Time Traveler arrested
I can’t believe we’ve become so cynical that we’ll ignore the warnings of time travelers who made the journey back to warn us of an alien invasion. From Fox8, Casper, Wyoming;
K2Radio.com reported that Bryant Johnson was arrested after police were called to a home in Casper on Monday.
The suspect claimed he was from the year 2048 and that he traveled back in time to warn people of an alien invasion.
Johnson said he traveled back in time after aliens filled his body with alcohol and had him stand on a giant pad. He said he wanted to speak to the president of the town.
Officers said they smelled alcohol on the suspect and he had watery, bloodshot eyes and slightly slurred speech.
Johnson had a blood alcohol content of .136….
Well, yeah, if the aliens poured him full of alcohol in preparation for his trip, he would blow hot. Jeez.
Category: Who knows
Shoulda put this one under Dumbass Bullshit, bruv.
Why? That dude might be fo’real.
I have my own time machine. It is extremely fast. I can travel to the future at a cruising speed of 3600 seconds per hour.
If I add alcohol, it can be way faster. With enough alcohol it can be so fast it can jump 8 hours straight into the future.
Ha!
But the landing is a bitch.
Light weight drinker
I’ve taken in drunks to the emergency department who had BAC’s of 0.37 but then they were not time travelers.
We used to have a few regulars that would go into DT’s at 0.2 Yeah, this guy is definitely a lightweight..
I had a drunk driver who blew a .47, twice. That was after he walked back to my cruiser after he got out of his car. He couldn’t recite the alphabet, and he couldn’t do any of the dexterity tests, but he could talk OK, and walk OK. He was highly indignant that we took him to the hospital in an ambulance.
I remember seeing a gal blow a .285 and a .273 when she was getting booked for DUI, the Officer said she had likely been drinking all day long.
Back home when I was a “yute” we had a cop show us a video of a person who passed a field sobriety test and still blew a 0.42.
Yeah, you read that right.
I don’t doubt it, at all.
Then, I had a guy who was falling down drunk, and unable to put a word together. He blew a .05.
We pulled his record and he’d just done a little more than 24 years for 2nd degree murder, and gotten out on parole on the Monday of that week. This was a Thursday night. He ended up going back for 2 months on a parole violation.
Back before I stopped drinking I was up to nearly a half gallon of rum a day. And pretty functional.
By luck or God never had a DUI or got in any trouble so I shudder to think what by BAC was
Half my squadron commander’s staff in the Marine Corps were functional alcoholics. Birthday Ball’s were exciting to say the least.
Cut the guy some slack. I had the same experience and the alcohol I was forced to consume was cheap stuff, not top shelf. Only difference was these aliens forced me to hit on a hot babe in the bar. As I told my wife when she came back from the rest room, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
0.136 BAC? How was he able to stand upright and live?
Ag least he has a creative streak. Most people would just ooooooze down on the sidewalk and lie there giggling.
.136 isn’t that horrible, especially for serious alcoholics.
A couple of months ago I read in the local paper about a drunk driver that blew a .425 and was still able to walk to the cop car.
Still more coherent and logical than your typical liberal.
Or disbarred attorney.
What? Trump wasn’t able to build the wall? Who didn’t see this coming, raise your hands.
How many Four Locos did he have before he went full retard?
Ahm…prolly more like Cisco or Wild Irish Rose.
The above comment was by me. I misspelt my name.
Maybe he had a few Dutch Rudder Cocktails as well?
His captors have navigational problems. Casper is a long way from Devil’s Tower.
Klaatu berada nikto
oh great you said it wrong! now on top of the Alien invasion we have an Army of Darkness to deal with!!!
https://youtu.be/zgvXtexdgAM
The brown acid is bad, man. Only take half a tab…
this is why i don’t go to cancun anymore… those aliens have forced me to drink a lot of tequila the few times i was there. as long as i had green backs my shot glass would never go empty…..
He needs to travel back in time and sober up.
Nope, he needs to go………………Back To The Future!!!!! In order to sober up.
heh heh heh
See what I did there?
He shouldn’t have taken the brown acid after chugging MD20/20 and T-bird!
Silver Satin. Heavy duty paint thinner in that stuff!
In the 1996 Simpsons Halloween special called Citizen Kang, the aliens Kang and Kodos sprayed Homer down with rum before releasing him so no one would believe his story. The Simpsons usually aren’t wrong….just sayin’
Did his aliens have a purple Jumpsuited guy, seedy looking, and a seedier looking guy who spoke of profound knowledge of law? Spandex, did one have a spandex leisure suit, and a smoking, rattling old Jag?
Elaine Ricci, come with me if you want to live.
We’ve had knukleheads claim to have time traveled. I remember one account from a guy, who went on radio in the middle of the 20th Century, to talk about his trip 2 centuries into the future. Laughable as technological changes since the time made his claims even more BS.
Lots of people going onto the internet nowadays claiming to be from the future, or claiming to have traveled there.
Reminds me of Chekhov on the U.S.S. Enterprise:
That’s a nice gun you got there.
Thanks.
What kind of gun is it?
It’s a big gun.
What’s it shoot? .50 calibre? (Snickers, reaching for the gun.)
Hey, don’t touch that gun!!
Why not?
Because it isn’t your gun!!
Hear me, fellow Chrononauts! It would seem Agent Jon-50n has been captured. As you well know, we cannot allow this to impact the mission. We’ve already lost too many comrades and fellow Terrans off the Shoulder of Orion, not to mention the Tannhauser Gate. Meet me at landing zone alpha–the password is ‘Fidelio.’
do you always dress like a gay male fashion model?
I don’t know what you mean. The chrononaut uniform was specifically designed to allow us to slip through society unnoticed.
http://www.cc.utah.edu/~th3597/guy.jpg
Then maybe you shouldn’t have programmed it to have you in a tight skirt and high heels?!
It’s the earrings. They’re too distracting. You can’t miss them.
I wonder if this guy knows Dr. Who. Is anyone out there interested in buying my Time machine which can transport a person 2 hours into the future in 120 minutes.
Must be some time travel interference here. I keep getting 504 timeout errors… and that must mean I’m either in a different dimension of Time and Space,or I’ve somehow moved into a different Universe.
I’m so confused!!
Yeah, you’ve been confused since the day your were born.
Where are those cookies you promised me? I sent you an e-mail. NUTHIN’.
I ate them.
.136 BAC?
A man drink like that and don’t eat, he is gonna DIE!
But WHEN?
If I could travel back in time, I would tell Psaul that it may not be a good idea to go on the Internet and defend Phil Monkress’ lies about being a Navy SEAl. But then I would never have learned that my life is worth $10,000 or $15,000 after the sun goes down.
Just another tool in the All-Points Logistics’ Executive Leadership Apprentice Program.
🗣🎵🎶”If I Could Save Time in a Bottle…”🎶🎵
Dude literally took Jim Croce’s song to heart..🍺
OR perhaps REO Speedwagon’s classic 🎵🎶” Guess It’s Time For Me to Fly…”🎵🎶 when he boarded his Time Machinr.
He thought the Rolling Stones were correct, i.e 🎵🎶”Time Is On My Side..”🎶🎵
Because Styx told him🎵🎶” Too Much Time In My Hands..”🎵🎶, he took Ray Price’s advice just 🎵🎶”For the Good Times”🎵🎶 and time travelled to 2017, even though Brook Benton warned him 🎵🎶”It’s Just a Matter of Time”🎵🎶 that he was going to be caught.
He now wishes 🎵🎶 “If I Could Turn Back Time”🎵🎶, but realized Cher sang that song…and thought “Well, Cher, Led Zeppelin telling me 🎵🎶 ” Your Time Is Gonna Come”🎵🎶 since you still have not kept your promise of leaving the US if Trump becomes President..”
As the late,great Tom Petty wrote 🎵🎶 ” Time To Move On” 🎵🎶 and yes, it is 🎵🎶 ” Time To Say Goodbye..”🎵🎶
(Don’t know any drinking songs since I don’t drink except “99 Bottles of Beer” and I can’t stand the taste of beer..).😎
Can’t believe you didn’t include this in your comment above:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwYX52BP2Sk
(smile)
Have worn out the “Dark Side of the Moon” Vinyl listening to that song over and over and over again…😎
Classic. Thank you for sharing the link; brought back memories of the 70s, Hondo. Not all music during that era was Bubble Gum or Disco (wait a second, wasn’t that a discussion here on TAH a while back…😉
Kyle Reese could not be reached for comment…
If there were any way I could take my laser tag toy gun and rewire it so that it talks back, sometimes utters Idranian curses,wants to belly up at the World Con bar and consume mass quantities of alcohol, I could have so much fun.
Guns are, after all, male phallic symbols, aren’t they?
Never ever buy a handheld IG from an Idranian gun dealer. They will NOT shut up and they’ll run up your bar bill.
Why are those aliens always forcing folks to get liquored up?
Does it help with the anal probing? I know a few women who seem to enjoy such things after a few drinks…but I wasn’t aware the aliens were that in tune with current social activities….
I read the original story about this guy and the shit he rolled downhill was epic.
Then again, no-one believed Sarah Connor either
DAMNIT MAN! WHEN DOES THE INVASION TAKE PLACE?????