The Emergency Call of All Time
Some time back, someone in a town in Florida called the police about a coconut containing an IED sitting at the street end of his driveway. A police car did show and the police officer did test the alleged coconut IED with his foot, but apart from that, it seemed unremarkable, until the following transcript was found in someone’s mailbox.
Emergency 911, what is your emergency?
I have a coconut IED in my front yard.
What? You have a coconut in your front yard, sir?
No, no, it’s a coconut with an IED in it.
You have an IED in your possession?
No! No! It’s a coconut with an IED in it! And my bushes are rustling, too!
I want to understand what you’re saying, sir, but it’s a bit unclear. Could you repeat what you’ve told me, clearly and slowly, so that the recording is very clear?
I have a coconut in my front yard with an IED in it. It was put there by someone.
Okay, well, do you know who put it there, sir?
I think so.
Okay, well, can you tell me, who was it? Was it Bigfoot? Was it a wookie? A yeti?
No, I believe it was put there by a seal.
Excuse me, sir – by a what?
By a seal.
By a seal?
Yes.
Okay, well, what kind of seal was it, sir? There are several species of seal, you know. Could you be specific?
I believe it was a Navy seal.
A Navy seal? I didn’t know the Navy had seals. Are you talking about a harbor seal? I think the circus left town a few weeks ago. They didn’t report any escaped seals.
No! No! A Navy seal. The seal team guys. You know what I mean – the special forces guys.
I’m afraid I’m not familiar with any of the Navy’s animal training programs, sir, but I can find out if any of their trained animals have escaped and are wandering around with coconuts.
You aren’t taking me seriously. You’re just a horrible person. I’m a taxpayer and I –!
Sir, I’m just doing my job and trying to be very clear about your call. Now if you’ll explain what you mean by Navy seal, I can –!
Oh, fuck it, you bitch!
Sir, there’s no need to be rude. I’ll send an officer to check the coconut and warn him that there might be seals in the neighborhood. Thank you for calling. Good-bye.
Category: "The Floggings Will Continue Until Morale Improves"
Wow! Totally off the chain, huh?
The NTSB has not closed the Gravity lesson 2.0 investigation yet.
Florida! Why is it always Florida? Do all the moonbats move here??
Was that a transcript of a Bernathian fantasy?
Ain’t sayin’ (giggle).
Has anyone left any coconuts on the site of the remains of a failed pilot/failed lawyer to date?
Ex must be snowed in again- never a good thing.
*grin*
Rustle – Rustle, Bitch.
Hey! That’s MY line, dammit!
*Rustle Rustle*
Well he did learn one lesson eventually, gravity as a relatively immutable law here on Earth….and as such very, very unforgiving for those who venture above the safety of Terra Firma….
Mistakes were made and Karma came for her due, permanent lessons are the harshest of all.
The empirical evidence will show that the Law of Gravity will win every case against every lawer.
https://youtu.be/zpRQtHjEniQ
It has been proven many times that gravity, does indeed, suck.
An IED in a coconut?
How absurd!
Everyone knows you put a “Lime in a coconut”. (grin)
I love that song!
It’s a secret coded message to rogue SEALs to rig a coconut as an IED to kill military POSers. Look how many of them have died mysteriously.
Terrain. Pull Up. Terrain. Splat….
Geez Ex, are you mocking the dearly departed.
Departed, yes. Dearly? Not a fucking chance.
Whenever Daniel Bernath set off on one of his flights, he never bothered making lodging reservations at his destination because he knew that he could always find a place to crash.
We know one thing for sure about the number of take-offs and landings he had under his belt. He had two less successful landings than take-offs. Most of us who were pilots are happy to say our safe landings equal the number of take-offs.
Ha! 🙂
There once was a lawer named Dan,
Who got himself thrown in the can.
He was finally let out,
And went flying about.
And that’s when the shit hit the fan!
What I want to know is, did the mailbox in which this mysterious transcript was found have a door on it?
Whenever I need a pick me up I go to “The Hair’s” site and watch the video when Don said that Bershitscum was taken away by the Bailiff to jail and the one where he crashed.