Stolen Valor Tournament from Excremental Eight to Fecal Four

Today’s Tournament is dedicated to all those out there who keep coming back to the blog despite the fact that they aren’t wanted here and continue to try to get the blog taken down.  Because, that’s easier than *NOT* clicking the link to us on their “Favorites” bar which they do all day long.

Don’t touch me please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me so
Now I’m going to pack my things and go
Touch me baby, tainted love

Voting will be today through COB Thursday evening. I will repost each day. 

NORTH Regional Championship: Gidduck v. Bustamente

4) John “Attorney’s fees” Giduck

I noticed with some interest the offer yesterday reported by Twitchy that author Brad Thor was offering to buy Zimmerman a gun. As a result, some folks were having a book burning.  If I might humbly suggest a book of Thor’s to be burned, it would be The Green Beret in You: Living with Total Commitment to Family, Career, Sports and Life.  As Thor says on his blog:

When John Giduck and Sergeant Major John “Andy” Anderson asked me to be the voice of the audio edition of The Green Beret in You: Living with Total Commitment to Family, Career, Sports and Life I was deeply honored.

This book has profoundly changed my life and its lessons continue to challenge me each day to be a better husband, father, friend, businessman, and American. As I said when I first read it, The Green Beret in You is the essential guide to true manhood. If John Wayne had left men a how-to manual, this would be it.

Delta Force Command Sergeant Major Mel Wick does an even better job of summing up the book when he says, “As Special Forces Sergeant Major John Anderson and John Giduck clearly show in this book, being a Green Beret is not just a title, it is a total commitment to living a life with integrity and honor, accepting responsibility for your own actions, accepting responsibility for your job, mission, family, children, friends and teammates. Being a Green Beret is about doing your best every day. It is a lifestyle that every American can adopt, and this book shows you how.”

Yeah, none of that is real.  Gidduck is a piece of shit, and Thor should take that nonsense down.

6) Albert “Marine Special Forces Recon” Bustamente

Watch our buddy Jaie Avila bust this Grade A assclown:

As he said, he did catch some flak. Which is why he will no doubt next be seen filing a claim for service connection for shell fragments from the VA.

 

WEST Regional Championship: Ladner v. Hamilton 

 1) Shane “High School to Panama” Ladner

I’ll grant this to Ladner though, dude knows how to fight a lost cause:

Nothing in Ladner’s files or in the Army awards branch includes a record of him receiving a Purple Heart, or any documentation proving that he’s entitled to one, officials said.

Ladner’s Texas-based attorney, John Cook, said in a statement that his client did receive the military honor and would be owed an apology when all the information comes to light.

“We’re disappointed that law enforcement authorities felt the need to arrest Shane Ladner today, especially in the manner that it happened, a traffic stop on the side of the road,” Cook said. “This arrest serves no purpose other than to continue to traumatize Shane and Meg Ladner, both of whom are still recovering from last year’s train accident.”

He’s like a King Leonidas of Retardation.  I’m afraid the DD214 will be his attorney’s Thermopylae though.

3) Todd Michael “Triple Stack Hack” Hamilton

Todd here was the President of the Shadow 6 Foundation. Some would assume that “Shadow” had some sort of special ops type feel to it, while the “6” would indicate that he was the commander. All that is true, if by “Shadow” you mean a network systems operator, and Specialists are now “6’s” in military parlance. Anyway, douchetool here hiked across Washington state with the tower of power on his shoulder (SF, Ranger and Airborne tabs) and then resorted to the lame “I did it to honor soldiers” excuse. Admittedly, he is sort of a dreamy bastard. He even had two women (one his wife) come on here and defend him. That’s what I am working towards myself, which is why my wife is in Krav Maga class right now, and then getting trained on giving insults from Jon Lovitz.

 
SOUTH Regional Championship: Crocheron v. Tesla

1) Kenneth “Ghoul” Crocheron

This continues to say it better than I could:

Colonel, Uncle Kenneth Crocheron is a FAKE. This week it was finally confirmed and proven that our former beloved family friend, Ken, has been deceiving us for the 10 yrs we’ve known him…..deceived many many more innocent family members and friends and co-workers over the last 40+ yrs. He IS NOT a Green Beret, IS NOT a COLONEL, or any other army officer. IS NOT honorable in any way, regardless of the GOOD DEEDS he may have done for our family, it was all under the guise of rescuing us and trying to impress us with his clout.

The Great James Douglas Morrison once said “No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn.”  Crocheron feels the same way about wasting the opportunity to use a kid’s illness to try to cut a slice.  I look forward to him receiving his eternal reward.

 2) Chelle Lynne “ATC/CNO/CAP” Anderson-Tesla

Chelle here is 20 lbs and a boob job away from crossing the Vicky Mendoza Diagonal.

OK, maybe 30 pounds.

 EAST Regional Championship: Monkress v. Lewis

 

1) Phillip Dale “Monkeyass” Monkress

The only man in the field today who is going to be checking his status from a courtroom where he is enjoying the benefits of drinking and driving, Monkress is clearly a five tool player. 

Now this is a story
all about how my life
got twisted upside down
and id like to take a minute
just sit right there
I’ll tell you how I became the SEAL
of a business named APL.

OK, that doesn’t even rhyme, but I got people breathing down my neck to post this by 8:00 AM, so I challenge you to write it for him.

3) Punk “Backblast” Lewis

Fun Fact: Lewis did not win the British Open yesterday, but he has drank deeply from the Claret Jug of factual absence. 

On a patrol in Charkh District, Logar Province, Afghanistan in late August 2009 he claims he was back blasted by an RPG which caused spinal damage, PTSD, TBI and a bunch of other problems. However, there were at least 3 other Soldiers between him and the ANA firing the RPG, none of those Soldiers were injured and he himself said he was fine. He managed to get CASEVAC from Charkh all the way back to Bagram and then from there back to the states. Once in the states he continued to have different problems pop up (back injury, shoulder injury, nerve damage here or there, etc…) and finally was transferred to WTU.

FWIW, I am only about 20 strokes away from being on the tour now.  Regularly in the low 90’s. 

Category: Politics