Thursday morning feel good stories
From LaMar Township, Pennsylvania;
A man and woman believed to be high on bath salts started firing bullets into the sky to chase away “alien lasers,” which were actually fireflies, according to Pennsylvania State Police.
Troopers say just after midnight on Saturday, Jesse Shields fired a .357 Magnum handgun at the “lasers,” according to the Centre Daily Ties.
Shields and Katherine McCloskey, fearing they were being chased, ran to a nearby home, according to WNEP. Someone inside the Clinton County house called 911.
The duo then ran to a neighboring home where the homeowner took away their gun, police said. Shields allegedly asked that homeowner if he could take a shower to “get the goo off him that was burning his skin.”
Troopers showed up and arrested Shields and McCloskey, both of Mill Hall. They each face charges of felony burglary, a felony criminal trespassing, disorderly conduct and public drunkenness, according to the Centre Daily Times. McCloskey also faces a count of misdemeanor DUI.
Shields faces additional felony counts of carrying a firearm without a license and recklessly endangering another person. He also faces several other misdemeanor charges – unlawful possession, possession of drug paraphernalia and two added summary charges.
Drugs…stop it.
From Chicago, Illinois;
The owner of a business shot two men Tuesday night during an attempted armed robbery in the South Side Englewood neighborhood.
The men, ages 21 and 29, walked into the store about 7:05 p.m. in the 300 block of West 75th Street and pulled out weapons in an effort to rob it, according to Chicago Police. The business owner then shot both men.
The younger man suffered a gunshot wound to the abdomen, while the older man was shot in the arm, police. They showed up at St. Bernard Hospital, where the younger man was listed in serious condition and the older man was in good condition. The younger man was later transferred to Stroger Hospital.
Category: Feel Good Stories
The #2 story store owner should go for a larger caliber weapon or better projectile.
Instead of a “serious condition” for the abdomen wounded bad guy – he should be critical or dead. The arm wound guy should have had it blown off.
.45 ACP, .40 S&W even a .22 magnum (and others) with the right hollow-point would take care of business pretty quickly and more efficiently.
Perfect is the enemy of good enough.
Even with the right caliber, the store owner needed to apply The One More Taxpayer’s Savings Shot to both perps.
The desiccated brainless termites in the first article are the reason Calgon no longer sells powdered additives for a spa bath experience.
They just have to ruin everything, don’t they? It may be unkind on my part, but I wonder what it takes to get people like that to jump off a high cliff into an old gravel pit. Tell them dinosaurs are after them?
Poor fireflies! What did they ever do to those morons?
Sheesh. I had no idea one could get high on bath salts. I’ve got a jug full of it, used for sore feet.
Sheesh. Then again, I never expected kids would ingest laundry pods and/or propholactics.
Sheesh.
‘Bath salts’ is slang for a class of illegal drugs.
They look like epsom salts, which used to be in Calgon’s products.
You can count on drug addicts to corrupt everything normal, everything that you take for granted as normal.
Here’s how you deal with space aliens properly.
“The men, ages 21 and 29”
They are considered children when it comes to crime and firearms statistics. The reporter must not be a Democrat.
“get the goo off him”
And there we have it, living proof that it’s not airplanes that will kill you with a chemtrail.
It’s lightning bugs.
Therefore, both Jesse Shields and Katherine McCloskey are awarded FRP (Full Retard Points) scores of 161 and 216 respectively.
Dumbasses, both of them.
[…] Edition The Political Hat: Crazy – Coathangers, Mobs, And Decapitation This Ain’t Hell: Thursday Morning Feelgood Stories, also, Thank You Victory Girls: The Bullying Left Goes After A Teenager Volokh Conspiracy: Federal […]