The great BYU war on masturbation
Um, what?
My Mom said it would make me go blind. I now have 20/400 vision, so joke is on her. I can almost see my hairy palm.
I had to have a swim test a few weeks ago at the doctors office, and it was the only test I had ever studied for 30 years. (I passed) But can we agree that the war analogy here is misplaced? VT Woody and Sniper were fighting this horrible war mere feet from my bunk in Afghanistan.
Category: Politics
Poor little thing. Chip, that’s just m – – n. What do I tell Mikey now?
@101 Okay, okay. So I just had a little conversation with the wife before she left for work about all things, “shower head” and such, since we have one of those two part with hand held jobs in our master bath. As she explained it all I stood with a befuddled, blank look on my face and realized, women, have a secret society of mysterious knowledge about things to which I as a man am not privy. I ended by saying, “What?” She ended as she often does, (like when I ask questions about a guy or gal and what they just said in any romance movie) with her old standby, “you are such a…man”! But as always when I hear that I gather from tone and inflection she was not referring to my masculinity by my “state” of being as a “man”.
Oh Yea…well, just…yea! And I’m damned proud of it too!
PH2 – that link is being forwarded WW….
Three seconds thought said hmmm, shower massager… shower may be crowded with two but bet it’ll be fun… just don’t use the ‘high’ setting.
@103 David I get all the two person operation of said shower head and potential pleasures there of. I was just lost like a babe in the woods on the whole subject of self use. For anyone. I have never used the hand held part as I take a regular Joe type shower. I was just having an awful time figuring out what women did with it since the ONLY time I took it down and adjusted it I got it on the “high, paint blast off” setting and damn near put my own eye out. After wrestling it against the wall and getting it back to a normal setting I hung it up, never to take it down again.
Damn, Sparks . . . you’ve been married how long and you’re only now hearing about the “Secrets of the Sisterhood? (smile)
Whoops. Just got a call from the wifey. She’s ready for her morning Starbucks and since she works outside the home I will go get her one. Why? Because I am just that kinda guy! 😀
Any of you mugs use the PW reference and we’re fightin’.
@106 Hondo, Been married a long time and I guess there are just things I never thought of and never thought to ask about. What’s hers is hers and what’s mine is mine and we meet in the middle for well…you know. 😀 Beyond that I don’t want to try and figure out the mysteries of women. I kinda like them mysterious and all if you know what I mean.
Besides to attempt to do so would bring into play nonlinear equations, the chaos and string theories and such. I just don’t have the head for it anymore. 😀
Some knowledge is just not meant for mortal Man, Sparks. (smile)
I just got flashed sitting in the Walgreens parking lot. A girl riding a motorcycle wearing a very short skirt. There’s a reason motorcycles are called “crotch rockets” and more than one reason women ride.
@ #12: You aren’t going to the right parties…..
Sparks, there is another concern with the shower head massage technique, as a man any attempt to use that device needs to take into consideration water pressure and aim point….for a female if she misses the “sweet spot” (so to speak) it’s just water on skin….for a male if you attempt this and miss water pressure will be streaming onto your more sensitive testicles….depending on the water pressure at your house this will be a mistake you will not soon make a second time….
@111 VOV…”shower massage for guys”
Like Manny Pacquiao attacking the speed bag like a WARRIOR
/I mean unless you’re *into* that kinda thing
Sparks – Since us women folk brought up something you’ve never heard of how about you explain something to us. I read a couple articles last week about guys going to the ER with stuff lodged in a definite “exit” only orifice (for everyone, male and female alike). Things like spaghetti noodles (uncooked) and wire and leggos. What the hell is the benefit of this?! Why!?
@107 Sparks: I will spell out below what men know about women.
……………….
Regarding the mysteries of the female, it’s more about location than mystery….
I’ve always believed that female anatomy proves God is man, after all only a man puts a playground next to the dump…
/duck
!113 Valkyrie…well ugh. I don’t know and that’s the truth!!! Nothing and I mean nothing goes in my “out” hole except instruments applied by a competent medical professional.
While I have heard of such things and all I have to say is …GAY…QUEER!!!
@114 Twist you are correct.
@115 VOV I always knew God was a man. Because if God were a woman, she would have made, you know what, taste like chocolate! 😀
Craziest story along the “odd objects” line I ever heard was one I read purportedly written by an ER nurse or tech (or maybe an EMT). The short version is that one day they brought a guy to the ER with a freaking doorknob lodged in an . . . interesting place.
They purportedly carried him in on the door (they’d removed it from the door frame) instead of a gurney or stretcher, face up, covered by a sheet or blanket.
I don’t wanna know any more details than that, thanks. (smile)
@118 Hondo…now I think I am just threw up in my mouth. 😀
Sparks: to get over that, imagine the visual of two burly EMTs carrying the “unfortunate fellow” in on that door while trying desperately to keep from dropping him while they’re laughing their asses off. If I recall correctly, the story said that was probably the hardest thing about the whole call (the more I recall about the story, the more I think it was written by an EMT). (smile)
@98 Veritas Omnia Vincit,
At least, I trust that man’s hand.
@99 Ex-PH2,
If I wasn’t already married, Svetlana “Cool-my-Kova” Kolmykova, would be my Russian Mail Order bride from that link you provided. Hush, don’t tell my wife – it’s her turn to cook tonight!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2550897/Off-piste-Russias-female-Olympians-Russia-goes-Sochi-charm-offensive-scantily-clad-photo-call-athletes-youve-never-seen-before.html
@120 Hondo I’ve been laughing ever since I read your post. I can see the guy and I am imagining if they HAD dropped him and the knob had yanked out the rough way! I can’t imagine the EMTs trying to hold it together and do their job.
Reminds me of this. Below is a link to a photo of a weight lifter who shall we say, strained a bit too hard on that clean and jerk. CAREFUL IN VIEWING!
http://www.documentingreality.com/forum/attachments/f149/118145d1263209303-rectal-blowout-rectalprolapse.jpg
@122 Sparks,
Congratulations, you just killed this thread with “that thing.”
@123 Brownwolf 😀 I admit it was rather oblique to the thread but not to Hondo’s post. Hope everyone enjoys! I know the first time I saw the news article about that Penn State weight lifter, I ached for about a week.
Having had the joy of a colonoscopy and a few hemorrhoids in my life I really, REALLY felt for the poor guy.
@125 Sparks,
Yeah, it’s one thing to image the condition, another to visually see what it is, and yet another to actually experience it.
Humming Dixie to self, I’m going back to one of the Phonies threads with my tar and feathers….
@100 ChipNASA I must have gotten distracted. I just backtracked and clicked on your link. LAUGHED MY ASS OFF!!!
I gotta email that link to my wife, the cat lover in the family. Thanks so much Chip! 😀 😀 😀
STILL LAUGHING MY ASS OFF!!!
for once I think I just felt sympathy for the President…. getting his head up there shoulda hurt.
Hondo – Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “Don’t let the door knob hit you in the ass on the way out!” (I’m really surprised no one beat me to that one) 🙂
Sparks – Seek help! hah!
@100 ChipNasa sorry folks but I have that on my screen background now. Every time I see the evil monsters chasing the kitten in the grass and think of the caption I am mopping up tears of laughter. 😀 😀 😀
David – For some people they live their whole life with their head up their ass, they forgot about the pain of it a long time ago. Most of the time it causes more pain to the rest of us than it does to themselves. 🙂
@ Sparks,
… However, we are all having a ball or two up in here with all this humor. I’m not sure if to write a pun was intended or no pun intended!?!
Hondo is the best referee on semantics, waiting for his call on this circumstance.
Dammit Sparks! I wanted #130. I hate odd numbers!
I am so glad I read Brownwolf’s comment before I would have clicked Sparks’ link. My hat is off to you for taking one for the team.
@134 Twist on come on and soldier up! LOOK AT IT. I am still laughing over ChipNASA’s killing kittens link! You know we don’t or speaking for myself, I don’t say often enough how much I enjoy TAH. How much I admire and appreciate all of you here. It is great to feel again the camaraderie I felt in service. And although I do mean this with all my heart, I am looking over at my bottle of pain medicine sitting next to me.
😀 😀 😀
I think I’ll join Brownwolf in humming a chorus of Dixie now!
I’m kinda lonely today so…Somebody pleeeeeease respond! I’m sorry if my link in #122 sorta killed the thread as Brownwolf suggested. I promise I’ll VOLUNTEER for two weeks extra duty. 😀
You ladies at least, may some feelings here, please. 😀
Correction to 136 “You ladies at least, HAVE some feelings here, please.” 😀
Damned pain pills! 😀
Okay I’m talking with myself here so, I’ll wander over to the other threads and see if I can learn something. Remember, I wasn’t in the Navy so it’s okay to say…I love you guys. 😀
I know what you’re all thinking too…”if that damned Sparks puts in ONE MORE SMILEY FACE…we’re going to get him banned from the blog”. 😀
Still humming Dixie to self – trying to forget Sparks “special image link.” 😉
@Sparks, I truly feel for that weightlifter. That makes it quite clear why regularity is so very important. And as David said @128, it shows the consequences of kissing one’s own behind far too often.
I’m glad to know now that some of you do understand a few, but important, parts of the feminine mystique.
There is, after all, more to plumbing than just valves and spigots.
Ex-PH2, there are technical plumbers and artistic plumbers having one capable of a little of both is the best outcome.
@140 Ex…It’s true, it’s true.
@141 VOV…good thought.
@139 Brownwolf…being raised in the south, I love “Dixie”.
Sparks,
Were you my SSG in Alaska?
@143 Brownwolf, sorry I never was in Alaska, thank God.
Rereading this thread though and pretty soon I’ll have to go to the little boys room and well, Madonna said it best “touch myself”. 😀
But I’ve thought of the weight lifter image again and now I’ll just go take a big Bernath instead.
@143 Brownwolf To get that outa your head just switch mental channels to Colonel Kurtz wispering, “The horror…the horror”.
In retrospect, I think what it boils down to is that the Mormons think that the side effect of self-stimulation, or for that matter, external stimulation by any means, which side effect is, to say, a climactic event under any circumstances, during which few, brief seconds, the participant(s) may briefly become semi-conscious, is naughty.
In case no one understood what I said, the translation is as follows: Mormons are afraid of orgasms.
@146 Ex I laughed my butt off but you spoke the truth. What comes to my mind is, “much ado about nothing”.
Sparks,
Alaska, as a duty station, was not bad at all. I enjoyed my three year stint there. We had a SSG who was always complaining about his hemorrhoids being a pain in the ass. 😉
@149 Brownwolf believe me “assteroids” are orders of magnitude worse in the cold. Such as my visits to Minot and Grand Forks, ND.