Pentagon may offer to store your baby fixins
The Pentagon can’t give you a pay raise of any consequence, but they figure that they can make up for that by storing your reproductive material in the event that you’re injured and can’t make progeny after years of service, they’ll have it ready for you, according to the New York Times. They’ll store your sperm, or your eggs, for use later. Somehow, that will entice you to reenlist, despite poor pay and benefits.
As part of an initiative to make military service more appealing and family friendly, Mr. Carter has created a pilot program that will pay for troops to have their reproductive cells preserved.
The goal is to give those in uniform the peace of mind that if they are hurt on the battlefield — hundreds of veterans suffered injuries to their reproductive organs in Iraq and Afghanistan — they would still be able to have children.
The program is also meant to encourage women to stay in the military during their 20s and 30s, a time when many leave after giving birth. By freezing their eggs, they will have the flexibility to remain deployed overseas or otherwise pursue their careers and put off having children.
Women who reach 10 years of service — what Mr. Carter called “their peak years for starting a family” — have a retention rate that is 30 percent lower than their male counterparts.
I’m sure there are a bunch of costly legal issues here. Not to mention the fact that the Pentagon and Congress have a pretty poor history of keeping promises.
“Freezing sperm and eggs is not like freezing chicken for dinner,” said Arthur Caplan, a professor of bioethics at New York University’s Langone Medical Center. “What happens if you die — can your wife use it? And what if your mother wants grandchildren and your wife doesn’t, does that mean the sperm can be used with a surrogate? If you’re cognitively disabled, can it be used? And what happens if the company housing your sperm or eggs goes bankrupt?”
Dr. Caplan said that the practice of freezing eggs had become widespread only in the past five years, and that it could be more problematic than preserving sperm, which has been done for decades. He said the Pentagon should inform service members that the freezing of eggs is not always successful and can cause complications.
Everyone has a story about how poorly their records were maintained during their service, do you want those same clerks determining which sample of genetic material is yours to impregnation your wife with a child that may or may not really be yours? Once there was a clerk who mis-coded one of my language proficiency exams and made the Army think that I spoke Serbo-Croatian, when actually I spoke Castillian Spanish. Imagine the screw ups that could happen with baby gravy.
It could also give the Pentagon the ability to create a race of super soldiers. The stuff of science fiction.
Category: Big Pentagon
Well, the Super Soldier thing does sound kind of cool. But would they be Dolph Lungren Universal Soldier type Super Soldier or Kurt Russell Super Soldier from Soldier? Would be interesting. By the way, who in the hell thought this was a good idea?
The Good Idea Fairy.
Well we all know how much damage and mayhem idea fairys can cause Lol…
Yeah….The Good Idea Fairy! Isn’t He/She Married to Mr. Murphy? Because I see this as a Murphy right from the get go.
Roger On That LMAO ! ! ! !
🙂
The next step could be the creation of a Surrogate Mother MOS.
..and while we’re at it, a Transexual Hormone Replacement Field Service Maintenance Technician.
Raising an army of test-tube babies?
I like my eggs sunny side up, thanks. I do have a question regarding the other part, the male donor. Will there now be sperm donation centers on posts? How exactly will that work? “Here you go, soldier, one sock and a cup. Would you like the straight film room, the gay film room, or the miscellaneous perversions film room?”
I’ll take fluffers for $200 Alex…
I’m not worried about not being able to pop a baby; I’m worried about getting sent to play “interventionist” in a war that has nothing to do with defending our Constitution, and everything to do with lining Shrillary and her corporate overlords’ pockets.
The only thing that would really entice me to re-enlist is a pay raise commensurate with what I could be making right now in the IT field on the outside, but that wouldn’t happen– that’d take away from the budget for the F-35 if they actually paid their personnel what they’re worth.
I’m sure that they will hand it off to the VA, who will then generate a requirement for 10 SES level employees to administer it.
OK, Raise your hands….
Who else laughed at Jonn’s use of “Baby Fixins”?
Jonn, you’re already going to hell, this is just going to give you a tiny bit of a push.
/still sitting here giggling like a 10 year old.
The better question would be who didn’t laugh, Chip. I thought it was going to be fixins, as in food, as in baby food, as in breast milk. I laughed out loud when I saw what it was really about.
Meeeeee
Hoooooah
Annnnddd. . . . what if I DON’T WANT children?
This has so many road signs of a clusterf**k of Biblical proportions.
….who’s forcing you to participate?
This does not end well for anyone partaking in this mess
Hell the army has a hard enough time just fixing what it breaks
Now that want to do this ….. God Help Us !!!!!!
Excuse me — BABY GRAVY?
(Falls down laughing, can’t get up! Send help! Make sure they’re cute guys!)
Why not? AFAIK they’ve been recommending service members to put some of their goop in the freezer before they deploy for years now. It’s a good idea IMO. The sad truth is that you might lose more than just a leg if you get hit by an IED. No one wants to talk or even think about losing their nuts when they’re 19, but they might find this program may come in handy (hurhur) once they’re married and want to start a family when they’re older. Now trusting the DoD with my genetic material is a different discussion, but in principle I could get behind this.
Nothing to see here folks, there’s no way this could go horribly wrong.
Yes Mrs. Suzuki we realize you’re of Asian descent and so was your husband, but you have to understand you’re name is only a couple letters off from Bob Sezewski…I’m sure your husband would have been thrilled to have tall Polish son…please don’t call your lawyers we’re already trying to settle the lawsuits surrounding our loss of 100,000 previously frozen sperm cells…the folks at Good Humor apparently aren’t in good humor at all…
Hey, here’s a crazy idea… how bout instead of blowing money on storing jam and eggs you spend that money on giving it to servicemembers or using it to upgrade their benefits?
Even though steps have been taken so I shoot blanks these days, I’m gonna make them store my product anyway just so I can say the Army paid me to produce a sample. There’s been plenty of unofficial samples, but they just weren’t retained. If they told Mrs. Ghost, she would just laugh her ass off. Another kid? Not going to happen.
If I understand this, then, insofar as males are concerned, this will be done during duty hours, meaning that the Army will permit some soldiers (officially) to jerk off on the job.
“Smith, Jones and Green are on sick call. Brown is jerking off.”
“Very good.”
That’s my understanding as well. “I’m sorry Sir, they lost my sample again. Yes, I have to do it again. I’ll be in my bunk”.
Bradley Manning has volunteered to be the first collection specialist.
Aaahhhhhhhhhh Jonn That’s Sick Lol….
YUCK
YUCK
I’m not sure that I want the same organization that lost my sh!t on a PCS move to keep up with my baby-fixins. Not that I PCS move anymore or fix babies. Hell I’ve been married so long that I have found out that “hallway sex” is a real thing. I already have 3 boys, anymore would probably push “household six” over the edge.
It’s a good idea. I did 2 tours in Afghanistan and I was more worried about getting my nuts blown off than I was about getting killed. Not being able to have kids wasn’t the only reason for that obviously, but it was one reason.