Ask a Navyman – Your Advice from Sea Service needed
A young lady who reads our blog emailed me today about a problem she had at work.
I am currently involved in a little dispute with a former submariner. I informed him he kind of messed up and instead of discussing it with me, he ran to the boss and said I yelled at him and threw things and generally scared him (I tossed a post-it note pad in the air in frustration). I now need the appropriate navy code words for put on your big boy pants and stop being a pansy so that he will know what I think without giving him ammo against me. This because passive aggressive is ok but yelling is not.
She adds when I asked if the guy was a Zero:
Of course he was an officer. No enlisted guy would be scared by an overweight, grating, 5 foot tall woman discussing things with a slightly raised voice and an eye roll. That’s right. He ratted me out on that too.
My advice was to tell him to “Man up Sally” but my HR department has me on speed dial, so I might not be the best source. I don’t speak Navy, can anyone help her?
Category: Politics
any navy speak I can think of would get her fired…..
If Your Ass Aches, You’re A Sailor, what IYAAYAS really means. (Sorry to any USAF AMMO guys out there lol)
Sorry, during my Navy days we took it out behind the plane captains shack and settled it there.
Never new sub guys were such pussies. Course we used to say about subs was “500 guys go out, 250 couples come back”
HEY!
I asked if the guy was a Zero
I’d tell him to leave his fish at the door and get the hell out. There is always the popular “what sound does a penny make? Dink!” (Dink, or DIQ, means delinquent in qualification). I’m sure that the other bubbleheads here have something else to offer.
Enlisted or “Zero”, there are bad apples, idiots, slackers, and those who are “testicularly challenged “, in -and from- all branches of service. Have you already talked with your boss? If so, what did they say regarding this? Was it along the lines of “I have to admonish you , so consider yourself admonished.” … which would suggest your boss is not terrifically impressed with “Capt. Zero” either. Or was it a more formal discussion, in which case, the boss either has no stones of their own, or has been sufficiently a@@ kissed by the putz in question, as to be blind to his obvious lack of make marbles.
And if the HR department has problems with “Man up Sally”, it sounds to me like there are bigger issues here than dealing with “neutered nuke boy”. That being the case, anything you would say (or do) might be enough to send the HR into hissy fits. Might be better to realize the office environment is as it is….so do you really want to die on that particular hill?
We really didn’t have all that subtle of a language “code”, back in the day. So there may not be too much any old salt coud offer that way. However, when it came time to write evaluations….the language was very interesting, in how we described various traits of sub-par performers. If your friend is interested in that, would be willing to dig up some offerings along those lines.
“There’s no such thing as a bad sailor, they make a great example”
“You’re UNSAT”
“Next time, use the chain of command”
Next time he goes to complain, tell him “Bird’s tight” This simply means the sub does not have permission to fire missiles, but also refers to shut the F*CK up.
Then there’s the Buddy F*cker – someone who screws over their shipmate.
Where’s Sparky when you need him?? Where’s Bubblehead Ray?
I’m kind of partial to “put on your big boy pants and stop being a pansy” but if that’s unacceptable, maybe she could give him a “Bravo zulu on being such a blue falcon.” He should understand that. Then she should tell him if he does it again, she’ll have some male friends come over and set condition dog zebra on him.
She could ask him if it was acceptable behavior in the wardroom to rat on their buddies, but the sad thing is, it most likely was.
Yeah……. I suspect that the REAL comments Petty Officers use would cause the HR pukes to get a terminal case of the vapors.
Something to the effect of: “The next time you violate the chain of command, so help me God I’ll personally staple your deployment sock to your dick, ordnance-tape a sponge to the end of it and have you on all fours scrubbing the tile grout in the head until it’s whiter than Jesus’ bathrobe. You got that?”
Either that or tell him he’s gonna be put in for some wall-to-wall counseling.
In a sarcastic tone say “I’m sure Admiral Rickover would have been proud of you!!”. Not!
Doesn’t shipmate show dissatisfaction with the way someone is acting? I know it is typically a good thing but when said in the right tone it can be a disapproving name.
Hmmmmmmmmm How bout, “You were once an Officer/Gentleman. Please try and act like it. Pretty sure u chewed a lot of EM ass, and they took it like men….now its yer turn in the barrel. Un fuck yerself, and get SAT”
“Rocks and Shoals” are long gone, more’s the pity. A raised voice or an unkind turn of phrase is a no-no. (Can I say “no-no” even?)
C’mon all you knuckle dragging deck apes, move into the 21st century.
I wish I was being sarcastic, but no.
just keep calling him Richard ,
after a while he MAY figure out that the nickname for Richard is . . . .
Dick .
Tell him he is a prototypical “Whiskey Delta.” Naval Aviation-speak for “weak dick.”
Must have been a brown-shoe.
It is the Navy.
Everyone in the Navy has someone on speed dial. Especially when you smoke their balls for disrespect.
Enough said.
He was a sub sailor? Gee, what class of pig was he on? Where did he go to sub school? None of that’s classified. Tell him you want to see his dolphins, or better yet, get him to put them up for a charity auction. No bubblehead I ever knew would part with them, even when they were crocked.
Worked with a guy once who was a Navy chief who’d gone either Warrant or LDO. My guess is his response (if he didn’t kick the guy’s ass instead) would have been something along the lines of, “You freaking pansy.” Except he’d have phrased it a little differently, using similar but somewhat different words for “freaking” and “pansy”.
HR folks probably wouldn’t like either of those expressions today, though.
First, let me say to #3, it’s 150 guys go out and 75 couples come back. If you’re going to dis the bubbleheads at least get the numbers right. Yeesh. Ain’t a submarine in the world with a crew of 500. You spent too much time on carriers. LOL
And to Green Thumb? Foxtrot Yankee. The only number I have on speed dial is your Mom’s phone sex line.
That said, I don’t recall any specific “submariner” put down to tell someone they’re a fucking tool, we just told them “You’re a fucking tool”.
You could ask him how many of his qual board members he had to blow to get those fish. 🙂
Lolsailors
seriously though, some people need to punch themselves in the face for being such humped-over dumbasses.
“Buddy is only half a word”
This story is proof positive those nukes leak.
@21.
And I though it was written in stall #3..
If that is all you can get, well, the Navy was the right choice for you.
Thanks for keeping me informed.
Anchors Away!
OK … this how I would handle it.
Must be in private room (no witnesses).
“Look here Ensign Dumbfuckski. Yes I just said that, as it has been brought to my attnetion you are a former Naval Officer. You are acting like the George Ensign who just reported onboard your first ship. Man up, anchor up, and shut the fu*k up. Now get the hell out of my office before I put my boot straight up your overboard discharge pipe. GET OUT NOW.”
Or something like that!
I’ll play devil’s advocate here. We are only hearing one side of the story. Anyone think that it could be that the young lady is batshit crazy and that the zero had every right and responsibility going to the boss to report her for wigging out. As far as the chain of command comments, it sounds as if the officer used the chain of command reporting to the boss the actions of a nut-job co-worker. The original statements do not indicate she is a supervisor. From what appears to be written by her I would say she is immature and is looking to get ahead of the officer vice getting even. If she as a civilian had chucked her note-pad at me either while I was wearing the uniform or now that I’m not, one of us would have been escorted from the building that day looking for new employment and it would not have been me. “Shipmate, shipmate tried and true, better fuck him before he fucks you!” is a common trait amongst the officers in the submarine force today. I have seen many times (7 boats, 23yrs sea duty over a 30 yr career) how a poor wardroom will screw each other and other boats over so they look good to the old man, commodore or other leader. Unfortunately it also goes down to the enlisted members. The submarine force and the Navy as a whole has gotten to the point that the force spoon feeds Sailors to the point that whenever special ops or unique events take place that the boats are standing around with their thumbs up their ass waiting on someone to give them the answer. Add on top of that everyone is now so afraid of being the senior man with the secret that they tell mom and dad everything that takes place vice handling the issue at the lowest level of command. I am SO-SO-SO glad I punched out 3 yrs ago and can set on my ass collecting a nice check every month and bitch about the stupid stuff with my buds… Read more »
@25.
I like your style.
However, I worked JS for a year or so several years back. The Corps and Army IN (my formwer life) have no issue with that approach.
That being said, when you start that with the AF and Navy, EO complaints (speed dial is the perfered method)have odd way of surfacing and generally speaking, they have been embellished.
Ex: “I am going to kick your ass” becomes “I am going to kill you”,”listen,you maggot” becomes “listen, you faggot” and so on. I hope you get my drift.
It gets old. I really was glad when I rotated out of that environment.
@ 27 .. Yes and “I have told you six times before” becomes “I am a looser and I want my mommy” and “Anchor up you waster” becomes “I was mistreated in my life” and “Get back to work” becomes “I want special treatment”.
In the end … my approach works. Two key provisions: 1) you must be a documented superiour performer; and 2) NO WITNESSES!
And there is always the possibility that he was lying about ever being in the service, let alone having sub duty.
@26. This is not my usual name for commenting, but…
1. It should say graying not grating. Damn my iPhone
2. I did not throw anything at the guy, I tossed it in the air in disgust for his lame ass “it’s not my fault” answer and for steadfastly refusing to take responsibility for his own failures. I am in a bit of trouble not because I was wrong, but because I raised my voice slightly and rolled my eyes rather than using the preferred passive aggressive approach.
3. He did not use the chain of command; he waited until the CEO, my boss and his boss were in the same room to rat me out.
As to the rest of you guys, thanks for the advice. It really made me laugh if nothing else. Will be making a donation to project valor it – navy team in your honor.
Ex-PH2: always a possibility. And also easily confirmed/refuted by filing a FOIA with NPRC so long as you have a full name and DOB or SSN.
@30, She who is not named: Send the guy’s name and DOB to TAH. If he was actually in the service, or if he’s another fabricator/faker, we’ll know.
The difference between the military and the civilian worlds is that in the service, you can raise your voice and be stern, and no one thinks twice about it. But in the civilian world, if you do that it might hurt someone’s feelings. I’ve worked with people who were so incompetent, I wondered how they managed to hold down a position, and with people who were more interested in gossip and whining and minding everyone else’s business then they were in doing their own work. None of them lasted very long.
How long has he been there? If you’re senior to this doofus, you need to have a one-on-one with your boss. If Doofus is senior to you, you still need to have a one-on-one with your boss with documentation to back you up. Not all bosses are assholes.
And in view of all the phonies claiming military service or exaggerating their service, I would definitely get these guys at This Ain’t Hell to do a discover recon on him. And then have a one-on-one with your boss, with backup.
He sounds like a whiny little snot to me. Wants everything handed to him, or maybe you do all the work and he takes all the credit. I’ve baby-sat too many lazy, incompetent children in the workplace, and not as a supervisor, and it’s not worth it to suffer in silence. You have to speak up.
I would love to see what type of work he IS doing now … as compared to what he did in the Navy … as the FBI would say, “that would be a clue.”
#30:
Your #3 comment is EXACTLY what the wardroom officers are trained to do today. As long as they are making someone else look bad, that someone else is getting the extra love and attention that no one wants.
@30: thank you for your donation!
As for that whining spineless cretin you wrote about: run off a copy of this and give it to him, or forward it to him:
http://www.fredoneverything.net/Whiners.shtml
Sorry I didn’t catch this one until now. Little shit like having a life and a job gets in the way sometimes, dontcha know.
Now while Crotchity has likely wrung more saltwater out of his socks into the AMR2 or Torpedo Room bilge than I’ve sailed over (under?) there are a few choice phrases that I’d have gently “stroked” this JO with for being such a butthurt little pussy, such as:
“I’m sorry, sir, are you having a heavy flow day?”
“Is that the leadership and accountability they’re teaching at the Naval Academy/ROTC/etc these days?”
“I’m sorry, but poor planning on your part doesn’t make it a crisis on my part.”
“Nut the fuck up, sir.”
“I see why you decided to resign your commission rather than not screen for Department Head.” (This will REALLY piss him off.)
@13-Animal-he might have chewed some ass, but you best fucking believe that bubbleheads (nukes or coners) being the ever-so-gentle and loving personalities they are, took it all on board, looked him in the eye, and said, “Noted.”
Bobo knows of which I speak–he wears fish too. Nothing pisses off overbearing JO’s by a single-word response like that which tells them, “Thanks for wasting my time, you blowhard cocksucker, next time write it in a fucking memo so I can get something useful out of it, like wiping my ass on it.”
@37 NH Sparky – I still pull the “noted” on my wife when I get particularly pissed off. It never ends well for me, but I feel better. There was also retribution by strict compliance. When some JO thinks that he knows how to do your job better than you, do exactly what he says. Pretty soon he’ll figure out that he’s clueless.
Asshats like him are the reason why I only did my minimum time in the Navy and had zero interest in commissioning with them once I graduated from college. Early in my officer career, when a leadership issue arose, I’d ask myself what the wardroom on the 659 would do and then do the opposite.
It usually worked out for the best that way.
My kids played the “Noted” game with their mom. You know what hits the fan real fast. I have seen her bring three teenagers to their knees in pain and terror wailing on them with a flip-flop while calling them by the others names when she is so pissed off. I learned early on not to cross her with that endearing term. I do drop the “Very Well” line every now and then but usually with plenty of escape routes open.
I get the “Dad, are you stupid. No don’t answer that.” from the kids now when I do something juvenile like when I set the back yard on fire, or cut the tree down on the power lines or swapping my non-working garage door remote with my neighbors working remote and then playing door tag at odd hours of the day and night to get back at him for stealing my beer cooler from my garage.
We could add ‘look you short bus riding, window licking, shiny object sonomybich’ to the list of submarine terms she could call the JO. I have heard these spoken on many a mid watch.
Dear Abby,
My co-worker is a big meany poop head and he got me in trouble with my boss! What should I do?
Signed, Whiner.
Dear Whiner,
Put on your big boy pants and stop being such a pansy.
Signed,
Abby
That’s funny, I hadn’t thought of “Noted”, but that would probably work very well in this case.
I pull the “noted” card on the girlfriend, but only if I’m willing to sleep on the couch. But as far as JO’s go, and even today when I’m threatened with being sent into a 130-degree pipe chase or sanitary lift, I simply reply, “Hey, what’re ya gonna do–send me to sea on a fast attack?” That usually ends the conversation there.
All pain is temporary and I go home after eight. Fuck it.
With this thread, I think my reitegration back to the blue side is complete.
Not a sub or Navy thing but in my old shop we kept a “bacterial vaginosis” flyer and a bottle of Masengill to temporarily loan to someone like this. They always got the point. Perhaps she who is not named could hand our young fun seeker a coupon for Summer’s Eve and suggest it could help him get the sand out.
Can we get an update? Hope the young lady is still employed and the knucklehead JO has learned his lesson.