Monkress’ Moron brigade still in Teh Fight

Note, please hit play on this youtube before reading.  It will enhance your reading pleasure.

Dear “Judgment day” (IP: 71.178.164.92)

You really are a fucking moron. Seriously.

Your comment you left last night is so asinine that it made me giggle.

Jonn and Mark in WV and Indiana, Keep it up especially your filthy vile content.What is going to play really well with your neighbors in the 21st Judicial Circuit, is all the uncontrolled speech as to excretory and uro-genital sex organs and unnatural acts. Really makes your point becoming in your content,

I’m going to avoid using [sic] as I go through your illiterate ramblings here for the sole reason that no one has the time it would take to make this conform with the traditional rules of grammar, spelling and logic. First, great work on the research! Took a Sherlock Holmesian genius like your self to accomplish locating us. I mean, what with our Facebook pages displaying where we live.

Second of all, the 21st Judicial Circuit, if that is where you would chose to file a claim will love our “uncontrolled speech as to excretory and uro-genital sex organs and unnatural acts.” Dude, everyone loves our uncontrolled speech. (What in the holy name of Spongebob’s dick is “uncontrolled speech”?)

The court couldn’t care less whether I think (and write) that Monkress is a chocolate starfish nibbling assmonkey who should eat a bag of steamed muskrat testicles. They don’t care if I write that in my opinion he is the homo sapiens equivalent of bovine fecal matter. All the court cares about is whether it was a malicious publication expressed either in print or in writing, tending to expose another to public hatred, contempt, or ridicule, and (as Monkress is a public person) whether that statement was published knowing it to be false or with reckless disregard to its truth. To date, no one associated with Monkress has stated that we have an incorrect statement of fact in anything we’ve written about him. They can’t. We cite to our sources and show you pictures of where he said it. End of discussion.

But we can tell right off that this guy isn’t a lawyer. A lawyer would have known that

At the heart of the First Amendment is the recognition of the fundamental importance of the free flow of ideas and opinions on matters of public interest and concern. The freedom to speak one’s mind is not only an aspect of individual liberty – and thus a good unto itself – but also is essential to the common quest for truth and the vitality of society as a whole. We have therefore been particularly vigilant to ensure that individual expressions of ideas remain free from governmentally imposed sanctions.

Of course, the publisher in that case was vindicated, probably because they never engage in discussions about such horrid things as an anthropomorphised Porifera penis. Oh wait, it was Hustler Magazine. Disregard.

The worst speech, you thought, you’d deleted with your admin privileges. Surprise! Everything was logged. What will also play well with your neighbors in Mineral, is the inciting of your readership to call up employees with phone calls from all over and harass innocents. trapped,traced and correlated as to blog names.

OK, I’ll bite: where did we exhort our lemming readership to “harass innocents”? I don’t remember telling anyone to call employees either, but provided they are at their place of employment, I don’t see how that would be illegal either. It’s not against the law to encourage someone else to call a business to express discontent with marketting or sales practices. Especially as (you might have noted) Stolen Valor is in the news a bit, and Monkress appears to have done just that.

Also, what “worst speech” have we deleted?  Now you have me curious.  The only thing I know of being deleted is your idiotic ramblings and attempts to get someone to use my SSN for fraudulent purposes.  As Jonn is fond of saying “the internet is forever” so we don’t delete much of anything.  (c.f. Ronald Mailahn Jr.)

Also, is this Attorney General Holder?  I thought you recused yourself?  You can trap, trace and correlate to your heart’s content, but if you get caught, you’ll probably be going to federal “pound me in the ass prison.”

A good endeavor as to Stolen Valor now all tied up in the record, as to more heinous violations. misdemeanors and felonies back to the 50’s. Nice job you Internet Masters of the Universe.

So much nuggety goodness in this quote. Jonn was under 5 during the 50’s, and I was -11. What kind of misdeameanors were Jonn and I perpetrating from Kindergarten and prenatally?

I love “heinous” though. I’m guessing you just watched My Cousin Vinny.

Now we’re going to be asking you to return a verdict of Murder in the First Degree for William Gambini, and a verdict of Accessory to Murder in the First Degree, for Stanley Rothenstein, for helping Gambini commit this heinous crime.

May it please the court….

I like being the Internet Master of the Universe. Look out, lest I call on the Power of Numbskull.

Remeber when your served

It is “remember” and “you are” or “you’re”. Also, we use periods to end a sentence. That is the worst missing period since 8 months before you were born.

Think you own your pulpit?

Is this some version of “you didn’t build that” which I don’t understand? Who owns our pulpit?

He then publishes my SSN and DOB. Which is fine. I have Lifelock, and half of Afghanistan already had my SSN and DOB because some moron sold a hard drive at the bazaar outside Bagram with my entire unit’s info on it. I strongly recommend you don’t try to get an Indianapolis Library Card in my name. Dudes over there hate me for not bringing back the 15 CD collection of David Gemmell’s Swords of Night and Day.

Monkress must be feeling the heat. It’s not likely to ease up. I’m awaiting a letter from a Congressman who asked me to sign some thing on their investigation. Apparently they needed a concerned citizen to own up to wanting him checked out, and I am happy to do so. If I wanted to be anonymous, I wouldn’t sign my name to it.

For the record also, I sent his lawyer an email on Saturday notifying her of my contact information to serve process on, or to discuss it with her. She never responded. Apparently plan B after figuring out he didn’t have a case was to stand up the Moron brigade. If you want to impress me, you’ll have to do better. Find out what was on my Kindle, and then return it to me. Now that would impress me. You should start at the Ames, Iowa hotel I was at last week, room 305. Look under the bed, I fell asleep to Stargate SG1’s “1969” episode.

Minor Addition:

It occurs to me I should always close with the court ruling in Gidduck.  That’s the case where the plaintiff, John Gidduck, ended up having to pay attorneys fees because his claim was absurd right from jump street.

The statements by Defendant Warrington that Plaintiff Giduck was a liar, fraud, scammer and imposter because he misrepresented his credentials are not actionable. Opining that someone is a liar, a fraud or was untruthful about his or her background, is, perhaps unfortunately, a common implement in American discourse. Such epithets are obviously statements of opinion and are protected under the rules enunciated in Milkovich and Burns….

Defendant Niblett’s statement that Plaintiff Giduck is a “piece of shit” or, a “fool,” a “fraud,” a “poser civilian,” and a “clown” are patently Niblett’s opinion and are not actionable. If every statement along these lines formed the basis for a libel or slander case, the courts of this country would be entirely devoted to the litigation of defamation claims. These are statements of opinion and are protected under the rules enunciated in Milkovich and Burns…

The statements attributed to these Defendants regarding Giduck were blunt, uncomplimentary, and probably “rhetorical hyperbole.” But they were also privileged statements of opinion protected by the First Amendment as applied in a litany of Supreme Court and Colorado appellate cases.

UPDATE: I hadn’t seen this (thank you Jason) but it applies:

ADDED: Phillip Dale Monkress, Phil Monkress, APL, All-Point Logistics, Big Daddy Dale, I like to dress in women’s underwear cause it makes me feel sexy Monkress,  Monkeyass, E. Dale Buxton Esq.

Category: Politics