His and Her shirts you must purchase today

Damned Ace of Spades. I’ve been fascinated with three wolf shirt all day since he brought it up yesterday in a post. It’s not just that the shirt looks completely bitchin’, it also has superpowers. And it comes in various models. Here is the Ace of Spades/Moronosphere one, which attracts mostly homeless women drunk on Valu-rite Vodka:

And here’s the Blackfive version, which we are uncertain just exactly who it attracts:

This thing apparently attacts women from everywhere. I mean, if you can’t believe me, you can certainly trust a hot singing native American.

Anyway, the reviews at Amazon talk about a lot of what this shirt can do for you:

I have showed the photo of the wolf shirt to a few friends, and they showed a few friends and so on etc,.. anyways, I am now receiving multiple e-mails from tons women I dont even know asking if I got the Wolf shirt yet! Also, 16 marriage proposals, 1,229 party invites, 62 BBQ cookout invites, 167 photo shoot invites just to list a few.

I purchased this very same shirt from a gypsy lady behind a Porta Potty at the chewing tobacco festival. She said it would give me powers over ladies and small elfs (elfs can only be seen after you put on the shirt). I was amazed at the color and detail and the fact the three wolves would sit side by side and sing in such perfect harmony. I went into the Porta Potty to drop a duce and put on this mythical fabric tapestry. As soon as I pulled this shirt over my head I began grunting to the moon.

But you can never trust reviews on Amazon, because you never know if they are written by people just trying to sell the damn thing. But, luckily, I have a friend that bought this shirt before a deployment. He wishes to remain anonymous, but name rhymes with “Gay no more”:

I remember it like it was yesterday, man. Our elite squad of lycans donned our protective gear, adorned with the sigils of our clan, and our goddess Luna, and we prowled the streets. We was looking for the weak or the wounded, not caring which of the two we’d find. What we discovered was a 24 hour Taco Bell with a vast corucopia of teenaged hookers and an endless supply of picante sauce. We circled the drive thru, the moonlight gleaming from our pelts, the smell of Aqua Velva and Armor-all wafting up from our loins. Jimmy, the alpha male in our pack, pulled the IROC up and we slinked out, sizing up our prey…our only fear…taco juice on shirts, ruining the protective wards given to us by the spirit of the wolf. Many fell that night…our fangs sated…our lusts quenched and Jimmy’s mom agreeing to rinse out the guac from our colors. It was a night to be remembered…a night for wolves.

If you don’t buy this shirt and you are a dude, just turn in your man card and your family jewels at the nearest NARAL or NOW office. Seriously.

But the shirt only works for men. Weird that way, I don’t understand the science, but I understand it is complicated. And you can’t just buy a three wolf shirt for yourself and get nothing for your wolf-bitches girlfriend or wife. So, we have an answer for you!

-THIS IS WHERE SERIOUS PART BEGINS-

Many of you, like me, have been reading about the good times that Vampire 6 and his gang have been having in that little sliver of Epcot center we call Afghanistan. Well, he wanted to honor some of the most important people from that deployment, and he did so in a much more eloquent fashion than I ever could.

This is a post that I’ve struggled to write many times during my deployment and each time it seems that I’ve failed. At the end I’m always left with the feeling that I didn’t quite describe their hardship, give them their true credit or convey our true gratitude. I’ll try; but am afraid I shall fail them.

I’m talking about the women that stand guard at home, support us, encourage us and reinforce that fighting spirit that sustains us. Our wives, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, volunteers and so many other wonderful and strong women that I can’t even begin to name.

Not just our team but each and every soldier, marine, sailor or airman that deploys to Afghanistan or Iraq, for that matter any conflict. A huge burden is being carried by those that fight but do not go to combat.

Thank you, for being the ones that deal with the mess once we leave. We’re trained well to fight. But there is no Field Manual that describes how to explain to a young child that their father isn’t going to be home for a long time or in the worst case may never come home. You do it with such grace and poise.

And so, as a tribute to “all of the strong and wonderful women that support the fighting force we’ve joined together with Ranger Up to stage OPERATION:VAMPIRE PINK to raise money for breast cancer research. We designed a new shirt which you can see below and $5 from each sale is donated to the Susan G. Kommen Foundation.”

Here is one of the shirts they have (will add more later but can’t upload anymore pics):

Anyway, it is a great cause, it was a fabulous idea, and it’s a totally classy move by a guy who puts his ass on the line for us. I’m getting one for my little honey bunny (who has a post about her second bases or something, don’t know what that means) and one for my beautiful and smart sister in law who is both a breast cancer survivor, and survives daily with my beautiful nieces and brother who tire me out after 17 minutes.

Anyway, please consider buying the shirt!

-THIS IS WHERE SERIOUS PART ENDS-

So whether you are going out for a casual night on the town at Chez Burger King, or blowing an entire paycheck taking her to the monster truck races and TGIFridays, make sure you are dressed for success, you with your wolf shirt, and her in her best pink Vampire attire.

Category: Politics