Christmas ideas.
Every year I go through this struggle about what to get the Soviet for Christmas. The constant harangue of Christmas spirit around the compound grows to a crescendo of excitement until Santa leaves a present of some sort, mangled in wrapping paper, under the damn tree. I can not be the only one that suffers through this holiday waterboarding. There is a cold Siberian Breeze blowing through here until I figure out what to get the Spousal Unit this year.
We need some kind of Gift Database for people like me. I can never find a Lt. with nifty ideas when I need one. Open for suggestions.
Category: Holidays
Vodka … lots of Vodka!
You have been in a bar with her … I will not be alone with her drunk. The struggle is real.
How about a really nifty set of Russian Nesting Dolls!
Well, that was uplifting, I always did like Christmas music.
Mmmm nice *uuuhhhhhm* piano, yeah piano!
Not sure yet what you can get for the Soviet Dave, but I do know now what you can get for me. Thanks Dad.
You can get me one of her gorgeous cousins perhaps?
https://www.bing.com/shop?q=a+nice+bustier&FORM=SHOPPA&originIGUID=21411A5991DD49CBBED5D1A395F3829A
She will say that is for me and my friends…not her.
Dammit.
YOUR Friends?
Very Nice!
I learned long ago that there can be no guesswork. You ask, thusly: “Soviet, my dear, what would you like for Christmas?” Then, you get whatever it is she wants. On top of that, you buy an item or two or three that she didn’t ask for and don’t cost as much, in the event she doesn’t like them. This is a no-lose approach which I learned over many years of playing, “Guess.” I also learned that vacuums, pots and pans are out. So, too, are power tools.
One other thing. If it can’t be had on Amazon, don’t get it. Rainschecks don’t work at Christmas and, by Gawd, when Amazon says you’ll get it by Christmas, you’ll get it by Christmas. Malls are sometimes nice to visit but you wouldn’t want to buy there.
She thinks you are Mr. Wonderful … you should know what she wants without asking. You spent half the night drinking with her and this is the best you come up with?
Bet she likes my answer. Don’t listen to me at your own peril. I do not flirt long distance. If you disappoint her on 25 December, tell her I will make it all better.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA … well she has that to look forward to.
My wife is a wonderful woman who knows exactly who and what she married. She gives me a very specific list every year, as my attempts at getting her something nice to wear in the past were rather disastrous, though she recognized that I was trying.
My wife actually asks for power tools. Last year was a compound miter saw. The year before was a router table. Gotta love it!
David,
What ever you do, make sure it is the correct gift. You know what can happen if you cross her!
If you are wrong, we may see her “high fiving” a rouge leader in celebration of your demise.
MCPO OUT!
Red 9, this is Rogue Leader on final approach, watch my 6, I’m going in for the pick up. Hardin is out and down for the count. I got this.
Yes, I got that, MCPO. And it made me chuckle.
Thank God atleast one did!
Geeze, I some time wonder if people are tracking on my precient mix of humor and current events!
Ivan’s used apc sale. Low milage BMP. Formerly used by the Soviet 3rd Guards Division (motorised) Leipzig German Democratic Republic. Needs “some” work. One owner (Sgt Boris Belenko..before he was transferred to Vladivostok after taking said BMP on barracks “vodka run”.
And we all remember what he took THEN.
I want one of those. No one would dare challenge me on the highway.
Why settle for a BMP when you can get a T-72? Nothing says “love” like her very own late-Soviet-Era main battle tank!
http://www.mortarinvestments.eu/products/tanks-2/t-72-42#currency=USD
If she prefers old school, you can also remind her of the Great Patriotic War with a T-34/85 medium tank or an SU-100 assault gun for that “old country” feel!
A spendy jug of foo-foo is good for starters, as long as it’s in cut glass and costs around a C-note. Then one of those baskets of mysterious lotions, soaps, and creams the fairer sex seems to enjoy. Since there’s already a pink bathrobe in the house, so perhaps a wool sweater, nice hoodie or some such, and a scarf to wrap it all up with?
Spitballin’ here, just a couple thoughts.
Though the BMP would make a nice grocery-getter.
Deliver the Bath & Body Works gift basket in the BMP!
What is this thread about, besides legs?
Aren’t legs enough?
Thread? All I saw were legs. Great legs.
Ask her best girlfriend. Whatever you do, ignore anything she NEEDS. $20 worth of what she wants works better than $100 of what she needs.
David nailed it. Forget ‘need’ and concentrate on ‘want’. I’ve told the Russian that she got 100% of what she needed during our 47 years and most of what she wanted.
What is the matter with you guys? Women all want the same things:
1 – money
2 – being told ‘you’re not fat, you’re incredibly huggable’
3 – lots of hugs when the onions make us sniffle; it’s always the onions
4 – a nice, hot bubble bath with a plateful of crispy crusted fried chicken delivered by someone who looks like a cabana boy
5 – a good selection of romance novels, which YOU guys should also read
6 – extra sets of pillowcases so that your greasy hair won’t make us replace your pillows every six months
7 – LOTS of hugs
8 – an understanding that even if the actor is a dipstick, sometimes we just like watching stud muffin movies
9 – a day off from wiping noses and sweeping floors and working 8AM to 7PM
10 – restlessness gets into ALL OF US, INCLUDING YOU
And a nice brick of fruit cake.
Who has the one fruitcake this year and who will be the new recipient?
And the perfect answer to every question, “Yes Dear, and would you like some more wine?”
1 – She has control over all the money
2 – just told her she was not fat, she flashed me “The Look”.
3 – Last time she cried was Jonn’s funeral doesn’t happen often.
4 – Never tried a young stud with fried chicken while she was in the tub…hope he has insurance.
5 – read? romance?
6 – The woamn already keep a dozen pillows on the bed, one day soon most of those damn things are out the door.
7 – I hug her and she wants to know what I did wrong.
8 – I am not watching Gay Porn with anyone.
9 – We sold all the restaurants no more working like that
10.- restlessness, is that like when something makes my ass itch?
8 – Gay porn? I beg to differ. Van Damme movies are not gay porn.
# 1. Best move I made was making my wife in charge of $ and multiple retirement accounts!
For item #6 just pkace a hand towel over the pillow; then you only have to wash the towel every six months (or daily — whatever!) and not have to replace the pillow.
You’re welcome.
— rgr1480
Casa Hardin looks festive for Christmas!
Dave, you can never go wrong with a gift card. Or, just give up the credit card and call it a day. Pallets of cash work too.
Somebody sent my pallets of cash to Iran a few years back.
Love the jazz fusion Jingle Bells.
How about a nice antique metronome for the piano?
After 47 years, there is absolutely nothing either of us needs. Soooo, I usually take her to a restaurant, one I have heard her mention during the year and which we have not gone before. I’m not talking IHOP or Denny’s here; be prepared to spend about 75-100 bucks, +/-. A nice bouquet of flowers. I’ve found some very nice ones at Publix that won’t result in chapter 11. Figure about $20-$30. Extra bonus points if she has a green thumb and likes to grow flowers, in which case you get a live plant, maybe one from a nursery. If it dies, blame it on a draft in the house of which you both were unaware. It’s Never her fault. A nice box of candy. Intermingled with all of this, as PH suggests, are lots of hugs and positive reinforcement. Do these things, sincerely, and you’re good to go for another year. Works for me and beats the heck out of buying something that will end up a a drawer, only to be thrown away in a few years. These steps work equally well for birthdays. A little more consideration should be the name of the game for an anniversary, though.
What are you, a closet commie? I’m shocked. Get out there. Hit the shopping malls. Get dings in your doors, maybe a cart in your grille. Fill your arms with goodies, get pissed off at the lines and the knuckleheads who begin to search for their credit card only after everything is rung up and bagged. Get with the program!
2/17: Not me. I don’t do malls except for the rare occasion the Russian hauls me into one. We walk the corridors and then OTD. I don’t spend two hours an entire year in the mall. Lines? I despise lines. The only line I’m willing to stand in is at the commissary or Publix. The NFCU occasionally. I DO BUY both the wife and daughter a gift or two, just so they can get the enjoyment of opening them. This year I bought the daughter a coffee grinder and four bags of single source African coffee. Folks, if you’re a coffee fanatic, and I am, you have to try single source African or South American coffee. The stuff in Publix is only hot brown water by comparison. If there is any interest, I’ll list the companies through which I buy these coffees. Also, if any of you have recommendations, I would LOVE to hear about them.
I’d be interested HMC.. ones I know are:
Firehousecoffee.com
Blackriflecoffee.com
Firedeptcoffee.com
Fyrfighter: Here are the companies I buy from. Any coffee from them is better than coffee sold at grocery stores. Some marginally so; some are simply outstanding.
CamberCoffee.com
DurangoCoffee.com
CounterCultureCoffee.com
PureCoffee.com
DurangoCoffee.com.
Durango has my absolute favorite coffee: Mwiria, which is a single source coffee from Kenya. They say its taste is of Chocolate and Currant. All I know is that it is wonderful.
Each company will describe the taste of their various coffees.
Enjoy, Brother, and thank you for your recommendations. I’ll try them. Not many things better than that first cup of coffee in the AM, except maybe the second cup of coffee about hours later.
I have never gone wrong giving a lady good jewelry.
Bingo. And in honor of her (now former) country of origin, try this link:
https://www.gemsny.com/ruby/basic-search/
A bit pricey, but the folks have nice stones. I think they’re also run by a former countryman of hers. (And no, I do NOT have any financial interest in the linked firm whatsoever, nor am I in their employ. But I have done business with them.)
You could even make it a “twofer” by getting a nice loose stone now for Christmas, then telling her the set version will be available for her to wear to dinner on Feb 14 – after she decides how she wants it set. (smile)
Dave needs help spending a lot of money on The Soviet. She has expensive tastes in clothes, accessories, and cars. Please help him spend his money.
LOL, if they only knew.
Well. Since you asked…
‘Round here we quickly went through the “get ideas from a close friend” phase and straight into the “wanna see what you got me for Christmas, hon?” phase. Oh, sure, there were still a few things to be unwrapped but those tended to be stuff like silly socks, candy, and other fairly insignificant things.
Maybe we were just too simple minded! Folks in both our families tended toward sending clear messages about what they wanted, or just being pleased with whatever was under the tree.
Press on, Dave. Glad to see we can at least all have some fun at your expense!
(Throw an “on” in that last line somewhere, please.)
A pony
Dude, seriously?
Hmmmm … ok, I’ll try to help, Brother.
From watching her hands, she’s classically trained? IIRC, the Soviets/Russians have always been into classical music – waaaaay more than Americans.
Nearly all women love jewelry. If she is one of those, does she have a musical jewelry box? And I don’t mean a 20 note Chinese piece of crap, either. I wouldn’t waste my time with anything less than 72 note movements. The more, the richer the sound, if it’s well made.
Are you handy with tools and woodworking? The best gifts are made with your heart and hands.
If not, Here is a good place to start.
There used to be a company that would design a musical movement (Japanese, IIRC) for you if they didn’t have the music you are looking for.
Do you you know her favorite piece of music? Rachmaninoff, Mozart, Tchaikovsky, etc?
Her favorite piece of classical in a 72 or 144 note movement jewelry box could be a real hit.
However, if she controls all of the shekels, this could prove to be a challenging OPSEC environment.
Your pardon, that would be Rachmaninov …
Ah, I got it!
A necklace made from a thigh bone fragment of Bernath’s scattered and unclaimed remains.
Nah, bad idea!
In fact, very bad idea!
Diamonds
Emeralds
Sapphires
Gold bullion
Done. See how easy that was
You can get her an iPad or an iPhone, but don’t
get her an iRon 🤣🤣
Very good! Took me a minute to get it …
A puppy, or a chaffing dish.
Or a puppy in a chaffing dish.
Otherwise; jewelry. In any case, you will never get off on the cheap, no matter what you do. And women don’t need one of those eye loups to spot phony jewelry, they can smell it from miles away.
In accordance with Leta’s and Mr. Lauer’s comments. and assuming that you may not know how to discern the quality of a diamond, here is what one of my sisters taught me about it.
The four C’s according to GIA:
Color- D,E,F,G,H,I – you want D
Clarity – you want IF (Internally Flawless)
Carat
Cut
According to sis, Color is paramount in choice, with Clarity a close second. The other two, according to her taste and the size of your wallet.
Costco has decent unmounted stones for a good price. Go to a jeweler, prepare to get hosed.
Hope this helps.
Wow, your wife is gorgeous!
Those legs never end!
And a talented pianist.
You are a lucky man.
Gift giving to a wife is a minefield.
You are expected to know what she wants without her having to actually tell you.
So just do the best you can and resign yourself to failing the test