Timothy “Grayeagle” Spaulding; Marine embellisher
So, Scottie sends us this guy in Chillicothe, Ohio who goes by the name Timothy Grayeagle, but his real name is Timothy Spaulding. He claims that he’s a retired Marine scout sniper (don’t the Marines have just plain infantrymen anymore?) with two wars under his belt;
Well, it turns out that he did almost four years of active duty (so he’s not retired, per se), he did go to Desert Storm, he was an infantryman, got a Combat Action Ribbon. But I’m doubting that he’s an Indian and a porn star, too.
Category: Phony soldiers
It could be worse…….one of his “part time porn” co-stars could have been Tina Marie Kersten Lightfoot.
weeble wobble and spaulding together…that would be a joint operation; should we form a JTF to get those two together ?
OMG vomit everywhere ChipNASA you owe me some replacement Guinness.
Toss in Jay Kerwin and Jerry Vroombout and we have a flick!
that’s nasty
I served for 10 years as network specialist and I’m proud of that. Seems every turd I run into now that was in any service has to claim to be a sniper or a fucking deathstar super laser gunner or something such shit.
I hear ya and it makes us REAL Death Star Laser Battery Gunners(MOS 13XXX40BS)look bad when they do so.
Just don’t claim Space Shuttle Door Gunner; that shit’s mine!
Somebody needs to make up a set of wings for SSDG.
http://milspecmonkey.com/patches/ssdg-batch1.jpg
Cool!!
Here’s the Certificate:
http://i1024.photobucket.com/albums/y306/rgr1480/SpaceShuttleDoorGunner-Cert_rgr1480_zps6c9f728d.jpg
rgr1480
I had a buddy in the Guard who used to be a Marine. He managed to get that weird looking SCUBA badge that almost no one ever sees. When the clueless asked him what it was he’d say space shuttle door gunner.
You Space Shuttle Door Gunners still think you’re hot shit, APOLLO DOOR GUNNER, MoFo’s!! See if ya can top my marksmanship scores with an M666 Plasma Gun!!
Show off.
NNNNyuknyuknyucknyuck!
Amateur. I was a wave motion gunner! And let me tell you, fighting the Comet Empire was a bitch!
OT,
I tried to reclass to SSDG, but they wouldn’t let me, due to shortages in the MOS after the rebels blew up the first Death Star.
USAF Aerial Porter WOOT
http://i.imgur.com/rgfYUBN.jpg
That’s a “pogue” MOS. 😛
Come on Man,
It’s CHAIRFORCE they’re all POGUE AFSCs…..
/except
1T0X1 – Survival, Evasion, Resistance, and Escape (SERE)
1T2X1 – Pararescue
1C2X1 – Combat Control
1W0X2 – Special Operations Weather
I was going to reclass as a Brake Light fluid repalcement tech but my ASVAB scores weren’t low enough. Instead I cross-decked as an Exhaust Sample Collection Specialist with a secondary MOS of Armor Soft Spot Detection Technician…..
I went for that “Exhaust Sample Collection Specialist” but I couldn’t open my mouth that wide.
Brake Fluid or Blinker Fluid Replacement Tech? THERE IS a difference ya’know!!
WHAT HAS BEEN SEEN, CANNOT BE UNSEEN.
Geez, now I have to go find my eye bleach…
In my time and my little war episode I met a lot of Marines. I never met one who said he was a “scout sniper”. Maybe they went by a different handle in Vietnam. I agree with Jonn, when it comes to posers, there are no plain Jane 11B legs or Marine grunts anymore. All high speed, low drag dudes. He’s a poet and musician. Wow that’s says special all over him. I do think he should save some money and get that gigantic nose reduced to something less than a zucchini. Right now he looks like a gargoyle on a European cathedral.
When I was enlisted, I was an 11 Charlie mortarman; posers never claim to be mortarmen, guess that’s just not sexy enough..beside, I bet a lot of posers won’t even know what a “mortar” is…
Isn’t that what holds bricks together?:O
Combat Historian…All I can say is all you 11Charlies were damned sexy to me when we called for support! God bless well trained mortar crews!
You can lay millions of bricks and never be called a Mortar Man, but suck one ***k and you are a ****sucker for life.
CB Senior…LMAO Thank you for that, I needed it. I say this turd’s momma was raped by a gargoyle.
I met this fellow at the range. I’m pretty sure he is a poser too. He has this little dinky 6-inch steel target that he sticks out at the 500 meter line and keeps banging away at it. He only hits it about 7 out of 10 so he cannot be for real.
Sure they do, CH. It goes with the pestle and is used to grind spices and stuff. Mortar is also used as a binding substance agent and filler for rocks and bricks.
Is that the vessel with the pestle?
(10 cool points if you get the movie reference.)
The vessel with the pestle holds the brew that is true.
Whatever happened to the Chalice from the palace?
The pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with the dragon.
Oops … didn’t name the movie:
“The Court Jester” with Danny Kaye.
“Get it?” “Got it.” “Good!”
“Ravenhurst… you rrrat-catcher!”
Mighta been a little light in his loafers but damn, that was a good movie. And Glynis Johns was HOT in those days. Somehow by “While You Were Sleeping” – not so much.
He didn’t say whether he is a gay porn star. I’m guessing he is. he also says he’s a poet/musician. In other words, he doesn’t work for a living. He also says he has blond hair. Did he mean he owns a blond hare? He looks like any day now he’ll come to, see his reflection in a bumper and say, “What happened? I’m supposed to be young.”
2/17 Air Cav…You hit it again! I say he is a gay porn star. To borrow from a fellow poster, he was a Two Hole “fluffer-luber” with his tongue for all the other take it up the ass stars.
Question: What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
Answer: Homeless.
Looks like they sent him to the Stumps for Communications/Electronics School. He flunks out and they send him to infantry. He was a four year Lance, nothing wrong with that, no good conduct. He looks and sounds like a Sh!tbird
I was a 2542, comm center man, did four years in Mr. Carter’s Marine Corps. Proud of my service and if I meet one more Recon Marine, I am going to throw up. I agree, first sign of a phony, I was Recon, SEALS, SF, DELTA, Rangers. No one was ever a cook or a truck driver. That is how you tell the real deal, they were truck drivers, mortarman, Engineer or black gang.
Jack,
You’re right on brother, I was thinking the same thing. Sent to MCCES in 29 for a Comms MOS and failed out…got recycled to 03XX.
Comm MOSs are now 06XX vice 25XX and I’ve been a 28XX and now an 06XX my entire time. Regardless of what anyone else thinks, Comm is sexy…. but you’re right, you’ll never see a poser who was a Comm Chief or a Comm O, let alone a radio operator, data/server guy or a wireman.
I am getting old! They always change things! The thing I loved about a COMM MOS was that I could go infantry or wing. I was with 1st and 3rd Mardiv and 2nd Wing. Good times, except Radio watch (FatCircles0311) when I was with 2/9. We did more radio than comm center then.
Everyone loves us Comm Marines until shit goes down! I spent six months at MCCES to be a 0656. A couple of years ago we were merged with the 0651’s since freaking NMCI took over everything in garrison.
I had a guy work for me at 7th Comm. I don’t know how he ever thought he was sexy. Last I heard, he went over to the dark side and became a CWO5.
On the short list of BAMF’s I’ve met was at a St. Babs dinner that was also a reunion for Chosin Marines who were spread around the tables. At mine was a LCpl wiredog who we finally got to recount of his time that after every move, including at night, having the XO tell him that Bn “should be one or two ridges over & there were probably some Chinese patrols in between us & there.” Then he would go by himself, with a spool of wire and his M1 carbine to get them tied in.
Lone survivor, running the Mogadishu mile, every day… several times a day… while having frostbite… with shitty gear…
Sorry to hear that, Bro.
Radio watch is the worst.
Don’t call me radio, unit 91
I’m thinking that the only entry on the porn resume consists of uploading naked images and accidentally sending them to “To Catch a Predator.”
Unless he had leave accumulated. He was discharged from active duty almost two months early.
Heck, the guy did more than a lot of others. Even if he was a shitbird, he did his time got a few ribbons, includinf a CAR for DS and got out.
It actually looks like he would rate both the KLMs intead of the one he has on his records.
“Scout-Sniper” was the term/billet we used for guys in STA ( surveillance target Aquisition ) platoon when I was in. They were attached to either weapons or HS company of a grunt battalion. In 3/4 they were pretty hard chargers, tey had their own indoc set up and were always ending guys to divison dniper school.
I wonder if he was one of those guys who sat on a ship in the Gulf while the war raged? That could explain the single KLM.
3rd Battalion, 3rd Marines deployed in 1990 as part of Operation Desert Shield and saw action at the Battle of Khafji and again during the liberation of Kuwait.
Kilo Co. was on the ground and saw plenty of action.
Wonder why he didn’t rate both KLMs?
Probabably an Admin error It also doesnt designate if the medal was the Saudi version or the Kuwaiti Version.
The Saudi Version had a much shorter time frame ( I think it was durin the active fighting ( Jan-Mar 91) While the Kuwaiti Version was from Aug 90- Aug 93. I’m think ing the Kuwaiti Version wasnt approved until 1994 for the US, which would explain why it isnt in his record.
He may have been a scout/sniper in STA. Most of them don’t go to scout/sniper school or pass, but still hold the billet in hot dog and soda company. Maybe that explains no school on there and who knows maybe command didn’t feel the need for the clerks to include switching to a new company in the battalion already listed on record.
Going to give him the benefit of the doubt on that claim since the records do show he could be in that circumstance. If it said “definitely was not in STA” then I wouldn’t.
The only hole in that theory is that his awards show his last rifle qual was “Marksman”.
There is an off chance that he Shor espert every other time and got a pizza box his last time out, but thats far-fetched.
One of the pre requisites of STA screening was expert on the range. A 285 or better PFT and clean pages 11-12 were pretty much standard too.
Pretty sure STA reqs are command discretion. As for page 11, we had STA guys that were far from squeaky clean.
I don’t. I just don’t think there is enough either way to definitively known without more information. His very liberal uses with claiming being a Marine Corps sniper without having earned his hog’s tooth is a bit under handily since most people don’t know the difference and would assume exactly what his records show he didn’t achieve.
I don’t think I’d claim scout sniper if I didn’t pass the school, but then again what would you call yourself if you were in STA in a sniper billet? pseudo sniper?
To be honest I was quite shocked when I found out most STA members didn’t even pass the school. I thought the Corps would have higher standards than that even if it’s at the battalion level.
In my time with the grunts a lot of STA guys never even got to ATTEND Div Sniper School, much less pass it. Give or take there were 9 Infantry Battalions in a division, with another 3 rotating in and out on UDP. A STA Platoon usually had about 20-30 guys in it, so there were about 300 or so STA Marines in the Division.
The Div Sniper School When I was with 3/4 was at Camp Margarita. Their classes were pretty small and they only ran 4-5 a year. In my entire time there we had less then 10 Marines go through the School.
He says he has blond hair………well, if dark brown/black is considered the new blond; then, yes. Yes he does have blond hair.
It says right there in his paperwork he was STUD 0311, maybe that’s where he figured he was a porn star sniper and was hoping Mark Wahlberg could play Mr. Greyeagle in the film based on his life.
VoV…Mark Wahlberg is a pretty straight up, vet supporting Hollywood guy and family man. One of the few who stand up for vets and means it. I say Mark Wahlberg would kick his ass to kingdom come for being a phony poser. I’m not taking you to task about your post so please to read this that way. I just think since this guy is a self proclaimed “porn star” (probably gay pron star), I wouldn’t hang that clown on Wahlberg. He’s too good of a guy to play a poser.
Although, on another note, having seen “Boogie Nights”, if I were hung like Wahlberg, I wouldn’t be typing here right now with you guys. I’d be in the bedroom admiring and working with my “joy”. You know, just see what comes out of it all. 😀
Did someone say ‘boogie’??
http://youtu.be/aM0em8VnjDY
Geez…
This could be Phil’s long lost son.
He meets all the qualifications.
1) Brain dead.
2) Lying sack of shit.
3) Thinks he’s cool.
4) Doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground.
He just needs to try some cheese and “lawer up.”
The next generation of “Douchebag, Inc.”
Turd.
He’s the secret love child of Phildo and Elizabeth Warren… and his tribal name is “Two Dogs Fcuking”.
Funny.
Meatgazy Phil and his boy toys ride again!
And do not forget Fake Native American.
I wonder if Commander Phil Monkress at All-Point Logistics used to live in Ohio?
Obviously Phildo “bats” the other way, but he very well could have donated to a sperm bank.
Disgusting, I understand. But possible.
I’m waiting for someone to step forward as a fake recruiter.
“There I was cold calling for dummies, surrounded by hostile parents and guidance counselors, I then made break for it, jumping in the G Jet and hightailing it to the nearest Mall for face to face prospecting…but the evil clutches of zero roller training were upon me”
I have to be honest, I just stole this from Blackfive. It most definitely is NSFW. Or little kids, or old folks. Probably get you excommunicated from your church…
http://youtu.be/s1WTyW-9Usg
“No shit, there I was, the dreaded state fair recruiting booth. Up to my neck in shit, nothing but gangsters, fat-asses, drunks and people that would never have a chance at scoring 31afqt and sure as shit would never pass a background. What the hell did i do to deserve this? Ahhh damn it, my relief has not showed and the line for the Rock wall is getting longer and longer”. I need to stop before I can’t sleep tonight
From “Elephant Parts”
Four years active duty and only an E-3? May want to add dirtbag to his list of accomplishments.
RunPatRun- that is some cold shit you speak. You had me nervous, thought you might start telling the horror stories only someone who has completed multiple tours of working the desk at the state fair could bring.
Plenty of fond memories piloting the G-jet though. Whenever the shit got hot, it was up up and away with a fat front wheel drive burnout, 90 mph to the stop light and then a lock em up! The large “wrap” in the back window allowed me to speed to the objective without hassle from the po po too. Free gas and car washes too. Sometimes a pvt to take that shit to the car wash.
Seriously though, you want to talk embellishers, every recruiting office had at least one dude that had a “secret past” from another branch or was wearing/claiming unauthorized shit!
I haven’t had confirmation yet, but rumor has it that his REAL Indian name is “Ground Eagle”, meaning “A bird that’s SO FULL OF SHIT it can’t fly”!
I thought his “Indian name” was Goofy Gopher Fuck, or He Who Shits In Own Mouth.
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