William Derek Church; the Round Ranger
I’ve been giggling like a little girl since I sent this guy to Mary a few weeks ago. He’s like “The Round Marine” and Paul Tillson rolled into one. But his name is William Derek Church (he goes by Derek Church) and these are pictures from his wedding, I guess. He’s on Facebook somewhere, but I can’t find him. You can tell he’s legit because he doesn’t care that his Ranger beret is dressed over the wrong eye, and he wears the full-sized Purple Heart on the wrong side of his uniform.
He’s a steely-eyed killer who can’t be bothered with details like getting his drawers tailored. Yes, that’s a Ranger scroll with no tab on left shoulder;
I almost didn’t bother to get his records, because he has 8TFU written all over him. but we got his records today. He spent about 18 months in the Natural Guard (don’t blame me, blame the NPRC) and over a month on active duty. But he made it to PFC.
And see how the Purple Heart is on the left of his other medals that he’s wearing wrong? Well, that’s because he remembered that the highest medals are supposed to go closest to your heart – but that only counts when you wear them on the left side of your uniform, dingus. It took me forever to disabuse privates of that notion when we got the Valorous Unit Citation to add to the Presidential Unit Citation. They kept trying to put the PUC to the left of the VUC. Privates suck, just ask this guy.
ADDED: Here’s his Facebook, by the way.
Added by Sporkmaster.
It seems that he has another friend who faking along side him, because he was “there”. Also I like how his friend threatens to send the 75th Ranger Battalion on people. As if.
Added by Sporkmaster
Also it seems that we are finding out more about him from his local community.
Category: Phony soldiers
Has anyone else perused his friend’s list, noticing the lack of fellow military types? Seem a bit strange for someone with such a “well rounded” military career? Hell, I wasn’t even a Ranger, tabbed or scroll type and I have more than a few of them that I am friends with, (and have met most face to face).
Or that on the FB page closed as well as the newly located one: https://www.facebook.com/william.d.church, has no real “Back and forth” conversations with fellow veterans. No VSO’s in his friends list.
As they used to say in that one NFL pre-game show: “This guy is ALL JACKED UP”.
Hondo, I don’t think this wad of asswipe HAS any nuts.
Now, AS TO BSPlenty vs. B.O. Plenty, if you remember the old Dick Tracy comics, B.O. Plenty and Gravel Gertie were the parents of Sparkle Plenty, the only character that grew up in any comic strip, with maybe the except of ‘Arlo and Janis’. Gravel Gertie lived in a gravel pit, and Bob Oscar ‘B.O.’ Plenty was rescued by a tramp steamer.
Bull Shitter ‘B.S.’ Plenty, on the other hand, is a bloviating blowhard, a villainous weasel with a desperate desire to be deified and desired, but has the unfortunate habit of lying his apidose ass off and then denying he’s done any despicable deeds.
Um, O-4E . . . I think Pam was chiding “Ms. Church” for sounding somewhat less than highly educated given her claims regarding her educational background. I could be wrong.
The “nuts” reference was to “being” vice “having”, Ex-PH2.
And IMO his story above absolutely reeks of BS, so IMO “BO Plenty” works as a moniker for this guy.
@ 302 … Pam
Down thar ware shee goas to shcool. Day dont’s focuss on pacifics of langwiches.
Its’ what is in da harts and mines dat cuont!
I think you are right Hondo. My bad.
I’m at home (snow day) my work computer is on the same desk as my home computer.
I’m trying to do briefing slides at the same time as posting here.
Master Chief, I saw what you did there. LOL
Careful, MCPO. Duke University is in NC – and they reputedly do a pretty good job of educating people.
I’m guessing “Kiaya” isn’t attending Duke, though.
William Derek Church (Google hit) has a beret that looks like it’s about to take to the air and fly away. 😀 It has wings. 😀 His photo above, and his phony career time line, are chock full of reasons to why he’s a phony and didn’t serve the extra time.
I’m surprised Dullass hasn’t shown up yet.
This guy just shat all over what valor Dullass has
It has been over 3 hours, and several comments by him and his (?)wife since I sent the e-mail to him as he suggested I do, so that he could set me straight. (see comment #141)
It is quite obvious that he cannot come up with the answers to the qualifiers that I posed to him, much the same as I pose to anyone being checked out, most of whom are legit.
Anyone think that we might see him come back here as a weekend demo jumper, wearing a Fetid Fushia jump suit? He would make an excellent heavy drop demo team member, along with the Pukey Purple Suit wearing Heavy drop that we all know so well.
Mrs. Church,
Congrats on your associate degree. When I was 23 they called me “Doctor”.
Also, it’s no big accomplishment to have 2 kids. Most adults have kids. Kids are a preference. It just means you like to hump. You know you can prevent yourself from having them right?
There are no “Sealed” and “Classified” DD214’s.
Your husbands enormous gut matches his enormous lies. I hope you have happy with both laying on top of you every night.
@ 307- You were correct in assessing my comments. I am a long time reader of this blog and have commented on subjects from time to time. I overstepped my bounds by commenting on Mrs Church’s education, and for that I am truly sorry.
No..I’m sorry Pam. My headspace and timing was off.
@316
“hump”?
Man I haven’t heard that term used in years
Your husbands enormous gut matches his enormous lies. I hope you have happy with both laying on top of you every night.
@316 there, fixed it for ya. LOL!!!
@ 163 – Completed Basic Training In August of 1994, but @ 204 he shows Ranger Class 5-94? As was pointed out earlier, Army Class Numbers go by fiscal year. A Class 01-14 for example, would start in October of ’13. Class 5-94 probably reported in early February of 1994 and graduated at the end of April of 1994, well before Church graduated from BCT. As for that uniform? 17 issues, each of which is egregious in and of itself: 1. Sewn FWTS-SSI (82d Airborne “combat patch”) on right shoulder of Dress Blues/Army Service Uniform (ASU). Sewn patches not authorized on either variant of uniform. Should be metal Combat Service Identification Badge on right breast pocket 2. Name plate worn over right breast pocket not authorized. Should be worn on pocket flap. 3. Full sized personal decorations not authorized to be worn on wearer’s right. Unit citations are worn on that side. 4. Of the full sized decorations worn on in the photo, these are worn out of precedence. Purple Heart is a “higher” award than the Good Conduct Medal, and should be to the wearer’s right. The memory trick of wearing the higher award towards one heart only applies when the medals or ribbons are properly worn on the wearer’s left side. It is the opposite for unit citations displayed on the wearer’s right. 5. Good Conduct Medal lacks any knots indicating subsequent awards. GCM is awarded for every three year period during which a Soldier displays “exemplary behavior, efficiency, and fidelity”. An NCO with six service stripes on his cuffs should have knots indicating subsequent awards. While it’s possible that an individual would not have qualified during one three year period due to misconduct, the lack of ANY knots indicates poor conduct for over 80% of an 18 year career; it is unlikely that someone with that blot on their record would be allowed to remain in the Army, let alone be selected for or allowed to remain a member of the Ranger Regiment. Suspicious enough to be noted. 6. State Department Secretary’s Distinguished Service Award medal worn… Read more »
Your husbands enormous gut matches his enormous lies. I hope you have happy SLAPPY with both laying on top of you every night.
Sheesh, how did I know the blog don’t like arrows
@321
That was all fixed before the “real pictures” we were told last night
https://www.facebook.com/william.d.church/media_set?set=a.1364573886470.42523.1595311936&type=3 Another fake profile he has with plenty of rather young looking female friends,,, I don’t think his wife knows what a slime he is, As a matter of fact I think he is sock-puppeting her name here.
247 comments today on this guy. Is this a record or does Wickre still hold the title?
Jonn’s going to have to start a new thread discussion.
USMCE8Ret: not even close yet, amigo. One of the Wickre articles ended up with close to 1900 comments before Jonn closed it. Not positive, but I’m pretty sure we’ve had one-day single-article comment totals of well over 300 also. This one’s still young. (smile)
This poser’s claims are not even worth sharpshooting. His keyboard commando tactics just dig him deeper. Dealing with delusional liars is more than frustrating. He will go to his grave with his lies, and no public shaming will end this travesty of STOLEN VALOR perpetrated by him and him alone.
Simply stated (again) a law with teeth is needed. Hitting one in the pocket books (fines) and jail is an answer. There are other answers to the Stolen Valor Crime, but that answer is found in bars, and on a case by case basis…usually one on one!
@323
If memory serves, the asshats wife said that he added a few badges, awards that he had forgotten about. That was the supposed fix. She completely disregarded the numerous people who pointed out all the problems with his jacked up uniform.
If his wife is really as intelligent as she claims, maybe she will research some of his lies?
Perhaps some of this is due to spelling error?
Maybe he is Retarded Military instead of Retired Military?
Is he really 37? He looks like a turd wrapped in grape leaves.
Mrs. Church, when the gut of the Round Ranger is laying on top of you.. and you start struggling to breathe.. you are gasping for air.. you start to lose conciousness as you squirm and fight.
Ask yourself, “Is this portly sloth representive of any Army Ranger or elite Soldier. Maybe I have been lied to. Maybe the reason why his pants didn’t fit at our wedding was because in order to have a gut that big you would need your pants to be big enough to fit a 10 foot tall man.”
Damn … this is fun!
Someone earlier hit the nail on the head when they mentioned this guy has no (credible) active duty or former military as friends on facebook. out of 250 or so Friends 108 are vets, most of them being guys I served with.
Half a dozen rounds to the chest? Maybe half a dozen donuts to his gullet.
Pretty such that Lenoir, N.C, doesn’t have a large presence of active duty there, so his posing isn’t called out. Well its out now Waddlin’ Willie, and you are just feeding the fire. Soon enough your family or young bride will get a google hit on this… your lies, your other face book accounts, your “friendliness” with underage females,,, well it’s not going to end well for you.
Can someone please contact the 75th Ranger Battalion and sedn them this link? I think they would like to laugh at our Round Ranger.
This guy like he is filled with helium.
“Waddlin’ Willie Church” the donut-dodging round Ranger for the win in next years tourney,,,
OK people, now you are just being mean. By all means, continue…….
@ 318-O4E. No worries. Have a good one!
Willie Church and “Willie Chaimberlin” are top sekrit sqirrel special rangers alright… rump riding rangers. Embrace the Suck, William Derek Church… you’re a certified liar and have been dimed out on the net, where all can see your bullshit.
MCPO… you must have some idle time on your hands… the pic made me spew Pepsi all over my ASUS monitor…
Some more GOOGLE PIMP SLAP ACTION for William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger.William Derek Church The round ranger.William Derek Church The round ranger.William Derek Church The round ranger.
Doc here to serve!
William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger.William Derek Church The round ranger.William Derek Church The round ranger.William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger.William Derek Church The round ranger.William Derek Church The round ranger.William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger.William Derek Church The round ranger.William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger.William Derek Church The round ranger.William Derek Church The round ranger.William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger. William Derek Church The round ranger.William Derek Church The round ranger.William Derek Church The round ranger.William Derek Church The round ranger.
I take a day off and miss all this.
Check out the Google Hit:
https://www.google.com/#q=the+round+ranger
@334 MGySgtRet
So should I say something about taking a dump on his mother’s grave or digging up her corpse and having “relations” with it?…. because apparently I have been accused of saying that before….someplace…..which may or may not have really happened except in *someone’s* twisted and alcohol addled imagination.
/as to
Sup Twist…..
Feel free to have some popcorn….plenty being served.
Question…is or is not Church a member of the lucky sperm club?
Talk amongst yourselves
Meatgazer.
@342 O-4E
Control F “turd” ….found 8 times…..= Green Thumb? = zero.
/well he’s got that going for him, which is nice.
//We got ya covered GT.
@ 343 Green Thumb Says:
January 7th, 2014 at 4:04 pm
Meatgazer.
/30 seconds apart…..LMFAO!!!!
//Great minds think alike….were your ears burning?!?!!?
😀
I would think very lucky sperm club. The best part of him ran down the inside of his mamma’s leg. The one that didn’t was one lucky son of a bitch.
ChipNASA: that might be a bit much.
Talking about this yo-yo, on the other hand, . . . .
@343 – O4-E… maybe the Lucky Smegma Club.
Maybe his wife has TBI from the huge Round Ranger gut pounding against her.
It’s like being inside of a humvee during a roll over!
Jonn may or may not choose to insert a photo here that shows 3 variants of the dress uniform, with many decorations, and as best I know, 100% accurate, just to compare with Waddling Willie Church. < Dayum, that has a nice ring to it.
@#349: Humvees are heavily padded? I. did. not. know. that.
What a piece of shit that Derek Church fella is. I am starting to think that his wife is not part of his circus and he is using her name in these post. She is just informed and clueless like him.
Church is probably not going to back here after embarrassing himself like this. Everything he says is wrong and people just keep calling him out.
No wonder why he hightailed it and ran away from facebook. Probably posting under another alias. SSGTChurchSuperstar.
Hopefully Jonn will allow this photo…..
I can has new Internet meme???
http://i.imgur.com/69WGs2e.jpg
I was trying to figure out who this guy looks like and FB commenter Larry Sheldon nailed it: the late British comedian Benny Hill.
https://www.google.com/search?q=benny+hill+as+scuttle&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=W3LMUpiWC4nTqgGw_IF4&ved=0CC4QsAQ&biw=627&bih=409