William Derek Church; the Round Ranger
I’ve been giggling like a little girl since I sent this guy to Mary a few weeks ago. He’s like “The Round Marine” and Paul Tillson rolled into one. But his name is William Derek Church (he goes by Derek Church) and these are pictures from his wedding, I guess. He’s on Facebook somewhere, but I can’t find him. You can tell he’s legit because he doesn’t care that his Ranger beret is dressed over the wrong eye, and he wears the full-sized Purple Heart on the wrong side of his uniform.
He’s a steely-eyed killer who can’t be bothered with details like getting his drawers tailored. Yes, that’s a Ranger scroll with no tab on left shoulder;
I almost didn’t bother to get his records, because he has 8TFU written all over him. but we got his records today. He spent about 18 months in the Natural Guard (don’t blame me, blame the NPRC) and over a month on active duty. But he made it to PFC.
And see how the Purple Heart is on the left of his other medals that he’s wearing wrong? Well, that’s because he remembered that the highest medals are supposed to go closest to your heart – but that only counts when you wear them on the left side of your uniform, dingus. It took me forever to disabuse privates of that notion when we got the Valorous Unit Citation to add to the Presidential Unit Citation. They kept trying to put the PUC to the left of the VUC. Privates suck, just ask this guy.
ADDED: Here’s his Facebook, by the way.
Added by Sporkmaster.
It seems that he has another friend who faking along side him, because he was “there”. Also I like how his friend threatens to send the 75th Ranger Battalion on people. As if.
Added by Sporkmaster
Also it seems that we are finding out more about him from his local community.
Category: Phony soldiers
Waddlin Willie the Wotund Wanger, wookin for wove in all da wong pwaces…
William Derek Church thought he scored big by stealing another mans woman. He actually did that young man a huge favor apparently.
I am betting on his wedding day old Waddlin Willie might even have had a bit of a chubby without the aid of modern medicine… but it was for the fake image of himself not his bride.
Willie should remember though that Karma is a real bitch, and one day all his dishonesty about who and what he is, his thievery of honor will all come back to bite hard into his fat ass and not let go.
@909: … and one day all his dishonesty about who and what he is, his thievery of honor will all come back to bite hard into his fat ass and not let go.…
Ahhhh, yessssss ….. the internet is forever.
–ghp
p.s.: William Derek Church is a WANKER.
Felcher.
He’s a steely-eyed killer who can’t be bothered with details like getting his drawers tailored.
LOL
He’s such a fatass..I mean badass, the Army doesn’t care that his uniform looks like a bunch of five year olds cranked up on kiddy cocaine (pixy sticks) slapped it together.
In Case Mr Hog-eyes is wondering here’s link to one of the face book pages that’s making him famous. Mostly young service members and vets. They are a bit more mean spirited then us. This is one of about 4 public pages that are calling him out.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1509154575976387&set=pb.1503303799894798.-2207520000.1390370303.&type=3&theater
“HoofHearted” seems to me to be a bronie name.
Oh no! What ever shall we do? A grown man who watches the cartoon of childlike ponies doesn’t believe in Stolen Valor. And thinks y’all should leave a mentally challenged person to their delusions. Seems about right. Fucktard!
That “killer’s gaze” he’s got in the top photo? That’s the LAST thing many a box of day-old jelly doughnuts ever saw!!
I expect someone will be knocking on Willie the Worms door at some point asking him to explain his delusions. Probably wont go well for Willie.
He needs to box up all the military stuff he has and drop it off at a local National Guard Armory and ask them to e-mail Jonn stating that they have it in their possession.
I am enjoying reading the Topix website about Private First Class Derek Church and Kiaya Church
http://www.topix.com/forum/city/lenoir-nc/TB2PJRL4TODJE8GLG/p11
A bunch of local chiming in saying he is a fraud.
William Derek Church – Never an NCO. Never a combat vet. Doesn’t have a purple heart. No valor or integrity.
Keepin’ it alive, Willie. You know what to do.
@917, MSG (R), I say he needs to be forced to attend an annual Ranger Rendezvous on Ft. Benning just long enough to walk through a gauntlet of real Rangers while he’s wearing his sad 8TFU excuse of a uniform with the flying saucer beret!
Looks like willy has modernized and upgraded wives and cars
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10202959925587099&set=p.10202959925587099&type=1&theater
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10202959925587099&set=p.10202959925587099&type=1&theater
@921 and 922 JAOD,
I’m getting an error message…what page are those from?
(Maybe I’m blocked)
This link is to a story of true courage and valor, something that the likes of William Derek Church don’t have and could never understand. Read it Church, you fat, waddling, worthless POS and understand that honor, valor, and courage are things you don’t have and never will. You are a low life thief, even having to steal the valor of a child who never served a single day in uniform.
http://news.yahoo.com/8-year-old-boy-saves-six-in-blaze-before-dying-while-trying-to-save-another-221718265.html
@923 Chip its from the Parris Island Page, I gueuss they figure Willie is going to upgrade.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10202959925587099&set=p.10202959925587099&type=1&theater
Willie, just in case you don’t know, your wedding pic made some face book sites… here are some gems people are posting about you and your partner in crime.
“I bet the legit soldier was glad to rid himself of her!”
“Good lord. He had more chins then a Chinese phone book.”
.
“Ray, the chin is where he hides a 9mm.”
“SMH…thinking of the money he spent on the uniform. And if her big-butt
scratched that Dodge!!!”
“Shone….Big butt scratched the hood? no nonooo..Caved it in.”
“Never saw a Ranger as fat as that.Maybe he’s carrying extra fuel for the long
hump.His wife has more chins than a chinese telephone book”
“The two of them combined would make a hell of a pair on the Panthers offensive
line.”
“She can’t get up, the mirror is stuck in her ass.”
“Looks like his stomach is pushing his pants down. He must have been shot with
donuts and French fries”.
“I’m sure his DD-214 lists his numerous grease burns from pulling donuts straight
out of the fryer.”
“If that lard ass got shot, he would bleed crisco”
Fake War Veteran Private First Class Derek Church eyes looks like slits with that fat holding down his eyelids. He seriously looks Asian…
I feel like exposing Derek Church even more, What else can we do?
@928 – let’s not expose him physically. Us denizens who inhabit TAH are a pretty tough crowd, but even we have limits.
Just the mere thought of that turd pile, William Derek Church, sans attire is enough to put me off my feed for a few weeks. God in heaven, the horror!
@930 ArmyATC that came to my mind. Colonel Kurtz whispering, “The Horror, The Horror”.
Somewhere, two tusks are missing their walrus.
Sparks, There it is. if I actually saw it, I would have to scratch my eyes out.
Another thing this clown, William Derek Church, and his wife are doing is dishonoring the sacrifices of the families of those who are serving and have served. By defending this waddling pus bag, the wife of William Derek Church is no better than he is.
His wife claimed in her message to me, at the beginning of this fiasco, that William Derek Church built that Mopar “from the ground up”. That is as unlikely as his service claims. Someone somewhere would like to differ with him on who built that car. And, looking at “Street View”, I don’t think that car has ever been in the driveway of that local dump site that is his home.
It would be sweet revenge if one of his local neighbors would become a sort of regular here. I would create a flyer, he could copy a few of them, post them at the Dollar General, Food Stamp Office, etc.; You know, the regular places that he patronizes.
You should write everyone in his family tree a snail mail letter exposing him.
@926
I dont believe he has a DD214 as he has never spent enough time on active duty to receive one, I am sure he has some kind of discharge from the National Guard.
Lets keep the Topix site going, and keep his post number 1, he seems to be posting there under numerous names, the latest being Wesson …
Wouldn’t William Derek Church have received a DD-214 for basic training and/or AIT? If nothing else he should have a NGB-22, unless he was kicked out pre-Basic. I would love to see the character of service and the narrative for discharge on either form. He’s already admitted to a “psych eval.”
You have to do 90 consecutive days to get a DD214. Basic and AIT OSUT usually makes the time.
Oh forgot to mention he hacked my Username on Topix so I registered for an account. What a lame Fuck
William Derek Church is so fat, when he was discharged from the military he was issued a DD-374 lbs.
William Derek Church is so fat, his colon filed a restraining order against his stomach!
Well fat boy, it appears the Good People of Lenoir are all a Buzz about the Phoney in their midst! I would expect any one who see’s you around town will be giggling like little girls knowing you aren’t who you say you are and are in fact a Sorry Ass POS Liar and Coward. Man you must look like Linda Blair with your head on a swivel wondering if a real Veteran might walk up and knock a few of those chins loose… Not that anyone here would condone such actions or promote them, but it sure would be funny as hell! It would make for an awesome YouTube Video!
I love that Topix thread. The poster that said he clomps around town in his Army Boots like he has a pole up his ass!
Why is he wearing Army Boots around town?
He is a National Guard Soldier with 18 months service!
All the turd did was train.
I still think someone needs to snail mail all of this to his family tree.
Army Medical: If he has “army boots” why didn’t he have them on and those “extra length” pantlegs bloused into them as any REAL Ranger would have done? He is a piece of work.
I think that my last comment there was like 231 or 241 or some such number. He is getting his name up in lights right there in his own AO. Keep it up, Y’all.
Closing in on 1000 comments. Who will get the prize. New rule. You actually have to post some relevant to the Soldier Of The Quarter Pounder, no running out the clock with countdown postings. Yeah, I am talking to you, MSGRetired. And now, a moment of silence for the recently departed Will Chamberlain. His memory will always live on in the mind of William Derek Church.
@940 – He did the split option with basic and AIT, so he probably doesn’t have 90 days of consecutive active time, but he should still have some form of discharge paperwork, but probably not a DD-214. The rest of his records are on double-secret probation in the basement of the Pentagon with the crashed alien spaceship from Roswell, NM.
This song reminds me of how his lies are being exposed and everything is coming “undone.”. (not to mention this is probably how this whole thing is going to end, as well)
@947 .. I would never do such a thing. But any post dealing with Excrement would qualify as relevant to this Fat Shit !
Breaking news on the Topix Site! The word will be out state wide via the VFW ! I also offered Willie to turn in his costumes at either a National Guard Armory or the VFW to slow the incoming a bit. A Public Apology would also be needed on his Facebook.
Of Course we all know it will never happen !
The Round Ranger. We are going NOWHERE!
FUCKING Repent!
In honor of Jeff Foxworthy
If you ever spent money to pretend to be a war hero while your kids didn’t have diapers or food….and created pretend FB friends who call you “Sarge”….you might be William Derek Church
@948……I didn’t know Dean Wormer was a visitor to TAH.
LOL at topix message. Billy calling out Jonn or MSGretired. Meet him at Walmart!
Fact: There’s a 1,000,000x better chance of there being an alien spaceship in the basement of the Pentagon than there is of William Derek Church having been in the 75th Rangers.
I imagine that loser, William Derek Church, has been hiding out in his home since this all began. The coward probably has his wife running all the errands and defending his lame, fat ass against those calling him out. A smart man would see the writing on the wall and do apologize, if for no other reason than simple self preservation. I guess this shows that William Derek Church is not only a liar and a coward, but a moron as well.
He’s on twitter now, too. I sent a “tweet” to the local newspaper -@newstopic. If you do the same, make sure you #WilliamDerekChurch. I bet we can get him trending on Twitter as well. I don’t use it that often, but the newspaper didn’t have an email address listed.
Just dropped the BOMB E-mail to the Channel 3 TV station in Charlotte. I’ll post up any replies I get. They may be having a slow news day and decided to look old William Derek Church the Rotund Ranger and interview him for his Heroics !