Our Favorite Attorney, Daniel A. Bernath in the news again….

UPDATE:  Dan has demanded we take down his copyrighted picture.  Now, of course it was used under Fair Use, but I found a better one to use anyway.  Nonetheless, if you have pictures of Dan you’d like to use here, please send them along.

…and shockingly, it is for being a huge jackass.  Who woulda thunk it?

For nearly two years, claims that Yelp Inc. should pay people who post on its site have dogged the company like a bad review…

This week, the entire mess landed in the Northern District of California after Yelp won a motion to move the case closer to the company’s San Francisco headquarters. Florida attorney Daniel Bernath claims Yelp cheated its legions of reviewers by refusing to pay them for content they post to the website. The reviewers were Yelp’s employees, Bernath argues, comparing the company’s practice of withholding wages to that of a “21st century galley slave ship.”

Florida Attorney?  Yeah, not so much.

 “Defendants could not exist, nor make its returns, without labors of and its control over unpaid writers,” Bernath wrote.

Need I explain how ridiculous that statement is?  They aren’t “unpaid writers,” they are people who write reviews for dinner.  Yelp doesn’t have “control” over them, and there’s no compulsory labor.  Here’s the thing about uncompensated writers “working” for Yelp, at any given moment they could do the almost unthinkable, shut off the computer, and walk away.  No one would notice.  Yelp, and civilized society would continue.  Bernath is basically the Obama of Yelp shouting “You didn’t make this!”

Actual lawyers, the kind that Yelp hires to get migraines dealing with this mental midget pegged it succinctly:

“Under plaintiffs’ theory, popular websites like Amazon, eBay, Facebook, Google and Twitter would suddenly gain hundreds of millions of employees,” the lawyers wrote, “all entitled to billions of dollars in payment by the mere fact that they have used these online forums to express themselves through content contributions.”

Now here’s the Dan we’ve come to know and adore, the man who won the Stolen Valor tournament on the strength of having gone full retard like the Hulk…

In a phone call Wednesday, Bernath said the bar complaint was an intimidation tactic.

“Yelp’s whole strategy is just to be petty and attack you by nipping at your heels and tripping you,” he said. “But in the end, the law says that they owe my clients money.”

Bernath’s bizarre sanctions motion, which includes a photograph of a shingles sore on his skin and a blister on his big toe, also accuses Yelp of abusing the mediation process. The company did everything it could to delay mediation, Bernath said, which is what caused the judge to postpone ruling on Yelp’s motions. When the two sides finally met, Bernath claims Yelp did not negotiate in good faith, adding the stress Yelp’s counsel inflicted caused him to suffer a shingles outbreak.

Bernath also claims the walk between the mediation conference rooms and the Orange County airport gave him a blister. He accuses Yelp’s counsel of refusing to offer him a ride.

Who in the Holy Name of SpongeBob’s Dick would let Bernath get in their car with them?  The silly son of a bitch bought my car and I wouldn’t let him in either.

But wait, I thought we caused his shingles and blisters?  Yelp did it?

In an email to me the other day Dan claimed victory over all of us, and ticked off a list of things he’d accomplished.  It was awesome, because not a one of them was accurate.  Not even a little.  He claims he ran a whole host of you off, and that everyone is afraid to comment.  Here’s some brain nuggets he dropped in that email:

TAH-used to get a few thousands per issue.  Now you get 20 or 30.

If anyone dares post to TAH every friend they know get informed that they are participating in a child pornography website

The wreckage of that website and its participants-someday we’ll give you an accounting but you have been hollowed out and destroyed.

your jeep, your student loans. I didn’t pay for them.

You don’t fit the norm of a rational person.  No gain but you have been scared for the rest of your professional life and have a fat wife and fat kid to support for the next 18 to 21 years.

Yes, perfectly rational to get upset that the lawyer opposing you in court should give you a ride in his car.  I bet he smells like horseshit and hasn’t showered in weeks.  If you do offer Dan a ride, for the love of all that is holy, lay down a sheet of plastic first.

Category: Politics