Michael Lee Langford, not a Green Beret

| February 24, 2020

Our friends over at Guardians of the Green Beret send us this Mike Langford guy.

This Mike Langford was a member of a non-vetted SF forum on Facebook. he claimed to have been a Green Beret in Vietnamin 5th Group as an 18D (Special Forces Medic). The funny thing is, is he’s to young to live that lie and the 18 series hadn’t been established yet. He was born in 1955. SF left Vietnam in March of 1971, meaning he’d have had to have been about 15 when he entered the service to have been SF in Vietnam.

That being said he actually claims to have entered in 1972 and served in Vietnam from 73-77. Yet again the math and the dates don’t add up.

He claims he graduated the Special Forces Qualication Course in 1973 (Vietnam claims don’t add up using this date) and then went and trained in “Swamp School” at Elgin. Elgin is NOT a typo as he used that spelling multiple times. You’d think anybody who spent time at Eglin would know how to spell it. He claimed he spent time as SF in Cambodia while Vietnam fell. He claims PTSD from his time in Vietnam.

There are a lot more claims over at Guardians of the Green Beret.  The Army was asked about him and they said “Who”?


Survivors’ guilt can cause PTSD I guess.  How Mikey got his PTSD is anyone’s guess.

Category: Army Poser, Valor Vultures

Comments (106)

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  1. The Dude from Elmore county says:

    Perhaps in HIS case, “PTSD” stands for “pretty talented suckin d*ck.

    • Green Thumb says:


      Not a Green Beret, but definitely a creepy looking assclown that should be supervised when in the vicinity ofkids.

      • Keith says:

        I really can’t stand when people do this. Was in the Infantry from 85 to 88. Wanted to reenlist and go Ranger but developed diabetes. There’s no way I’d tell people I was a Ranger! Lies make you less of a man! These people need to truly face death for a brother or sister to make up for stealing honour from those who have the will to go all the way!

    • ChipNASA says:

      OK I don’t recognize your handle, you may be a lurker or new here BUT, I am putting you on notification right now…. I AM TOTALLY STEALING THIS SHIT, RIGHT HERE and adding it to the The Hemisphere of Insults®™ .

      You should be proud of your new contribution.


      • 5th/77th FA says:

        Good! Take his contribution, add it to the HoI and get your wingwiping self down thread. You have a Motion, a SECOND, and an AYE for the deployment thereof. daHell you been and daHell you waiting on. The Valor Thief POS Michael (Give it to Mikey, he’ll eat anything) Lee Langford is the most deserving recipient of the HoI we’ve seen in awhile. Damn what the FNGs or the press hangers on think. You’re late!

        You are cleared hot!

  2. Ret_25X says:


    Pure Tard Stupid Disorder?

  3. Combat Historian says:

    Elgin, wasn’t that an old watch company?

    As for PTSD, he got it from being a fluffer at Brucie’s Bathhouse (Entrance in the Rear)…

    • Ret_25X says:

      yes, Elgin was a watch company.

      He doesn’t have PTSD. He’s just DAF.

    • BruteLarson407 says:

      Maybe it’s a double misspelling and he remembered “Elgin” from reading “Elger” on a urinal while icing a cake, and then pocketing it ‘for later.’ I think drinking from a urinal is an urban survival skill taught to faux green berets(not capitalized out of respect for real ones).

  4. Comm Center Rat says:

    I’m sure Les Brownstain and his “awareness association” will reach out to Langford to mitigate the trauma he experienced during those “Vietnam times.” Chaps, motorcycles, cold beer, and hot chili in Elko, NV is just what the shrink ordered to help Langford overcome his horrific memories of the Elgin swamps.

  5. Combat Historian says:

    While on a short tour at JFKSWCS at Bragg in the late ’90s to work on a historical mission there, I frequently met and interacted with MG Kenneth Bowra, the JFKSWCS Commandant.

    MG Bowra was a SF MACV-SOG operator leader in Viet of the Nam, and then served on the Military Equipment Delivery Team-Cambodia (MEDT-C) out of Phnom Penh during 1974-75.

    MG Bowra is the real deal who actually served in Cambodia during that period; this POS Langford is nothing but a painful anal boil who is a liar and oxygen thief…

  6. Mason says:

    Over at Guardians there’s a note that he lies about being a member of another tight knit organization, the Sons of Silence MC. To those that don’t know, they’re a 1%er motor cycle club not at all unlike the Hell’s Angels. Claiming to be a member and not having a patch is a great way to get your ass kicked and bike/car smashed up at best.

    This guy must have a death wish to be lying about being SF and a 1%er, neither group known for being accepting of non-members. Also not a lot of overlap between the two I’d imagine.

    • Green Thumb says:

      Let them know.

      • AW1Ed says:

        Guardians of the Green Beret have taken care of that.

        “We reached out to a Motorcycle Club he was a member of… I say Was, as they reahed out to him when what we sent them and he immediately quit and said he knew this was coming.”

    • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

      Yep, screwing around with The Sons of Silence is a painful way to get yourself hurt or killed!

  7. Hack Stone says:

    Another typo on his part. He meant that he had a PSTD, Permanent Sexually Transmitted Disease.

    It is entirely possible that he did serve in Viet Of The Nam at age 15. His old man told him to go out and get a job, but instead of delivering newspapers or flipping burgers, he would spend his after school hours cutting the ears off of dead Viet Congress. Pretty sure that he earned extra credit for that.

    • Keepin' It Real says:

      The article mentions the term “Vietnamin” which is slang for hanging out in the Viet of the Nam.

      Used in a sentence:

      Vietnamin as a gerund: “Those were my Vietnamin times.”


      Vietnamin as a verb: “Some went to college. I went Vietnamin.”

      • 26Limabeans says:

        I’ll bet he gets Vietnamgasms from Vietnamin.

        • Poetrooper says:

          Ol’ Poe once developed a serious case of Vietnaminitis from Hyper-Vietnamin’. Got these little cone-shaped, straw-colored lesions on my ass that itched like hell. Went to see an eminent Vietnaminologist who put me on a daily regimen of Anti-Vietnamin’ supplements to reduce my excessive Vietnamin’ urges. Have to take ’em three times a day when I can remember.

          Um, where was I goin’ with this? My mind just wandered back to ’65-’66 and those 54 jumps I made with…

          • Claw says:

            “Um, where was I goin’ with this?” is the first tell-tale sign of chronic Namnesia, so be careful out there./smile

          • Daisy Cutter says:

            Also, the sell Vietnamins as a form of gummy Flintstone vitamins. Shapes are water buffalo, nón lá (Vietnamese cone/leaf hat), an AK-47 and a Red Lotus flower. They discontinued the one that was the shape of Vietnam as some confused it with a gummy worm.

            Once you sink your teeth into them consumers have been known to shout “Ho Chi Minh!”

            The Vietnamins are supposed to help you avoid getting Malaria and “Jungle Rot.”

            • Poetrooper says:

              Whatever you do, don’t let your kids or grand kids take that one shaped like an AK to school. The libs will have a viral outbreak of Vietnaminophobia.

  8. FuzeVT says:

    There should be some sort of faker rule book that says that you should only go up one level. For example:
    ►If you’re a Ranger, then you can claim to be SF.
    ►If you’re in the regular army, then you can claim to be a Ranger.
    ►If you’ve never served, then you can only claim regular army.

    Going from never served to SF is something that even pro-level con-men should probably avoid.

    As for me, I don’t want to brag, but I was the President of the United States back in the 70s. You believe me don’t cha?

    • OldCorpsTanker72 says:

      I will vouch for Fuze. I was his Ambassador to Bolivia for two years. He was a hell of a guy, and the economy rocked under his administration.

      • Comm Center Rat says:

        I remember meeting President Fuze in Da Nang along with Joey Heatherton after a USO performance. This dawg face did a grip n’ grin with the CinC. Later a smiling Joey sat in my lap with her arms wrapped around me. Still have the Polaroids. I remember those Vietnam times like it was yesterday.

        • 5th/77th FA says:

          I was on detached duty as President Fuze’s Virgin Verifier. In my spare time I was the assistant back up door gunner on Marine One. In addition to my other duties I did muff diving at China Beach. I took a corresponding cut in pay to teach Navy SEALS how to become a cook.

        • Claw says:

          Wait, What? You got Joey? All we got at Camp Eagle was Martha Raye, Jim Nabors and Vida Blue./smile

          But they were offset by Lola Falana and the Ding-A-Lings, so all in all, it was good to go.

          Thanks go out to Bob Hope for the memories.

        • When we were involved in Op Power Pack (Dominican Republic-1965) we had a USO show on board featuring the Lennon Sisters. I took pictures which are now lost with with super 8 moving pictures I took on the OKIE 3 (LPH 3)

      • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

        I too will vouch for him. After all, I was his Ambassador to Paprika!

    • FuzeVT says:

      Yes, I loved all my staff – sniff – such an excellent job they did!!

      Medals of Honor all ’round!!!

    • AW1Ed says:

      Fuze and I dodged sniper fire on a Bosnia runway. It was awesome.

    • rgr769 says:

      By your poser rule book, I should be able to claim I was either a POW or on the Son Tay Raid in North Vietnam, since I was RA (OF prefix on my serial number), Ranger, and SF (my last MOS was 31542–Special Forces Officer). I think I am going to leap tall buildings and claim SEAL. I’ll be like this guy I saw at a downtown pub last year; he was wearing a leather Navy flight jacket with a huge SEAL patch on the back. He positioned himself on a stool with his back facing practically everyone in the bar. I didn’t ask, but I’ll bet I would have received the same response as the last fake SEAL guy I asked for his BUD/S class number. His response: “What’s that?”

  9. Jay says:

    I’d have PTSD too….if I was a giant POS in the 70s and had to LIE 40 years later about serving….

    The guilt of being an oxygen thief must be too difficult to bear.

  10. 5th/77th FA says:

    Okee dokee attention whore Fake, Phony Lying POS Michael Lee Langford. Here comes you some Google Fame. My 1960s Elgin tells me your time is up for claiming training at Eglin. Probably the only training you ever had were the training wheels on the bicycle you had. And there is a good chance that you stole that too, just as you are stealing the Valor of Troops that you are not even worthy to lick the sweat off of their manhood. And truth be known, those Troops wouldn’t even want your lying mouth anywhere near said manhood.

    Let us all make a concentrated effort to mention the name of the lying fake green bay raye Michael Lee Langford in each post to help give him the attention that he so richly deserves. Share the love far and wide.

    And while we are at it, let me be the FIRST to call for the full scale deployment of the TAH HoI, AA, TBoT, and the SSS for the liar Michael Lee Langford. Can I get a SECOND and an AYE?

    • SFC D says:

      Second! Can have an AYE and an amen!

    • The Stranger says:

      Con una chingada, Si!

    • ChipNASA says:

      OK All, I have a request and second and such. This is just posted on Feb 24 in the a.m. and since it goes no further (on first observation) than the Guardians of the Green Beret group, The Book of Face and then apparently as discussed above, Sons of Silence MC. Apparently this is not outside in the public domain insofar as probably (IMHP) generating any media scrutany and such so, I’ll just leave this here for the time being as is my new modus operandi (often shortened to M.O.) as I have discussed so, that being said….HoI and such is being prepared for deployment.

      Dave and Ed and anyone else…..any comment or issues on this thread about deploying said HoI and the like on this butt cheese faker?? In my opinion, standing by to light the fuse shortly unless I see otherwise.

      Oh and as usual I am tagging Sarge as being responsible for unleashing The Staff Summary Sheet.

      • AW1Ed says:

        The Gun Bunny requested one- look three comments up.

        • ChipNASA says:

          I see it Ed. Also it looks like there’s not any potential blowback on a post at this time so we’ll go ahead with the deployment and any future necessities will adjust accordingly…

          The TAH Toilet Bowl of Taunts ®™
          You don’t frighten us, pig-dog! —Go and boil your bottom, son of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, Thppppt!
          I don’t want to hear from you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper!…… I fart in your general direction! . Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
          go away or I shall taunt you a second time-a!
          Fetchez la vache!
          You have the brain of a duck
          I unclog my nose in your direction, son of a window-dresser
          You are a bedwetting type. I burst my pimples at you and you are a tiny-brained wipers of other people’s bottoms.
          We should make castanets out of your testicles
          You are an illegitimate faced buggerfolk
          If I was gonna break your balls, I’d tell ya to go home and get your shine box. So, GO HOME AND GET YOUR FUCKING SHINE BOX!
          You are a liar, a looter and a pillager, and nothing but verminous, lying, scum
          You are also a Jittery jizz junkie and having to deal with your foolish Stolen Valor crap takes “some real big dick energy shit” of which you have no comprehension.

          • ChipNASA says:

            The Hemisphere of Insults®™
            (aka, “This Ain’t Hell” Thesaurus)
            FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!
            DANGER CLOSE!!!!
            MOPP LEVEL 4!!!
            TAKE COVER!!!!!
            … Michael (Hey Mikey, he likes it!) Lee (Drop the “e” and add “i”, “Lie”) Langford (More like, “flings turds”) …HEY DICKLESS WONDER, We all hope you read this and come back here and try to defend your actions, but, you won’t because, YOU’RE A STRAIGHT UP COWARD, vile, flaming piece of skunk shit, ALLEGEDLY, but not confirmed or proven, but in some people’s opinion, works balls, tickles taint and tongue punches hobo’s crusty fart boxes all, I Guess, while being a syphilitic, turd-sucking feces factory, HOLY Baby Ape Shit Breath, Bitch-ass Fuckstick guzzler, pile infested, onion-eyed flapmouthed butt-bailiff, “Fowl” mouthed Chicken Fucking Chickenfucker, You flaccid piece of tofu, Simply a fart in life waiting to be fabreezed away, moral equivalent of pond scum, THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS A WALKING TURD, inflamed, “Towel boy” in a gay bath house, DILLY DILLY!!, Ambulatory verbal dissembling anus, Fucking one cell spermatozoon with a tiny flagella, gaping giant ass walking fungus shit nugget, Bag of seasoned dog shit, Cambodian cunt sauce, he deserves to have his private parts gnawed by angry badgers, Anyone who ever loved you was wrong, bucket of ass chum, Poopy Headed ball working asshole, JERK OFF !!, Soup Sandwich, if you Mom would have known you were going to turn out like this, she’d have prayed for a miscarriage, Diaper-Sniper, you’re such a pussy, when you get a haircut they charge you for a bikini wax, suck a big diseased gorilla dick and open those ass cheeks for the bull elephant that has been eyeing your lying ass, Poster-child for post birth abortion, Testicle face, This twat waffle is dumber than a bucket of goat piss, I pray thou shalt be pursued into the mountains by sex-mad baboons, O thou creature of the pit!, If you are married, The only thing your wife wants for Christmas is a folded flag, Dick Swallowing Jerk Wad Spooge Sampling cum gobbling parasitic infection bunghole tonguer, Klootviool, Dude–even your balls are made of pussy, should be ass raped and tea-bagged, at the same time, by a Rabid Rhinoceros, you were the kid that had to sit alone at lunchtime, you’re the afterbirth that slithered out from your mother’s filth, you have always been picked last, you are a puck shot, catcher’s mitt double dribble field goal miss, you are the trash bag after a barracks/frat house party, the Stanley Cup could be your Mom’s dildo, I wish you were an EOD training power point presentation. Not the cool, highly trained bad ass EOD guys, the recipient, He’s more fucked up than a spotted Zebra, shirt-lifter, This guy stepped on his dick so hard it made mine hurt, when your Mom was pregnant with you, the dry cleaner used to charge her double for extra coat hangers. She had bad aim, If this wasn’t so sad, it would be as funny as watching a monkey try to fuck a football, I’m surprised he didn’t award himself a Purple Heart for stepping on his dick., Anus tonguing shit slurping fuckwitted hemorrhoid munching dick lips wanktoaster, pud-knuckling pus-nuts, farting dive bubble cock gobbling Pigfucker, lientery steatorrhea, sperm burping dickchops, Sloshing bucket of Hippo Diarrhea, short strand DNA ‘tard, a bathroom selfie loser, fake “death stare” makes you look like a semen sucking cum vampire on his way to a flying J truck stop hobo ball sac buffet, Cuntosaurus Rex, Bulbous Bleeding Batrachivorous Butthole Burrito, enjoys being attacked by and being sunk by meat torpedoes, Pudwhack, pillock, Saltimbanco, zounderkite, Minger, Felonious Ass Pirate, I mean, what in the roll tide, only has sex with family after Nascar, butt chugging box wine, mushy meth mouth, mountain dew snorting, corn dog anal injecting, only listens to Lynyrd Skynyrd when making cornbread, fuck, is going on, Fucking less worthwhile, hairier, dirtier and uglier than Hillary Clinton’s taint, if this guy even *had* a woman, or any balls, he’d keep them in her purse anyway, failed fido fluffer in doggo pron, even using an entire jar of top quality, organic, gourmet, peanut butterIf you started fucking off today and kept fucking off until the sun burns out you still wouldn’t fuck off far enough to fuck off, Fuck you Fucksicle, You’re so fucked up that his imaginary friend took a Restraining Order out against him, This pissant is such a genius of monumental proportions he can skullfuck his own asshole, You man meat munching, spunk bubble blowing butt sponge, You are a disease, worse than a crotch tick, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper, Boy, you couldn’t lead a fresh turd down the bowl, Thinks that he is in the “dark” secret ops, not realizing that he has his head up his ass, You were born stupid and had a prolapse, In need of an appointment with a brass-knuckles Amateur Dentist, exposure to diseased posers is also known as “the Result of Cyclospora” with * “Symptoms of cyclospora include diarrhea and frequent, sometimes explosive bowel movements, according to the CDC.” I say, I say, That boy’s about as sharp as a sack o’ wet mice, Dear fucking 8 pound 6 ounce baby Jesus on a cement tricycle, banjo eyed, insignificant and inconsequentially ignorant imbecilic idiot, single strand DNA refugee from a blow job, not worthy to lick taint lint off my cats backside, Unable to prevail against his one brained celled activity taking him over, so he types, talks, acts as if a retarded ghost possessed him. dickwad that can’t make a good seal on Tupperware, Buttcrackiula, tit, Oh, fuck you sideways with a roll of horse liniment coated concertina wire…you sorry, miserable, posing, shit eating goat fucker, You look like the product of an orgy at a family reunion, got-damn cum drop, You’re funnier than a sock full of frogs and tougher than a jar of marshmallow crème, Sharmouta, hey douche bag, I bet your ass is jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth, sniveling, codpiece licking toilet seat sniffer, as worthless as a Toyota airbag, lying bucket of Chihuahua shit, taintpimple, Pillow bitin pickle smoocher, meat-gazing walrus fart hamster queef that should have stayed a tittyfuck cumstain in the back seat of an AMC Pacer, Bowl of ass soup, Festering fuckwart on a sewer rat’s ass, I heard you volunteered to go to the Middle East to take on terrorists…dressed as a goat, I believe you to be one of the few, proud pieces of shit that flies won’t fuck on, You’re not the dumbest person on the planet, but you sure better hope he doesn’t die, needle dick bug fucker, wad of fungus on a pile of roach turd, Drongo, Satan even said about you, “Boy is this guy a DICK!, Sparklepony, Toilet weasel, pigshit fungus, grubby little dick-beater, You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john, Connoisseur ,worthless, Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas, Blows winos behind bus stops for a nickel and gives change, jejeongsin-iya?, whore-hopping fecal wart, Soppspiste Pitbulkukkforhud, stench-ridden, Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you only gargled, shiftless, monkey-buggerer, petrified shit biscuit, More worthless than rubber lips on a woodpecker or tits on a boar hog, ignoble itching buttcrack, You’re the reason God created Irritable Bowel Syndrome, moldy bowl of ratshit, would wear Richard Simmons’ used jockstrap as a facemask, lickspittle, useless bag of monkey fuck, dickbutt, rectum circling colon goblin, Asshole casserole, Vafanculo, Nut hugger, People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore, salad tosser, gonorrheatic urethral cliff diver, smeerlap, fud, rancid floor buffer wax spreader, both of your Grandmothers should have had an abortion, just in case, I’ve seen bigger wieners on a cocktail plate!,

            • ChipNASA says:

              You look like something I’d draw with my left hand, Mayor Grundle Butter of Scrotumburg and Anusville, waste of oxygen, Grandstanding cunt, prickwrinkler, Holy cupcake munching monkeys, clitwart, cuntscab, his breath smells like he ate a dead man’s underwear, Fuck you, you nutless chickenfuck cocksucking rat-bastard piece of roach shit! Eat a whole fucking ConEx full of dicks!, anal sphincter canyon yodeling phallic squeezer, numbnuts, malodorous odiferous felonious fido fucker, snowball, Coprophagous fop, Gonorrhea breath, swizzle tits, giggling beerflecked canker blossom, how did you survive infancy, rectal rapee, Dude looks like he smells like hot dog water, GonnoSyphaHerpaClapAIDS Patient Zero monkey buggerer, ball-tickling & ball gargling bullshiat artist, R2-Dildo, You suck dick for beer money and you don’t even drink beer, secret squirrel masturbation specialist, hand in your badge, Adolf, you fart repeatedly just to make yourself smell better, spunk-trumpet, Bakrauf, face down ass up weak kneed pillow biter, maybe this hero could strap a suicide vest to himself, go out in the open desert and make people confetti out of himself, Wait, of all the lucky sperms that came outta your daddy, you’re the one that WON??, He’s so much of a dickhead he takes Viagra thru a nasal spray, and he’s still limp, How I the fuck do assholes like this sleep at night? With one hand on their tiny dick and the other thumb in their ass, Holy shit, maybe a “buggerer of little boys”, rottencrotched, rump wrangling, colostomy bag curator, A butter knife amongst razor blades, Rusty Trombone Virtuoso, he is the kinda guy who likes meeting up with two strange men so they can sword fight in his mouth, he’s the kind of guy you’d find hanging out around highway rest areas because he’s frequenting the public bathrooms trying to gargle marbles for change, culo de chongo, booger eating fuckbucket, Lemon Party-lusting, Pissflap, fucknuckles, is about as real as a Civil War Issue polyester blanket, Menstrual quimsquirt, you’re as useful as Anne Frank’s Drum Set, overzealous polyp burglar, poser quim squirt, bed wetting, follows in Victorious Felder’s bovine excrement -filled boots, I wanna get a running start and drop kick him right in the ‘ol yogurt gun, Fustilarian, Knobgobble, prancing pony penis puffer, Likes to turn his mouth into a day care center with guys baby gravy behind the local truck stop, I hope his rectum is popped so hard, he will achieve liftoff on Mr. Tiny’s launch pad, less popular than a Cheese and Veggie Omelet MRE, You are so full of shit, your ears stink, I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral, butt-pirate, as popular as an SBD fart in church on a packed house Sunday, you should get dorked in the squeakhole with the Barbed Cock of Satan, toadstool slime-inhaling dick-drizzling sludge, putrid barrel of fermenting manatee prostatic fluid, prodigious jenkem huffer, You’re a dirty coffee mug on a Monday morning filled to the brim with steaming frothy panther piss, Asparagus-dick, as fucked up as an opossum eating shit out of a hairbrush, Champion Jailhouse Baloney Pony Rider, You’re dumber than snake mittens, Wooden dildo, assplow, Piss Whistle, moron, Poodle Raper, cunt fart, Prevaricating orally diarrhetic sphincter mouth, lintlicker, Wino sphincter/ballsack coinesseur, Cock Bagel and Dick Doughnut, Stronzo, Pie-Faced Crotch Pheasant, Road apple, Mule muffins, Buffalo bagels, Beaver biscuits, pony pucks & Pigeon pellets (Shout out to M*A*S*H Col. Potter) (Not Colonel Potter but if he’d have thought about it, he’d have said it. ) one giant pile of Moose marbles, Straight Up Stupid Motherfucker, manpleaser, this buttmunch needs to eat out the rotten asshole of a road-killed skunk, baby unit, one eyed snake charmer, People like this make me wanna hatefuck a dumpster, on fire and then give sloppy seconds to a menstruating porcupine , Shit-Slot Cosmonaut, Proper Daft Cunt, you thought you had a hair on your dick until it peed, zombies would take one look at you and walk the other direction, Do you know who has more friends and is more popular than you? The Shit Pool at Kandahar Airfield Afghanistan, he has less brains than a bony eared assfish if he thought he would continue to get away with his bullshit, Fair suck of the sav,
              is so unimaginably and extraordinarily vapid and mindlessly stupid that he could get lost in an elevator, Meretricious, you’ll never be the man your mother is, Odious Twonk, spaghetti straw-sized personal organ, real boy babies have bigger nuts, putting the squeeze on this nugatory nut nibbler is not worth the juice, there are ants that are smarter than this dorkwad from the bottom of Poontang Pond, he is just a rock with lips rocking the dick head look, likes to suck the turds out of rabid dogs bungholes, is a lying sack of wet doughnut batter, He looks like the kind of guy that really needs to take a bath…with a toaster. baby cave, analconda, Grade A chode yodeler, tittilating scrotalator pole smoker, Vaginal Sand Fairy, Drollenpijper, wide open mouth pivot man in a circle jerk, feral abacus, leg humper, You look like you were conceived through anal, meadow muffin, ax wound drippings, you’re such a loser, when you spank your little wee-wee, your hand falls asleep, horse squeeze Ball Cheese, you were born after your Dad cream-pied her asshole then finger fucked her vagina, your “heroic “ career is less believable than UFOs, Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster, you are the poster child for ED, when I want to terrorize my children, I tell YOU are under their bed, when I saw this sperm receptacle, soggy biscuit eater, my eyes rolled so hard I saw my own brain stem, I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid, Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid, you emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid, nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know, Schlumpadinka, wazzock, Tampon Tunnel, used toilet paper-sniffing Turbo knob vacuum of a meat gazer, terminal crotch infection, asshat, roach turd-munching shit-for-brains, a black hole would spit you out, the founding fathers said all men are created equal….except for you, you make scientists contemplate the possibility that there’s a negative IQ number, if you an 2 other guys ran a race together, you’d come in fourth, dick pickle, gòrach pìos de cac, It looks like he smeared super glue on his lip and chin and went down on Whoopi Goldberg’s cootchie, You make PTSD/TBI look like a state fair, a 3 ring circus and Disneyland all rolled into one, likes to gargle with a mouthful of unborn crib midgets, He can shit and fall in it as far as I am concerned(This one is for the Ladies and Medical Staff) this prancing fairy is about as popular as a failed Episiotomy with a 4th degree perineal tear, wanker, herpes-ridden dung beetle target, feejackapeesack, first volunteer for being part of a jailhouse human centipede, bunghole warrior, cockwomble, bread loaf end slice, should eat a nice steaming pile of monkey shit you ass clown, looks like hammered dog shit, Your mother may have told you that you could be anything you wanted, but a douchebag wasn’t what she meant, If Mr. Rogers were alive, he’d piss on your grave, helmet wearing short bus riding window licker, Head paddler in the douche canoe, Uncle Fucker, more ate up than a chocolate dildo in a crowded gay bar, shitbag, dipstickus giganticus, Humpty Dumpty cleanup man after the fleet visits Naples, Herp-Burger, poofter, intergalactic cunt muffin, knob gobbling, fimicolous galactic Jackoff, Deputy executive assistant jizz mopper in training, chronic hemorrhoid, stugatz, inbred, toe-jam from an infected Filipino hooker that specializes in foot jobs, tortured turnip turd, Sea Donkey, festering pool of anal leakage, your penis lives in eternal darkness, I’d hate to see your toilet, retardus maximus, Microcephalic Toad Licker, can go suck a fat baby’s dick, steaming rat-felching bucket of moldy monkey fuck,

              • ChipNASA says:

                Bellicose ball gnashing raper of babies with rabies, Pecker-puffing pickle licker, catcher not pitcher, bawbag, about as useful as a white crayon, Arschloch, impotent koekeloeren, slaptard,couldn’t even be trained in my AFSC in the USAF to suck farts out of C-5 seat cushions, mumpsimus, reverse dirty sanchez lover, scunner, he claims to have PTSD and he really does have PTSD, PTSD” when it stands for “pretty talented suckign dicks, kutomba wewe, Cryptosporidium-ridden tire tosser, fudgepacker, turbo douche & enema nozzle, mental midget, likes to molest small farm animals, dead and alive, is a hemorrhoid, 100 retarded monkeys could jerk off in a stagnant swamp and generate a better life form than you, You are about as useful as a knitted condom, nasty enough to pass gas during a colonscopy, thinks a GI lavage is a mixed drink at a party, if I had the taste of you in my mouth, I’d lick the taint of a dead rotting water buffalo in the Vietnamese jungle just to get the taste out, just to fix your shit, you could make a Jew deny the Holocaust, consuming connoisseur of the chocolate starfish, Cocksucking Catfish, anal & vaginal prolapse, giant anal Q-Tip, this freak fancies himself performing fellatio on a variety of pinnapeds, He went all vaginal. You *never* go all vaginal, fucked himself faster than a horny chihuahua by lying about his Military Service, you are the reason Jesus can’t play peek-a-boo, he has holes in his hands, you are a 0 EPR/OPR, you are worse than a Dishonorable Discharge….from your Mom’s vagina, Massive, back alley, bucket of schlong fuck juice, cockalorum cum-guzzling gutter slut, Dalton Coldiron’s bunny-butt buddy atomic sphincter goblin, If you stuck your brain up a gnat’s ass, it would look like a BB in a boxcar, Jackanape, Fuck Tart, Sitzpinkler, lispian, pussytits, Milksop, you’re such an embarrassment to your family and your father is so ashamed of you, he’d refuse a free blowjob out of fear of further spilling his seed, Forrest Gump points and laughs at you, you suck so bad, AIDS and Cancer have nightmares about you, your shit is about as funny as Anne Frank, Helen Keller and Terri Schiavo having an orgy in the showers at Auschwitz, you suck so bad, puppies, kittens and babies hate you, you are so loathsome, looks like the kind of guy who lets his wife gets her shit pushed in by Mr. Ouch while he watches, Gandhi would ass rape you for giggles, you are about as welcome as a yeast infection, hemorrhoids, gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, genital wards and herpes, you’re one of the reasons Trump is President, you make God want a do-over, You vacuous, toffee-nosed malodorous pervert, pillock, puss soaked jackwagon, waste of trace elements and water, Jizztissue, knob breath dick biscuit, Pettifogger, Bunghole Baby,Rear Admiral of the Butt Piracy, donkey raping shit-eater, twatface, pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo it, may he lay a lip lock on the snotty end of a moose cock,butt munch, deep sea crotch lobster, man of the night in a large animal bordello, I bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck your own mother in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give her a reach-around (Thanks R. Lee Ermey, R.I.P), Not a Veteran of any kind, so let’s review please, NOT a Green Beret in Vietnam, Not in Vietnam, Not in the ARMY, NEVER served ONE. SINGLE. DAY. So therefore, does NOT have PTSD and claiming so, angers and disgusts those of us that have actually been medically diagnosed as such, can’t spell Eglin (he spelled it Elgin, repeatedly) as in Eglin AFB, Florida, NJOT a member of the Sons of Silence MC either, so, to wrap up, generally, you suck, hard and LONG, you are worse than the Devil’s Hemorrhoids, TOTALLY a retarded, soul patch ball dusting, burn pit of worthlessness, you know the old saying “don’t throw the baby out with the bath water?” You would be the exception, he can go fuck a hill of dildos, you’re so fugly, you could make the Sun go down and not want to come up again, you make people that know you, want ass cancer, you make Hillary Clinton’s vagina look attractive, should be blowing everyone in cell block D and taking it up the ass, simultaneously from everyone in cell block C, You fucking LAND WALRUS,
                shit snorting stain on Hillary Clinton’s yeast infected kootchie covers, you’re lucky we don’t dress you up in drag, drop your ass off somewhere in the Middle East and let an entire battalion of ISIS soldiers and supporters butt rape you until you’re turned inside out, remember that story in the news a while back about a guy that was arrested for fucking his girlfriend’s dog that had been dead for a few days, in front of a daycare center? Yeah, you’re worse than that guy, you make child rape and crib death seem funny, you are such a fuckgasim, you’d leave Don Rickles speechless, you could make Goodwill, the Salvation Army and the Red Cross give you the finger, You make your own Mother cry on Mother’s Day, you’re the reason proctologists are a thing, seeing you frolicking around in all your finery makes me understand why Abba wrote the song Dancing Queen, I’d rather watch AFRTS than see this guy’s shit on the Internet, if you were a planet, you’d be Uranus, YOU are the reason monkeys throw poop, you stupid toilet mint licker, Hitler wishes he had you as a mentor because now he feels like a failure, you weak-kneed no-load pus-nuts pisspants needle-dicked cockroach-fucking slug-licking bucket of lying cockroach shit!, Ball Basting Boy Wondor, What an oily little meatgazer, planetary level atomic flaming douchebag, Santorium, lying shitbag wanna-be fucknozzle cleaner, Impacted breaching turtle head, Rumpleforeskin, parasite on society, What in the bipolar fuck, fuckstain skidmark on the underwear of life, anal bum cover (LOL SNL Jeopardy), taint cookie, Mr. Men’s Room Wide Stance toe tapping glory hole hero, Fartleberry, Some NCO Should have beat you within an inch of your life, insult to humanity, I hope his ego hits the floor like a turd from a tall cows ass, shit-filled meatsack, masturbates to videos of Jar-Jar Binks, pisses off more people than the clackers on an abacus, prepare your anus, karma is going in dry, You are a moron. A window pane licking, urinal cake eating, lying moron, YOU’RE THE REASON ALIENS COME TO EARTH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND STICK THINGS UP OUR ASSES BECAUSE EVEN ADVANCED CIVILIZATIONS CAN’T FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT, walking shart shooter, minge, moldy dingleberry on a roadkill swamp rat’s ass, test subject for Preparations A thru G, Remedy critch, Gnard gargling queefsquirt, I heard you were created via frozen embryo, you must have thawed, obstreperous shit-whistle,what’s gross, a truckload of dead babies, what’s grosser than gross, a truckload of dead babies with a live one in the middle trying to eat its way out, what is more disgusting than that? You, stupid enough to try to sandpaper to a wildcat’s ass in a phone booth, Handgallop, twatscicle, Obamawad, tool, bint, sleezebag, weaksauce, Gobshite, fuck hole, Pillsbury Dough Bitch, Should NOT be around WOMEN OR CHILDREN, touches himself inappropriately, Turd-Burglar, rimjobber, turd lizard of a roadkill opossum-humper, cum-dumpster, Inbred buck-toothed slimy toadstool on a Swamp Donkey turd, Useless mangy crotch-dropping, needle dick buttfucker, Putz, rectal inspector, this swollen, sweltering manhole should be infected with herpegonasyphilaids, ferger, Sheep tits, gonad, queefer, chicken shit, choad, Puppy fucker, dopus, Blue Falcon and Blue Waffle, Fuck Apple with mold, twizzletits, tallywacker, Bozack, Fiction-flinging Richard Gere’s Ass Gerbil Felcher, dingleberry circling ass buzzard, bitch, Saprophyte, ATM, pap smear, bukakke glazed shitmitten, Dandy prat, Tazmanian Dorkwad rat fucking, shit-sucking warthog’s asshole, gimp, bescumber, coccydynia, you lying sack of mosquito, Siberian bag of cum-stained hadji sheep shit”, mangina micropeen, Fuckrag, Syphilitic Turd Burglar, possibly likes to pick his teeth with his OWN used catheters, Hircismus, cheat, You couldn’t make a point if someone gave you a pencil sharpener, should be pounded in the poop hole with a turret of a M1 Abrams, and then fired a WP round therein, pope-fondling, turbo apeshit crazy, Cacafuego, Cock-juggling *Pussy* thundercunt,

                • ChipNASA says:

                  And a new addition thanks to Sarge I hereby introduce you to the ALPHABET ASSAULT:
                  Annoying asinine Ampharos asshole assistant to APL; bulimic ballsack biting butt buddy at Brucie’s Bathhouse (entrance in the rear); chronic cocksucking clymidiacic chickenfucking cretin; dumbass dumbshit dickguzzling dimwitted douchebag; erratic earwax eating enema expert; fowl felching monkeyfucking ferret fluffing Uncle Fester look-alike; gregarious gangrene carrying Grinch; hypocrtical hippo humping hackeysack full of horse shit; idiotic inbred imbecile with a low IQ and impotence issues; jumping jackass with jockey shorts full of jellyfish jism; kooky kommunistic klown kitty fucking knave; lying loathsome limpdick lillylivered lazyass llama blowing loser; manmeat mooching meatslapping moosecock muncher; no good ninja nippled needlenutted nobody; obsolete overfucked octopus orgy observer; penis pumping pee filled poster child for proper prophelactic usage; queasy queef quaffing quantum horsesqueeze; ratt fucking rump ranger who plays the rusty trombone; Shit surping semen burping dick sucking sorry sonavabitch with syphilis; taint ticking test subject for tits on men at Tiny’s Truck Stop; unclefucking ugly ass unborn umbilical discharge; valor Vulture and volunteer for vile vaginal discharge vacuum duty, wanks to blue waffle porn while waiting for winos to blow at the aforemention truck stop; useful as an upset ugly unicorn uterus; yodleing yellowbellied yak yanker; zipper gazing zealot with zits on his zero inch dick. Fuck off, eat shit, die in a fire.
                  If any of this offends you, I’m sorry. If something here *doesn’t* offend you, I’m not trying hard enough!
                  We now include the NEW & IMPROVED
                  OFFICIAL TAH BINGO CARD®™
                  /FREE with every deployment of an equal or greater value
                  The Hemisphere of Insults®™

                  FUCK YOU, ASS HAMSTER!!!
                  Can I get an AMEN?! (Or your choice of exclamation/interjection.)
                  Here endeth the lesson.

                  Oh and one time Blake Morgan said: “ I swear I was hearing “O Beautiful for spacious skies… For amber waves of grain” playing as I was reading this…. “

                  So without further ado, here is a link to the New York Orchestra performing America the Beautiful, at Carnegie Hall, for your listening pleasure, if you want a musical accompaniment to the The Hemisphere of Insults®™

    • ChipNASA says:

      OK Admin guys, I did *NOT* post this twice. I have NO idea what the hell is going on here…Delete one please..

  11. SFC D says:

    Elgin wasn’t a typo, he’s just geographically challenged.

    Google Maps Elgin AZ

  12. IS1 (SW) says:

    I guess phony Green Berets are the new phony SEALs? For 3 out of 100 that win the Green Beret, it sure seems like there’s many more than that out there. Assclowns!

  13. 26Limabeans says:

    “I was ashamed of coming home alive I felt I
    should have died in Vietnam”

    Yep, that’s classic ptsd right there.
    I’ll bet it even says that on his award letter.
    Can we see the award letter? No?
    It was lost in a fire?

    • rgr769 says:

      I wasn’t ashamed when I came home. I was relieved I made it without a scratch except for those few still infected with jungle rot. That “survivor’s guilt” with regard to combat service in the RVN is mostly bullshit, unless your whole platoon was wiped out and you were the sole survivor because you cowered in a ditch or something.

    • SFC D says:

      Dude should’ve died an early death, trapped in a condom.

      • rgr1480 says:

        That ought to go on the Universe of Insults!

        By the way, do y’all realize the Tsumami if Insults (or whatever) practically fills an iPhone screen?

        • ChipNASA says:

          OK Guys, I was back reviewing the threads and trying to catch up.
          Thanks for the details and also this contribution.
          it is going to be added to the The Hemisphere of Insults®™
          Thanks SFC D
          I like what rgr1480 said, it’s a Iphone banging Tsunami of Insults.
          That’s a tag we haven’t used yet and I like it, That may come after Hemisphere.
          We’ll have to see.

      • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

        Dude should have been a swallowed blowjob out behind a Bowling Alley.

  14. Skippy says:

    Another turd using his forth point or contact For thinking
    Enjoy your fame you’ve earned it

  15. Green Thumb says:

    What is “Swamp School”?

    I guess I missed that one.

  16. Claw says:

    From his Fake Book Page: Current HOR: Springfield, IL.

    Nickname – “Toes”

    Claims to be a Cowboy Fast Draw Shooter and Harley Rider.

  17. A Proud Infidel®™ says:


  18. PTSD=positively true sucking diks

  19. JURASSICHM says:

    He looks more like a confused French painter than a trained warrior.

  20. Roh-Dog says:

    I’m sorry but I have to agree with Mike Langford, “[he] should have died in Nam”.

    • 26Limabeans says:

      There are six Langfords on the wall.
      Alvin, James, Lewis, Richard, Robert, Roger.

      I’m glad he is not among those true heros.
      But then again, like you said….

  21. Mustang Major says:

    Entry level phony. Just spent a few minutes on Facebook making crap up. That is the bare minimum of effort. (Still worth of shaming though.)

    If he really tried, he would have had:
    -a vest with military bling on it
    -a motorcycle
    -a service dog connection
    -a SF uniform that he wore in public
    -speaking engagements in a military uniform,
    -run a military related non-profit
    -been a member of the American Legion or VFW for street cred
    -run for public office on the merits of his military service
    -lived in Elko, NV

    I might have left a few off the list, but you get the idea.

    • Keepin' It Real says:

      TAH needs to sell a POSer Starter Kit complete with a Read Me First quick primer.

      “If you’ve answered ‘NO’ to any of the first three items, please skip to page 3.”

      Page 3: “Come back when you’re ready to play.”