SPLC is completely fuggin retarded

Seriously, absolutely retarded. And what is more, they care only about symbolism, not substance.

Today I get their email and they claim:

SPLC sues to protect rights of African-American teen
SPLC filed suit against a Mississippi school district for expelling a student with a promising academic and athletic career over tossing a penny on a school bus. The suit contends that the district violated the boy’s rights and coerced a false confession from him through threats and intimidation. This is another step in SPLC’s campaign to keep children in the Deep South in school instead of in alternative facilities or abusive detention centers.

So I click there, and go to their site to read about it.

Filed today in Hinds County Chancery Court in Jackson, the lawsuit claims the school district failed to follow its own rules as it targeted the 16-year-old boy, identified as A.H. in the complaint, and coerced a false confession through threats and intimidation.

The school’s actions stemmed from an incident that occurred while A.H. was riding the school bus home from Terry High this past September. During the ride, A.H. and five other students were tossing coins back and forth. A penny landed on the bus driver, who was not injured.

Now, let’s just say you are wondering who A.H. is. I mean, they are using initials, so it must be hard to track down, eh?

Yeah, except his name is mentioned on every page from 22-31. Nice job at secrecy asshats.

Haven’t read the brief yet, but I bet it is chalk full of shitty goodness.

Want A.H.’s mailing address? Mom’s name? That is all in there too. With lawyers like these, who needs enemas.

Someone might want to write to SPLC’s lawyer that put this shit up (Poonam Juneja poonam.juneja@splcenter.org) and let her know if she cares at all about this kid’s anonymity she ought not to broadcast it.

And the case is too stupid to even go into. The kid got suspended for 10 days*. So SPLC because they have jack shit else to do want to turn this into the Scopes trial. Yeah, good luck with that. I’m sure the mom and kid will love having their info spread willy nilly all over the internet.

* (Correction on that, the letter says 10 days, the suit says 6 months. So I have no clue.)

BWAHAHAHA: Just how stupid is this:

He [A.H. Secret Identity that Anyone Can Find Out By Clicking] and five other students were allegedly tossing coins at each other on the back of the bus. One of the tossed pennies inadvertantly landed on Ms. Geneva Reid, the bus driver.

Excuse me while I channel my inner Arlen Specter…..

Ok, we’ll assume this was your standard, garden variety of blue bird. Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I give you, the north American standard school bus (Standirum Norto Americanski Bussillium. Kingdom: Bus, Phylum: School, Class: Non Special Needs, Order: Bluebird, Family: Itsabus)

Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, let us assume for now, subject to compelling evidence to the contrary, that Ms. Geneiva Ried, no doubt a lovely woman who does not look like Geraldo Rivera, was in fact driving the bus from the front. This is in fact where most North American busses not featured in animated cartoon faire are driven from. Let us further suppose on this intellectual jaunt into the great unknown, that fraulein Ried was driving from the “drivers side” being that portion of the front of the vehicle which resides to the left of the centerline when viewed facing the direction of travel, assuming that the vehicle is not making that annoying beeping noise that always cracks me up when someone makes about a fat woman proceeding in a backwards direction.

We are to understand further, that A.H. secret identity known but to Spongebob and those who can use a mouse, was seated in the back.   Notice if you will our bus has 12 evenly spaced windows.  We shall here forward divide the bus into 3 equal sections, calling them (from the back of the bus):  “the back of the bus”, “the middle of the bus”, and “close enough to Ms Reid to smell any effluvient that leaks from her backside.”  The last category is a bit wordy, but you get the idea.

Imagine if you will the game that all children play in societies ranging from native Maori children, to Siberian lads raised by wolves, to the Children of Hind County, Mississippi, to wit, the “tossing of pennies game.”  Ah, who among us doesn’t on occasion lose ourselves in a sunny remembrance of those halcyon days of old spent whiling the days away tossing pennies at one another.  The rules of said game need not now be reiterated, as we all know them so well, inculcated as they were in daily activities.

Now, the question at bar begins and ends with the tragic, and nearly deadly trajectory of the coin.  If coin it were.  For Ms Reid no where states that it was a coin, but rather refers to an “object” which “hit my windshield and then hit me.”  Ah, what merciless missile of Beelzebub was this object de assassination?

Knowing as we do the rules of Penny Tossing (again, owing to the innumerable times each of us has played this game) we know that the rules hold that one must toss the pennies.  Any hurling of the coin at the head of another is verbotten, often resulting in a yellow card, and offering the opposing team a “pitch” or “Rochambeau” as it is called in France, Ontario, New Orleans and other frenchified regions. We know that since the schism in penny tossing rules brought about at the Council of Taint in 1952 (wherein Winston Churchill famously remarked that the previous rules were “solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short”) that the Western Hemisphere rules hold that the coin be tossed in an underhand manner, rather than overhand (like Lamar in Lambda, Lambda, Lambda threw his javelin.)

We must therefore consider the relative distance between AH and Ms Ried therefore must be 30 feet. We know this because the penny came forward, therefore AH was facing the front of the bus at the time he propelled it in and underhand manner. Therefore, assuming that 4 children were playing the game (rule C12, standardized rules of Penny Tossing, 1987) AH must have been in the last seat of the bus, or perhaps the one immediately in front of that one, the penultimate seat if you will.

We are thus faced with the question, assuming that the laws of physics operated in the standard fashion on Ms Ried’s bus, and there were no sudden deceleration, how did said coin travel 30 feet, and still have enough momentum to bounce off the windshield and then hit Ms Ried with enough force to get her attention. Now, we know from our friend Newton that an object in motion will stay in motion until it is operated on by an outside force. Since striking any of the backward sides of the seats would have deadened the forward momentum, we must conclude that the coin travelled at some velocity (V*) down the walkway of the bus. Since it was underhand, and AH was complying with the rules of being seated, there is simply now way that it could have gone that far, unless it had some wholely unbeliveble bounces betwixt his seat and the windshield.

No my friends and ladies and gentleman of this supposed jury, we might look to an outside source, for there is no way that the tossed coin of AH could possibly have travelled at such a velocity on the arc dictated by physics and the laws of gravity, that it might bounce off the windshield and strike our poor driver.

My friends, I put it to you: There was another Penny Tosser on the Grassy Knoll. September 28, 2009 had the standard weather for Hinds County Mississippi. There was some humidty, but no rain. Thus, the third window from the driver on the left hand (as before mentioned “Driver Side”) was open, as it customarily was. It is only through this window that this “Magic Coin” could possibly have come from.

I will discuss the possible individuals responsible for this in a later post. Several of the theories I am currently exploring include: Cuban President Fidel Castro, the anti-Castro Cuban community, Vice President Lyndon B. Johnson, the Mafia, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA), E. Howard Hunt, and the Eastern Bloc – or perhaps some combination of these.

Please stay tuned for more. And remember this is a This Ain’t Hell Exclusive.

Category: SPLC