Stupid criminals of the week

First up we got one that’ll make you ???

Clarkston man charged for allegedly masturbating with Elmo doll during home inspection

A home inspector who allegedly masturbated with an Elmo doll during a home inspection — which was recorded by a camera in the baby’s room — has been charged with two misdemeanors.

Kevin Wayne VanLuven, 59, of Clarkston [Michigan], was arraigned April 7 in Rochester Hills’ 52-3 District Court on charges of aggravated indecent exposure and malicious destruction of property under $200. Magistrate Karen Holt set bond at $2,500 cash/surety.

According to the Oakland County Sheriff’s Office, an Oxford Township couple told detectives they were selling their home and had let VanLuven and the buyer’s real estate agent in on March 12, then left during the home inspection which was requested by the prospective buyers. A camera in the nursery subsequently alerted the homeowner’s phone of movement in the room, and while checking the phone the homeowner allegedly saw VanLuven in the nursery, touching himself. The homeowner recorded the incident, which also reportedly showed that VanLuven picked up the Elmo doll from the nursery floor and then appeared to pleasure himself with the doll before returning it to the floor.

“Just when I think I have seen it all, someone steps up and surprises me with a new level of disturbing actions,” Sheriff Michael Bouchard said. “Sadly, in today’s world we cannot take it on faith that the people we let into our homes can be trusted. We cannot always presume that employers have done their job and have confidence their employees are trustworthy and are there to do the job for which they’ve been hired. This is a disgusting reminder to be cautious about who you let into your home. The actions of these homeowners will likely prevent this defendant from going into anyone else’s home.”

When questioned by deputies, VanLuven allegedly said he had moved the doll to inspect an electrical outlet but did nothing else. When told there was a camera in the nursery, VanLuven allegedly made incriminating statements and apologized, the sheriff’s office said.

VanLuven could spend up to two years in jail and be fined $2,000 if convicted of aggravated indecent exposure. The property crime carries a penalty of up to 93 days in jail and a $500 fine.

VanLuven’s bond conditions prohibit him from being alone in any residential property he doesn’t own and can have no contact with the victims. Also, a mental health evaluation is ordered. His next appearance is scheduled for April 19 before Judge Nancy Carniak.

Source; The Oakland Press

Man accidentally shoots himself in leg during attempted robbery in Chicago, police say

Things have gotten so bad in Chicago, the lack of police means the criminals now have to shoot themselves.

A 26-year-old man accidentally shot himself in the leg Sunday morning while he was attempting to rob another person Sunday in Chicago, investigators said.

Chicago Police said the suspect shot himself around 1:33 a.m. during the botched robbery in the South Loop neighborhood, WGN-TV reported.

The man was taken to a hospital where he was listed in stable condition.

Police continue to investigate the incident.

Source; WSOC-TV

Police: Girlfriend comes home drunk, demands sex from boyfriend and assaults him when he declines

A Wichita Falls woman is jailed after police said she came home from a bar drunk and demanded sex from her boyfriend who had stayed home to watch the kids and assaulted him with a hair-dryer when he refused her demands.

Police charged Adriana Sierra with assault/family violence on Sunday, March 28, 2021.]

They said they went to the 1600 block of Oceola and said Sierra was in the street shouting at her boyfriend on the porch.

Officers said she told them “that hoe just beat my ***,” and to “let me around and I’ll beat his *** again.”

WFPD officers said Sierra appeared intoxicated and told them she came home from a bar and wanted to have sex, but her boyfriend, who had been asleep and had stayed home to watch the kids, told her to get off him.

She said this made her mad and she and her boyfriend began to argue and he hit her with his fist.

The boyfriend told police Sierra had been kicked out of a bar for fighting and came home angry and woke up the three children.

He said she went crazy and began hitting him in the head with her fist, and he pushed her off. He said Sierra then picked up a hairdryer and began swinging it at him by the cord, striking him several times.

Jail records show Sierra was charged last November for public intoxication.

Source; Texomas

Category: "Teh Stoopid", Crime, Humor, Police, Stupid Criminals