AAR- My Trip to Texas
Statue of man on chair with cactus head and duck head penis on left, WAY too hot/young for me girlfriend on right.
OK, so more than 1 person has sent me emails and text messages questioning where I am. A sampling:
1) Dude, where the [fiddlesticks] are you? Are you dead?
2) How much money do you need for bail?
3) Did you finally realize your dream and run off with a traveling troupe of transvestite troubadours?
No, I am alive and well, and have returned from St Cupids day with my gal. So, some rapid fire stuff on stuff I would have posted had I been here.
1) Dahr Jamail remains my favorite comedian. Dude is an assclown without peers amongst the lunatic fringe. Which is why this HuffPo post demolishing him has me crying tears of mirth.
2) A Challenge to Lefties. One of my weekend activities with my lass was volunteering at the USO on Sat and Sun. The ladies there are awesome, if a bit huggy. (TSO doesn’t really do hugs.) But they were wonderful, and made me feel good to spend time with them. But the challenge to the lefties is this: USO will always take volunteers to greet and send off the troops at the airport. You lefties need to go do that. You support the troops, so go and actually talk to them. I don’t know what abberation occurred at DFW this weekend, but the memo that our troops are broken and dispirited somehow didn’t get to them. I talked to a colonel working Detainee issues (JAG, but in MP company) who quit his private practice to volunteer. He thinks Congress doesn’t grasp the concepts involved. He was of course correct. I talked to an Engineer who builds bridges. He’s from Oregon, but attached to an Arkansas Guard unit. That dude single handed encouraged me on the “rightness” of what we are doing, and we never even talked politics. Anyway, go talk to the troops, then if you still believe we are wrong, I will at least give you a tip o’ the hat.
3) Speaking of the USO- When I was on Bagram we had a USO tour come through to open the Pat Tilman USO center, and they brought Warrick Dunn, who is a class act, and the guy who has always been one of my favorite little-known football players, special teams guy for the Patriots, Larry Izzo. Small guy, lots of heart. Not many people knew who he was, but I did, and I appreciated the fact that he came over to talk to us. He wasn’t a super-star like Dunn, just a guy doing his job, like we were. Which is why news today that Izzo will be testifying against Barry Bonds and allegedly admitting to steroids usage has me feeling low. Why Larry? Why dude? I’m older than you and it still broke my heart. Love you for coming over there, but you let us down…. On a similar note, is Johnny Damon retarded? I can’t believe I ever liked that guy. If you get a chance to see him on ESPN today discussing A-Roid, tell me the guy doesn’t ride the short bus to practice.
4) JFK conspiracy theorists- what am I missing? I went to the book depository building this week in Dallas, and it’s like all of 80 meters to where he hit Kennedy. And moving target is a load of crap, the car wasn’t ducking and weaving behind cover. I’m pretty sure a drunk monkey could have hit him with 5.56 rounds shot from a slingshot. Maybe I totally missed something, but in person everything didn’t look that difficult. That’s the last time I take anything Oliver Stone says as the gospel truth.
5) Psyche- This may be the best show on TV. My Irish Gal made me a lasagna and loaf of garlic bread and we vegged and watched like 20 hours of that show this weekend. Can I get an Amen for that being the best show on TV?
6) Art- My loathing of art has been moderately well documented, which is why the lass plied me with coke made from pure cane sugar before she dragged me into some art place this weekend. Now, the cactus head, duck penis thing I thought was a stroke of genius, really making me feel the artists longing for flying south in winter or something. I mean, he could have gone with cactus penis and duck head, but that would have told me nothing at all about the internal struggle which man strives to overcome. However, I did find an artist I like. And I emailed that guy today, and he responded that “I’m not really an “artiste” I just like to make cool looking shit.”
So, any of you with like $1500 laying around, I need Barry Kooda’s work to place in my foyer. I also need a foyer, so anyone who can get me a house, a la Henrietta Hippo Hughes, it would be appreciated.
TSO: And Mr. President, I need my own house, my own kitchen, and my own Barry Kooda masterpiece to greet people coming into my palatial villa begotten of stolen tax funds…
BTW- Thanks to SFC Buntz for the totally awesome V-Day gift idea of Sham Wows. When a girl gets a gift like that, its just puts her in the luvin’ mood.
Category: Politics
I’m not sure I can continue dating you if you have a barry kooda piece in your house…too silence of the lambs.
Caroline said: I’m not sure I can continue dating you if you have a barry kooda piece in your house…too silence of the lambs.
To be clear??? You date TSO AND have standards? Sounds a bit counter-intuitive doesn’t it?
Sorry, not anonymous.
Trust me Pons, I am as [delightedly] befuddled by her choice of men as you are.
Can’t WAIT for my follow up weekend with Caro and Jamie at the USO to get ALL of the low down on the weekend. Will coerce Jonn to post the REAL story here after this coming weekend.
The only big scandal is that he tried to refuse hugs and a pictures from one of the official huggin’ and kissin’ grandmas. No one can refuse them, I think it’s unamerican which is why it’s good he finally came around.
Two Items:
1) The Ted K. shack has no foyer.
2) TSO really doesn’t mind hugs.
I’m just sayin…
Dude, if it weren’t for our respective female counterparts’ lack of standards we would both be flying solo.
P.S. I still don’t see a Sniper post you bastard.
You got real Dublin Dr. Peppers, the grandmas, AND Caroline’s lasagna in ONE weekend? WTF? I lived with her for a year and I never got all that in one weekend!
Then again, I don’t put out.
You hussy you.
HA. Art. Love to see some things, despise others. Barry’s work would be in the despise category, wherein I give it the name.
On the bigger photo I dub it…”feathers, sticks and chicken bones.”
Miss Caroline:
I don’t wanna hear no complaints about TSO’s art-sense, young lady. *YOU* were the one who dragged him to that artsy-fartsy place, you shameless hussy, you! If he hadn’t been there, he wouldn’t have been enticed by the coyote sculptures. *YOU* are to blame for his arty choice, no.one.else.
PS I don’t do artsy-fartsy places, either. Gimme a good Stillers game on the tube, and watching the New Steel Curtain annihilate the opposition; now *THAT’S* art…
“Tattoos are the poor man’s way of investing in art.”
— Major Charles Emerson Winchester III
You guys art neanderthals! Barry’s stuff kicks ass. Seriously, I think that thing looks awesome.
To each their own I guess.
Siggurdsson- I know, but if we only did things TSO was interested in doing we would be sitting in his cave playing WoW.
I just finished off a bucket of KFC…maybe if I tie all the little carcasses into Warcraft poses, TSO will send me some money. What enchant goes best on one of the Colonel’s sporks?
Caroline:
I guess you’re right; Mrs. Siggurdsson drags me to artsy-fartsy and crafts shows here in the DC area when “The Season” [f’b’l] is over. One compromise of mawejje (that’s “marriage” to you Princess Bride-challenged peons).
“Next time I’ll be happy to forget about [fill in the blank with your favorite manly activity] and go to whatever figurine, quilting, macrame, man-killing thing you want to do.”
— paraphrase of Red Foreman (“That 70’s Show”)
Claymore
THAT needed a spew alert!!
Siggurdsson,
I’m with you. “Art” was Dan’s Daddy. LOL
TSO… I’m glad to see that you, like Sniper and I, have out punted your coverage. Thank God the double X chromosome seems to dement them a tad. 🙂
I just want to state for the record that there’s not an infantryman alive that doesn’t have a better woman than he deserves.
Amen! HE gave us bad backs and deteriorating health, but way better women than we deserve.
Did you have a chance to go to San Antonio?
Amen Jonn and TSO, Amen.
Mine is currently coping with her first ever bout of the Chicken Pox and she still looks better than most of the women I see, even those that are half her age. Thank God for female dementia.