Beloved character guilty of Stolen Valor
I saw this last week and I thought it was pretty clever of someone at Foodbeast who uncovered this egregious example of Stolen Valor;
The Wall Street Journal has dug deeper;
Cap’n Crunch took to Twitter to defend his honor.
“All hearsay and misunderstandings!,” @realcapncrunch wrote.”I captain the S.S. Guppy with my crew – which makes an official Cap’n in any book!”
And:
“Of course I’m a Cap’n!” he wrote to anguished supporters searching for answers. “It’s the Crunch – not the clothes – that make a man. #PaidMyDues”
But his protests failed to tamp down the sense of betrayal and anger.
The controversy deepened on Wednesday when the Pentagon said it had no record of a Cap’n Crunch ever serving in the U.S. Navy.“We have no Cap’n Crunch in the personnel records – and we checked,” said Lt. Commander Chris Servello, director of the U.S. Navy’s news desk at the Pentagon. “We have notified NCIS and we’re looking into whether or not he’s impersonating a naval officer – and that’s a serious offense.”
I think he qualifies for a prosecution under the new Stolen Valor Act since he obviously profited from his ass-hattery.
Category: Phony soldiers
Listen to this Yo Ni**er … Captain Crunch and Sh*t … These Mother Fu*kers Changed my Captain Crunch:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NW0G7_AlTFY
Pretty funny!
And a Junior Tea Party Member takes the Captain Crunch Scandal to Mrs. Obama:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=endscreen&v=dXowcg9JHEw
More funny!
Sam Naomi: the other Sam – if it’s the same one as showed up on other discussions a few days ago – is from FL.
What an individual commenting uses as his/her screen name is up to them. Regrettably, that sometimes leads to a bit of confusion. But things generally have a way of sorting themselves out.
Instances of intentional impersonation are rare, and generally get caught fairly quickly. Ditto “sock puppetry” (multiple persona intentionally used to make it appear that your position/point of view has more support than it really does).
Commander Crunch was promoted to Cap’n after a secret mission in Vietnam, but the records are classified and kept in a vault at Langley. If he showed them to you, he’d have to cut your head off with a cutlass and keep it in his safe. Also, the records burned up in a fire in St. Louis in 1973, and then again in 1980, 1997, and 2003.
I would never defend a poser. That said, I must come to the Cap’n s defense. He has never said that he is a Navy Cap’n or even a Navy sailor. He is obviously a merchant sailor. There is nothing to this controversy. I am addressed as Captain when I conn my 14 foot sloop, and heaven help the crew member (1) that fails to knuckle their forelock in greeting when I come aboard. As masters of civilian vessels Cap’n Crunch and Cap’n Roger rate the title. At least he has rank insignia, all I have is a mutinous first mate.
I wasn’t impersonating ANYONE. Jesus christ people are sensative. Is it possible that w/ 300 Million + people in the USA that a mother could’ve named her son SAM more than once?
Sam,
In your case, as long as your mother only HAD one, that will be fine!
Sam: cool down, fella. No one was accusing you of impersonating anyone. I was just giving Sam Naomi a bit of background info.
We have had some attempts at impersonation here before – as well as some sock puppets. You weren’t involved in those incidents.
Guess i misunderstood.
Does this mean that Marshall Dillon wasn’t really a marshall, after all? And the Lone Ranger, was he just a lone stranger instead? And what about Joe Friday? Wasn’t he a real cop? And Hennessey – I know HE was in the Navy. I saw photos of him at the Navy Photo Center.
Now I’m wondering about Zorro…. and Crusader Rabbit.
All you heathens will be hearing from my lawer for libel/slander if you don’t take this post down right now.
@60, I believe it came out that the Lone Ranger did not graduate Ranger School. He was a voluntary drop in mountain phase. To make matters worse it also came out that Tonto had as much Native American blood in him as Elizabeth Warren.
@54: Actually Captain Crunch’s records were destroyed in a fire at the General Mills factory in Battle Creek, MI in 1978.
Sam/Sam
Don’t fret it. I used to just post here as “Ray”, but had to add the “Bubblehead” to mark the distinction between myself and another Ray that began posting comments for a while. It’s all good
Well maybe I’ll post as sam/usaf
better?
And #38 for the win.
@60. Well… I guess it’s OK to admit to USAF since they repealed Don’t ask, Don’t tell.
(I keed, I keed)
@23: Technically true. Fred Rogers was never a sniper, nor did he serve in the Marines. In fact, Rogers was a Navy SEAL, who served on the same super-secret SEAL team as John Denver. Their most perilous mission was a parachute jump into Laos to rescue the most highly valued prisoner the Pathet Lao ever took: Jerry Mathers (A/K/A the Beaver) who was serving as an “advisor” when he was captured in 1966.
Sadly, Mathers died in the attmept (which just goes to show you that those reports that “the Beaver died in Vietnam” reports were wrong, but not for the reasons you think.)
Rogers and Denver were so shaken up by the experience that both of them decided to dedicate their lives to more peaceful pursuits.
LOL ok bubblehead but i wasn’t on a sub for months with 100+ other dudes… or is it “what happens underway stays underway”?
i kid i kid
Sam/USAF … that sounds good! And don’t be damned sensitive!
Acutually fred rogers was never in the military it’s an urban legend.
Sam/USAF: whatever floats yer boat, amigo. Or in your case, maybe flies yer plane. (smile)
Seriously, that probably will help mitigate any confusion. Unique personae are generally better than those which can easily be confused with others.
been flying around for years that he was some kind of super secret seal. That the reason he alwasy wore sweaters was that he had all manners of tattos and he was embarrased by them.
You know what they say, 100 Sailors go out, 50 couples come back. 🙂
or i could go SAM the harley man
@Sam/USAF, LOL
😉
@75: It’s not gay if you’re underway. It’s not queer once you leave the pier.
I thought the NAVY said “it’s not gay if you don’t enjoy it”.
@ Twist–you’re not gay if you don’t like the taste. Or as one particularly frightening comment made by one of my chiefs went, “You know how to tell if the guy you’re hot-racking with is gay? His dick tastes like shit!”
Finally, Ray–I tried the Speed Stick solution you proposed. But I must be doing something wrong cause I keep farting out the cap…
It’s only gay if you push back.
I liked going to prototype in Idaho–where the men were men and sheep were scared. Remember, “BAAAAAAAAA!” means, “NO!”
Only duty station where uniform allowance included hip waders and velcro gloves.
It aint’ gay till’ you conduct gratuitous reach around!
Geez, a discussion about sugary cereal and its’ mascot took a quick turn into the land of the weird….sheep, velcro, pushing back, hot racks…..thought I stumbled onto one of those gay/tranny pron things Hondo was warning about in another post.
Major Ogilvie (U of Alabama running back) wasn’t really a major.
Pontius Pilate wasn’t a really a pilot.
Sargent Shriver (Maria Shriver’s father) wasn’t really a sergeant.
Seal (the singer) wasn’t really a SEAL.
I think we can forgive the good Cap’n.
No, to all those who apparently suffered oral trauma eating Cap’n Crunch cereal, I have two questions:
1. Do you guys have teeth? and
2. Do you use them?
Sorry to rain on your parade but I believe I worked for this guy when assigned to the CINCPAC staff. Clearly the Navy has misplaced his service record, it’s probably somewhere in Panama with the other missing records.
Seal the singer kind of looks like a seal (seam mammal variety) wtf did heidi Klum see in him?
Did someone say, “gay tranny porn?”
Now I understand why the word ‘bent’ in Australia means ‘gay’. You have ALL gone completely ’round the bend.
(Throws up hands, goes back to typewriter.)
@ 85 – No oral trauma here. You let the cereal soak in the milk just enough to soften just the outside a bit, but before it soaks all the way in so it’s still crunchy.
I like to leave my Oreos soak in milk just long enough to get soft but not mushy. milk needs to be a certain temp to.
@88….did someone say……PHILIP DALE MONKRESS AND PAUL K WICKER?!?!?!?!
Cap’n Crunch getting it sailor style. “Buggery on the high seas.”
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_QMuDihPPyPA/TBIzXoWJ_nI/AAAAAAAANRU/tslfSQyI1go/s1600/crunch.jpg
@93 aka “Rule 34”. LMAO
When it comes to SVA, please quit picking on the Crunch Man….
GI Joe is worse!
And I have proof! He was on Saturday morning TV in the 60s making all those claims that he was a Navy Frogman, an Air Force Pilot, a Marine Sniper….
@65
In the spirit of this comment thread, may I suggest Toucan Sam instead? 😉
https://twitter.com/RealCapnCrunch
Even the “Navy”(???) chimed in:
U.S. Navy ?@USNavy 2h
.@realcapncrunch @stephenathome – We are investigating this issue. More to follow later today. #CrunchJustice @ComedyCentral
90: Milk? On cereal? My god, man. Why in heaven’s name do you think they make beer?
You know, it occurred to me that we may have more than one fraudulent o-6 type around here…..What branch, if any. did COL Sanders serve in? It sure as hell wasn’t the Army…our fried chicken is neither golden, crispy OR delicious.
I demand an additional investigation into ‘Colonel’ Sanders…if that is indeed his real name.
@84 This isn’t as bad as it can get, VOV. Keep the eye and brain bleach handy at all times when reading here.