Coming Soon to Grocery Stores Near You!
What new product am I talking about? Well, here ya go – it’s called “Unicorn Fruit Loops”:
No, I’m not joking – I’m serious.
It’s already available in the UK. Supposedly it will be available in the US in March.
I’d guess it will be quite popular with college students and recent grads – at least, until reality smacks them “upside the head” – as well as among Leftists Socialists Progressives in general. I’d also guess it will be especially popular in Greenwich Village and the Castro District.
No word on whether it comes with “mini-Skittles” mixed in the cereal, though. (smile)
Category: Pointless blather, Who knows
My blood sugar went up, and my manliness down just looking at the picture.
Please! It’s artwork in a bowl! Do you have any idea how long it took to glue those colored O’s in place and make sure the corn starch forms and hardens in just the right shape? The skill required to do that kind of sculpting is – well, just unspeakable!
That’s almost as hard as mixing polka dot paint Ex. Vernon Dent tried it in one of the Three Stooges short flicks.
I think that’s one of the Stooges classic films I haven’t seen.
There’s a lot of Laurel & Hardy I never got to see, too.
A “rainbow” unicorn, funny, if you cut off his horn, he would be a “trannycorn”!!
An entire generation encapsulated in one product. Nice.
Trigglypuff could not be reached for comment. But my guess is she’ll like the product.
(Warning: eye bleach may be required after viewing link.)
I had no idea something such as that could exist and actually be proud of themselves and attempt to project their lifestyle on others. There is not enough eye bleach in the world … Anyone want to be in her company?
Alex, I’ll take not only no but hell no for everything I have.
Does it have wings too?
Unfortunately, it’s going to sell very well. Too many “special snowflakes”.
HEY! That would be a great new product:
*****SPECIAL SNOWFLAKES******
Unfortunately, there would be only about 10 different unique flakes — sorta like real life; all cut from the same mould.
How about “Manbun Hair Gel” Or as we call it over on the gun blog, “Douche Donut hair gel”!!!
I don’t see why people would buy this.
Besides, weren’t Tide Pods part of this complete nutritious breakfast?
Instead of Hot Wheels cars or some other worthwhile toy, laundry detergent pods will be included as the prize inside the box.
My best guess is the prize will be a miniature (and substandard) “Phildo”.
My four year old grand daughter will probably like these because it has a pretty unicorn on the front…but she’s already tougher than a lot of these so called young men (and women)…
When we get to the point where we think there are more than two genders nothing shocks me anymore.
I find it odd that were I to determine that I was Van Gogh and remove one of my ears I would be put into at least a 30-90 day protective hold….but if I decide I’m actually Joann and lop off my dick I will be celebrated for my diversity….
There is something uniquely wrong with a society that has devolved into that line of thinking.
“When we get to the point where we think there are more than two genders nothing shocks me anymore.”
IMHO if I had a dollar for every true gender out there, I’d have $2 and a fistful of counterfeits!
When I read “magic cupcakes” on the box I thought it was Bernastys prison shower nickname.
Heh. I knew a girl in high school by that name.
We had a young lady named “Muffins”
I do not know whether to laugh at the comments or bank my head on my steel front door, but this is really funny, if you take it from my perspective.
It’s a perfect marketing ploy. It embraces the virtue signaling crowd who have grown up (physically only) thinking junk food is vegan and don’t like climate change because they have to wear winter clothing. Reality is a harsh mistress for them. They cling to an amorphous phrase like climate change and commit property damage in its name. They don’t believe they’ll reach ‘old age’ (whatever that is) so they don’t plan to plan for it.
If it weren’t in this world and in the news, I would call it an episode of the Twilight Zone, but it’s here and it’s unfortunately real. Take a butterfly net with you when you run errands, just on the off chance that you might run into them.
This stuff is perfect for them.
New breakfast item, soon to be available at Air Force Mess Halls worldwide, exclusively for F-52 crews?/s
I wonder if they’ll have them out in the boonies in US Army Field Unit Kitchens (FUKs)? You have no idea how much fun it is to send a fresh Boot or Cherry 2LT looking for the location of a unit’s FUK!
😂 😅 🤣
Me? I can’t wait. I have a ridiculous sweet tooth and my wife loves unicorns, so I’ll be first in line to trade my dollars for this box of pink sugary deliciousness.
It’s just cereal. Not everything is a political statement 🙄
Send a case to Commissar, the social justice warrior/friend of OWS and member of the Free Shit Army! I bet he’d snarf them down with his free trade, triple shot soy no whip latte!
If you really wanted to be mean, just make Lars buy his own. I understand they are made with Unicorn farts and other Unicorn excrement.
It looks like Froot Loops®™, just with different artificial colors and likely flavors as well. Eliminate corn meal and sugar and you’ve likely gotten rid of about 40% of the volume. Regardless, they’ll fit right in. What’s next, Snowflakes®™ Breakfast Cereal? Then every Millenial eating them would be committing cannibalism!
Instead of Frosted Flakes and Tony the Tiger and “They’re Greeeeat!” it will be Pajama Boy and Snowflakes “They’re triggered!”
YOU PEEKED at my advertising proposal!!!
If my daughter sees this in the store she will want it. If I cave and buy it for her I will have to hand over my man card along with my cash at the register.
Well since you’re in there and already giving up your man card Twist, grab me a couple boxes for my daughter too. 🙂
I propose that any Man buying it for his Daughter or Granddaughter be allowed to have his Man card intact, but any Adult Human Male caught buying and/or it for himself should IMMEDIATELY have his Man Card revoked! (I’ve done that to a Supply Sergeant I caught jamming on Justin Beiber.)
I wonder if All-Points Logistics has the logistical contract on this item?
Aren’t ya a wee bit auld ta be believin’ in Unicorns now, laddie?
*grin*
I’m SURE it will be the preferred cereal of this crowd:
The problem with this generation encapsulated in 1 minute and 24 seconds. I’m confident zoo chimps could have solved the mechanics involved with this task in less time and more efficiently than this neuron starved dope.
IMHO a one-eyed lobotomized Rhesus Monkey on LSD could have figured that out faster than that snowflake did.
That’s a classic, if they really wanted an I.Q test they should have given that lefty one of those ration pack spoons/can opener A.K.A as a FRED… (Fucking Ridiculous Eating Device)
Bet they all sat there in stunned silence looking at the open can thinking….now what?
Is there another vid of someone figuring out how to the contents of the can out of the can???
I don’t know what to take away from that demonstration??? Are there really people old enough to feed themselves who are in awe of someone using a can opener?
Back to your mommy’s basement, you bunch of pussies.
Someone please tell me this isn’t for real. Please. ‘Cause if it is, we are truly doomed. SMOD, take us now.
Unfortunately, I think it is real, and they only know how to order stuff across a counter, and open up boxes of microwave food. And I’m not really sure about opening those boxes, either.
I’m disappointed in all of you. No one??
Really?
I’m disappointed you call yourself veterans and I’m not even that old.
(I could do this blindfolded but would probably need a blood transfusion.)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/P-38_can_opener
[…] Clothing Company’s Newest Mascot – An Eight Year Old Drag Queen This Ain’t Hell: Coming Soon To Groceries Near You! also, Dunford “Not Giving Up” On Pakistan Weasel Zippers: Incoming Dem NJ Gov Plans […]
In this nation’s relatively short history, we’ve gone from Minutemen to Doughboys to the Greatest Generation to the men and women of Vietnam to today’s crop of men and women in uniform to … ? This? A group of people seemingly congratulating a wallflower on his/her/its ability to open a can of beans? Heaven forbid they should be baffled by a John Wayne (P38).
I don’t know how this group crept up on us, where the hell they came from. Yes, but they are quick to point out the defects of the country b/c, well, they have all the answers and others are simply DOING STUFF THE WRONG WAY. I don’t even know what to call this group? Millennials? Gen X? Someone give me a breakdown. Is there an exclusive group that lives in mommy’s basement or maybe there are crossover groups. IDK
WTF Happened To Us? What’s next? Mastering shoelaces?
I knew how to use a can opener when I was 5. I find it strange that these idjits can’t perform such a simple task.
Yeah, it makes all of us better than them. Think about that for a moment.
This is what happens when Mommy does everything for you. I read some place that the generation in the video has the minds of 15-year-olds. I think that was an over-estimation.
They are ALL the same flavor, regardless of color.
DAMM YOU TRUMP ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
(Fruit Loops are anyway…..)
Not only that … we’ve been lied to about another cereal.
Cap’n Crunch.
Look at any box. The guy isn’t even a captain – he’s a commander! Three stripes!
Now, CW, the rules of the Maritime Occupation are that the officer in charge of the ship is ALWAYS addressed as Captain, regardless of actual rank.
My 10 year old daughter will like these, just like she likes Fruit Loops and Count Chocula
We only let her actually eat these chemical, sugar and food coloring products on weekends
Weekdays is something with actual nutrition in it
I’m genuinely shocked, dismayed and disappointed by TaH today.
All the Death and misery in the world today and not one so-called poster has mentioned eating this sugary delight with colored milk. Fail.
Please, think of The Children and get some pink milk or maybe chocolate milk for these unicorns.
PS “Limited Edition” means limited to how much of this shit they can sell