Recruit goes AWOL when ISIS makes him GI the latrine
This isn’t satire as near as I can tell. It comes from AFP which reports that Areeb Majeed a 23-year-old Indian who went to fight with ISIS, went AWOL when the terrorists made him scrub toilets and perform other menial tasks instead of sending him into battle;
The engineering student flew home Friday to Mumbai where he was arrested and charged by India’s elite National Investigation Agency (NIA) with terror-related offences.
Majeed told NIA officers he was sidelined by the jihadists for whom he fetched water and performed other lowly tasks such as cleaning toilets, instead of taking part in the deadly offensive like he wanted, the Press Trust of India news agency reported.
Funny how that works, huh? I’m sure there are thousands of American soldiers and Marines who can commiserate with him.
On another Indian website, DNA, he tells how he spent money to join ISIS and discovered that they considered Indians to be physically weak and only one of the four Indians that he travelled with to Syria were accepted into weapons training;
The other three, including Areeb, were asked to join IS social media team and were also given the task of cleaning and collecting water. At no point was Areeb allowed to go to the war front for direct combat.
It was during this period that his mindset started changing against the IS because there was no place for the teachings of the Holy Quran in the IS camps. The jihadis simply butchered people and raped women.
All the four friends soon got scared, stressed and depressed about their situation. Their imagined jihadi heaven had become hell. In July, Areeb got injured in random firing and sustained bullet wounds on his back and shoulder.
Privates are all the same, I guess, pissed because he can’t kill someone, pissed that he can’t go to sick call when he gets shot by “random firing”, so he goes over the hill. I hope they make him scrub toilets in prison, too. He seems to be experienced at that.
Category: Terror War
It’s satire.
ISIS doesn’t use toliets.
Correct.
Busted.
Or toilet paper.
Latrine Queen
Brass Monkey (In basic, I was)
Remington Raider
Java Control Manager. (Yes, I was)
Any other slang anyone want to add regarding “duties as otherwise specified”?
Automated weapon cleaner
cat rangler (being a PSG is like herding cats)
disgruntled marriage counselor
AAFES collection agency
EXPERT Electric Floor Buffing Machine Operator (Basic & AIT)
Brass reclamation Assistant
Grounds Cleanliness Patrol
Proud:
Your last item could also be called “Police Call Specialist”…
Maybe his assigned MOS was “LATRINE SANITATION ENGINEER”?
Weiner watcher (Substance Abuse Control Officer)
Yes, indeed, Meat Gazer…
Yup, Those Californians keep the bottles burnin. Job security.
Don’t forget Colorado and Washington now, your job just got a huge bump there!
also known as Meat Gazer in the 1990s Army
When I was aircrew on EP-3 (can’t speak to the straight stick guys) we had to take the pisser out and empty it. We had a guy who LIKED doing that. Each to his own I guess. Anyway, Lockheed had these 1000 hour and up pins they would give out for flight hours. When our “pissboy” PCS’d, some wits decided to make up a patch that looked just like it, only it said “1000 gallons” instead of “1000 hours.”
Ha!
Had the same accommodations on the vanilla P-3, MC. Jr. man on the crew caught the duty, so it rotated over time. And yes, I’ve heard stories about the occasional weirdo who would volunteer for the job every time.
Naw, there were civilian janitors to clean the heads.
However, I was never asked to make coffee again. 🙂
You made tar posing as coffee?
Close.
Shit burner/stirrer.
Otherwise known as(in today’s PC language) the Facilities Feces Engineer.
Are you sure that’s not “Fecal Incineration Specialist”?
When I went through Boot Camp for the Marines in 1977 we lived in open squad bays (I am pretty sure they still do) and we had a “Deck Towel Private” whose duties involved taking the towels we had to use to shine the deck and get the goat turds from under the racks out to the concrete wash trough and wash then every day. Not a coveted slot and was almost as bad as House Mouse.
We had one of our Privates get caught sneaking a drink out of the Scuttle Butt once and for a week or so I had to do rotations of Scuttle Butt Private where we had to wear a duty belt and cover and stand at parade rest in 2 hour shifts guarding the scuttle butt.
Ahhh good times!
Well, not everyone can be the point of the spear. Some people just have to get (or be) the shaft.
How long before we see this…..
“Yeah, I was the Special Taliban Forces ISIS tactical commando Al Quada team that lead the raid on Benghazi…”
I give it until after new years. Course, we will also hear how all their records were destroyed in that fire…
HA!!!!
ISIS, huh? I suppose the SOB thought Virgin Mobile was beneath him!
I am surprised Commander Phil Monkress and All-Points Logistics are not making a move to acquire those ISIS toilet/janitorial contracts.
APL has a lot of experience in dealing with “shit”, literal, phony and otherwise. Additionally, those local contracts seem to be “drying up”.
Time will tell.
Senior Chief Shoe Shine Specialist (In Basic, I was just a lowly third class, later on at BESS, I got the big promotion) LMAO!!!
If my comment puzzles anyone, I apologize. I was actually replying to ChipNASA’s comment. Sorry for the mixup.
You were a third class in Basic? Huh?
[sigh] I was just being facetious. Please read ChipNASA’s comment. Second one from the top.
Ah, so desu!
But on a more serious note, shoe shining is what got me through Basic. Otherwise, I would have gone completely insane, just like my younger brother, Jeremy, did. It didn’t take long for my fellow recruits to see the magic, and before I knew it, everyone was dropping their boots off at my rack. Made a ton of money, too. So about a year later, I’m at BESS in Groton, CT. Uniform inspection. An O-3 Lieutenant stops in front of me and I just picked me a spot on the wall and stared daggers right at it. “Petty Officer Wilkins!! Don’t you know you’re not supposed to wear Corframs at MY Submarine School!!!”. “YES SIR!!” Everyone got a good laugh out of that! Talk about a morale boost! The night before, I had fallen asleep in the lounge while putting a super high mirror shine on those patent leather shoes. Pure dedication.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
What’s Arabic for “pissers and shitters forever!”?
“OOBLA-BOOBLAH BLAELEHLEHLEH” for all I know!
In boot camp I would do anything to stay out of MTU. However, regularly I did most things wrong and spent almost every eveniong at MTU!
Master Chief, you and I think alike.
I managed to go to IT once, because one of the dipshits in Service Week never told me he went to Sick Call, and of course I never knew he had a follow-up.
Such is the life of the company yeoman.
Nothing smells worst than sperm and goat feces commingled in a stew of urine….
Poor bastard got exactly what he deserved from the goat fucking turds of ISIS.
I guess he wasn’t quite so speshul after all.
And his parents could have saved the tuition they for his education and used it for something else.
Areeb…No matter what Army you fight for…RHIP, always has and always will.
Secretly recorded conversation between ISIS Terrorist and Areeb Majeed:
ISIS Terrorist – Time for you now to work.
Areeb Majeed – But I came here to kill the infidel.
ISIS Terrorist – NO … You need to clean first … all good fighters must be clean and must learn how to clean.
Areeb Majeed – I came to fight!
ISIS Terrorist – You clean hole in ground, covered by rotten piece of wood with hole in it … Oh and the bowl of smooth rock covered in shicht … Clean those too!
Areeb Majeed – You still do that here? I am outta here! We have had toilets for 15 years!
That’s what he gets for reporting in to his new commander with a built-in toilet brush on his face. When will NGF’s ever learn?
No,I didn’t mistype NGF. FNG is for our US Forces Privates. NGF(Novice Goat Fu@#er)is for ISIS Privates.
He can claim that he is SWAT.
Sh*t Water and Trash
I am SO going to steal that sometime in the future!
Nice…well played…
Okay, I’ll start!
Some of you talented poets pick up the pace and add the next verse!
Panee lao!
Please please PLEASE tell me the tune I’m supposed to put that one to!
No tune as far as I’m aware; it’s Rudyard Kipling’s Gunga Din … reworked.
Next verse, please…
If they really want to fuck with him, make him the Publications NCO or MIMMS clerk.
Or the All-Points Logistics liaison.
Ah yes,Pubs NCO – The only job where you have to borrow a set of blank forms to be able to requisition blank forms.
At least India didn`t have to trade 5 super-terrorists to get their Bergdahl back.
No word on if ISIS was in fact training them to start up a customer support call center.
He is on the short list to head up the Mumbai branch office of All Points Logistics.
Oh my god, well this here proves it, they really are creating a Real army! I can hear it now- “Waaahh! My cleric fuck me!”
This guy had to know that Middle Easterns can’t stand Indians, Pakistanis, Filipinos or Chinese. That’s just in their DNA to make him clean and scrub. I remember when I was at the Dubai gates on my way into the UAE. I saw the Emirate folks treating the Indian, Pakistani, and Bangladeshi people like shit. But when a westerner came along, treated us like gold.