Dreamcatcher: U.S. Navy Door Gunner in Somalia
Wes Washoe
The folks at MilitaryPhony.com send us their work on this Wesley Wade Washoe fellow, who claims to have been a U.S. Navy door gunner (yes, a door gunner), a veteran of the Gulf War and Somalia, and SEAL dreamer extraordinaire.
Meet Wesley Wade Washoe, his city’s own military fiction novelist, age 54 and still workshopping his material as of August 2025.
Note the Native American heritage reference above—we’ll circle back to this plot twist faster than Wesley supposedly circled Somalia in a helicopter he definitely didn’t gun from.
Wesley has crafted an impressive military résumé that would make Tom Clancy weep tears of pure imagination:
WESLEY’S GREATEST HITS:
- Elite Navy helicopter door gunner (presumably the guy who opens and closes helicopter doors with tactical precision)
- Combat veteran of both the Gulf War AND Somalia (because why pick just one war when you can collect them all?)
- Wounded warrior who was “hit” (by what? Reality? A sudden case of conscience?)
- Had a “Navy contract” for SEAL training (apparently the same kind of contract I have with Marvel to be the next Spider-Man)
THE EVIDENCE SPECTACULAR: Our investigation uncovered a treasure trove of Wesley’s self-promotional materials, courtesy of police body cam footage (because nothing says “low profile” like bragging to cops about your imaginary military career):
- Vehicle “bling” that screams “I definitely shot things from helicopters”
- A combat veteran baseball cap (available at any military surplus store for $12.99)
- Social media messages that read like rejected Top Gun dialogue
- His own name mysteriously appearing in a museum’s Iraq Native American Combat Veterans display (self-nomination is the sincerest form of flattery)
Police video (obtained through public request):
REALITY CHECK TIME: We contacted the actual government archives (you know, the people who keep track of these things):
BUD/S-SEAL Database Says: “Wesley who? Never heard of him.” Not in BUD/S-SEAL training, not assigned to SEAL teams, not even in the SEAL gift shop mailing list. (Although he *did* say he was “hit” and was injured *before* he could attend BUD/S to become a SEAL.)
FOIA Results: The most anticlimactic plot twist since “What Dreams May Come.”
From MilitaryPhony.com…
Our investigation found no record of military service prior to August 1993 for Wesley Wade Washoe. This absence of service records before Aug 1993 invalidates several key claims, including his purported participation in the Gulf War (1990-1991), as well as placing doubt on a claim of fighting in Somalia (Oct 1993). Navy boot camp lasted 12 weeks in 1993, plus two weeks extra to “class up” or wait for enough people to come on board to make a complete class. Washoe’s records show he detached from boot camp on November 9, 1993, and reported to the USS Abraham Lincoln for his next duty station.
Although the USS Abraham Lincoln was in Somalia in October 1993, and flew air patrols over Somalia for 4 weeks, the USS Abraham Lincoln departed the coast of Somalia in November 1993. Washoe did not report on board until December 16, 1993, and may have been on leave from boot camp before that. Therefore, it makes it nearly impossible to be a U.S. Navy door gunner and/or in Somalia in 1993.
Since he claims he had been “hit” and injuries kept him from participating fully on active duty, it seems unlikely that he would have participated in combat after this – therefore, his claim in the video of “It’s all I knew, man… was how to go to combat” to the law enforcement officer appears deceptive if not altogether untrue.
THE TIMELINE THAT BROKE PHYSICS:
- Gulf War: 1990-1991 (Wesley was presumably mastering civilian life)
- Wesley enters Navy: August 1993 (fashionably late to every conflict)
- Somalia action: October 1993 (Wesley still in boot camp, learning to tie Navy-approved shoelaces)
- Wesley reports to USS Abraham Lincoln: December 16, 1993 (after the ship left Somalia, because timing is everything)
So let’s recap: Wesley claims to be a door gunner in Somalia while he was actually in boot camp learning which end of a mop to hold. The USS Abraham Lincoln left Somalia in November 1993, and Wesley didn’t show up until December, making him about as effective in combat as a screen door on a submarine.
THE GREATEST CONTRADICTION: Wesley told police, “It’s all I knew, man… was how to go to combat,” which is technically true if you consider his daily battle against factual accuracy to be combat experience.
SUMMARY: If Wesley leveraged these creative writing exercises for personal gain, he might find himself starring in a real-life legal drama under the Stolen Valor Act—finally, a role he’s actually qualified for!
Next week: Local man claims to be astronaut based on extensive experience with Google Earth’s satellite view.
Category: Gulf War, Iraq, Mogadishu, Navy, Persian Gulf War, Purple Heart, SEALs, Stolen Valor, Stolen Valor Act
Cocksucker
Looks like he’s been to one too many Elko, NV POW/MIA Association chilli feeds.
He completed his Land Navigation training while lost in Kelly’s Cavern.
Qualified as a “Maintenance Person”.
Does that mean he mastered the art of bucket/ringer union and it’s working components?
He looks more like a Fork and Knife Operator First Class
Probably learned to master a set of balls.
Given his lack of balls, I thought he’d be a maintenance they.
What!??
You mean to tell me that I’ve been wasting my time getting my Astronaut Certification through Google Earth???
All that money!!!
Only airheaded female celebrities can earn the hallowed Astronaut’s wings, with Jeff Bezo’s help.
What’s up with the blacked out info under assignments, and the repeated identical assignment until he separated? I’m unfamiliar with Navy gobblygook abbreviations. And only a 2 year hitch? I always thought in the 90s it was only 4 years.
It’s called the AEP, Accelerated Enlistment Program. The EAP is invoked when the Department of Defense decides well before end of enlistment that it would be in everyone’s best interests if the individual in question seek employment elsewhere.
So the Navy opened the car door while going down the road and told him to tuck and roll, got it.
My enlistment in the nineties was for two and two, active and reserve. I didn’t set at the world on fire, but I didn’t find it necessary to lie about it.
Interesting. When I was in (early 1980’s) it was a six-year enlistment, either 4 and 2 or 3 and 3 unless you were a reservist. Not sure what that requirement was.
A lot of it has to do with the MOS you enlist for. The longer the school, the longer the service obligation. In most cases. Hack Stone started out as a Ground Radio Repairman/2841. Between Boot Camp, leave, Basic Electronics Course, Radio Fundamentals and Ground Radio Repair Course, you would already have a year under your belt before hitting the fleet. So in the early 1990’s, the Marine Corps extended active duty enlistment for Comm Pukes to five years, to include the Radio Breakers (2531’s) whose school was about 6 weeks.
And despite the Comm Pukes in the Corps thinking they are they greatest thing since the dehydrated pork patty, Hack Stone can recite the names of at least 25 2800’s/2500’s who the Corps decided needed to be jettisoned.
Well if you’re going to go with bullshit you might as well go all in with your bullshit….
Rat bastard.
Something ain’t right…
He leaves RTC/NTC Great Lakes after Boot & Seamen Apprentice Training and arrives on the Lincoln a non-rated seaman. Only spend 6 weeks on her before being shipped to Fleet Training Center Detachment San Francisco whatever that might be. Maybe it was part of NAS Alameda? Anyway, this turd was there until separation in Nov 95. Never more than a E3 Seaman and NOT an Airman. No aviation rate, no air crew training, so there was no way he was “door gunner”. What did he do there except jack the lily way too much?
Let’s not sell him short. He did learn how to swim at some point in his two-year Navy “career.”
I’m thinking he pissed off some rather large CPO and got tossed over the side. They credited him with Class 2 Swimmer as part of the coverup.
Ibelieve it was Naval Station Treasure Island that was in Frisco Bay. I see TI multiple places on his paperwork.
What I don’t understand is, if he was that much of a turd to begin with, how did he get E3 so quickly? I don’t understand squid life, so someone needs to edumacate me.
The Army used to give you PFC if you had 4 years of JROTC or X amount of college credits. Maybe the Navy had something similar.
How do you feed plus sized military phonies?
The only thing that I’d “give” to Wesley Wade Washoe, phony Gulf War Veteran, Phony Somalia Veteran, and Phony Iraq Veteran, (Google hit) is that he got injured. I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt in that area. He may have sustained an injury serious enough to be transferred from the ship to a transition unit… Possibly so that the Navy could try to fix and rehabilitate him. It’s possible that his discharge was medical related. He was discharged as a seaman.
I also noticed that he had the Iraq Campaign Medal (ribbon representation). That was not issued until the 2000s.
On a side note, although he may not have gotten his wish to become a Navy SEAL, he looks like he turned into a human version of a seal.
SEAL? Naaah man, much more like a human Manatee!
So let me get this straight:
Wesley Wade Washoe is not a SEAL
Wesley Wade Washoe is not a door gunner
Wesley Wade Washoe is nothing more than a “maintenance person” aka floor mopper/toilet scrubber
Wesley Wade Washoe may think the World Wide Web is named for him.
Wesley Wade Washoe is a loser and a phony.
The burning question now is: will there be sockpuppets?
We haven’t had sockpuppets to play with in ages.
I miss reading about the phony’s claims, the actual record, and the some times hilarious comments for the TAH Peanut Gallery.
Been awhile since we had a Monday morning phony at the TAH starting gate, so today is a one phony race at the gate. Wish we had a couple more to compete.
Well, preseason football games are starting this week, maybe Wesley Wade Washoe is just get us ready for a full season of posers.
If I had to guess I’d say the Phony race goes as follows: Phony SEALS are in the lead big time followed by Phony Marines, followed by Phony Army, followed by regular Navy, followed by Phony Air Force followed by Phony Coast Guard.
No Signal?
I read somewhere that both the first and last
casualties of the Viet of the Nam war were
radio operators. Sorry, can’t cite a source.
C’mon man! You know there’s no glory to steal or fake from Signal! But that RTO casualty statement sounds highly likely.
At one time we had an Official Count of phonies some volunteer here was maintaining.
That was me, but after Jonn’s passing it all fell apart.
Being a military phony has become unsafe. I hear people will start mess with you and shoot you in the chest if you have to much bling on, even if you are a wheel chair bound vet.I’m all for stopping the phonies but it isn’t worth all that.
Sockpuppets! I want sockpuppets!
Have you checked the dryer? There is always one that gets missed.
I can’t say his name without sneezing.
I keep hearing this:
Oh FFS, one of the entry requirements for Navy Aircrew is successful completion of the Class 1 swim test: Class 2 won’t cut it.
Strangely, I just looked that up and currently it is Class 2. At least to get started. I imagine they would want air crew to be Class 1 by the time they graduate. Never did Navy myself.
https://www.mynavyhr.navy.mil/Portals/55/Reference/MILPERSMAN/1000/1200Classification/1220-010.pdf
It saddens me that the Brotherhood of the NDSM is weeping now. I have to go into the walk in closet and check for tears on my white jumper.
I checked on my class A’s that I expect to be buried in and
made sure it was still there along with the Viet of the Nam
ribbons. The NDSM was the first of my awards and the one
I am most proud of as I am sure all my brothers are.
This asshole was likely trying to say he did this:
Pro tip: they’re called aircrewman, you dingus.
So, he was trained to use a mop in Combat? Thats impressive and I think I would be terrified of a fat dude with a ponytail wielding a mop. Especially if the mop is wet and heavy. Where do these fuckers come from?
All-Points Logistics.
Just curious to know what he did when he stepped on his dick and was booted out? AWOL or just plain looser asshole?
Definitely All Points Logistics material. He can compare his SEAL Trident with Phil Monkress to see which one is shinier.
HEY NOW, he could have also been an Expert Floor Buffer Operator as well!
Who was the dude who took out an entire Russian Company with an e-tool? That video was some funny shit.
OH YAEAH, whatshisface, I think his name was what, Giduck? A name synonymous with animal effluvia.
Jon Giduck – The Turd with a face!
“It’s all I knew, man… was how to go into combat.” –W3–
“It’s all I knew, man… was how to play foxhole stinkfinger.” –Anon–
“Those bastards took that all away from me.”
Let me tell you a little story:
A long time ago in an ocean far, far away, I was the LPO of a helicopter detachment attached on board a little FFG that doesn’t exist any more.
One of our detachment crew members was always a bit “odd”*. He was odd enough that many of us wondered how he ever made it through the enlistment process, let alone boot camp…but somehow he did and ended up in our squadron and our detachment.
I could make this a long story, and many of us really did go to a lot of effort to help him cope and be successful, but suffice it to say that he did not tolerate a life at sea jammed onto a small ship with 250 other people where there was no peace or privacy. Anywhere. Ever.
The end result is that after a couple of months of growing ever more obviously anxious and stressed, he threatened to commit suicide, at which point we got him off the ship and into a nice, quiet padded room as quickly as possible.
I didn’t really keep up with him, but from what I heard, he was in a “facility” for a few months, then in counseling for a few more months, then finally processed out. I believe he ended up with a General under Honorable discharge because there was no actual bad conduct or anything and it wasn’t his fault he was a loon.
To be continued…
*my guess, in light of more current knowledge, is that he was pretty firmly on the Autism spectrum…but I’d never even he
…Continued
So why am I telling this story? Well, I’m not making any claims or accusations, but it seems to me a situation sort of like that would go a long way to explaining SN Washoe’s unusual record.
Graduates boot camp, gets sent to a ship and only lasts two months, at which time he’s transferred to a shore command, but then gets transferred within that command a couple of times, but with the details blacked out (like, maybe, in keeping with the HIPAA act for instance? Just spitballing here) then gets discharged after only two years and three months of active duty.
I see parallels. That’s all I’m saying.
Probably what actually happened. When I saw the blacked-out data I assumed it was medical or nutbag related.
It could happen. I got a new Soldier in 2009 that wasn’t worth a pinch of shit. Nice enough but just couldn’t retain anything he was taught, couldn’t be left alone, just couldn’t function in any way without constant supervision. Turned out to be extremely autistic, yet made it all the way through training. There was a metric shit-ton of pencil whipping to make that happen. Neveer should’ve made it past the recruiter, or at least MEPS.
The pencil whipping and passing him along probably started all the way back in public school. I work in a large factory setting, and some of these kids they hire,19,20 y/o, they are worse than any of the Pvts i was in charge of back in the early 2000s. I can’t imagine the zoomer Pvts.
There was a kid in my son’s SPED class that just worshiped the Navy, just a really good kid who was not quite mainstream, but was just a little slow. I know he talked to the recruiter at school a couple of times, the recruiter knew right away he wasn’t up to snuff. Sent him away with a bunch of Navy swag (water bottles,btshirts, posters etc.) and he seemed happy.
At any point in time did you remember him mentioning that ever had a daughter ? Because he left me for the navy. And all my life he has given lies about fighting in combat .
No truer words…
You can’t always get what you want.
https://youtu.be/krxU5Y9lCS8
Get some… I got chu… get some!
So that is what they mean by; “two in the pink and one in the stink”. I’ve wondered about that for decades.
Dude, this is some straight up Phil Monkress shit.
All-Points Logistics is in Wesley’s future.
I love the Class 2 Swimmer. By he looks of this fool, it a Class 2 Inner Tube Qualification.
What a clown.
“His own name mysteriously appearing in a museum’s Iraq Native American Combat Veterans display (self-nomination is the sincerest form of flattery)”
Does Westley Washoe have a brother (Devin) that served in the USMC?
Not sure, but possible. The picture of the Native American Iraq Vets has the name Devin Washoe above his.
Yes that’s my uncle
Dances With Buffalo Shit
That’s a good one. He had several that didn’t make the cut:
And… list goes on.
Also reads the latest issue of Soldier of Fortune at a large bookstore wearing military clothing with a scowl on his face thinking he looks like an intimidating badass while doing so.
How ’bout “Grounded Turkey”, which means a bird far too full of shit to ever fly?
Soars with emu.
[…] This Ain’t Hell: https://valorguardians.com/blog/?p=172957 […]
Wesley Wade Washoe has NO record of ever being a USN SEAL.
Wesley Wade Washoe has NO record of service in DS/DS.
Wesley Wade Washoe has NO record of ever having served in Somalia.
Wesley Wade Washoe has just barely over two years of USN Service.
Wesley Wade Washoe, according to records found, never achieved any USN pay grade past E3.
Wesley Wade Washoe really thinks the world of himself.
Wesley Wade Washoe is as svelte as a manatee.
Wesley Wade Washoe has NO record of ever being Combat Wounded.
Wesley Wade Washoe has NO record of ever having served in Iraq.
Wesley Wade Washoe has likely never been trusted with any Government-owned equipment other than mops, brooms, buckets and maybe a floor buffer.
Wesley Wade Washoe exceeds in spreading bullshit about himself.
Wesley Wade Washoe is APL material.
Wesley Wade Washoe is less genuine than a polyester blanket from the Civil War.
Wesley Wade Washoe is going to quickly find out that THE INTERNET IS FOREVER.
MMMyeah, I forgot to mention Google® Points™ for every time his name is mentioned, so,
HOW COPY,
((((OVER)))))
It’s been so long, folks forgot how retrans works.
5X5
and stayin’ alive.
D’s Cantina copies:
Wesley Wade Washoe has NO record of ever being a USN SEAL.
Wesley Wade Washoe has NO record of service in DS/DS.
Wesley Wade Washoe has NO record of ever having served in Somalia.
Wesley Wade Washoe has just barely over two years of USN Service.
Wesley Wade Washoe, according to records found, never achieved any USN pay grade past E3.
Wesley Wade Washoe really thinks the world of himself.
Wesley Wade Washoe is as svelte as a manatee.
Wesley Wade Washoe has NO record of ever being Combat Wounded.
Wesley Wade Washoe has NO record of ever having served in Iraq.
Wesley Wade Washoe has likely never been trusted with any Government-owned equipment other than mops, brooms, buckets and maybe a floor buffer.
Wesley Wade Washoe exceeds in spreading bullshit about himself.
Wesley Wade Washoe is APL material.
Wesley Wade Washoe is less genuine than a polyester blanket from the Civil War.
Wesley Wade Washoe is going to quickly find out that THE INTERNET IS FOREVER.
The Corps, as usual has given us grunts the oldest, crappiest radios, so here’s hoping this retrans goes out clearly.
Wesley Wade Washoe has NO record of ever being a USN SEAL.
Wesley Wade Washoe has NO record of service in DS/DS.
Wesley Wade Washoe has NO record of ever having served in Somalia.
Wesley Wade Washoe has just barely over two years of USN Service.
Wesley Wade Washoe, according to records found, never achieved any USN pay grade past E3.
Wesley Wade Washoe really thinks the world of himself.
Wesley Wade Washoe is as svelte as a manatee.
Wesley Wade Washoe has NO record of ever being Combat Wounded.
Wesley Wade Washoe has NO record of ever having served in Iraq.
Wesley Wade Washoe has likely never been trusted with any Government-owned equipment other than mops, brooms, buckets and maybe a floor buffer.
Wesley Wade Washoe exceeds in spreading bullshit about himself.
Wesley Wade Washoe is APL material.
Wesley Wade Washoe is less genuine than a polyester blanket from the Civil War.
Wesley Wade Washoe is going to quickly find out that THE INTERNET IS FOREVER.
APL = All Points Logistics.
“Phony: Phil Monkress (CEO of All-Points Logistics) and Lori Benton would approve of this message.
Not even:
Heard two things I believed on the videos;
I was in the Navy…
I fell in the shower…
Probably collecting 100% VA compensation.
Les Moore needs a successor for the Chili Feed. Washoe has some big moccasins to fill.
…I can’t believe I’m getting the opportunity to do this….. Permission to call in the Wall of Insults?
The list goes on ! This man is a psychopath I can’t he’s my father .