Help TSO: Choosing my religion
If you are waiting for an insightful post from me today, I fear your wait continues. This will again be a welcome respite from the otherwise intellectually stimulating things you find in the blogosphere.
By now, you have likely heard the tale of the “Satanic Cult”/Democratic operatives in North Carolina. Here’s a tid bit for those who have not:
Joseph Scott Craig, 25, and his wife, Joy Johnson, 30, were arrested last month after a man and a woman told authorities they were beaten, shackled to beds, kept in dog cages and starved.
The victims met Johnson and Craig through the Web site for Indigo Dawn Inc., a business that Johnson and Craig operated. The company is a spiritual growth service offering “past-life reconstruction” and “communication with spirit guides,” according to the company’s Web site. The site talks about Johnson’s activism and describes Craig as a reverend and a “devout student of magick.”
I’m inexplicably fascinated with the story, although not to score cheap political points on the Dems, although admittedly that part is fun too. What amazes me is not that these two were doing such things, but that there are people out there so pathetic as to buy into this [IVAW]. So, I read everything on this case. And I just found this in the same article as before:
According to the warrant, Johnson and Craig described themselves as teachers of the Order of the Morning Star.
Now, some of you will recall my unfortunately brief cyber-romance with Chrissy my beloved Hippie Girl, whose first missive to me was fantabulous:
I am part of a new group. Our mission is to provide love to those who were in war and to those who are going because the more love we provide the less violent they will be while at war. If you are being deployed to war, please let’s talk first. I promise I can be really sweet and understandable…. We do this by providing love, understanding, and a soft female touch.
Now, this is a movement I could get behind (pun intended). Anyway, I went to see if the Order of the Morning Star was of a similiar bent, because I can be one hell of a spiritual dude when there are young women involved. (Currently I attend the Congregation for the Worship of Skye, but don’t tell my wife, she thinks I am just volunteering with Big Brothers Big Sisters.)
The Morning Star Order… is the religious order (The Holy Order) of the One Earth Church of Divine Humanity. The purpose of The Holy Order is to provide a structure wherein the teachings and esoteric knowledge of Divine Humanity are discussed and taught as well as a means for spreading the message of Divine Humanity.
Well, I gotta tell you, that explains nothing. But please, do go on.
The Order’s Mission is to work for the eradication of fear-based systems that obstruct peace, harmony, partnership and Oneness (unity) on Earth. To accomplish this humanity must be awakened to their divinity. The eradication of fear begins with each individual.
M’kay. Then this, which is the part that has me UTTERLY befuddled.
The Order’s Virtues are emblematic of the Greek Spartan Knights life-giving sacrifice for the ‘greater good’ at the ‘Hot Gates’ of Thermopylae in 480 BCE.
“Greek Spartan Knights”? There was no Greece in 480 BCE, and “Knights”? And how on earth could anyone confuse the Agoge system with “peace, harmony, partnership and Oneness (unity) on Earth”?
Anyway, I’m thinking of starting my own wacko religion. Any help from the readers here would be appreciated. Obviously a lot of obligatory and profligate references to Dionysis, Venus Kallipygos and Priapus are required, but I get lost after that.
Category: Pointless blather
I don’t know about all that Greek crap, but I’d suggest a far superior order…the Holy Order of Michael Knights. The order’s purpose would be to randomly drive around in black 1985 Trans-Am’s, helping people, much like the Knights Templar and the Shriners, except there’s no goofy ass go-karts…not the Templars, they rode horses…and church provided hookers, but I digress…the Holy Order of Michael Knights would have a strict code of dress: permed hair, black leather jacket (even in the summer), red button-down polyester shirt unbuttoned for maximum chest hair exposure (merkins would be available at the order’s website). Tight fitting black Lee jeans and black cowboy boots are also required. To maintain anonymity, all order adherents would be called Michael, regardless of their given name. Access to some British dude who will hand out assignments might be added once we can get enough money together to buy a used tractor-trailer and convert it into a mobile lair/command center/auto-repair facility. Relationships will be limited to just what you can scrape together inside of 50 minutes, give or take a few minutes for commercial ads…but this adds to the order’s mystique and cachet…lone crusader on a dangerous world…hail effin’ yeah.
Sorry dude, but you missed it. There was a period when being a hippie was all that, probably before you were born? And certainly before the ‘yippies’ and politics intruded.
More Kama Sutra and Eastern than Greek. There wasn’t any Wikipedia back then and we needed pictures. Even then it’s amazing what got lost in translation.
So… what you need is a religion that includes communes and condoms. Maybe sort of a ‘love in’ without the touching.
Anyway, count me in. I think I’ve still got my reference books somewhere.
All hail TSO… The Bringer of Oneness and Unity. No wait! Obama’s got that catchphrase copyrighted.
You mean you aren’t helping the children…sadness has stricken me…
Well, in the sanitized version here — you would go out in the world and talk to — uh, people. Wow, sounds exciting.
(Ponsdorf, get your b*** (prob. can’t say butt on here) over there, Claymore needs your help.)
TSO: She’s referring to the less sanitized discussion Here at The Sniper.
Ponsdorf, I’m sorry, I forgot to say please.
It always pays to be polite Kath. Wouldn’t want everyone thinking that the Sniper crew don’t have manners.
Actually, there was a “religion” of sorts that was really into the free love thing as a part of their religious “services”. Does anybody here remember Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh and his followers? Bhagwan and his followers originally set up an Ashram in Pune, India, that attracted alot of westerners, including many Americans. I heard about Bhagwan’s Ashram in Pune while I was in Germany and planned to visit there after getting out of the service for the very reasons TSO hinted at! 🙂 The India thing never worked out though and after I got out of the service, I eventually ended up in Denver. It’s there that I met a bunch of his followers (sannyasins), including a couple of young ladies. They wore these orange robes and kind of fit right in because the Denver Broncos colors include orange. 🙂 Those young ladies were very much into free love and this (then) young, single veteran took full advantage of the situation! 🙂 The young ladies and the rest of the sannyasins in Denver eventually moved into a mansion and they invited me over for a house warming party. They turned the attic of the mansion into an orgy room (that’s what they called it), where I presumed the free love flowed forth! I ended up meeting the now Mrs. RV and we married (been so for almost 26 years) and moved away from the temptations of the sannyasin ladies. Bhagwan and his sannyasins in Pune, eventually moved their operation to Oregon. It’s there that Bhagwan got into some serious trouble with the law over misuse of funds due to his ever increasing collection of Rolls-Royces and “the commune leadership had committed a number of serious crimes, including a salmonella attack on the citizens of The Dalles.” (from wikipedia) and immigration violations and was forced to leave the country. I still have some pleasant memories though! 🙂 TSO: I have a friend and movie star type who followed the Guru for quite a while as well. I won’t let it out of the bag who he is, but he’s on a… Read more »
Hey RV: I think I said that… just not a thoroughly nor as well. [grin]
I once started my own religion, had it going on too, about to baptize the first virgin, (well, almost a virgin); but my damned Karma ran over my Dogma.
nuf sed
Jonn you know I can’t possibly let this go. I once heard a comedian of great skill say he had started a new religion. It’s followers were called Frizbyanites ( he didn’t mention how it would be spelled) They believed that when you died that youe soul got stuck up on the roof. I am all for this religion as long as the CELEBRATION INCLUDES A LARGE QUANITY OF BEER. Sorry for yelling but yoiu know how excited I get when I talk about beer.
ponsdorf said:
Hey RV: I think I said that… just not a thoroughly nor as well. [grin]
I know, Zero! I love swapping war stories and I sensed the direction you were coming from man! Those were the days, weren’t they!
TSO said:
I have a friend and movie star type who followed the Guru for quite a while as well. I won’t let it out of the bag who he is, but he’s on a TV show on the Discovery Earth channel. We share some HILARIOUS emails from time to time that always amaze me, but as moon-beam as he is, the first time I met him in person he shook my hand and thanked me for my service.
Yeah, it’s funny how we all end up connecting up at some point, even with a bizarre Guru such as Bhagwan. Ask your friend sometimes if he knew one of Bhagwan’s right hand men by the name of Nashafta. He was one of the men that were sannyasins of Bhagwan that I knew in Denver. I met the sannyasins by chance and wasn’t seeking that stuff out, except for those fine sannyasin ladies! 🙂
Frankly Opinionated said:
I once started my own religion, had it going on too, about to baptize the first virgin, (well, almost a virgin); but my damned Karma ran over my Dogma.
nuf sed
Hey, remember those ads in the back of the Rolling Stone about becoming a fully ordained minister? 🙂 My Karma ran over my Dogma as well and I ended up going full circle and rejoining the faith of my Mom and Dad. Oh well, I can live with that!
Claymore, I’m all over that “Angel” reference.
Good stuff.
But really, any religion that can have a random mass, no longer than 5-7 minutes, no dues, a few do’s and don’ts should be cool. The kind where you don’t have to love your neighbor, you leave the poor bastard alone.
Here is THE RELIGION:
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/81bc2f14f0