LANDNAV MIA Lieutenant Mistaken for Bigfoot and Shot
Senior enlisted advisor, 1SG DeOrchard, couldn’t believe his eyes. While on break, from his motivational speeches during the weekend drill, a member of his specialist mafia caught his attention. This hide and seek champion didn’t normally leave his hibernation spot unless it was something real good… Like release for lunch or for the day.
Specialist Johnson-Donaldo came across news that talked about Mark Hunter and his Big Foot catch in Washington. “Big Foot” looked familiar to DeOrchard, 1SG for the Army Reserve’s 503trd Tactical PSYOP Company situated at the Air National Guard base in Duluth, MN.
The First Sergeant’s suspicions grew when Mr. Hunter claimed that he used pork ribs to trap and shoot the big creature. The Second Lieutenant, Dillon McRob, loved pork ribs. The 99th PSYOP Battalion, parent to the 503rd, contacted the Department of Defense DNA lab to verify McRob’s DNA with the University of Washington.
The University of Washington and the Department of Defense confirmed that “Big Foot” was actually Second Lieutenant Dillon McRob. This ended his stubborn insistence on remaining on the unit’s nonparticipant/unsatisfactory list.
McRob got lost during a land navigation exercise back in January, 2016.
“I couldn’t understand how we could’ve lost someone during land navigation,” explained MAJ Oysterman, CO for the 503rd, “all of the land navigation points were along Grinden Drive, straight onto Airport Road, left on Mustang Drive, left on Deuce, Deuce to Starfire, left on Phantom drive and back to the start point.” The CO explained that the unit ran this route the morning prior to LANDNAV. It’s an easy route to follow.
A team of secret squirrels reported to the base to replicate the land navigation exercise; they found twice the number of points in 10 minutes despite drinking a couple shots of liquor between points. Said one secret squirrel, “I didn’t even need a compass, protractor, or GPS; the points just jumped out at you! You could see them from the starting point!”
Meanwhile, Mr. Hunter has more than being shamed for a previous Big Foot hoax to worry about. The casualty recovery team had barely started preparing Dillon McRob’s remains for transport to autopsy when police charged Mr. Hunter with murder.
Back at the 503rd, SFC Perezoso shook his head in dismay, “If only I nailed pork ribs on his points, 2LT McRob would’ve found all his points in minutes. He’d still be with us today, I would’ve received a good NCOER, and I’d be a Master Sergeant!”
Category: Satire
Totally Legit.
(love it!)
I’m just going to leave a few of these here for your amusement
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Is it fair game if you bait them with pork ribs? I think its cheating, personally, like deer hunting over a heap of corn.
Based on the Bigfoot accounts that I have read, they are quick, agile, and intelligent. They don’t lend themselves to easily being tricked like, say, a new soldier being tricked to look for grid squares.
Thank God for the Duffel Blog !!!
As A MSG, I approve of this story. Additionally, This totally goes with my comments earlier in the month.
Cheers,
MrFace
Something related to this, by the way, loved it, I was flipping through some channels last night and saw a commercial for a show called Hunting Big Foot. WTF! They had pictures of a town hall style meeting with people saying you can’t hunt them they are humans. Huh? Did the world go insane overnight and no one let me know. How can you hunt something that does not exist? To paraphrase Forrest Gump, Stupid is as Stupid does!
Not only are one group of people “snipe” hunting for a non-existent Big Foot…..
Another, even bigger group of idjits is PROTESTING the hunt.
And yes, I agree, W-T-F, over.
And I’ll bet they are all registered voters.
We’re doomed.
I spent a fair amount of time, long ago, teaching Land Nav to ROTC cadets.
A few were aparently geneticly incapable of navigation. This was pre GPS, so….. Eeep.
I’m pretty sure I had one of your students as a platoon leader.
Did he have contour lines drawn all over his hands? I used that method a few times, to help the “flat-minded” translate contour line patterns into three-D.
The get rather pissed when they realize the marker is not easily washed off.
Nope. sounds like a great idea, though. Evidently that genetic defect is fairly widespread.
Then there’s this one. Headline reads: “Grief stricken Navy mourns the departure of beloved Secretary Ray Mabus.” The URL is http://www.duffelblog.com/2017/01/entire-navy-overjoyed-to-be-led-by-army-officer-instead-of-ray-mabus/.
The push is on to name every target ship involved in a SINKEX, which is exactly what it sounds like, USS Ray Mabus.
Awesome, enjoyed that!
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I laughed pretty hard about this..then went hey, I resemble that remark…:)
GOWAN FIELD, ID (circa 1984):
LT how did we get here? I think we are actually where we are supposed to be…wtf?
Well Sergeant, I used the stars (my lucky goddam stars) to get here. Cause in the desert, you can navigate by the stars, ya know…(Fingers crossed and waiting for CPT M to tell me once more: “Rog, ya done good, but ya fucked up…”)
When I was a senior in ROTC we were running a night land nav in the Ozark Mountains with our juniors. Each patrol had a senior as advisor. My job, as the only prior service guy, was to drive the deuce and a half to drop the patrols off. After dropping off the last patrol I went to the bridge which was everyone’s final objective. As I chatted with the seniors and cadre there we agreed it would be a long time before anyone showed as it was very dark with rain showers. Much sooner than we expected the first patrol showed up! I asked the senior advisor how in the hell they got there so quick, he said they used the FM method. I thought OK, FM 21-Whatever Land Nav, WTF?? He grinned and said, “F***in’ Magic.
Lieutenants MUST NOT be interfered with on Land Nav, Nature MUST be allowed to take its course, otherwise THIS could happen: