Final 8 of the 2012 Ballduster McSoulpatch Stolen Valor Tournament
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR NOT SO GREAT EIGHT!
Justice Kennedy Regional:
Sharkey def. Wittgenfeld (thank you Jesus) 51.7 – 48.3
Truitt def. Comacho 56.8 – 43.2
Justice Ginsburg Regional:
Fatty McQuartermillion Pounder def. Sensei John 64.4 – 35.6
Oliver def. Tillson (farewell to boobies) 52.3 – 47.7
Justice Sotomayor Regional:
Wilson def. Creekmur 71.5 – 28.5
Diliberto def. Vaughn 57.4 – 42.6
Chief Justice Roberts Regional:
Stuttering Poe def. Brockbrader 72.6 – 27.4
Gunny Highway Mailahn def. Clumpner (IVAW is out) 62.8 – 37.2
Next week we vote for the Final Four.
For the Wittgenfeldian Truthers:
Category: Politics
Sharkey’s gonna take this!
Gunny Driveway FTW!!!
Can’t believe Witlessgeld-ing lost out to Sharkey. I think we had some “Chicago-style” voting going on. I demand a recount! (smile)
I’m starting to really like FFM’s chances for the final. Sharkey is a clown – but so is FFM, and FFM looks to have 100lbs on him! I look for both of those dipsticks to take their quarters easily. (Lord knows FFM has plenty of experience with quarter-pounders!) Ought to be close between the Inhaler and FFM in that semi.
I can’t believe “Goth-boy” Wilson got past perhaps the most deserving (on stolen valor grounds) candidate left, Creekmur, so easily. But I think that Dildo-man takes him out next.
Poe and Driveway? IMO, just too damn close to call.
Gotta agree, Hondo, FFM looks golden now. But, I think that Tillson deserves a recount.
FIX! FIX! FIX! The fix is definitely in! Admittedly Sharkey is an abomination but “Whatthef*ck” deserves the scorn of the entire universe!
Poe or mailman…hmm. Tough choice.
I am sad. Now Gettfucked will feel he’s been vindicated.
Hanging chads, man. Hanging chads.
A basement warrior (Wilson) with eyeliner, no rank insignia, no name tape, and Army tab on the wrong side, beats (handily) a former Army dude claiming to be a Navy SEAL Senior Chief with six Navy Crosses (just for starters) and has gone to the expense of Trident tatoos, uniforms, shadow boxes, and plaques. I apparently am using different criteria than most (or Wilson got all his meth buddies to vote).
Looks like 3/8 have never served (as far as we know).
“Chicago style” doesn’t mean the totals are wrong, TSO. It means folks, including dead ones, voted “early and often”. (smile)
Seriously, just kidding. I always figured that the Witlessgel-ding vs Inhaler round was going to be close as hell and could go either way. I just thought Witlessgel-ding would squeak by.
Especially after I found the Wittgenfeld monument. (smile)
I was really pushing for Creekmur… Darn.
Oh shoot, dilly Dallas didn’t win. Stand by for the Law suit threats TAH…hahahahaha .
It would be great to see the two Marine Sgt.Maj,s as the two finalist. The Marine SgtMaj SEAL vs. the Worlds youngest Marine SgtMaj. That would be an epic ending to this tournament.
Scotty: FFM would eat Mailman for breakfast. Literally. (smile)
I don’t see that choice as hard. Let’s reason this out –
A doped-up dipshit child gets a uniform he doesn’t understand, with PFC insignia, dresses up, and pretends he was one. Wrong? Yeah. But a winning move for the ‘Dusters? No.
What if the unform actually said “staff sergeant” or “officer” or even “three star general” or “SF E-8” – any difference, really? The dumb dweeb doesn’t know one from another.
Now what if he’s a doped-up dipshit adult who still has the mind of a doped-up dipshit child? Even if he looks to have eaten two or three of the latter? Or the Yithians have completed the brain transfer and his new mind hasn’t visited this strange place called “Earth”? Yeah, he’s a valor thief and yeah he’s a skunk dropping on the sidewalk of life. But I’d hate to think a child could walk off with a ‘Duster just by not knowing what he’s got on.
No, I don’t want a skunk dropping – I want the full, unburned, not-cleaned-for-a-week skunk port-a-potty – someone who didn’t just play “dress-up,” but “fraud.” Truant, Dilto, and Poe de Chambre.
Alberich: Your logic is good. But people don’t always use logic when they vote – see Wilson v. Creekmur and Oliver v. Tillotson.
I’m thinking we’ve got a 16-seed here who might just make the finals.
Gunny Driveway FTW!!! Fuck the flying assclown! He can’t do anything right!
Wittgenfeld lost? That’s it, I’m calling in the ACLU. We have an obvious case of voter fraud here!
FFM is posing as a Master Guns, FWIW…
@7: kp, I know what you mean about a difference between the “career enhancers” and the outright “career maker-uppers.” I actually feel *pity* for some of the maker-uppers, the occasional guy that for whatever bizarre reason thinks he needs to embellish his record, especially when their real service records happen to be admirable.
Personally, I’m most offended by guys like Wittgenfeld and Creekmur who are completely unrepentant embellishers with very poor attitudes and I’m basically just amused by nut jobs like Sharkey with all their weird ass talk. Wittgenfeld does get one good boy point because it looks like some of his show jumps are for halfway decent causes (correct me if I’m wrong) but then he has to go and ruin it by being a loudmouth embellisher.
Long story short, I’m going for Gunny Driveway on this one. He’s bringing the most value for douchy amusement, IMHO. The red tee shirt goes a LONG way to make him the douchiest.
@17, I agree with you.
In fact, if I ruled out the things Wittgenfeld has written to us, and in comments, and went exclusively on his record, it wasn’t that problematic. I think he is lying when he says he didn’t tell the reporters those things, but it was like 30 years ago, and doesn’t seem to be happening since. And he seems to v9olunteer a lot and help organizations. So take away his racist comments, sexist comments, harrassing of Mary and Jonn etc, he’s not that odious. But his comments….if he would just shut up.
NOOOOOO! What’s Holder’s number? Where are the New Black Panthers?
No Wittgenfeld???? No Vaughn??? YGBSM!!!
My Leg wife is going to be pissed…Vaughn’s medals turned her on.
This sucks. But I’ll suck it up and move on.
DullASS proving yet again, he’s a fucking loser.
Goth Death Blossom? Come on, people–he’s also claimed he’s from COMPTON, for fucks sake–you WANT to see him around Compton, you NEED to see him around Compton.
And Wilson? I’ve got to give him the nod over Quarter McMillion Pounder–at least 1–we know who he is, 2–he’s been published, 3–his “wife” has threatened to sue us. I’m surprised he didn’t get at least 3 Purple Hearts on that HALO jump into the Kandahar Baskin Robbins with that sweet pony tail whipping the shit right out of his face.
Frankly, I think we ought to take all their Airsoft shit away and replace them with real weapons so when they fuck around, they’ll do something hilarious like blow their fucking worthless skulls out.
Fucking worthless POS losers, the lot of them.
#13, yes, you can see from TSO’s post on the Vlad-Witless matchup that he’s some kind of dangerous fundie crypto-theocrat. Probably speaks in tongues (now that I think of it, so does Vlad himself, Do Svidaniya, Nel Sangue…that explains everything!).
@18: “So take away his racist comments, sexist comments, harrassing of Mary and Jonn etc, he’s not that odious.” LOL, he just needs a personality transplant and he’d be a hell of a guy! 🙂
Meant Oliver, not Wilson in the third para.
Jeez…getting so you can’t keep track of the douchebaggery without a scorecard.
@17–The red tee shirt goes a LONG way to make him the douchiest.
But the hogtied girlfriend was just pure fucking comedy gold.
@24: True re the hogtied GF, it was funny. OTOH, I feel sorry for her, being duped by an asshole and then having her picture posted all over the internet like that. Granted, there’s a certain amount of “she deserves it cuz she’s dumb” but I’m not sure I agree with that…
We gotta remember that there are real people behind ALL of these pictures, and the only ones who deserve our abuse are the perpetrators, not the victims.
oh man, poe and gunny driveway in a faceoff? thats gonna be a photo finish
I completely agree with TSO. I’m SO happy Whatthefuck lost! And it’s not because I was pushing for the Cock Inhaler from the very beginning, but because Whatthefuck is more of an embarrassment than anything else. He makes me feel sad and angry at the same time. I’m thrilled he’s gone!
And the fact that he lost to a fat, blood-suckling kiddie toucher is a special coup de grace!
@25–I feel sorry for her as well, but only to a point. Takes two to tango and all that, and frankly, why bring a camera into the bedroom?
Guess I’m old fashioned that way.
If Gunny Driveway can get past Poe’s celebrity status, this tourney is all but finished.
I think he can. Once Poe got knocked off the show, he all but disappeared. Gunny Driveway, OTOH, still gets posts in his thread how many months since it popped up?
Second most popular thread in TAH history, if my numbers are correct.
“But the hogtied girlfriend was just pure fucking comedy gold.”
Link? I can’t find this nugget. I’m doing research for my next vote.
It’s in the original thread somewhere.
Please, don’t make me link to it. It’s just too horrible.
The next round would be a no-brainer if embellishing for personal gain (even if the ‘gain’ was only publicity as a hero) was the criteria most heavily weighted:
Truitt, Oliver, Diliberto, Poe.
@31- http://yfrog.com/kf47573870j
Boom. Flip through those beauties.
@33- Gunny Driveway stole $12,000 from a girls’ little league, and his court defense was a variation of “I’m the youngest GySgt in the marines! I would never throw my career (my honor, the corps, whatever) away and do something like this”.
Didn’t work out too well for him, though. Driveway ain’t no stranger to lying about service for personal gain.
SJ, don’t make me see it again. I just ate lunch and don’t feel like throwing up or having nightmares!?! Since the “Whatthef*k” is out, Dungway is my next best hope.
I’m disappointed that cornfield commando, Sensei John, lost, but with a #16 seed going this deep in the tourney, anything is possible.
@35- I did not know that piece of the story, thanks. I thought he was just a facebook poser that wasn’t really fooling anyone with his BS and was a definite source of amusement on this site. BTW, did the court believe him?
WONDERFUL!!!!! At least in one regard. Glad to see that the multiple votes helped keep Whatsitsidget OUT!! Yeah, I voted, uhm, never mind. I only voted once. Maybe twice. Yeah. That is all.
Ugh. I clicked. I should not have clicked.
My future votes are starting to gel. Wish I could write-in Vaughan/Wittgenfeld.
OWB you wanted wittgenturd out?! I’m hurt, you gave me “pudding stuff”! I think I’ve made my loathe for wittgendouche obvious and you wanted to boot him? I think I’m gonna lay in the corner in a fetal position and cry softly to myself.
I can’t get over Cock Inhaler’s mug. Anyone else feel like throwing up when they look at his pic? I know I do. *shudder*
And this is certainly not a disappointing lineup. Several of my favorites are up there. Woohoo! =)
okay, now it gets really tough. Despicable, all of them.
See now Dallas the Dumbfuck is going to go around claiming that he won the 2012 Ballduster McSoulpatch Stolen Valor Tournament. He is going to make a bust of the illustrious Ballduster McSoulpatch and carry it around claiming he won when we know in fact he did not. I hope you are happy he was counting on this to give him another bonafide to claim, but now he is just going to have to fake it.
Now I am going to have to think of a totally new voting strategy. Poe V Driveway I am going to have to pray on that vote.
Now you know Witlessfield is going to be true to his school and make up a story about how he actually won the unpopularity contest but was cheated out of the prize by TAH.
A legend in his own mind….
And I look forward to next year’s debacle.
Nerd alert! I just found an article on MSN about a Loch Ness monster hunter who swears he photographed Nessie from his boat and that his photograph was verified by US military monster experts, which the US military does not have.
Here’s the link:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/48496067/ns/technology_and_science-science/?gt1=43001
Just bringing this up so that if anyone claims to be one of those US military monster experts, we have proof ahead of time that there ain’t no such animal.
#46,PH2
I don’t know, those pictures Teddy linked to may qualify him as a certified monster hunter. Ask him if he verified Nessie.
just sayin.
I thought there was a Marine recruiting ad not too long ago about the Corps’ dragon hunters?
Opinions: Sharkey would gross out a desperate and starving hooker.
Doofus Wattlefellt will find a way to say he was cheated out of his ‘triumph’ in this contest. He should have his mouth sewn shut.
Gunny Driveway/Highway Mailman needs to find a new hobby, like sealing driveways for free.
And Ray and Malclave, and the rest of you — priceless!
Hey you fucking misfits, Wha…. Wha….. Wha…..! What are you trying to do..? Ruin a good thing for me or what… All this crying and whining about a real deal Vietnam War Veteran Airborne Ranger; and you all got COLD FEET hah.? I love it when a plan comes together..
Just cause you people “screwed me out of another award” doesn’t mean I am letting Lilyea and Seavey off their hooks.
The “show has just begun for them”…. My orders for the C.I.B are coming and I expect an apology…. forthwith..?