Yer Friday Funny – Y’all Ain’t Gonnal Believe This Sh . . . (Part 2)
The article’s title says it all:
Houston Authorities Searching For ‘Serial Defecator’
Given how many “good news stories” we’ve seen out of Houston recently, it may only be a matter of time before we see this guy featured on one of them.
. . .
In a separate but thematically-related story: one guy in Louisiana got busted and sent to jail. He also apparently decided to engage in a bit of “creative contraband smuggling”. (Yeah, he got caught.)
I guess there’s a first time for everything. Never heard of someone taking the suggestion to “take that cell phone and stick it where the sun don’t shine” quite that literally before. (smile)
Category: "Teh Stoopid", Dumbass Bullshit
No shit?
(it’s all in evidence)
Life Imitates South Park?
http://www.southparkstudios.com/full-episodes/s10e09-mystery-of-the-urinal-deuce
One of the funniest episodes ever. 😀
I thought the phantom shitter only struck around Military posts.
It’s all fun and games until the shit goes down in your yard.
A camera and YouTube is your best weapon in this case. Make sure to get a clear upclose of his face.
I’d hate to be the investigators stuck on that shit detail.
shit just got real.
It was Dennis Chevalier wasn’t it?!?!?!?……come on…..Fess Up…..
7 lbs of Cheese just doesn’t evaporate in to thin air!!!
Damn you you beat me to it!
Great Minds and all that!! 😀
Wonder if it’s Dennis Chevalier.
What a shitty thing to do.
This story is even better,
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/loaded-gun-hidden-in-vagina-576432
Read the comments, snatch and grab…Epic
I had a lot of things to write but you folks had me laughing so hard I can hardly type. You’ve hit every zinger I could think of!
Well, shit’s gonna get thick around here now.
“but a motive for crimes has not yet been established.”
Lemme guess, the home toilets are plugged and no plunger. At least the guy is smart enough to wear shorts or his BVDs. Long pants runs the risk of those awful “dump” mistakes down your trouser leg. And let’s not even think about, “back splash”.
Or the shitters full. My money is on cousin Eddie.
charles w…LMAO! Thanks. The picture of Cousin Eddie on the thunder mug, just went through my head and I am laughing big time. Thanks bud.
I heard that the Police are alredy searching for a “Person of Interest”, a portly man overheard singing ” Doo-Doo Run, run, doo-doo-run,..” while strolling past the cheese displayed in a local supermarket, it’s only a rumor..
This has been a pretty SHITTY day at TAH……and so I post this…. in case anyone missed it in the Shitty Bernath Thread….. ———————- The Steakhouse Incident Now, I know that there is a lot of embellishment that occurs on this group and I am aware that a small number of things are perhaps sheer fabrication, but I have a story to tell that is the absolute truth. Funniest damn thing that has ever happened to me. A couple of weeks ago we decided to cruise out to Ryan’s Steakhouse for dinner. It was a Wednesday night which means that macaroni and beef was on the hot bar, indeed the only night of the week that it is served. Wednesday night is also kid’s night at Ryan’s, complete with Dizzy the Clown wandering from table to table entertaining the little bastards. It may seem that the events about to be told have little connection to those two circumstances, but all will be clear in a moment. We went through the line and placed our orders for the all-you-can-eat hot bar then sat down as far away from the front of the restaurant as possible in order to keep the density of kids down a bit. Then I started my move to the hot bar. Plate after plate of macaroni and beef were consumed that evening, I tell you — in all, four heaping plates of the pseudo-Italian ambrosia were shoved into my belly. I was sated. Perhaps a bit too much, however. I had not really been feeling well all day, what with a bit of gas and such. By the time I had eaten four overwhelmed plates of food, I was in real trouble. There was so much pressure on my diaphragm that I was having trouble breathing. At the same time, the downward pressure was building. At first, I thought it was only gas which could have been passed in batches right at the table without to much concern. Unfortunately, that was not to be. After a minute or so it was clear that I was dealing with… Read more »
I really only needed to hear that story once.
Spew Alert. Not safe well for anyone but very funny. From the way back fart File I went to Home Depot recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented ‘you’re definitely going to shit yourself’ road-kill chili. Tasty stuff, although hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off. Here’s the thing…. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No ‘Watson’s Movement’. Despite the chillies swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as ‘thunder and lightning’. Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for Home Depot, my quest being paint and supplies to refinish the deck. Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn’t until I was at the opposite end of the store from the toilets that the pain hit me. Oh, don’t look at me like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m referring to that ‘Uh, Oh, Shit, gotta go’ pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different. The chillies from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the toilets which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The chillies fired a warning shot. There I stood, alone in the paint and stain section, suddenly enveloped in a toxic cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid… Read more »
I haven’t laughed that hard in ages…both are instant classics…
Soft golf clap! I feel ya brother, I feel ya. Been there, done that. No not to that degree thank goodness but none the less, I feel ya. We…we honest and humble few, who are man enough and secure enough in our masculinity to admit we have missed, “The Move”, applaud you. Hand Salute Brother!
Dang, dude. I nearly peed myself laughing like a hyena.
So, on the topic of Friday funnies, here’s to remind you that there still hope for this generation: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=655841884464531&set=a.376802782368444.77256.376776419037747&type=1
PRICELESS!!
Some of you have occasionally given me compliments for the insults I’ve thrown at people like psul the uncool and bernutsless, but I cannot, in all sincerity, take full credit for the entire thing. You see, I had a very good education which included Latin (2 yrs) and also a father who taught theater and produced plays every year by an unknown writer named Will Shakespeare (whoever he is). I have always believed that an insult or set-down can be eloquent and erudite, and likewise, scathing and downright intimidating, without the use of what are commonly referred to as vulgarities. No matter how much fun the short-form insults may be, there is a limited depth to them. One can only use ‘fuck’ or ‘cock’ so many times before it loses its impact. And so that you understand exactly where I gained the capacity to deflate an arrogant, self-important mushroom, I will quote a few of Shakespeare’s best, for your entertainment and enlightenment. These are all, of course, addressed to bernastypantsman. A knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a lily-livered, action-taking knave, a whoreson, glass-gazing, super-serviceable finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd, in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch: one whom I will beat into clamorous whining, if thou deniest the least syllable of thy addition. King Lear (2.2.14-24) O you beast! I’ll so maul you and your toasting-iron, That you shall think the devil is come from hell. King John (4.3.105) Such antics do not amount to a man. Henry V (3.2.28) He is white-livered and red-faced. Henry V (3.2.30) Sblood, you starveling, you elf-skin, you dried neat’s tongue, you bull’s pizzle, you stock-fish! O for breath to utter what is like thee! you tailor’s-yard, you sheath, you bowcase; you vile standing-tuck! 1 Henry IV (2.4.227-9) Two of my favorites: You wear out a good wholesome forenoon in hearing a cause between an orange wife and… Read more »
While we’re talking shit, I have to once again share my favorite experience with TSA pukes. I had to fly somewhere for some business, but about 45 minutes before getting to the airport, I ate a hard boiled eg, two Fiber One Oats & Peanut Butter bars, some raw broccoli and a chunk of a sweet onion. Every time I’ve flown in uniform, I was treated like SHIT by the TSA, but this time I was in civvies, but my haircut said “Military”. Lo and behold, as soon as I get through the initial gauntlet, a large, muscular TSA puke demanded “GET UP HERE, RIGHT HERE, AND SPREAD YOUR ARMS!”” like he wanted to “play Drill Sergeant” on me (BIG MISTAKE!). I then leisurely walked up, and as I slowly spread my arms, “*POOOOT!*” came the depth charge from my lower posterior. And yes, it was a nice, loud “Ranky Ripper” to boot, and right after that, I watched all the bravado drain from his face as he lightly patted my shoulder and meekly said “Okay, you can go,”. No sooner than I stepped down, I let out a “Silent but deadly” one and “cropdusted” three more of the little pukes standing and smirking! To top it off, I had to sit on the plane next to some neo-hippie chick who got the rest of it, sometimes things DO work out!