Stop picking on Martha!
I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore.
Now, I am not sure if I am more mad at the fact that everyone is picking on Martha Coakley for being an elitest, or that Curt Schilling reads conservative blogs and not ours. I mean, it’s not like I genuflect before his visage each morning or that I smear kethup on all my socks before every sox game. Anyway, Curt today went after Coakley for her asinine completely justified defense of going to the fuindraiser in DC instead of staying in Mass (it was 13 degrees colder in MA):
As opposed to standing outside Fenway Park? In the cold? Shaking hands?’
Anyway, Curt beats her with the bloody sock of rhetoric:
It shows her elitism and arrogance unbelievably. Aside from the apparent feeling that the seat belongs to her just by virtue of her party, she just admitted that she doesn’t need to bother meeting with constituents because she’s meeting people like Kim Driscoll, and political leaders, and Democrat activists. I guess they’re the ones that matter, huh? I know it’s a “special election” and all, but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t need to fight for this seat. Prancing around with this mindset of “Oh, I’m a Democrat, therefore Ted Kennedy’s seat just automatically belongs to me regardless of what the people think,” is idiotic. Acting as if she doesn’t need to give her constituents the time of day is ludicrous. She can make all the snide remarks about Scott Brown shaking hands with people in the cold that she wants, but that’s what you’re supposed to do when you’re trying to get elected. She seems to have forgotten that she’s trying to get elected in Massachusetts, and not in Washington D.C. — if she remembered that, maybe she’d spend more time trying to impress Massachusetts voters and less time rubbing elbows with the Democrat establishment, Big Pharmacy lobbyists, and union leaders. Most normal politicians, Republican or Democrat, do go shake hands with voters. Even if it means standing in the cold outside of Fenway Park.
Anyway, I just got off the phone with Brown Neck Gaitor, and we agreed that this smear campaign must end. And so, as a native Massachusian (from the mighty village of Clayton in New Marlborough) I give you my surefire ways to get back in touch with the blue collar folks from my state:
* Sports are everything. You need to go to the Island of Hull, and hold a press conference. There apologize for yesterday’s comments, and hit on the following points:
– Bill Buckner is a proud supporter of your campaign. He has said that he would sell his gold glove to the highest bidder to raise money for your campaign.
– You still get a tear in the eye when you remember how in 2003 we won the World Series when Aaron (fucking) Boone hit that home run to bring home the title. The way Eric Gagne gritted through the year to end with a Cy Young award and an MVP award. Hell, I have tears in my eyes right now.
– You think that Celtics Point Guard Wes Welker was really brave for the way he came out of the closet. This will endear you to both Teh Gheys and Celtics fans.
– You still think that Jack Tatum got a bad rap, and you intend to reopen the case against him immediately. It is unfair that folks call him assassin.
– Tuck rule has got to go. No more of that bullshit like Oakland pulled against us a few years ago.
– Also:
* Hit on some pop culture.
– Boondock Saints is one of the worst movies ever, for the way it portrays Irish Americans in a bad light.
– Your favorite bands are all from Boston: Kansas, Air Supply and Brooks and Dunn. You used to listen to Dropkick Murphy’s until you found out they were from Buffalo.
– You rarely go to see plays, but when you do, it is ALWAYS, No ,No, Nanette, because that was the play that brought the babe to Boston.
– The worst songs in the world are “Dirty Water” and “Sweet Caroline.” Trust me, Bostonians HATE those songs.
* You should use the phrase “cue the duckboats” with regard to your campaign. It is slang for, “we are fighting and have not got this wrapped up yet.”
* Even though the Big Dig never struck oil or found Weapons of Mass Destruction, you still believe it was the right move. Now of course it looks bad, and so we shouldn’t do it again. ie You were for it before you were against it.
* At somepoint just drop in there that you were named the “Smokeshow of the Day” by BarstoolSports.com because you work so hard at politics.
Whatever you do, make SURE you contact “Boston Maggie” and arrange to hold a presser on that famed ship the USS Constipation, (aka Old Ironballs.) Maggie loves you. Just ask her. This will pull in the anti-war activists.
Anyway, anyone else have any suggestions to help her out?
JAG brought this up, which I had not heard, but LOVE. I mean really, who DOESN’T love Flutie?
Category: Politics
*Ms. Coakley hearts Tom Brady? Or, more likely, Ms Coakley should study the document named after the ship, or the ship named after the document?
OK, I’ve been struggling to write. I’m going to follow TSO’s lead and just write random crap that has nothing to do with anything (although, it’s good stuff, TSO, just random!)
and see if JL takes away my password.
😉
Forgot one, Ms. Coakley is firm believer in the freedom of(to knock down) the press.
-That the proudest moment Bostonians can point to is when the Patriots capped off their perfect season with Peyton Manning’s mad scramble in the pocket to find a wide open David Tyree who made a crazy one handed catch to secure the victory and win the Chick-Filet Sugar Bowl.
-Outfielder Johnny Damon’s feel good victory at the Academy Awards for his script of Good Will Hunting…bonus points for the film’s championing of visionary historian Howard Zinn.
ok, not fair. it does have it does have alot to do with something… sorry TSO. I hate the pats tho. just saying.
Wow Scott Brown has picked up the endorsements of Doug Flutie and Curt Schilling.
Who is Curt Schilling anyway? It looks like he is a pitcher. So is he as good as Tom Glavine, Greg Maddux, or John Smoltz?
Just kidding about knowing who Schilling is. Everybody knows he DIDN’t win a World Series either.
Over the line?
-Marquise Hill and his champion Jet Ski season.
-The great Boston Celtic Len Bias, kid had a lot of heart.
-When Darryl Stingley played Superman in that movie…that was awesome.
I’m going to hell, aren’t I?
In the history of comments, none has been as horrific as those Anon just wrote. HOLY SHEE.
You should see what (s)he didn’t write…
Honestly TSO, after last week’s flop by the Pats, maybe Attorney General Croakly should announce criminal charges against Tom Brady. She even has a confession-
“I’d have been booing us, too, the way we played,” Brady said. “Playing the way we played today, we weren’t going to beat anybody.”
If only Tom was the only one. There wasn’t a single guy on the team that outplayed his opposing player. Not one I can think of anyway.
I am not from anywhere Massa…shit…New England, but if Doug Flutie gives his endorsement I wish I could find me an apartment somewhere in Boston to vote for Brown.
Mark,
Darling! Thanks so much for hooking me up with Martha. How can I ever convey my gratitude?
I know! With hugs and kisses. Yes, lots and lots of physical contact. And I will make sure the whole SpouseBuzz mafia, I mean group, helps me with this. At the next Milblog you will spend every moment being touched.
No, no! No false modesty, you do deserve such treatment. I insist.
You folks know, of course, that every man jack of you that disparages the Patriots is going to hell. Right?
But Fitzy has got to be one of the funniest damn sports commenters I’ve ever known. Man’s a frikkin’ genius, and his “Leave Bill Belichick Alone” video was perfectly times and executed.
Speaking of executions, I can only hope that Manning gets buried this coming weekend. Goober, and his brother Gomer have got to be the two most crapweasely crapweasels to ever play in the NFL, and that’s saying something.
It is a little known fact that Martha chose to take up politics after standing in front of Faneuil Hall and gazing at the Liberty Bell.
I understand she is also in favor of trading the Bruins for the Wild. She really likes how the Wild’s home uniforms make the players look like elves.
She should counter the endorsements by listing the noted Mass citizens that support her: Carolyne Kennedy, Harry Reid and Hillary Clinton (she will wear a Boston Mets hat).
She should show up at all public appearances riding on the broad shoulders of Randy Moss. (As long as she can keep him from saying anything in that knee grow dialect of his.)
While I’m at it, I think the catch phrase “going for it on fourth and one” could be worked into a fine campaign slogan. She should say that as often as possible.
And meanwhile, in a small bar in Seabrook, New Hampshire, a gritty band of survivors from a road trip to Boston have come to the inevitable conclusion: “I say we take off, and nuke the site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.”
Some Questions that ABSOLUTELY have to be answered for me:
1) The DROPKICK MURPHYS really are from Buffalo?
2)BOONDOCK SAINTS portray Irish Americans in a BAD light (since when)?
3) Wes Welker is GAY? Tell me it ain’t so….Pleeeaaazzzeee.
Answer key:
Hell no, Hell No, dating Miss Hooters International 2006.
As regards #3 above, he seems to be recovering from his injury quite well.
http://boston.barstoolsports.com/hot-gallery/dont-feel-too-bad-for-wes-welker/
That’s White Wes Welker, ayuh!
Don’t make me sic Fitzy on you guys…….
TSO, I love you….but I hate Boondock Saints. I didn’t make it past the part where those two clowns walk up on the altar in church. Those boys tried that at my church they would have been taken out.