The great BYU war on masturbation
Um, what?
My Mom said it would make me go blind. I now have 20/400 vision, so joke is on her. I can almost see my hairy palm.
I had to have a swim test a few weeks ago at the doctors office, and it was the only test I had ever studied for 30 years. (I passed) But can we agree that the war analogy here is misplaced? VT Woody and Sniper were fighting this horrible war mere feet from my bunk in Afghanistan.
Category: Politics
@149 Brownwolf, my father really liked his tour in Alaska circa 1958-59.
@151 Sparks,
We were in the middle of a night FTX when the northern lights bursted directly over us. Everything around us glowed neon green, the snow on the ground pulsated green with the waves of the northern lights and our snow-flauge uniforms reflected the green glow like that green creature from that Ghostbusters movie. Today, I still remember that so intensely visual phenomena and it almost twenty years since that event.
@Ex-PH2, whoa there. What you said in 146 and 147 couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s just that we view it as a two person effort, husband and wife. To leave one person out of the equation is unfair to the other.
@152 Brownwolf. I do remember my father talking about the Northern Lights. Sometimes here, well in the northern part of Washington State, you can see them in the winter. Once and only once they showed as far south as I am which is near the Oregon/Idaho Border.
CAs6: so, in German:
Der nur wankenkranken ist nicht gut. Stattdessen, finden Sie ein gut Frau und machen Sie glücklich Nachtmusik!
Ja, das ist genau richtig in unserem Meinungen. Nicht wankenkranken ohne Ihre Frau. Es ist Ihr Unternehmen aber nicht von mir.
And in Arabic, something I don’t have to butcher with google translate;;???? ????? ??? ????
Shoot, Arabic script isn’t supported here. Oh well “ilik deenik walaa deeni.”
@63 Brownwolf- WOOP-WOOP DING-A-LING-A-LING WOOP-WOOP DING-A-LING-A-LING WOOP-WOOP DING-A-LING-A-LING
HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
Mind if I use that?
@118 Hondo, I have a friend who is a nurse- he saw x-rays of a mannequin arm, elbow to fist, “all the way in”…stupid bastards boyfriend let go of it or something…
@154 Sparks- I grew up in the Treasure Valley, saw the northern lights once, I think it was 1981, maybe ’82? Was it about that time you saw them? I don’t think anybody ever believes me…
@150 Curt YES. I remember my son was only 1 or 2 years old then. What a small world!
I meant @ 159 Curt…damned pain pills.
Hot damn, Sparks, THANK YOU!!! I watched those lights for maybe 10 minutes, couldn’t believe I was seeing them so far south! I was of an age that everybody I mentioned it to thought I was smoking something, or just making stuff up.
@162 Curt, same thing! Everybody in the house called BS on me. Until they went outside. It only lasted ten or so minutes like you said. But it was awesome!
@158 Curt,
Go for it. I call it my Brownwolf Bi-Polar Alarm System (Brownwolf B-PAS, which sounds like beepaz), it doesn’t know if to go WOOP-WOOP or DING-A-LING-A-LING.
Enjoy.
Ok. I tried it with my left hand.
It felt like a guy was doing it to me …
Ah … Never mind!
Well you’ve all heard it. It’s an oldie but a goodie so I’m tellin’ it again.
So, Superman is flying over Metropolis one day and looks down with the telescopic vision and there is Wonder Woman, sun bathing nude on the roof of the Justice League all spread eagle. He thinks, man I always wanted me some of that Wonder stuff. Then it hits him, hey I got supper speed! I can zip down there and be gone before she knows. So down he heads! Wonder Woman is laying there and hears this HUGE rush of wind. She opens her eyes and says “WOW what was that”! The Invisible Man says “I don’t know but my ass hurts like hell”!
Hey, I’ll be here all week folks, two shows a night!
These pain pills do the job but man don’t they make me goofy too!
@165 Master Chief…two words…MORE SOAP!
@163 Sparks, my cousin who was with me watching passed not long after, the only other person I knew of who also saw it. Got back to the house, mom would have had me doing a piss test if she had access…
@164 Brownwolf- Wife is going out of town, my son is coming over for Boys Night on Friday- there will be Jaeger, cigars, and much inappropriate conversation- this will be shared with proper attribution and a Hat Tip! Thanks! (mine usually sounds like “BwoopBwoopBwoop…)
Hey Master Chief- no thread killer!
And maybe try some lotion…
@168 Curt sorry about your cousin man. That’s not a good thing. How old were you then, if I may ask? I was 28 or 29 then.
@170 Sparks, I was 17. Thanks- it’s been a long time, but man, I do still miss him.
CAS6, wankenkranken ist besser mit zwei, aber gut mit nur einem. 🙂
@CAS6 Hey bud it’s all the same in any language. A hand, is a hand, is a hand. 😀 And if it feels great…TRY TWO! 😀
@168 Curt,
If any of your home entertainment systems and/or furniture is damaged/destroyed from laughter attributed from my TAH commentary. Remember, just charge it to my Double-Platinum A.A.F.E.S. Card.
@174 Brownwolf- there is always a chance of damage- I’m former Army Pog-ass-motherfuckin HOOAH (his words), he’s a combat Marine Vet…one of us is gonna start some shit-talk… guaranteed…
Keep that card handy- I’m gonna show him this thread!
Um…I guess that should say “Marine combat vet”… sorry, brain damage. Hell, I can’t even claim “pain killers” *wink*
@176 Hey Curt…ya want some? I could, ya know, hook ya up man.
😀
@172 hey Ex, I just saw that and did the Google translate on it. Too funny. Glad you’re keepin’ CAS6 squared away. 😀
@115, VOV, I always thought God made Women like that so if they pass out at a party, you can carry her home like a sixpack!! *ducks quickly*
The reason cavemen dragged their women by the hair? If they dragged them by the leg, they’d fill up with rocks and dirt!
*Pa-CHSSSSHH!* *Duck into low crawl*
And EVERYTHING Men UNDERSTAND about women,
………………
Well, BYU took it upon themselves to wipe out the threat to mankind caused by not being the master of their own domain. I am just looking forward to the sequel when they tackle auto-erotic asphyxiation.
@179 Proud…HEY you da man!
Zwei Frauen? Das ist nicht die Art und Weise Mormon in diesen Tagen!
@179, Proud- ya hafta drag them by the hair FACE UP…so you don’t mess the girls up…
@177 Sparks- I’m good, got to the house and poured some gin, thanks!
Prost, Dickweeds!
Nein, nein, nein! Zwei Personen, sie beugen.
Comrades in Arms: Since I am a convert in The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-day Saints (i.e., the so-called “Mormon” church), you might have some interest in my own point of view. Before it became a four year university, and the name was changed to BYU-Idaho, it was a junior college in Rexburg, Idaho, named Ricks College, offering only associate degrees. Back in those days, when I was living in the apartment above the lobby of the “ROXY” theatre in Saint Anthony, Idaho (where I performed in gatherings of the Cowboy Poets of Idaho, and also acted in local community theatre plays), I used to enjoy doing volunteer work at Ricks College. Using the donated facilities of the college’s radio station, I was one of a group of volunteers who would read to the blind (or illiterate, or whatever), who had special sideband radio receivers in their homes. I especially enjoyed reading editorials and obituaries, and was so good at what I did, that I received fan mail, and even had my own stalker, a blind lady who called the radio station so often, that she had to be threatened with a court injunction! Also, I would go to colege early, sitting on the lawn, playing my guitar, and singing, deliberately attracting attention, which allowed me an opportunity to tell students about the volunteer radio reading service. Ricks College (now BYU-Idaho) sits on a hill, and when the Teton Dam burst, it was the only part of Rexburg not flooded. At Christmas, because the population of that entire region overwhelmingly composed of Latter-day Saints, the Salvation Army asked the Church leaders for help in soliciting volunteers to ring bells at Wal-Mart, which was announced and coordinated by the Public Information Office at Ricks College. I jumped at the chance, asking if, instead of ringing a bell, I could play my guitar and sing Christmas carols? So, that’s what happened, and how I got my picture on the front page of the local Fremont County newspaper. When I donned my Santa Claus cap and started singing, folks rushed to fill… Read more »
Here is the updated video URL:
http://youtu.be/Lhxv-lcChGM
Here is the URL for the news report:
http://www.idahostatesman.com/2014/02/05/3010396/byu-idaho-video-tells-students.html
Here is the URL of the devotional talk given by President Kim B. Clark on Tuesday 15 January 2008 at BYU-Idaho:
http://www2.byui.edu/Presentations/Transcripts/Devotionals/2008_01_15_Clark.htm#storylink=relast
Here is the OFFICIAL STATEMENT issued by BYU-Idaho:
“Brigham Young University-Idaho adheres to the doctrines and practices of its sponsoring institution, The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-day Saints.
As such, we regard addiction to pornography as a harmful and destructive vice.
We also regard each other as brothers and sisters and believe we have a Christian obligation to watch out for the spiritual and physical well-being of those around us.
The sole purpose of the video recording is to illustrate those principles for BYU-Idaho students as well as to encourage them to reach out in a spirit of love and concern if someone they know is struggling with any form of addiction.
Any other interpretation of the video recording is inaccurate and unwarranted.”
Here is the URL of my blog post regarding this topic:
http://writesong.blogspot.com/2014/02/masturbation.html
Well, despite their good intentions, the Virginia state legislature has not yet removed that law making which criminzalizes sex outside of marriage. They’ve failed.
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/crime-courts/virginia-bill-decriminalize-sex-outside-marriage-stalls-n23516
I’m SO glad I don’t live in Virginia any more.
@PH2 – be glad Virginia doesn’t border Utah… they’d outlaw masturbation outside of marriage too.
(Thread comes full circle)
and y’know, it’s kind of amusing seeing this huge long thread on the joys/horrors/ways/etc of Rosey Palm – and below is the link to the next page that says al-Qaeda is
“getting out of hand”.
***LADIES BE WARNED***TOO MUCH INFO AHEAD***
Since today’s threads have centered, by and large, around health and health care here’s my little “health drama” for the day. This in me being open, honest and transparent folks. Feel free to skip this comment.
I go to the bathroom a couple hours ago to trim my pubes in preparation for the upcoming surgery. BECAUSE, having had several surgeries, I have endured the very uncomfortable experience of having a couple or three pubic hairs rammed down my pee hole along with the catheter! Quite painful to wake from recovery with I might add.
So I get out my Wahl clippers and go to work. I am DONE but make one last pass over the “boys”. But do I do? I NICK ONE OF MY NADS!!! The pain, oh the pain. Plus, like the medic in the movie “There’s Something About Mary”, shouted, “IT’S A BLEEDER”!!!
Now sitting here with Neosporin and packed with gauze and a pack of frozen peas. (Ex-PH2’s helpful suggestion.) I have a learned a little from the experience.
Big safety tip here guys for your, and my, future reference.
NEVER BUT NEVER TRIM YOU PUBES WHEN YOU HAVE HAD PAIN MEDS!
The mind is just not focused and clear enough for such a delicate procedure in such an IMPORTANT place!!!
So, there you have it. I know, probably a thread stopper here but I like you guys, one and all and want to offer any worthwhile advice I may come across. Good or…bad.
@191-You seem to ge injured down there a lot more than most men. Didn’t you have a biki accident a week ago (smile)?
Though seriously, my deep and utter sympathy. That would hurt like all get out.
Oh, *bike*.
@192 HS, yes that was me who slipped off the peddle and landed on the boys. I’m not doing anything else remotely hazardous in any way.
@195-The worst injury down there I ever heard of happened to a friend of a friend at another school. Like way too many teenage boys, he started telling everybody he’d tagged all bases with the girl he’d been dating for a month, and basically ruined her reputation by doing so. Her friends confronted him, and when one of them got a little too angry for his taste, he slapped her. She kicked him so hard in the nads it ruptured one of his testicles, and he had to be taken to the hospital. His other testicle later had to be removed because it got infected. So he’s a eunuch. And of course the girl didn’t get punished because she acted in self-defense. Serves him right. So, whenever we accidently wack ourselves there doing all kinds of stupid stuff, at the very least we didn’t end up like that poor douche 🙂
He never did get to do ‘it’, either before he lost em’ both, so he’ll die a virgin. Goes to show-don’t talk smack about women.
@196 I’ll tell you another one, similar on a different day. Right now, that story is makin’ me kinda nauseous. 😀
@198-I’ll say. Watch me tell it to some of my friends though. The look upon the average teenage boy’s face when confronted with the prospect of no sexual activity ever is one of such terror, horror, sympathy, and pity that no words can quite describe it. 😀
@199 HS at my age, it is somewhat less of a “significant” issue as it use to be, though still VERY important to all things being in good working order. 😀 Yet, I wouldn’t be happy about it because of a major side effect of the life long hormones you have to take…MAN BOOBS! 😀