she would take him for a haircut, Schlumpadinka, wazzock, Tampon Tunnel, used toilet paper-sniffing Turbo knob vacuum of a meat gazer, terminal crotch infection, asshat, roach turd-munching shit-for-brains, a black hole would spit you out, the founding fathers said all men are created equal….except for you, you make scientists contemplate the possibility that there’s a negative IQ number, if you an 2 other guys ran a race together, you’d come in fourth, dick pickle, gòrach pìos de cac, It looks like he smeared Gorilla Glue on his lip and chin and went down on Whoopi Goldberg’s cootchie, You make PTSD/TBI look like a state fair, a 3 ring circus and Disneyland all rolled into one, likes to gargle with a mouthful of unborn crib midgets, He can shit and fall in it as far as I am concerned(This one is for the Ladies and Medical Staff) this prancing fairy is about as popular as a failed Episiotomy with a 4th degree perineal tear, wanker, herpes-ridden dung beetle target, feejackapeesack, first volunteer for being part of a jailhouse human centipede, bunghole warrior, cockwomble, You’re like the end piece… Read more »


should be blowing everyone in cell block D and taking it up the ass, simultaneously from everyone in cell block C, This guy is a piece of lint on stinky goat nuts, You fucking LAND WALRUS, shit snorting stain on Hillary Clinton’s yeast infected kootchie covers, you’re lucky we don’t dress you up in drag, drop your ass off somewhere in the Middle East and let an entire battalion of ISIS soldiers and supporters butt rape you until you’re turned inside out, This guy has spunk. And by spunk, I mean he likes to ingest copious, and I mean immense, monumental and breathtaking, amounts of Baby Batter, Ball Barf, Trouser Gravy, Man Chowder, High Fructose Porn Syrup, Daddy Sauce, Choad Nectar, Throat Yogurt, Penis Colada, Nut Butter, and Weiner Sauce, remember that story in the news a while back about a guy that was arrested for fucking his girlfriend’s dog that had been dead for a few days, in front of a daycare center? Yeah, you’re worse than that guy, I hope that soon you get to meet Jesus, and by that, not die, but that would be nice, BUT and I mean “BUTT”, you get vigorously and repeatedly ventilated by a guy named Jesus in jail, you make child rape and crib death seem funny, you are such a fuckgasim, you’d leave Don Rickles speechless, you could make Goodwill, the Salvation Army and the Red Cross give you the finger, You make your own Mother cry on Mother’s Day, you’re the reason proctologists are a thing, seeing you frolicking around in all your finery makes me understand why Abba wrote the song Dancing Queen, I’d rather watch AFRTS than see this guy’s shit on the Internet, if you were a planet, you’d be Uranus, YOU are the reason monkeys throw poop, you stupid toilet mint licker, Hitler wishes he had you as a mentor because now he feels like a failure, you weak-kneed no-load pus-nuts pisspants needle-dicked cockroach-fucking slug-licking bucket of lying cockroach shit!, Ball Basting Boy Wondor, What an oily little meatgazer, planetary level atomic flaming douchebag, Santorium,… Read more »


I don’t think that Doug Reeves is going to garner any additional public media attention as the Foley and Jowers case and subsequent Posts, and therefore, we are probably not in danger of having to edit the HoI.

(Remembering to reference “Sarge” for the Alphabet Assault and requesting the Staff Summary Sheet of Shame)

Oh and one time Blake Morgan said: “ I swear I was hearing “O Beautiful for spacious skies… For amber waves of grain” playing as I was reading this…. “

So without further ado, here is a link to the New York Orchestra performing America the Beautiful, at Carnegie Hall, for your listening pleasure, if you want a musical accompaniment to the The Hemisphere of Insults®™


Patton Quote added to the end …

On George S. Patton: (Multiple sources but… )

“He could, when necessary, open up with both barrels and let forth such blue-flamed phrases that they seemed almost eloquent in their delivery. When asked by his nephew about his profanity, Patton remarked, “When I want my men to remember something important, to really make it stick, I give it to them double dirty. It may not sound nice to some bunch of little old ladies at an afternoon tea party, but it helps my soldiers to remember. You can’t run an army without profanity; and it has to be eloquent profanity. An Army without profanity couldn’t fight its way out of a piss-soaked paper bag.”



And the entire Congregation gives a rousing AMEN! ALL HAIL The TAH HoI and the Keeper thereof…ChipNASA…ALL HAIL!!!

BDA 100/100 Secure from General Quarters, all hands standby to police up pieces of embellishment and scraps of cancelled Real Estate Contracts. That is all!


Roger your last. BDA 100/100.
Perfect TOT. Securing from General Quarters, Aye, Aye


As alway6s, ChipNASA has the eloquence of a herd of stampeding elephants and the depth and heat of a subsurface volcano.

Excellent work, if I do say so!


I ain’t comin’ out till the smoke clears.

Stuart Povick

Once again another wanker … me I never did shit in my 20 years in the Navy …
just fixed a lot of planes and pulled a shitload of ejection seats …beat unemployment.


Almost ditto. Served Reserves(Land), never got deployed, won no medals and was content to have just had the PRIVILEGE of working my ass off serving my Country..Bragging rights to any of it? Nope. My Dad, my Uncles and my Grandad served. From time to time, I do about that… Speaking of my Grandad, always been proud that my Grandad attended my grad-ceremony. I asked him “Any advice for an up and coming soldier”? He said “ Yeah. Never lie about anything. Even the next day, when you’re totally hung-over and have a head out to here, don’t make excuses for it, the Truth will always be easier to remember..That and the Military Police may tend to show you a bit of leniency if they know you’re being honest with ‘em”. Sage words…


SO, WHAT you’re TRYING to TELL us is THAT, it’s PROBABLY NOT a good idea to USE THE EXCUSE…
” Well sir, we were going to this bingo parlor at the YMCA, well one thing led to another, and the instructions got all fouled up…”


According to Grandad’s guidance – probably..not. 😆

Daisy Cutter

On all of Reeves’ real estate bios it has the following line…

“To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, those being chiefly, honesty, integrity, and perseverance.”

That about sums it up.


Wow. Just ‘wow’.
This level of self delusion usually indicate bigger moral failings.
SV, the rancid cherry law is in effect here.
I can FEEL it.


The Googly of Fu and the Pages of White…
lead to a sniff trail around both coasts of Florida,
and before that, back to the state of Wash.
Bring the Pinkerton dogs.


Me: 4 years Army Infantry (airborne & air assault graduate) humping a rifle and a radio and 20 years Recruiter/MEPS Guidance Counselor/In-Service Career Counselor. Final rank: E8- all active duty followed by a 20 year USPS career.

Douglas Reeves: 4 years active duty serving on the USS David R. Ray, a Spruance-class destroyer followed by 8 years in the Reserves. Final rank: E3

Now as a realtor to what, help sell himself to others to buy/sell a house (?), he takes a steaming dump on his military service via embellishment.

Perhaps his “diving” experience was gained at Bruce’s Bathhouse, entry in the rear. That crease on his forehead could have occurred from many a belt buckle crossing paths with it.


It looks like he had broken service and was out for 4 years (1982-86) before a reenlistment. Can’t tell if the reup was for Active Duty or Reserve.

Could explain a reduction in rank but this seems extreme. I can see and E-5 coming back in as an E-4, but I don’t know about this.

I wonder if being a rescue swimmer allowed Reeves to break the glass ceiling of Petty Officer?

Green Thumb

My best guess is that he was the kind of guy who fixed a dildo to his rifle as opposed to a bayonet for D&C.

Command grew weary…..

A Proud Infidel®™

I’m guessing he was THAT GUY with a dildo glued to his helmet to let his Shipmates know what a dickhead he was.

Daisy Cutter

Oh Dougie!

I have my eye on a house in Palmetto Bay. Where for art thou?

Unlike those other schleps, I want to buy my house from a genuine UDT frogman diver peter pusher. They can push some sweeter and more completer peter when it comes to selling a house.

Come on, Dougie. Come out and play.

Jeff LPH 3, 63-66

A Monday morning first for a phony SEAL. Oh what a tangled web we Reeves.


@ChipNASA – thanks for bring’n the TAH HOI ®™ in on this horrible little POS. As dem big ‘ol biker boys love to say: “Light ‘em up and piss ‘em out”!!!


As always, my pleasure, I am but the lowly, humble curator.
As has been encouraged in the past, and a gently reminder,
Feel free in the threads to note and/or mention my name (or not API YOU PHUCKER!!) and if you have an original quip/comment/insult etc, I’ll certainly consider adding it to the HoI.
There’s plenty of room. Come on in, the water’s warm. Plenty of room for everyone.
You didn’t think I came up with 6 pages of FUCK YOUs all by my lonesome, did ya??

A Proud Infidel®️™️

‘Lil ‘ol me? Last time I checked, there were at least fifty pieces of the World Famous TAH® Hemisphere of Insults™️ that came from me!


My concern would be why the water is warm.

Hack Stone

Looks like Mr. Reeves really Doug himself into a hole. Now he just needs to wait for the rains to come, fill up the hole, and he can swim out.





A Proud Infidel®™

Douglas Robert Reeves looks like a rookie Timeshare Salesman.
Douglas Robert Reeves WAS NEVER a USN SEAL according records found.
Douglas Robert Reeves successfully completed the course of Introduction to Business while serving.
Douglas Robert Reeves WAS NOT a participant in the Gulf War according to records found.
If Douglas Robert Reeves was an inanimate object, he would be a cheap participation trophy.
Douglas Robert Reeves looks like he couldn’t even lead drunk Sailors to a whorehouse on payday weekend.
Douglas Robert Reeves has miles to go before he reaches mediocre.
Douglas Robert Reeves, I’d rather treat my baby’s diaper rash than have lunch with you.
Douglas Robert Reeves passed Elementary Algebra while serving.
Douglas Robert Reeves is a pizza burn on the roof of life’s mouth.
Douglas Robert Reeves looks like he has a 1000 yard meat gazer’s stare.
Douglas Robert Reeves is so full of shit that his toilet is jealous.
Douglas Robert Reeves was awarded the Navy Expeditionary Medal according to records found.
Douglas Robert Reeves is a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
Douglas Robert Reeves will now wallow in his newfound Internet fame as Douglas Robert Reeves finds out that THE INTERNET IS FOREVER.

A Proud Infidel®™

How Copy,


Uh, full copy *over* … stealing two tidbits of your shit I think I haven’t used yet *over*….
(I’ll have to Control + F)

“ is a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.“
“ is a pizza burn on the roof of life’s mouth.“

Both pretty solid visceral visuals, as it were


Douglas Robert Reeves WAS NEVER a USN SEAL according [to] records found?

You nailed it on this one:”Douglas Robert Reeves WAS NOT a participant in the Gulf War according to records found.”

Douglas Robert Reeves is a realtor in Florida.
Douglas Robert Reeves doesn’t tell the truth.
Douglas Robert Reeves doesn’t rate.
Douglas Robert Reeves should own up to his stupidity.
Douglas Robert Reeves own this!!


Link to Page 2.
For Duty and Humanity.
And for permanento interwebby posterior.

[Doug Reeves – Navy SEAL Diver & Persian Gulf War Participant Explained
Steve Balm | July 20, 2021 | 71 Comments]


Either I was blocked (for my Like clicks)
Doug Reeves just took down (deactivated)
his primary page on the Book of Fake.

Either way, blocking or hiding, is a really really poor look,
NOT something the innocent tend to do.

See for yourselves >>>


Verified by a friend….. POOF.


To Doug Reeves,
Your best avenue at this time…. is
1 – Apologies
2 – Truth
3 – Editing ALL 4 of your real estate bios
to accurately show your HONORABLE service in the US Navy.




More, it appears ALL the previous comments and clicks are still there.
And, it remains open for clicks and new comments.
This is a good sign.


Gone again.



2nd time POOF.
Asking a local friend to verify.
There were new comments earlier today.
This isn’t over.
Somethin’s goin’ on in Florida.