Weekend open thread

@50 Ex I wasn’t in the Navy but where I served it was because the Officers were embarrassed by their “small equipment”. Plus to use Green Thumb’s term…Officers are meatgazers. 😀

Wow my post above sounded too nice.
Wade your way past the trash and broken down cars to the front door of William Derek;s hovel. When his fat pig food stamp drawing wife comes to the door, ask her to wake William Derek Church up out of his food coma.
For Christ sakes, it’s 2 oclock in the afternoon.
Ask him to come to the door.
If he comes to the door in full military regalia, fresh for a 4 hour nap wearing the Purple Heart.. kindly ask him for the medals.

Try not to get cut on any rusty garbage on the way out of that shit pit he calls a house.

Maybe a technique to distract William Derek Church and Kiaya Louise Church would be once she slithers over and opens up the door, throw some fresh brisket in the corner.
Retrieve medals and high tail it out of there.
As a consolation, you can leave him the unearned ROTC awards.
Well.. I will leave that up to you.

ATTENTION TO ORDERS ! ! !

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********* WARNING ! ! ! *********

This dangerously illegal and immoral subversive underground resistance message is being surreptitiously monitored by the Beaming Internet Government Broadband Radio Oscillation Telecommunications Hearing Electronic Reconnaissance (i.e., B.I.G. B.R.O.T.H.E.R.) as part of a coordinated official clandestine domestic surveillance investigation, in cooperation with the National Administration of Zealous Interrogation (i.e., N.A.Z.I.) and the Commission On Message Monitoring Investigative Electronics (i.e., C.O.M.M.I.E.).

Serious felony criminal charges are pending, with extreme penalties yet to be determined!

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Comrades in Arms:

Look on your calendar.

Your orders are to do what the calendar indicates when you wake up this morning, Saturday 01 March 2014, which is to “March First”.

Whatever else needs to be done must wait until after you “March First”.

Everyone is training for Tuesday’s event, when, according to the calendar, we are to “March Forth”.

So, pick up your scary and ugly looking black Colt CAR-15 semi-automatic .223 calibre carbine, with its M-7 bayonet, pistol grip, collapsible shoulder stock, barrel shroud, and flash suppressor, along with your thirty round detachable high capacity magazines full of ammunition, for on Monday, the federal government will tremble as all of us boldly “March Forth”!

Now, here are some code messages for our brave guerilla fighters currently operating deep behind enemy lines:

“The chair is against the wall.”

I repeat:

“The chair is against the wall.”

“John has a long mustache.”

I repeat:

“John has a long mustache.”

“WOLVERINES ! ! !”

Heh! Heh! Heh!

Yuk! Yuk!

At Your Service,

“SAIGON”
Commander in Exile
O.U.R. Army

(i.e., the “Outlaw Underground Rebel” Army)

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WARNING: Before reading this, I strongly suggest that you put down whatever liquid it is that you may be drinking! Also, you may want to find a nice soft spot to roll around on. _____________________________ A LITTLE HOLY HUMOR During these serious and troubled times, people of all faiths should remember these four great religious truths: 1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God’s Chosen People. 2. Jews do not recognize Jesus Christ as the Messiah. 3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world. 4. Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store. GOOD SAMARITAN A Sunday School teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, “If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?” A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, “I think I’d throw up.” DID NOAH FISH? A Sunday School teacher asked, “Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?” “No,” replied Johnny. “How could he, with just two worms?” THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in our Holy Bible, i.e., the Twenty-Third Psalm. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter. Little Ricky was excited about the task, but he just couldn’t remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite the Twenty-Third Psalm in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, “The Lord is my Shepherd, and that’s all I need to know.” UNANSWERED PRAYER The preacher’s five-year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. “Well, Honey,” he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages, “I’m asking the Lord to help me preach a… Read more »

Oh, by the way – – – ,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GEORGE WASHINGTON ! ! !

Cherry Pie Ala Mode!

Ummmm, boy, but that is plumb larrupin’!

For anyone that needs a laugh, please read the reviews for this product.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00CMEN95U?cache=491cddaa20d9ab786d5bf5a9a189000a#ref=mp_s_a_1_1&qid=1393066240&sr=8-1

Some of the funniest stuff that you will ever read on the Internet.

@66/67. THAT is some seriously funny stuff. There is hope for mankind! A couple of my favs:
“When checking out my selfies on the slideshow feature, I can now honestly say I have a 4 and a half foot penis.”

“Absolutely worthless for watching midget porn. They all look normal size. And the remote control by hand gesture feature has some serious drawbacks….”

@49 Master Chief!!!! WTH!!! I just read your post. Sir, if you mess up and OD on pain meds and booze, I WILL come to your Memorial Service Mass to render my respect. Yes, I will come to New York. However, I will gaze over your flag draped coffin and quietly mutter to myself…DICKWEED! Please sir be careful with that little cocktail you have going. Don’t want to lose you now. You are too important to what we do here. Roger that Master Chief? You Copy me? (Posted in all respect and love for my fellow brother)

William Blake is still making weak threats in defense of his bullshit claims.

Zero. If the doc says keep it elevated, keep it elevated. If the doc says take anti-coagulants, take them. I knew a fellow who literally died at a young age for failure to follow those simple instructions. He thought he could just “will” himself better when he decided it was time to do so. He couldn’t and he didn’t.

@60 JRM – thanks for the laughs! I’d heard a couple before but most were new to me.

Zero – does this mean that I must forego the heckling about falling in the yard for a little while?? OK, but don’t expect it to last very long.

AC – Mrs. Zero will see that he does exactly what he is supposed to do. She is imminently well qualified to do so. And will.

@ #60 re: Holy Humor. A pastor was teaching a childrens Sunday School class and asked if anyone knew what the Resurrection was. A little girl replied: “I know that if you have a resurrection lasting more than 4 hours, you need to go to the emergency room.” Out of the mouths of babes. Ad, you’re right, I never regognize other Baptists when in the liqour store :).

Yep, AC. His wife also won gold for Russia.

In all fairness, the US snowboarding folks turned him away when he tried to do his thing for us, though. Not that it makes it OK, but not quite as bad as if he had not tried first to run his board on our team. As the story was told on that other network, he tired multiple times to make it onto Team USA.

Been watching and am quite amazed at the number of US citizens on other international teams. Most hold dual citizenship, though. Like with one parent of each nationality, and they live in the US.

@79.

I agree.

Probably while reading one of Paul’s (Of the Ballsack) published rants.

I am going into withdrawals.

And I will be sending my therapy/rehab bill to TAH.

But I will offer negotiations!

TAH, we need a new Phildo thread.

Fecal Phil Monkress, Paul (of the Ballsack) and all of the other Phildo supporters at All Points Logistics need something to complain about!

As do I.

Please…….?

@86 It’s cool Green Thumb. I know what you mean. I been at the drug store looking for a Phildo Monkress and Paul(of the Ballsack) withdrawal pills or patches. No go. Have to have a script and it’s a Class 1 Narcotic.

@87.

I get the diversity aspect of which you indirectly addressed.

But I still posit, when engaged with the best (turd), why deal with the rest?

Leggo my Phildo!

So whatever happened with Phildo’s DUI trial? This is taking longer than the Major Hassan trial.

Q: What’s the difference between Phildo and dog poop?

A: Dog poop quits stinking after it turns white!!

THERE, does that give you a “fix”?

Green Thumb~
I think I’ve developed an attachment disorder to you..whenever I see posts now of these morons, the first that comes to my mind is “TURD”

Thank you.. 🙂

@99.

In-N-Out rocks!