Sunday Humor
In 2017, a Navy flight crew roared into legend when they drew a giant phallus in the sky with the contrails of their jet, assuming it would quickly blow away. It did not. Now, Navy Times has obtained the transcript of the conversation that led to the ‘sky dong.’
Mason has taken a break from his Valor Friday research (all work and no play…) and sends us the following article about the now infamous Sky Penis, and transcripts between the pilot and EWO during the commission of the event. Hang on, but someone watch 5/77 and keep his hands away from those black and yellow striped handles.
The Navy’s probe into sky penis
“The Balls are Going to be Lopsided”: Hear rendition of Navy pilots’ plan to draw sky penis
It prompted viral guffaws from some and online outrage from others.
There are shot glasses commemorating the event and it birthed memes ahead of the annual Army-Navy game.
But the inside story of how an EA-18G Growler jet crew drew a penis across the clear blue skies of Washington state in 2017 has never been told.
Until now.
It was the work of two junior officers with the “Zappers” of Electronic Attack Squadron 130, who had sky time to kill and noticed that the white contrails their jet produced were particularly robust that afternoon.
But they never counted on those contrails lingering long enough for folks on the ground to see their phallic rendering, according to a copy of the military’s sky penis investigation obtained exclusively by Navy Times.
KREM 2, a local TV station, broke the news after a woman snapped pics of the sky drawings on Nov. 16, 2017, near a training area for the squadron, which is based in western Washington at Naval Air Station Whidbey Island.
“A mother who lives in Okanogan who took pictures of the drawings reached out to KREM 2 to complain about the images, saying she was upset she might have to explain to her young children what the drawings were,” the station reported.
The story of the sky penis took wing from there, spreading umbrage and juvenile glee to all corners of the internet.
It also prompted nervous commanders to file urgent communiques to Navy leadership back in Washington, D.C., letting them know that this was about to turn into a thing.
Within hours of the phallic rendering, the squadron sent an alert to higher ups in an “official information dispatch” that reached the Office of the Chief of Naval Operations.
“Aircrew maneuvered an EA-18G aircraft in a pattern that resulted in contrails depicting an obscene symbol when viewed from the ground,” it warned. “Media attention is expected.”
Flying as “Zapper 21,” the lieutenants responsible for the drawing took off from Whidbey with another jet at about noon that day, according to the investigation.
The squadron’s commanding officer would later praise the pilot as a shy introvert and “a ‘whiz kid’ who managed our training and readiness with higher efficiency and effectiveness than anyone else I have seen in a squadron,” according to the investigation.
His cockpit partner that day, an electronic warfare officer, or EWO, was “my best junior officer,” the CO noted.
What discipline the Zapper 21 duo faced remains unknown.
Citing privacy regulations, officials declined to provide such records, and all names are redacted in the report copy provided to Navy Times in response to a Freedom of Information Act request.
The day’s flight was to be a standard 90 minutes of training over the skies of north-central Washington.
Their partner jet soon flew to another section of their training area, and the lieutenants got an idea.
The EWO broached it first, according to the investigation.
“My initial reaction was no, bad,” the pilot wrote in a statement after the incident. “But for some reason still unknown to me, I eventually decided to do it.”
Their sky penis plan of attack was captured on their cockpit video recording system, a transcript of which is included in the investigation.
“Draw a giant penis,” the EWO said. “That would be awesome.”
“What did you do on your flight?” the pilot joked. “Oh, we turned dinosaurs into sky penises.”
“You should totally try to draw a penis,” the EWO advised.
“I could definitely draw one, that would be easy,” the pilot boasted. “I could basically draw a figure eight and turn around and come back. I’m gonna go down, grab some speed and hopefully get out of the contrail layer so they’re not connected to each other.”
They theorized on the second-order effects of their nascent sky drawing.
“Dude, that would be so funny,” the pilot said. “Airliner’s coming back on their way into Seattle, just this big (expletive)ing, giant penis. We could almost draw a vein in the middle of it too.”
Soon, the EWO reported they were definitely “marking.”
They had found the sweet altitude, and the contrail sky penis was being born in their wake.
“Balls are going to be a little lopsided,” the pilot advised.
“Balls are complete,” he reported moments later. “I just gotta navigate a little bit over here for the shaft.”
“Which way is the shaft going?” the EWO asked.
“The shaft will go to the left,” the pilot answered.
“It’s gonna be a wide shaft,” the EWO noted.
“I don’t wanna make it just like 3 balls,” the pilot said.
“Let’s do it,” the EWO said. “Oh, the head of that penis is going to be thick.”
“Some like Chinese weather satellite right now that’s like, ‘what the (expletive)?’” the pilot surmised.
The jet streaked across the sky, and the duo’s magnum opus continued to take shape, showcasing the pilot’s prowess in the process.
“To get out of this, I’m gonna go like down and to the right,” the pilot said. “And we’ll come back up over the top and try to take a look at it.”
“I have a feeling the balls will have dissipated by then,” his partner answered.
“It’s possible,” the pilot said.
They flew away to a distance where they could take in their work.
They cracked up in the cockpit as their sky penis came into full view, snapping pics they would later delete once they realized their command would likely go apoplectic.
“Oh yes, that was (expletive)ing amazing,” the pilot said. “This is so obvious.”
“That’s a (expletive),” the EWO said. “Dude, I’m amazed that this stayed.”
“Mishap pilot alpha said, ‘Dude, I’m gonna draw a (expletive),’” the EWO said. “EWO alpha said, ‘Yup, that’s a great idea.’”
They waited to see if their partner jet would notice their work.
“Your artwork is amazing,” the lieutenant commander EWO in the other jet radioed to them.
“Glad you guys noticed,” the pilot replied.
JO’s. You just can’t think of enough things to tell them not to do. The fireworks start when our intrepid fliers return to base. Read the entire article here: Navy Times
Thanks, Mason. I think I’m actually caught up on my guest posts and links. This means I have to get hot on tomorrow’s FGS.
Category: Blue Skies, Bravo Zulu, Guest Link, Historical, Humor, Navy
Cumulo phallus…
Hey! Quit talking like that about NY’s governor!
(smile)
4 years of college
2-3 years of flight training
1 bad choice
priceless
reading that transcript they sound like the Joes I served with.
Not surprised. Discipline in the Navy has been declining for a long time now.
That looks like someone doing a butterfly/arrowhead rope spin with sampson spot cord/poly rope and a leather burner.
I had my hands my other handle that day….After all, the flyboys did need a live full scale model to go by.
If it turns yellow with black stripes, seek professional help.
AWIEd,
I am glad the site is up, Thanks to you and Dave and EX-PH2, and others.
Request permission for roll call.
Awaiting incoming, over;
A spam email to all active members is a very bad idea. It would be one-stop-shopping for TAH member’s e-mails, for folks out there who wish us ill. Surprising how much PII one can glean from an e-mail, not to mention simple harassment. I think Dave is working on something, so we’ll all just have to wait and see what he comes up with.
In the meantime, send the new link to any TAH member you have in your contacts list.
I do not know what a “spam email”, is, so I will lay low.
Unsolicited e-mail to a large number of recipients.
I will lay low.
Those who chose to tread in such waters
have at it.
Insight into the “stupid rule” incubator.
//because you know the brass made a stupid rule after this incident.
Lets make a cowboy hat.
Sapper,
Where did you serve, Sir?
54th Engr
10th MTN
307th Engr
VT NG MTN CAV
Where on the 10th, Sir?
Two hot shots who risk their lives daily had a little fun and some woman on the ground with a vivid imagination complained and everyone got their panties in a wad. Resolution should have been to march both to the Officers Club and their commander proclaim, “Drinks are on them”. Nuff said.
First there was Air Bud, now there is Sky Dick.
I wonder if anyone has bought the movie rights.
Brits have Spotted Dick pudding, made with suet and dried fruit, and often served with custard.
ahh, pass thanks.
Spotted Dick, sounds like the initial stages of Da Nang Dick.
You don’t want Da Nang dick; I heard it was almost incurable, except by old Chinese doctors whose assessment frequently was: “American doctors always want cut, cut. No need cut, fall off anyway.”
That’s a sad sac right there
Iced Tea is ok for me now.
For those with guts stronger than mine,
Light it up!
Pancreatitis is no fun.
Peace to all.
b out.
“JO’s. You just can’t think of enough things to tell them not to do.”
It’s because there are still JO’s in the service willing to do this stuff that I continue to serve.
Speaking of dumba$$ LTs: In 1967 a 12-page Army Security Agency document was circulated throughout the 11th Armored Cavalry, containing verbatim radio conversation between two 2LTs who had gone through OCS together. The LTs were in different troops in night defensive position and decided to do catch-up by way of ACAV radios. They talked about what was going on and then about another OCS friend who had been wounded and now was in Long Binh hospital. Then came family stuff and “Remember when we did this stupid thing in OCS…” reminiscences. Interesting reading, and a good example of “Don’t let this happen to you.”