My wife just sold my PT Belt to a Paranormal Investigator
A man just showed up at my house for the Yard Sale that my wife has forced on me. Now, this has led to Mucho marital strife for several reasons, not the least of which being, I don’t want to sell all my books. But I have no where to keep them because of the Rhineland Campaign (some sort of spousal Lebensraum) where she has taken over ever available place in the house and converting it to Estrogenville.
So anyway, I wanted the books etc gone, but I want them to go to a good place. So, I couldn’t take much more, and decided I needed to go to the store and get some head ache stuff (Alka Seltzer cold) and as I am leaving there is a nice dude out there pawing through my books. I think, ok, as long as they go somewhere they will be wanted.
I notice one of the books was from my Yucatan history collection, because when I go on vacation I do more research than the damn CIA and I have been to Belize a few times, and if I got captured by Ancient Mayans, I wanted to know what motivated them. So as I am pulling out, I take this picture of his vehicle:
Now, that was unsettling enough. (Yes, the vehicle does state he is a paranormal investigator.) But then I got home and the wife was bragging on the fact that dude bought this:
Not the duffel bag, not the motorcycle cold weather gear, NO, the PT BELT. That’s right, Dr Raymond Stantz bought my Army PT Belt.
So, do I need to worry? Does anyone know what kind of dark secrets a PT Belt will give up under intense questioning/interrogation/possible torture?
Should I move? Should I change my name? Should I dress as a wookie and escape into the woods?
Category: Politics
I suggest the escape into the woods option. Bring plenty of 550 cord.
1. We have alkaseltzer cold in the meds bucket.
2. You have a very nice bookshelf upstairs that is 90% empty you could fill with anything you choose.
3. Most of the things that have sold are mine
“Converting it to Estrogenville.” Heh.
Are you the keymaster?
Was he at least Japanese, because Japanese ghost busters are much more entertaining
It has been rumored that the reflective portion of such belts emits a low dose of radiation that actually attracts ghosts, gooblins, and spirits. Other sources are reporting that total loosers (with alot of time on their hands) buy stuff like this because they are friggin bat sh*t crazy!
He was incredibly normal anglo/saxon looking.
Go to mripa.net click team members, I believe it was Darren.
The “*ag” stripe probably looks good on their IR cameras.
I’m sorry to say but you are 100% more likely to get run over by a parked vehicle. Don’t you know? CSM Saftey makes you wear those things for a reason!
My Nephew (the Former Sargent Timmy Berger) Gave Me One for Christmas… I Bike to and From work At Night.
PT belts have the magical power to repel mortars and rockets… Everyone who deploys to a large FOB knows that.
Don’t PT belts protect from UFO abduction as well as small arms fire, mortar attacks and creepy little girls in horror movies? I could’ve sworn that was one of the things in the PSA from Action Figure Therapy.
Let’s talk turkey about this book collection TSO.
First of all, please accept my condolences on the recent Treaty of Unconditional Surrender to the Estrogenic Overlord. It was inevitable, and hence the basis for most Garage and Shed construction, as well as basement remodels.
OTOH, for the most part, I have noted common interests in reading. (Hell, I ain’t no expert on the Mayans, but learning about them is to me like Hollywood gossip shows to kids these days.)
So, drop me an email with a price for the entire lot of books. (Hint, the post office has a super low rate, “Book Rate”)
Spates Catalog…Tobin’s Spirit Guide…
Like the M1911, M1 Garand, E-tool, and 1 Qt canteens before it, the reflective PT belt will become the symbol of current conflicts. But for true historic value, it should come with a ticket written by a combat MP for failure to properly wear it on the FOB. If you were a truly compassionate individual, you would have at least written a certificate of authenticity, detailing the locations where this particular protective belt had collected sand and sweat.
There are a number of reasons to believe, given the current state of surrender, that much of the aroma, and hence value of this piece of history were washed away though.
But I have no where to keep them because of the Rhineland Campaign (some sort of spousal Lebensraum) where she has taken over ever available place in the house and converting it to Estrogenville.
Obviously you didn’t do enough a priori research on the normal progression of marital togetherness, TSO. This is the normal state of the house in 99+% of all marriages that make it past the “My God, what have I done!” point by both parties.
Options? Slim and none, amigo – if you want to stay married. To quote the great sage, Steve Winwood:
“You just roll with it baby,
You got to roll with it baby
Come on just roll with it baby,
You got to roll with it baby”
. . . or words to that effect. It’s called co-operating with the inevitable. (smile)
@12 beat me to the AFT reference. When I was at Bagram, the MP’s gave written citations to soldiers who were not wearing the belt during morning PT.
Maybe the Army could issue new PT shirts with a day-glo orange bullseye (with LED lights for night use) so the Taliban don’t develop eye strain during those green on blue attacks that don’t officially occur. We seem to be making every accommodation for the enemy but precious little for our own troops.
I wonder how many green on blue attacks would become green on green if our Afghan allies wore the same PT belts.
Possibly he is concerned over any of this laundry list of issues.
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D44UtJhQKP78&v=44UtJhQKP78&gl=US
Damn, didn’t read enough comments before trying to reference AFT.
For some reason, when I had to be on an Army post/fort/camp/fob and wear my PT gear..the belt never made me feel any safer–
me thinks it was because of all the 18 year old privates they had driving around in 10 ton vehicles and not giving a shit if they ran over a Joe or not
I saw a powerpoint presentation that showed the truth of history. The reflective belt saved General Washington’s life crossing the Delaware, even Napoleon wore one, though it didn’t do much good eventually. All thru history, if not for the reflective belt, where would we be today?
With the amount of reflection in newer PT uniforms, even the new PT Jacket has digital reflective material in it, wearing a reflective belt seems redundant. Oh wait, the military relishes in redundancy.
Ghostbusters 3: Revenge of the reflective belt ghouls
There is not enough room in my library for all of my books. They spill out of bookcases onto the floor. The cats sleep on them. Elves and brownies borrow them and don’t put them back where I had them.
I have an embarrassment of books. Nobody touches my books.
Try it and I’ll set the cats on you. Or worse — I’ll buy a bottle of your favorite wine and put a mouse in it, and mail it to you. I will!
Nobody touches my books.
Book people – Kindle, it’s a wonderful thing!
My Kindle Keyboard will hold around 3500 ebooks, although that slows things down considerable. I keep most of them in my account at Amazon, plus download them for backup on an external hard drive. I’m embarrassed to say that I have over 8,000 ebooks in my library at Amazon. I read lots of different genres so I tend to pick up a few freebies and cheapies every day.
This is my second regular Kindle (I liked the smaller size and case w/built-in light). My husband got the first for me for Christmas about 3 years ago because he was tired of all the piles of books everywhere. We still have lots of books, but the Kindle has gotten rid of the paperback mind candy kind of stuff.
I also have a Kindle Fire which is great for media and magazines but I hate reading on an LCD screen.
@23- Eff Kindle, eff Nook, etc. Yes, you can carry 3500 or so damn ‘word collections’ in them, but they ain’t ‘books’. How many author’s signatures do you have in your Kindle or Nook? How many notations, highlights of great passages, dedications to your kids do you have in them?
No- books are BOOKS. They will never be replaced. I liken it to having CERTIFICATES of OWNING gold, to actually possessing gold. One may give you a warm fuzzy, but the other will actually be worth something.
They can have my books when they pry my cold, dead hands from their pages…
I thought states banned those ugly-ass SUVs that look like someone parked a car on top of their truck. Banned them for aesthetics alone.
That is a Pontiac Aztec! Holy shit!
The Men’s Manual for Surviving With Women gives two cardinal rules for dealing with them:
Rule #1: the woman is always right.
Rule #2: if the woman is wrong, see Rule #1.
Pontiac Aztek…second in gheyness level only exceeded by the PT Cruiser.
Marine_7002: I believe that’s what I said, phrased somewhat differently, in comment 16 above. (smile)
Just Plain Jason, NHSparky: Well, ya gotta admit – the Aztek is pretty good at repelling space aliens, ghosts, and other paranormal ghouls. Perhaps that’s why a “Paranormal Investigator” drives one.
Hey – maybe we should send one to TSO to keep him safe from Sharkey the Inhaling Vampire . . . . (smile)
Weird… I was looking at that PT belt and Simon and Garfunkel’s song popped into my head: “And the people bowed and prayed to the neon god they made… And the sign flashed out its warning in the words that it was forming…”
The truth is out there, TSO. The truth is out there.
Unlike a Kindle, books never need to be recharged and they don’t break when you drop them either
You certainly did, Hondo. I just distilled it down to “crayon level” so it would be easy to remember under stress. The KISS principle for surviving the female gender. heh
@27.
Good book. Very true.
PT belt?
What’s a PT belt?
When I was in the Army, we did everything, including PT, in our Class “D” uniform (fatigues and combat boots).
If armed, we also wore basic web gear.
When running, we’d post a road guard at crossings, who stood at “Port Arms” with an M-14 rifle.
If we weren’t armed, then our road guards carried a flashlight that had an orange plastic cone on the lens, and I think the road guard also wore a reflective vest, but I’m not certain.
It was so many years ago.
The Army today sure is different.
We didn’t have those gray and black windbreaker jackets, and we didn’t have shorts and sweatshirts and sneakers for our PT.
That’s why so many of us eventually injured our knees, from running for miles on hard pavement while wearing combat boots.
Ahhh the M-14, the upgrade from the Spear and Shield. 😉
So did you have to sew the holes in your cape yourself, or was there a laundry unit back in those days too? lol… (Sorry, couldn’t resist – I’ve been in for 19 years now and soon will have Soldiers under my charge that were born after I joined the Army, making me even more old than being an E-8 makes me. So I take the shots when I can.)
I joined when we wore sweats and when you got soaked by rain or sweat, you just added another 20 pounds of water to you for working out with. Sweats were okay, but the shorts sucked balls, if not for the pink panties inside, they’d last about 5 minutes.
Let’s face it: if you want to be married (or even live with a female for an extended amount of time), the living room will be covered in flower prints, vases, and artwork. The kitchen is off limits, and your razor will no longer be allowed to remain in plain view. The vanity will be covered with a variety of products, but your razor and shaving cream will not be among them (unless preceded by chastisement).
That’s why “experienced” men have workshop/garages, basements, and sheds.
Thought the Aztek was good at repelling pretty girls?
@31, but if you drop your kindle in the bathtub, you can get a new kindle and the book is still there. If you drop a book, you have a waterlogged book.
Thank goodness I have two sons. My wife won’t throw anything of mine out; guns, books, sports equipment, because they are all an investment in our kids.
1OK … when I joined the Navy in 1979, we did not have a PT program. So as the Navy did, they reached back into the tradition seabag and marched us for miles in those freakish shoes called boondockers. Nothing building the body more than destroying it!
Now if you have never worn a pair of boondockers you will be fine. If you did wear boondockers then then you most probably have a host of wretched foot disorders that have resulted in several visits to the best foot doctors in the northern hemisphere. The boondocker was a saftey shoe that all Sailors had to wear aboard ship. It was a cross between a clog, boot, and sandle. A Vibram sole, no padding, capped with a steal toe, made from premium rotting leather, and assembled in federal prisons across our great land, there was no shortage when your current pair blew out at the most crtitcal point of your day running around a man of war.
Those were the days marching in boondockers, Navy Dungs, raincoat, and watch cap. We were PT’ing and looking like prisoners ouselves.
PS: While marching (training for war) … on every third right foot we would DIG the heel, to create a sound (presumably to scare the enemy) that we did not neccessarily need or want to hear. Today I no feeling in my right heel!