A Potential Solution to the Problem of the Badge

Having reviewed all the complaints and angst-ridden responses to the possibilities of having to change the EIB/CIB designations from Infantryman to something else, it is safe to say that there is a solution to this problem.

Instead of the term “Infantryman” being changed to “Infantryperson” or “Infantrytroop”, or some such other birdbrained, braindead, confoundedly idiotic notions, to make it equally applicable to all participants who qualify, the suffix –man can be changed to hominid.

To use this term requires nothing but a slight understanding of science.

While modern humans are, indeed, referred to as Humans, the correct scientific name is Homo sapiens. However, in today’s insufferable, smothering, and painfully politically correct environment of spoken and written terms, one cannot use the scientifically correct term ‘Homo’ as it may be mistakenly misconstrued to be an insult to gay people and those occupying all those extra sexes.

Therefore, the term Infantryhomo could definitely draw ire and noisily angry rebuttal from both sides of the Fence of Sexuality. And of course, one cannot use Infantryhetero because it indicates that the badge earned is only applicable to those not involved in or occupying the LGBTGSGQXRT hemisphere.

I gave this problem a good deal of consideration and thought over a PB&J sandwich last night, while my cat was begging me for some bacon crumbles after a prolonged stalk and mousekil,l and came up with a possible solution.

The simplest and most direct way to solve this problem is presented by Science, through the application of –hominid to Infantry, resulting in Infantryhominid.

I believe that this is completely neutral terminology.

Now, mind you, this will be sufficient as long as we consider ourselves to be alone in the Universe. However, when we find other species who want to join with us Earthpeople in chasing down and eliminating the Bad Guys, we may have to revise that suffix again to accommodate the needs and desires of those other alien species.

If they’re essentially Hominid in type, which is to say bipedal, upright, and manually ambidexterous, then it’s not an issue and won’t require another change of vocabulary for a while.

But if we discover some 6-limbed, 4-legged cavalry types (centaurs) who can gallop, leap an obstacle with ease, carry a rider with a weapon, and also carry a weapon and shoot the Enemy, are we going to exclude them from the Infantry application of the badge? I think not. On the other hand, they might prefer a Cav/Infantry or Heavy Horse specialty designation, plus a personal groom.

Will it matter if they walk, slide or ooze, as long as they can hold, aim and shoot a weapon? It should not.

After all, if you were a sentient slime mold that can absorb and dispose of an entire platoon of the Bad Guys and still manifest good table manners in the mess hall while you’re at it, wouldn’t you want to have that acknowledged by your wearing of the Infantry badge?

I believe that the term Infantry, which is plainly a specialty in warfare now, has been so well into the distant past, and will be so for centuries to come, should continue to have a specialty designation, regardless of the species, physical structure, or personal orientation of the Troop who is wearing it.

Hence the suggestion of the use of Infantryhominid .

That oughta make the snot-nosed little SJWs writhe in agony.

Category: "Teh Stoopid", Dumbass Bullshit, Satire