Memorial Day [PARODY] No Combat = Stolen Valor Says One Man

| May 29, 2023

I didn’t know what to make of this until I saw it was Duffleblog.

Meet the Memorial Day patriot stopping people from putting flags on graves of veterans who didn’t die in combat
A self-described “super humble guy,” O’Tool is quick to recount his exploits protecting the dignity of Memorial Day.

W.E. Linde | May 29, 2023

ARLINGTON NATIONAL CEMETERY, Va. — Although many veterans have taken it upon themselves to educate citizens about the proper observation of Memorial Day, James O’Tool has decided to escalate efforts to counter what he sees as a war on the solemn day of remembrance. While some vets politely shame those who foolishly try to thank living veterans for their service, effectively confusing Memorial Day with Veterans Day, O’Tool set out to stop people from laying flags and wreaths on that day at the graves of any veteran who did not die in combat.

“It’s a travesty,” said O’Tool, who will slap anyone who even thinks of honoring someone in a veterans’ cemetery who didn’t give the ultimate sacrifice. “It’s kind of stolen valor when you think about it. Sure, all the people buried here served in some way. But would it kill you to do a little math with the date of death to guess if the person died heroically or not?”

To this end, each year O’Tool spends the weeks before the Federal Holiday creating a multi-paged color-coded map of Arlington National Cemetery. All the headstones of those who died because of war are colored blue, and those that died a natural death are colored red. Then on the actual holiday, he patrols the cemetery dressed in his traditional THESE COLORS DON’T RUN t-shirt and cowboy boots. One change this year required O’Tool to replace his time-honored Bud Lite baseball cap.

“The only other cap that fits is my Hooter’s hat,” said O’Tool. “I know it’s not perfect, but it’s better than wearing some woke crap on my head.”

Then…

As Memorial Day 2023 drew to a close, an exhausted patriot reflected on what lay ahead.

“My work is done today, but now I have to plan for Veterans Day. Then it’ll be the reverse. Any clown who tries to put a flag on the grave of the honored dead will get my boot up their backsides.”

Category: "Teh Stoopid"

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Anonymous

Not to be eclipsed by this (parody) guy:

Anonymous

P.S. Hard to find an “I coulda been KIA” Memorial Day parody, so I’ll leave a serious video for the occasion:

Last edited 11 months ago by Anonymous
Twist

Awesome video. I would be willing to bet that a bunch of combat vets who were outside the wire instead of being Fobbits have close call stories. I still have the balistic eye protection that has the right lens gouged out. I still got some shards of shrapnel embeded into my nugget, but if I wasn’t wearing those glasses I would have at least lost my right eye. I also still own a Camelback that has a side to side bullet hole in it that I was wearing at the time that the bullet hole happened.

STSC(SW/SS)

Hillary was almost a Marine or was that a Latrine.

e.conboy

Hitlery?

fm2176

Sieg heilige Kuh!

Skivvy Stacker

I have met people just exactly like this. Not just among the “Almost Joined” ranks, but also the Actually DID Join ranks. The ones who “Almost Went to Special Forces/SEAL/Recon/Interpretive Ballet Training”. I had a friend who was in the Corps as a baker, who told me that a pilot had let him fly an F-14 one time (this was quite some time ago); my friend had never taken a single flying lesson in his life.
I have lost count on how many times I’ve heard about how someone “punched out their DI/Drill Sergeant/TI/Interpretive Ballet Instructor”, and yet, somehow, they didn’t get Dishonorably Discharged, or wind up in federal prison.

David

Don’t forget “straight to my unit as a sniper because of my range scores in Basic, no sniper school needed”. Or “made me an unarmed combat instructor after I punched out my drill”, or alternatively “they threw me out because I punched out my badass drill and embarrassed the service”.

Twist

When I PCS’d from Schofield Barracks to Ft Campbell as a SPC I was assigned to the Scout Platoon in 1/327 IN and became a sniper and by “sniper” I mean that I held a sniper slot for about 8 months, never went to sniper school and never so much as touched a sniper rifle. We were preparing for the July 97-Jan 98 MFO rotation.

fm2176

What got me as my career went on was the number of NCOs who thought combat deployments were the be all, end all for competency and knowledge. I deployed twice, but for some reason was never challenged in this manner, likely because I was a bit older and usually senior in rank, plus had an unquestionable combat deployment in Iraq 20 years ago. My tour in Afghanistan was spent watching the war on TV. I took pride in knowing how to take care of Soldiers both overseas and stateside, though, while many others just wanted the rank and authority and had no idea about how to effectively counsel their troops or what resources were available if a Soldier was in dire straits financially or personally.

I first encountered this as a Brigade Schools NCO in 2012. My DTS Clerk and his predecessor, who was leaving for Recruiter School a second time (having failed the APFT the first time), both E5s, started arguing during PT one morning, when the question got popped, “Oh yeah, how many times have you deployed?” The kid asking it had over three years deployed, the one leaving for recruiting had about 2.5 years, and I had a whopping 11 months at the time.

But yeah, I almost went Special Forces, Ranger, Stranger Danger, Airborne, Glider, Pathfinder, Sous Chef, and Typewriter Ribbon Replacement Technician. It was always those pesky school packets and my lack of wanting to train or otherwise prepare for the courses. I could have been a contender, though. Unlike a lot of real Paratroopers, I earned my combat Airborne tab. Old Abe is always watching my back under cover. I also earned the really long unit tab: Honor Guard.

Last edited 11 months ago by fm2176
SFAlphaGeek

To make up for the people who almost went, I did parts of the Q Course twice. No need to thank me.

SFC D

Overachiever. 😉

Twist

I almost went to Ranger School, granted I got injured during Schofield Barracks version of Pre-Ranger. One of my biggest regrets about my service is that I never gave it another shot and actually go to Ranger School.

MarineDad61

Sailor, in the 1991 Mel Brooks movie Life Stinks.
“They call me Sailor, ’cause I was almost in the Navy.”

KoB

It’s real simple…
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Anonymous

Agreed.
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Av8or33

Please try to put a foot up my ass for honoring a veteran. Is this fuck nutz even a vet. I agree that there is a special place in heaven for the warrior that paid the ultimate sacrifice and Memorial Day is the day we honor our dead. But I also honor the living especially the survivors, the physically and mentally scarred. Fuck this guy.

Av8or33

Ok I didn’t pay enough attention and see now its duffel blog, but these day the stupid is so strong it is completely plausible.

Daisy Cutter

No worries. Sometimes people miss the clues. Reminded me of this: 😉

Last edited 11 months ago by Daisy Cutter