Marine’s C-4 Joke at Airport Bombed

| December 8, 2019

Is this an IED, or just a coconut sitting at this location for no apparent reason?

Lance Corporal Joseph Simkus was on his way home to celebrate Thanksgiving with his family. While at the airport, in the security line, he decided to crack a joke. He asked the TSA to check his shoes for C-4 explosives. This resulted in a delay in his travel plans when security took him aside for further questioning.

From Marine Times:

“We are aware of the incident involving LCpl. Joseph Simkus, and his subsequent arrest,” Marine Corps Air Station Cherry Point officials said in a statement to WWAY.

“We are working with local authorities to ensure a thorough investigation. We will take further appropriate actions pending future court appearances and any potential rulings.”

Simkus is scheduled to appear in court Dec. 20, where the part-time comedian will inevitably have even more audience members to test out new jokes.

This is like a documentary I watched a long time ago. They were introducing some tigers into Africa, to live in the wild. One of the tigers tried to chase a rhino that was too big for the tiger’s size. It was like cracking a security-related joke in the security line at the airport.

Marine Times has additional information, including the author’s own experiences that landed him into a question series with security.

Category: "Teh Stoopid", Marines

Comments (39)

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  1. 5th/77th FA says:

    Don’t tug on Superman’s Cape, don’t pee into the wind, don’t eat the yellow snow, and NEVER EVER crack ‘splodey jokes to the TSA.

    Dumbass!

  2. SGT Ted says:

    What a dumbshit.

    I returned from Iraq in 2004 a couple of weeks early due to a family emergency. While going through security at the airport in New Jersey, the TSA guy swabbed my carry-on, which was my rucksack. It of course gave a big fat hit on explosives/gunpowder residue. The TSA guys reaction was alarm, until I explained where I had come from and showed paperwork and ID.

  3. Toxic Deplorable Racist B Woodman says:

    No wonder they’re called jarheads. The twist is ya gotta unscrew ’em with a left hand thread.

  4. 26Limabeans says:

    Never crack wise when you are inches from freedom.
    Just sayin.

  5. GDContractor says:

    No doubt the TSA agent was some Berkeley educated soy boy who has been indoctrinated that the greatest terror threat that exists is white male veterans returning from a combat zone…who self identify themselves. What a fucking joke. We can all feel safer now.

  6. timactual says:

    LCpl. Simkus’s efforts were not a complete failure, I laughed my ass off. Not quite the way he intended, of course.

  7. 2banana says:

    Took aside for questioning…

    And then arrested!!!

    And now a court appearance.

    • HMCS(FMF) ret says:

      He’s lucky that some overzealous TSA agent didn’t give him a body cavity search for his stunt.

  8. AZRobert says:

    When the pilots name is Jack, do not say Hi….

  9. OldSoldier54 says:

    Sounds like LCpl. Snuffy is getting a Life lesson on Wisdom. If the lesson takes, hopefully it doesn’t get too spendy.

  10. Commissioner Wretched says:

    Something similar happened with me and TSA at O’Hare Airport in Chicago a few years ago. A friend at home had asked me to pick up a pound of Chicken Soup Cheese from the Mousehaus Cheesehouse in Wisconsin and bring it back to her; I had the cheese in my backpack. TSA ran the backpack through the x-ray and, as you might expect, a large dark block showed up. For a few moments, I was the hit of the airport – TSA officers from several gates came over to see what turned out to be a pound of cheese. The TSA team leader had come over; he and I had a chuckle about it, and I was advised in future to put the cheese in my checked baggage.

    • 11B-Mailclerk says:

      Some big energy bars in foil-ish wrappers.

      A zippered pouch with several types of charging cables and a battery “booster”.

      Cellphone.

      Put all that in a small bag with clothing and toss on the x-ray line.

      The face of the bug-eyed gone-pale screener told me my day was about to get interesting.

      After the other screener figured out it was a “geek with a snack-attack habit” situation, he asked if he could show other screeners by running it through again.

      He showed me the screen. I thought it looked convincingly boom-ish.

      I now pull those items out with the laptop.

    • 2banana says:

      Ha. I love pretzels and there are some I can only get in certain areas of the country.

      Six bags worth in my carry-on.

      Lots of TSA agents gathered around when I had to open the luggage for a physical check.

      Now I am known as the “pretzel smuggler.”

  11. David says:

    geez, you can smell the dumnbass all the way out here….

    Apropos of nothing, I see where a guy leaving the Augsburg Kriskindlmart was attacked by a group of (reportedly Turk ancestry) yutes and died… so far two arrested. Reputedly the main perp is German born, so probably the child or grandchild of one of the Turk gastarbeiters.

  12. Club Manager, USA ret. says:

    I did 7 international trips to the other side of the globe doing election observation, including a side trip to Tel Aviv. For the most part the TSA types, foreign and domestic were okay. Some, such as Frankfurt, Tel Aviv and (I think) Belarus were much stricter than others. One jerk at Denver got his panties in a was over a snow globe I picked up for our daughter passing through Moscow. I explained it made it through the very strict Frankfurt security so what was the problem. He was going to confiscate it and my position was after he showed me the written authority then I wanted a receipt. An older female supervisor recognized I was going to be a problem and took me and the globe to the airline baggage counter where I had only rechecked one bag after processing through Customs. She had them check the globe as my second bag for which I was appreciative. TSA are like Marines, no deviation or authority to think for themselves. I don’t mean that as a negative for the Marines but certainly for TSA – most of whom would still be stealing hubcaps for a living.

    • OldCorpsTanker72 says:

      Not sure where you got that information about Marines. At The Basic School, we were taught that it is easier to get forgiveness than permission. (It was 1972, and we were taught that by one Capt. Oliver North. He not only talked the talk, he walked the walk.) Can’t recall ever meeting a Marine who didn’t deviate one way or another.

      • Fyrfighter says:

        So you’re saying Marines are deviates… As for your story about Denver CM, not surprising at all.. i have to fly out of there on a fairly regular basis, and the vast majority of the TSA folks there seem like their other career option involved learning the phrase “would you like fries with that”, in addition to most being affirmative action hires… There was a big scandal among them a couple years ago, apparently one male agent who had a thing for other males would give “the nod” to two of his coworkers when he spotted a passenger he found attractive, and they would direct that individual to him for “special screening”.. In the real world, that’s called conspiracy, and sexual assault, but since he was TSA (it’s not gay if it’s TSA!”, all three were allowed to resign with no further repercussions…

        • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

          They have found confirmed Pedophiles working for TSA as well, ain’t that a surprise? Let’s also not forget about a number of them caught stealing electronic items like notepads as well! The vast majority of them I’ve seen look like they couldn’t even cook hamburgers or fries at a fast food franchise!

      • Club Manager, USA ret. says:

        I had the privilege of serving at Camp Smith, Hawaii when I was at CINCPAC. On one presidential visit my task was to get his flag down to Air Force two two at Hickam because they only brought one. Two would take off after one but land first with the flag. Problem was Nixon and McCain took a chopper rather than convoy and Camp Smith was locked down for ten minutes after departure. I made it to the staff car but they would not let the driver depart. I showed the flag (up the chain) finally to some lieutenant and explained the situation. He was unrelenting and would not check higher. I got the flag to the aircraft on time thanks to the Honolulu Police Department motorcycle escort who was left with nothing to escort, thought the Sub Base Marines were going to react with small arms fire when they ran the gate on the way to Hickam. We screeched to a halt in front of AF two just in time with Admiral McCain and the other’s there to see the president off at AF one. Later the aide told me Admiral McCain asked what that was all about (i.e., civilian police motorcycle escort for a Navy staff car” and the aide explained, “it’s only Sergeant XXXXXXX”. He said the admiral just nodded. When all was said and done, I let the Navy Master Chief and AF Colonel I worked for deal with the Marines.

  13. Thunderstixx says:

    You know, there should be a warning on every box of crayons served at the Chow Hall’s to not eat the pink crayons as they will remove any kind of intelligence level that a Marine has.
    Truly a case of over-consumption of the pink crayon

    We get a lot of them here in Austin. There’s no USMC post here so they all wander the streets searching for some poor soul to listen to their tales of derring-do in far off lands over a few beers and some crayons to go with it…..
    Invariably, ever few days there is a pink crayon O/D and the Gunny’s are called to bring the wayward Marine back to the reality they are not used to dealing with….

  14. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    IMHO most TSA slugs have the jobs they do because they’re too incompetent to even cook fries at a fast food franchise.

    That Marine and his “joke”? What a dipshit!

    • PavePusher says:

      A. Sory, hit ‘Report’ by mistake, please ignore!

      B. This fuckwittery happens in EVERY service. Trust me…..

  15. crucible says:

    Terminal Lance strikes again!

  16. The Stranger says:

    You just knew it was going to be a Lance Criminal.

  17. A Proud Infidel®™️ says:

    I bet that Lance’s First Sergeant is just chock full of warm fuzzy over that!

  18. Charles says:

    Transportation Security Administration Agent Dillan Hinkle
    -aka-
    Baggage Checker Dillan Hinkle.

    What a dipshit.

    Here is his Linked-In profile:

    =====================================

    Transportation Security Officer
    Transportation Security Administration (TSA)
    Jul 2019 – Present·6 months
    Charlotte, North Carolina

    Detention Officer
    Alexander County Detention Center
    Jul 2017 – Jul 2019·2 years 1 month

    Taylorsville
    Jackson County Genalogical [sic] Society
    Internship
    Jan 2017 – May 2017·5 months

    While working for the Jackson County Genealogical Society (JCGS) I served as a receptionist while in office, but as well did research on the side for the genealogical society. My daily task would range from answering questions from those who needed directions or required meeting times, researching historical information, handling cash coming in and out, and as well as helping those in the office with Word, Excel, and Powerpoint. The Research I did was a continuation of what the genealogical society was working on completing for the Jackson County area. Helped transcribes the marriage documents from paper form to an excel sheet that will allow for the information to be published for purchase by the public. My internship as well allowed for me to receive credit for the publications of the marriage records from 1901 – 1939 in the Jackson County and surrounding area.

    Moe’s Southwest Grill
    Supervisor

    Aug 2015 – Apr 2017·1 year 9 months

    I served as the supervisor for the night shift crew at Moe’s at Western Carolina University. I supervised over 4 to 7 people at a single time and would coordinate with the morning shift about the task that would need to be completed before the end of my shift. As a unit Moe’s would serve between 400 to 700 students in a shift and required me to take on multiple tasks at once to keep the unit running efficiently. I would serve students, work the cash register, line back, prep, and as well filled out the paperwork required by the night shift supervisor. I as well helped to close the unit down for the evening in the way clarified by Moe’s standards.

    Walmart Associate
    Walmart
    May 2016 – Aug 2016·4 months
    Fayetteville, North Carolina Area

    Cashier
    Tokyo Express
    Apr 2012 – Aug 2012·5 months
    Jacksonville, North Carolina Area

    I served customers promptly, adequately answered questions, and as well addressed and provided information bout forth by customers. While as well handling any and all situation in a respectful matter.
    =============================================

    I’m not sure his career high was Moe’s Grill,
    Tokyo Express or the Walmart slot.

    But now that little shit get’s to fuck with an active duty Marine.

    You ought to take a look at his photograph. Exactly what I had in mind when I first read the article.
    Maybe an admin can post it, I can’t.

    • A Proud Infidel®™️ says:

      It could be that he was too incompetent to even work at Wal Mart, so a Government job was his last resort! I myself hate TSA goobs with a vengeance, it was like they went out of their way to treat me like shit every time I flew somewhere in uniform.
      TSA – Thugs Sexually Assaulting, Thieves & Shitheaded Assholes,…

      • The Stranger says:

        I almost butt stroked one in Afghanistan. He got lippy and then tried to call in reinforcements until I pointed out that I had a Platoon behind me. He backed down right quick.

  19. Charles says:

    Perhaps the United States Marine Corps could say “thank you” to Baggage Checker Dillan Hinkle by treating him to “A Day in the Life of a Marine.”

    Just invite him out to MCAS Cherry Point, or better yet MCRD Parris Island, and let Dillan Hinkle enjoy the full experience of being a Marine, beginning with a PT formation at 0600. Let Dillan Hinkle actually see what C4 is, close up and personal, along with the other tools of the trade that a Marine must learn. He could also learn valuable hand to hand combat skills in the saw dust pits that might come in handy dealing with unruly carry-on bags.
    Wouldn’t that be a fun adventure for Dillan Hinkle?
    By the end of the day he would probably want to add it to his Linked-In post.

  20. Carlton G Long says:

    TSA may or may not have been over the top, but this Marine is bound to have sat through at least two PowerPoint presentations about not acting a fool at the airport.

  21. Anonymous says:

    “D’oh!” –Homer Simpson

  22. AO2(NAC) says:

    When I was a young fleet sailor, our office guy (never raise your hand when asked “who here knows how to type) was sent down to the pier to collect a box of office supplies. Staplers, legal pads, typewriter ribbon..
    The Master at Arms looked over the box and waved him through to the brow. This idiot flippantly said “oh you didn’t see the bomb in the box”.
    Halt. put the box down. Lay down, palms up.
    Gets on the radio and calls in the bomb threat.
    They shut NAS North Island down while EOD came from 32nd Street to diffuse the erasers and sharpies. 1988 and they did not have a sense of humor even back then. He got to meet the CO though.