The Festival of John Moses Browning

| January 23, 2021

gospel jmb
Today we celebrate the birthday of John Moses Browning, and his Gospel. Sit you down and harken.

The Holy Gospel of JMB

As translated from the original ancient manuscripts by Fr. Frog.

1) In the beginning was the 1911, and the 1911 was THE pistol, and it was good. And behold the Lord said, “Thou shalt not muck with my disciple John’s design for it is good and it workith. For John made the 1911, and lo all of his weapons, from the designs which I, the Lord, gave him upon the mountain.”

2) “And shouldst thou muck with it, and hang all manner of foul implements upon it, and profane its internal parts, thou shalt surely have malfunctions, and in the midst of battle thou shalt surely come to harm.”

3) And as the ages passed men in their ignorance and arrogance didst forget the word of the Lord and began to profane the 1911. The tribe of the gamesman did place recoil spring guides and extended slide releases upon the 1911 and their metal smiths didst tighten the tolerances and alter parts to their liking, their clearness of mind being clouded by lust.

4) Their artisans did hang all manner of foul implements upon the 1911 and did so alter it that it became impractical to purchase. For lo, the artisans didst charge a great tax upon the purchasers of the 1911 so that the lowly field worker could not afford one. And the profaning of the internal parts didst render it unworkable when the dust of the land fell upon it, and these profaners didst try and fit more rounds of ammunition into the magazines than the holy number of seven, appointed for the .45.

5) And lo, they didst install adjustable sights, which are an abomination unto the Lord. For they doth break and lose their zero when thou dost need true aim. And those who have done so will be slain in great numbers by their enemies in the great battle.

6) And it came to pass that the Lord didst see the abomination wrought by man and didst cause, as he had warned, fearful malfunctions to come upon the abominations and upon the artisans who thought they could do no wrong.

7) Seeing the malfunctions and the confusion of men, the lord of the underworld did see an opportunity to further ensnare man and didst bring forth pistols made of plastic, whose form was such that they looked and felt like a brick, yet the eyes of man being clouded, they were consumed by the plastic pistol and did buy vast quantities of them.

8) And being a deceitful spirit, the lord of the underworld did make these plastic pistols, filled with tiny springs and parts that were easily lostc, and they were unmenable to the artisans of earth so they were unable to muck much with the design, and lo these pistols did appear to function.

9) And the evil one also brought forth pistols in which the trigger didst both cock and fire them and which require a “dingus” to make them appear safe.

10) But man being stupid did not understand these new pistols and didst proceed to shoot themselves with the plastic pistol and with the trigger cocking pistols for lo their manual of arms required great intelligence which man had long since forsaken. Yet man continue to gloat over these new pistols blaming evil forces for the negligent discharges which they themselves had committed.

11) And when man had been totally ensnared with the plastic pistol, the lord of the underworld didst cause a plague of the terrible Ka-Boom to descend upon man and the plastic pistols delivered their retribution upon men. And there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth in the land.

12) Then seeing that the eyes of man were slowly being opened and that man was truly sorrowful for his sinful misdeeds, the Lord did send his messengers in the form of artisans who did hear and obey the teachings of the prophet and who didst restore the profaned 1911s to their proper configuration, and lo, to the amazement of men they didst begin to work as the Lord had intended.

13) And the men of the land didst drive out the charlatans and profaners from the land, and there was joy and peace in the land, except for the evil sprits which tried occasionally to prey on the men and women of the land and who were sent to the place of eternal damnation b by the followers of John.

Now go ye forth and sin no more.

Friar Frog Link

Category: Gathering of Eagles, Guest Link

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Prior Service

Oh your average 1911 is a nice weapon but, as a tanker, I’ve got to say that Ma Deuce is perfection. Still rocking after a century with very few mods.


Oddly enough, those are the only weapons that ever caused my ears physical pain when firing.


Yes, but can you put a Ma Deuce in a holster?


Funny you should ask…

1991, Range-9,Ft Hunter-Liggett Ca. Tank table 8 night fire. M60-A3 on the berm. Heat signature appeared at 1100m, Gunner lazes, sets crosshairs, TC says fire, inert HEAT round is on the way.

Tower screams “Cease fire! Cease fire! Target not visible!”

Early next morning, tank crew discover a fine example of the accuracy of the lazer ranged, stabilized platform of the A3 turret and 105mm cannon.

Young Mr. Angus was found to have a perfect 105mm hole through the front shoulders, both lungs, and missing heart area. Hydrostatic pressure split the young bovine from asshole to elbow, with the resulting pile of former digestive tract and related offal about 10m away to the impact side.

Said Tank Commander, upon explanation to tower control via radio, removed a handy M2BMG from it’s hardpoint aboard the Squadron Commander’s HMMV, inserted mentioned firearm into the vacant body cavity of Mr Angus, and declared that he has invented the M2 holster, and wants full credit as authorized through the US Army Suggestion Program.

When he returned to the range, about one week later, it was rumored that he had to write 5000 times on the blackboard, “I will not shoot cattle on the range with my tank”. We never did find out if the Army used his suggestion.

Prior Service

With Ma Deuce I don’t need a holster because I’m killing at long range. But if I did need one, I like the idea of a dead cow. At least the hide-I don’t need the guts.


Heh; tanned hide was $350 from the leather worker I bought my belt from at the 2019 State Fair.


On a slightly different note, my first assignment out of pilot training was the AC-130A gunship (1975). My aircraft commander in training also flew the A model when they first flew in Vietnam and was an flight examiner on them. He told me had had to fly with a crew to re certify them after they shot up a number of the Laotian king’s elephants. Seems the first generation IR couldn’t tell the difference between trucks and elephants.


And thus so verily doth ALL True Believers of the Saintliness of John Moses Browning (Howitzer Be his name) Sing the Praises to The Glory of His Designs and Saith in a loud and ringing voice:


Happy Birthday Good Sir and to all of the Warriors in Valhalla that are lifting the flagons of Mead in cups made from the skulls of those enemies that were slayed by your Creations…SALUTE!

Got real dusty in here.


The beloved John Moses designed more bang-stixs and hand canons than any other firearm designer, going all the way back to the 1870’s. His designs were often copied. The Polish Radom 9mm pistol is a close copy of Browning’s Hi-Power, and was adopted by the Wehrmacht after the capture of Poland. Most Winchester lever action rifles were Browning designs.


Browning Hi-Power– a much handier and nicer to shoot weapon (even with the same double-stack magazine design) as the Beretta 92F/M9. (Modern technology has given is a 15-round mag now, too.)
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So where is the Icon image I sent you months ago and you said you’d use it?????

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For my wife, who is a former Marine, I found a Colt 1911 made in 1917 at a gunshop for a good price and had Turnbull due it’s magic some years back and made the lady very happy!

She’ll keep this Navy guy around for a while now.

Mike Gunns

I shot a 1911 when I was 11 at the Marine Corp gunnery range at Camp Pendleton back in the late 60’s. A marine friend of my Dad’s took me in return for a favor I had done for him. (I babysat his kid so him and his wife could go out for dinner and a movie.)

I shot it at 25 yards and managed to hit the paper, but no shots in the ring. I did better with his Colt Python shooting .38 Special wad cutters.


I lost a 1944 Remington/Rand D-Day issue on a ice-fishing accident, it was a hard day. Everybody loved loved a chunk of history.

Jeff LPH 3, 63-66

my friend had his Grandfathers WW1 1911 in mint condition in the original box and I don’t think their were serial numbers on it from checking it out years ago at his house. A little rust was on it from Sandy with 11 feet of water in the house. Told him to use 0000 steel wool and gun oil on it. Don’t know if the box survived.

The Other Whitey

My 7-year-old will name off every major component of a 1911. She can also do the same with a Garand and an M1 Carbine.

I’m so proud of my baby girl!


Mr. Browning was truly a genius. Other than the 9mm, he invented the .25 ACP,.32 ACP, .380 ACP, .38 ACP/Super and the .45 ACP. Most of the popular handgun cartridges of the last 100 years.

He created several of the best selling handguns in History, the FN 1900, Colt 1903 Pocket Hammerless, 1911, Browning Hi-Power, to name a few.

His Shotguns are still being produced. He updated the Winchester 1894 Lever Action. Created a family of Belt Fed Machine Guns that are still being used to this day. And he was a Patriot to the core. During WWI when the Government went to negotiate royalties for the Browning Automatic Rifle, He took their very first low ball offer, If that is what Uncle Sam offers, I’ll take it. Truly amazing the more I look at his work.


Mr. Browning was of the oft-maligned sect that believes God created the US of A.

The Other Whitey

As a Catholic, I find Mormon beliefs a bit too weird for my own taste. That being said, I have never encountered a Mormon who wasn’t both a fine individual and a patriotic American. The best neighbors I ever had were Mormons. And the great American about whom the article is written is referred to in my Catholic family as *Saint* John Moses Browning.


Mr. Brownings older brother was responsible for bringing my great great grandpa into the Mormon church. GG D settled in Ogden just down the street from Saint John’s father’s hardware store, and was the first furniture maker in the city. And TOW, as a former Mormon I concur 100%!

The Other Whitey

My very first pistol was an Inglis-made HiPower with RCMP stamps and Pachmayr wraparound grips. So much fun to shoot, the hammer bite was worth it. I gave it to my little sister when I bought my first 1911. I like the 1911 better, but I still miss that HiPower.

My sister still threatens to commit plastic Austrian heresy. I have warned her that I will repossess the HiPower as part of her disownment.