War Stories, Sea Stories
D-Day stuff
I see that some of you are just hanging around, waiting for me to post the WOT. It’s coming.
In the meantime, this spot is some place where you can drop your stories that start with “Back when I was in the shit….” and go from there.
That D-Day stuff like the box of sand is from a friend, except for the coins and the pipe. The pipe is my uncle’s and the coins were all minted during World War II. The flag on a stick has 48 stars. That should sort of date it because I do remember when Alaska was added as a state.
Category: War Stories
What about basket weaving stories?
Underwater or under an artillery attack?
All forms. Even outer space basket weaving.
Point of order: Marine Corps Air Wing Sea Story Rules Of Engagement.
– Every good Sea Story must begin with the phrase “This is no shit…”.
– “This is no shit…” may be abbreviated as the acronym “TINS” when time is critical in getting to the punch line of the Sea Story.
Thank you.
Or the appropriate response to any sea/war story — “You gotta be shitting me”.
I believe one of the F-4 Wild Weasel squadrons had a patch with the initals “YGBSM” on it.
Well, since you asked nicely.
There I was at 30,000 feet…
Oh, never mind. Got stuff to do, places to go, people to see.
…pocket full of quarters and not a coke machine in sight.
I sent the FNG down to CSR to get a gross of fallopian tubes….
That is a lot, never had to use more then one or two at a time.
Two at a time is dangerous. . .
See my story from a few weeks back when I had the newbie all set to pull targets on the flamethrower range.
Private, go down to the supply room and draw an M-203 blank adapter, 30 canopy lights, a box of 1:50,000 grid squares and the key to Area J.
And then stop by the 1SG’s office and tell him you’re there for the PRC-E8. 😀
you forgot to tell him to get the one dee ten tee.
But the MT-1X does have canopy lights for Night jumps
You forgot an M9 Blank Adapter and the key to Area J!
What? You forgot to tell him to get a T R Double E?
Did you ever send someone for a BA-110N STR-1NG and then your accomplice issued them a balloon string?
LMAO!
I remember the crews in my M60A3 tank platoon sending a FNG to the Motor Poll for some “squelch oil” and a “turret lock key”.
Either they came back pissed or laughing their ass off. Welcome to the platoon!!
Of course, I never did this to them, it just wouldn’t be proper for a Platoon Daddy to do that. 😉
(hiding under the desk hoping the lightning bolt doesn’t hit me)
As an FNG I was sent to get a tire pressure gauge for the tires on our M113. For some reason the Motor Sgt. got pissed at me.
I sent a kid to the PLL/TAMMS Clerk for a “Shit Shaft Plug”and later for a bottle of Cable Stretching Oil. When I was part of 2nd ID a couple of guys had a Cherry Private looking for Chem Light Batteries for two days!
HMCS(FMF); Ah yes, the fallopian tube classic. Pulled it a few times. I also liked the apple juice in the urine specimen jar. Dip your finger in it, take a lick, then offer it to the newbie asking, “Does this taste right?”.
Worked the locked Psyche Ward at Campen in 68. Morning med routine was to have all patients line up at the door to the cage and we would dispense meds or specimen jars for Ua’s. We had a new, fresh out of school Ensign nurse that morning. She was in charge of the UA bottles. We had prearranged that all bottles were new, sterile bottles and had one of our “trustees” put apple juice in his and shake it so it had a little foam on top. When he returned his specimen, he let out a crazy man laugh and drank the whole thing. Miss Hackbarth was in a total panic!!! We just acted like it was a normal occurrence. Welcome to the NP Ward.
I had a kid almost miss getting underway cause I started a prank for him to go find a 10 lb water hammer and told the guys to keep it going.
I thought they only came in the 200 lbs and up model. And you have to get a water hammer arrester 38600, too. They come as a pair, you know.
My Dad served on the DDR Hansen (832), and it took me years to find out what kind of crypto gear he used. He was a Radio Operator A. About two years ago, I came across an article about the JASON encryption system and the fact that it’s operators often made it straighten up and fly right by whacking it with a rubber mallet.
Last time I visited, I got him to talking about some of the silly things he did on shore leave in Taiwan. Then I asked him, “So, you were one of the six-year RO’s that were entitled to whack JASON with a mallet when it misbehaved”?
First his jaw hit the floor, then he busted out laughing. 🙂
That’s classic! LOL!
*its
durn auto-correct
No shit, took $250 of an Ensign playing no peek guts on the dead reckoning table while at anchor in Cuba.
Percussive maintenance.
One time, I was in the group comm center at MACV. There was a teletype printer in maint in the back of the shop, almost bent in two. It had a muddy boot print on it, in the center of the bend. There was a note attached that it was due to enemy action.
I was impressed.
Tales from behind the send bank
I hit it.
JASON, or the teletype? If you hit JASON, well….
🙂
I’ve posted this before, but I want to add it to this thread as well.
My father was stationed in Korea in the mid-1950s, and he was a telex operator. He never talked about what he handled and sent; even a year before he died in 2007, he said some of that stuff was so secret if he spilled it people would just disappear. (Maybe bullshit, maybe not, but it scared me and lots of others out of asking.)
Anyway, he was off duty one day and was walking along the street when he passed one of the local “houses of ill repute” and just stepping out of the door was his battalion commander.
Dad snapped off a salute, which the colonel returned, and with a growl said, “Corporal, be in my office tomorrow morning, 0930.” Dad replied in the affirmative and they both went on their way.
Dad showed up in the colonel’s office at the required time, and the door closed behind him. He never said a word about what was discussed, but I do know this … my father entered the room a corporal, and emerged an hour or so later as a staff sergeant.
That story was only told to me after the colonel (whom Dad had kept in touch with) passed away.
I miss my Dad.
There I was, deep in the shit. Yeah, I got tagged again to clean the horse stables in 29 Stumps while on a C&E working party.
In August at midday.
And down wind from Lake Bandini.
Considering how many wheelbarrows full of horse manure I have dumped on the manure pile, and how quickly the equines replenished the piles in their stalls, you have my sympathies, Hack. Did they tag you to clean the tack, too?
The guy running the stables handed me a shovel and told me to move that pile of steaming Bernath. I had no idea why they called it that until about two years ago. I must be a slow learner.
For the Sailors on Team TAH:
‘USS Enterprise decommissioned today’
http://www.13newsnow.com/news/military/uss-enterprise-to-be-decommissioned-in-february/392520625
‘Staff , WVEC 10:30 AM. EST February 03, 2017
NEWPORT NEWS, Va. (WVEC) — After 55 years of naval service, the USS Enterprise will be decommissioned today.
As the Navy’s first nuclear-powered aircraft carrier, the vessel has played a critical role in several military endeavors; from the Cuban Missile Crisis in 1962 to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Navy officials say the USS Enterprise (CVN 65) also helped pioneer modern-day carrier operations by launching the first nose-wheel launch bar designed catapult system, recovering Astronaut John Glenn when he returned to Earth after making America’s first orbital space flight and launching the first strikes against al Qaeda and Taliban targets following the attack on America on Sept. 11, 2001.
CVN 65 is the eighth ship to bear the name Enterprise and, during its time of service, thousands of Sailors have served as part of its crew.
A decommissioning ceremony will take place at 10 a.m. at Newport News Shipbuilding where the ship is being defueled and dismantled. The event is closed to the general public, the Navy said.
CVN 65 will not be the last vessel to bear the Enterprise name. Work is starting to gear up on the construction of a new Enterprise, which will be a Gerald R. Ford class aircraft carrier.’
So they’re not going to turn the Old Girl into a reef? Oh, that’s too bad. Thinks of all the crabs and groupers that could make homes inside that vast hull.
Yeah…well the environmentalists wouldn’t allow Forrestal, Saratoga, Ranger, or any of the others become a reef.
Had FID become a reef, I might have learned to SCUBA.
Dang! There must be more money in scrap but the Enviro angle sounds right. I hope Trump steps in and makes that happen. I’d travel anywhere to dive it if they put it within reach
Too damned bad they are cutting her up for “anything”! That ship and all A.C.’s are floating cities, airports, hospitals, dental labs, chow haul..water purification systems…how could you ask for a better disaster ready ship? It’s a crime imho to destroy them! I was on the Bonnie Dick when the Big E was commissioned, about the time Kennedy was about ready to level Cuba and their missiles! Sad to see her go, my ship, did feed the fishes!
I got a tour of her in the mid sixties when she visited Boston. Had to take a launch as she was to big for the harbor. I was just a kid and riding the elevator up to the deck was a thrill. We were served apple pie and ice cream in the galley. They had Honda motorbikes to get around the deck.
I made the 1996 Deployment aboard her with VFA-83…my last cruise; and my first time to see the Med in the Summertime.
So I have a “second hand” war story, and be warned, it’s a long one: When I was stationed in Korea (1991-92) I was assigned to the G2 (division intelligence section) and when we went to the field I worked in the DTAC (Division Tactical Command Post) which was set up with about 4 or 5 M577 Armored Command Post Vehicles (ACPVs), basically an M113 Armored Personnel Carrier with a raised rear section. In command at the DTAC was the ADC-M, Assistant Division Commander for Maneuver, BG Herbert Jack Lloyd. Now, General Lloyd was a very interesting character: He enlisted in the Army as a private, worked his way all the way up to the senior NCO ranks (E-7), then went to OCS and was commissioned. Gen Lloyd was from Arkansas, in fact, his home town was Hope, same as President Clinton. He always had the demeanor of a hellfire and brimstone Southern Baptist preacher about him. Gen Lloyd, being former enlisted, always went out of his way to talk to the enlisted soldiers in the DTAC. In fact, more than once I remember standing at the fender of a HMMWV eating T-rats out of a paper tray and looking over and seeing the general eating his T-rats right next to me (by contrast, at the D-Main, or Division Main Command Post, MG Scott actually had a separate mess facility for officers.) Anyway, Gen Lloyd had a special coin made up with the 2ID logo on it, and he always made sure that every soldier in the DTAC got one. Since soldiers were always rotating in and out of the various units that staffed the DTAC, this meant that at every field exercise there were 10 or 12 soldiers who had not gotten a coin. So Gen Lloyd would make sure, usually just before STARTEX (beginning of the formal exercise) that he would hand out coins. But he didn’t just hand them out. He would gather everyone together, away from the roar of the generators and the chatter of the radios, and then he would give them a speech. Since… Read more »
I like that one. It’s a keeper.
CORRECTION: I thought the bit about Gen Lloyd receiving a purple heart in Afghanistan seemed odd since IIRC he retired after serving as the ADC of 2ID in 1992.
Reading a bit more it seems that Gen Lloyd was wounded in a bombing in Kabul in 2004 but he would have been retired at that point so no purple heart AFAIK.
I believe it may have been this one on August 29th:
http://www.nytimes.com/2004/08/30/world/the-reach-of-war-afghanistan-7-killed-in-kabul-as-bombing-rips-a-us-contractor.html
It may be that the people writing the articles didn’t understand that when they said he received a purple heart for Afghanistan.
I never got over Macho Grande.
I never got over Elaine Ricci… and Macho Grande
Pull up
Because of me, six men didn’t come back from that mission!
Seven. George Zipp died this morning.
“Tell them to get out there and give it all they got and win just one for the Zipper.”
Don’t call me Shirley.
True Story (and unbelievable):
There I was, in the Field, Training Exercise, night time, minding my own business, when several of us walked past a GP Medium..and a fellow Soldier (higher than an E3 with 5 years of service) popped out holding a Chem Light and asked us with a straight face: ” How do you put this out?”
We were speechless for a couple of seconds. And thought he was joking.
He was serious.
Don’t remember if anyone gave him an answer, but do remember thinking I hoped I never go to war with that guy.
End of “War” story.
Don’t remembe
Only way to put it out is to remove the battery.
Had 2LT researching chem-light batteries once. He thought he found an NSN but we pointed out that the NSN was for Ni-cads, he’d have to order the charger as well.
Good times.
You taught the LT well.
And speaking of LTs..also remember when an SFC gave a class during another exercise on how to use an Immersion Heater to heat T-Rats. He specifically instructed for all NOT to look into the heater while firing it up.
With a stoned face, he said ” I bet one of you LTs is gonna do this.”
And you can guess what happened.
That LT learned from that day on to ALWAYS listen to your NCOs.
To this day, always wondered if the LT’s mustache and eyebrows grew back.
😉👍
We had a guy in weapons platoon of my company at Fort Campbell in the early 60’s who stumbled over a dud on the mortar range which flashed straight up and badly burned his face. He had to wear facial bandages for six weeks or so and when he finally took them off we were all amazed. All of his previous acne scars were gone and his face had skin like a baby’s ass. It turned him into such a pretty boy he ultimately turned queer.
How many queers you figure got that way because of a dud mortar shell?
C’mon, top that for a no shit story…
I wrote this as a comment in the discussion on Lorance but then realized it probably also qualifies as a War Story:
***********************************************
Back in the early 80’s I was visiting Fort Benning on business. After checking into my hotel I went to a nearby bar to meet my local sales rep. It was happy hour and the bar was very crowded. Not seeing my rep, I found an empty bar stool and asked the guy sitting next to it if it was occupied. He grinned and told me to grab it which I did, thinking, “He looks familiar.”
As soon as I was seated and had ordered a draft, the guy turned with a grin, held out his hand and said in a booze-friendly manner, “Hi, I’m Rusty.” I instantly realized my seatmate was the notorious Lt. Calley. We made small-talk for a few minutes until my rep showed up and we moved off to a table where he confirmed that Calley was regular there and had a bit of a drinking problem.
But what really made the situation weird was a couple of days later my watch battery died. I stopped in at a jewelry store on Victory Drive and told the nice lady I needed a new battery. She turned around and said, “Rusty will you help this man with a battery?”
Yep, it was him once again and he showed no sign of recognizing me from the bar so I didn’t bring it up. I learned later that his in-laws owned the jewelry business.
Small world…
Hadda go look him up. I recognized the name but the particulars had fallen thru the cracks.
There I was, on the first leg of a UNITAS Det, where we exercise with our South American friend’s Navy’s. Usually a coveted detachment, especially the last leg which is held in Rio, for reasons that are obvious. Coveted because the per diem was generous and the accommodations were usually 4 star hotels and high end restaurants. Usually, that is, unless one is on the first Unitas leg, as I was. My P-3 crew and I were billeted in the famous Bundy Barracks in Puerto Rico (open bay, no screens, floor fan to move the air), and had a dining choice of the Navy chow hall or the Exchange’s greasy spoon. To add insult to injury, on our in-chop brief, they issued us ration cards for booze and tobacco. Something like two fifths of hard liquor and 10 cigars a week. Completely unsat, as I had planned to stock up on the unbelievably low priced Bacardi rum and stogies for the trip home. What to do….
Hmmm, seems the “ration card” was merely an 8 1/2x11sheet of paper, with check off blocks at the appropriate items. I looked at the ration card.
I then looked at the Xerox machine in the corner.
20 copies later, and I was eventually able to pretty much fill a cruise box with cases of rum and boxes of Nicaraguan stogies.
I guess the first leg of Unitas wasn’t so bad after all!
God, I hated the Bundy Barracks.
Now This is No Shit, I got this story first hand and was told I was allowed to re-tell it but ONLY if I acted out the motions as required by the story. SO I few years back my older brother was at Fort Sam working as a Respiratory Tech at BAMC and the Army had just gotten a new Surgeon General of the Army who was some 2star. Well since he had just taken the position he was starting his tour of Med facilities and he was due to arrive at BAMC on this particular day. Now the 1SGt ended up grabbing a young private who was new to the unit and the Army in general and gave him the following instructions: “Private, I need you to go down to the road in front of the hospital. The Surgeon General is coming today and I need you to meet him. He’ll be in the car with the plate that has 2 stars on it. When he gets here I want you to bring him to my office first thing.” So this young private went down to the front of the hospital and took his post, vigilantly watching the street and checking every vehicle for the stars indicating that it was the one he was waiting for. Finally He spotted the car in question and snapped into action. He swiftly marched into the middle of the street, turned to face the vehicle, planted his feet and held out a single hand to halt the car. The car rolled to a halt and the Private started marching up to it. He went straight to the driver’s window and knocked on the window. The window rolled down. “Are you the General?” “No he’s in the backseat.” The private turned and marched to the next window and knocked again. “Are you the General?” “Yes?” “The First Sergeant wants to see you in his office right away sir. I would advise going as fast as you can, you do not want to keep the First Sergeant waiting!” From what I understand this is now… Read more »
Believe it or don’t this happened in my Air Force unit in Japan. At least twice a year we had to set up our tents and make like we were in the military. One bug out day it rained, so the decision was made to pack up the gear and equipment and get it back to the warehouse and leave the tents up until they dried. Good plan except the carts for the 463L pallets sunk in the mud. A bunch of us were kidding about asking the folks at Camp Fuji to send us a shit-hook helicopter to lift them out.
In our squadron was the biggest ass kisser in the universe. He hid (like we didn’t know he was there) and listened. When he heard our plan he ran (sprinted actually) to report to the Squadron Commander his and only his plan to get the gear out of the mud. He said, “Let’s call the Army and get them to airlift it out with a helicopter.” The murderous look on the Commander’s face was priceless, the Commander was also wondering why a bunch of us were laughing. The hero of the day looked like his daddy had taken away his puppy.
I had the pleasure of serving with a wack job retread Cpl in the Early 80s. He had gotten out in the late 70s, then around 1982 decided that he would do a lot better off for momma and his 5 kids ( and one one the way) if he got back into the Corps.
Two days after he checked in we had our Friday Morning Battalion Commander’s inspection.
Corporal Orr had just pulled his ” Charlies” out of his sea bag and ran a hot rock over them.
To say he looked like a bag of smashed assholes would be an insult to smashed assholes everywhere.
To top it off he had a pair of the old “brokedick” leather shoes that he had barely buffed out.
Of course our Battery Commander was Livid when our Battalion Commander stopped and looked Cpl Orr up and down. Being as Cpl Orr was about 6 Foot 7 and 230 pounds that took a lot of looking.
The Bn Co decided to only address the Shoes.
” Corporal Orr” he said ” You know they have the newer corophram shoes at the PX now, that stay squared away, no polish needed?”
” Yes sir” said Corporal Orr.
” Well, Corporal Orr, my question is, as an NCO why don’t you have a pair”
Corporal Orr thought a second then looked that Battalion Commander directly in the eye and said” Sir,, I’m a member of the Old Corps”
Every One in formation almost shit themselves holding in their laughter and the Battalion Commander just walked off to the next unit.
lmao, surprised that guy could stand in formation with the wheelbarrow in front of him to hold his nuts. That’s fucking epic..
And then there were the stories that could be told about the many ways to use the pink bath tub at Camp Red Devil on Fort Carson.
There I was in the Guam NH ICU, emptying the bed pan. No Shit. This actually happened.
No, lots of shit.
And lots if fucking brown tree snakes.
Among other stuff in the boonies. I had just checked onto Proteus when OOD called bomb threat away about 2000 one night. Seems a couple of dipshits found a WWII hand grenade on a boonies stomp, and brought it back to their work space–the radio room.
I have a NH Guam story. There was a particularly nasty mustang MSC Officer who thought he was the greatest thing since sliced bread. I was with one of his people one day, passing time by being non productive, and the LT comes up and dumps on him. They had a history or something. Thing is, he was dumping on his LPO in front of me, a stranger. Within a few seconds the con got really nasty and the HM1 told the LT that Congress had made him an officer but God made him an idiot. OH, SHIT. He had to be brought up on charges. Thing is, the command knew he was telling the truth. Scheduled for court martial but ended up going to mast before the CO. He got some extra duty and the obligatory shitty evaluation. He never did make Chief when I retired in 91. He was high speed, low drag, but he screwed up that one time. The LT was later charged with a DUI, his second. This was about 81-82. Was there 81-84 at the NH. My last interaction with a bed pan was 1969. Don’t miss that part of being a Corpsman. Good times.
1966 in Nam we were constantly trying to sort out which Vietnamese we could trust. One afternoon at a bar in Tuy Hoa, a grizzled old platoon sergeant offered a solution:
1. Evacuate all presumed loyal Vietnamese to Guam.
2. Send in B-52’s from Clark AFB in the Philippines to nuke the shit out of Vietnam turning it into an irradiated wasteland.
3. On the way back to Clark, divert the B-52’s to Guam and let ’em do the same thing there.
Problem solved…
I love cherry 2LT’s fresh out of college, they can be so entertaining. At my first AD duty assignment as part of 2ID in Korea we had one such specimen. He acted like he still lived in his college frat house and was the greatest addition to the U.S. Army in his own mind. At that time we used SINCGARS Radios in vehicles with KY57 scramblers that had to be given a digital fill. His driver at the time was a quite squared away hard worker who did thing right the first time despite that LT’s attitude toward him. One night we were lining our convoy up to return to the rear and said LT was screwing with his vehicle’s radio set despite his Driver’s setting it up correctly and having it working. He noticed the LT was about to make a big faux pas and the LT’s response was something like “AT EASE, I have a college degree, I think I can figure it out!” Just as he “Z’ed out” (cleared out) the digital fills leaving him with only a single channel walkie talkie for comms on the way back that got him a flaming ass chewing from the CO.
Another Company in our BN got a wonderful specimen of a cherry 2LT that introduced himself to his platoon’s NCO’s as “a pretty smart guy” and bragged about his being his ROTC BN XO. This was an Engineer Heavy Equipment Platoon (Dozers, Graders,…) and one of his Platoon’s E5s about to DEROS offered to teach him about the equipment beginning with how to check for soft spots in a bulldozer blade using a ball peen hammer and carbon paper. Said LT went to town on the task and the E5 even got him some extra carbon paper and a little later that Unit’s CO and 1SG were walking by and that LT not only told them what he was learning, he also found a soft spot or two! That LT only lasted another six or seven months until he resigned his Commission.
So, no shit, there I was. In a foxhole on the DMZ with Norks running rampant and overunning every position. My entire unit ran and left me alone. As I was preparing to go out taking as many of the commie bastards with me as I could I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked back and silent as a ghost, he was there. The Immortal and legendary SoupSandwich. He looked at me with those steely eyes, gave a thousand yard stare at the incoming Norks and said “Fall back, I’ve got this”
Boot camp, Great Mistakes. One of our Company Commanders made the mistake of being behind oNE if our stick men when they called Present Arms. He left for hernia surgery.
His replacement gave us the standard, “You fuckers aren’t gonna get any slack” speech, then said, “Okay! Any of you fuckers got a joke?”
I raised my hand, was acknowledged, and asked, “Sir! If you woke up in the woods one morning with your hands tied behind your back and your asshole smeared with Vaseline, would you tell anyone?”
Surprisingly, he took the bait and said, “Fuck no!” Of course I then asked, “Would you like to go camping next weekend?”
Dead silence for about three seconds, and then EVERYBODY lost it, including both the CC’s. For the rest of boot camp, Senior Chief Benware would go to random recruits, put his arm around them, and ask if they wanted to go camping.
I must have done 1000 pushups for that one, but it was so worth it.
Such terrific stories. Sure have enjoyed the laughter. Then it occurred that one of my most flustered moments in the military did not involve any of this kind of stuff, but obviously left a deep impressions upon me.
I was sent in an old, open jeep to pick up a squadron commander for a command appearance at HQ. Didn’t seem like a big deal at all, but upon arrival, the CC was a VERY pregnant female. In BDU’s. Now, I had just had a lecture on the use of seatbelts, and how there were no excuses for not using them.
Never did figure out whether it was her or me that was being set up on that deal, but I knew that I was NOT going to move that jeep without her being properly strapped in – whatever that meant in her condition. At least there was a Chief in the back seat who agreed that we didn’t move until we figured it out.
Probably THE most embarrassed I ever was on duty. Picture her not being able to see the latch, so I had to find it for her. It was no fun at all.
Always kinda thought that her pilot husband might have had something to do with it.