Oh, For the Love of . . .
. . . doesn’t the 5-sided asylum have any real work to do? Really?
Pentagon Deploys ‘May I Kiss You?’ Training
At least this “only” costs taxpayers around $325k a year.
GMAFB.
Category: "Teh Stoopid", "Your Tax Dollars At Work", Military issues, WTF?
I said it earlier, and will say it again about this. We would put together one heck of a presentation for this subject. Obviously in the wrong line of business… who knew you could make so much explaining to Military Personnel not to think with their little horny heads.
Unfortunately there are those who do need this, but they will also be the ones not to get it ever and wonder why they are up on rape/harrasment charges.
Hey Guys at the Five Sided Fun House…..
I have intently focused on this training.
May You Guys All Kiss My Jolly Ass? Pretty Please?
Thanks
Being a guy, I like to imagine myself as being aggressively macho, but – – – ,
Shucks, mandatory training like that would have made me more scared of girls than I already was.
In my experience, girls always let me know when it was time to shut up and pucker up.
Yep, they’re going to ruin it for everybody.
I figure it’s all part of a humongous global conspiracy to prevent our population increasing, so there’s more goodies for everybody.
Sure it’s only $325k for the May I Kiss You series, but the “May I Fuck You” series is just about one million as I recall…
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
There’s also a special $650K middle-tier pricing for “Inappropriate Touching.” The training is mostly watching a three-hour compilation of clips of Joe Biden.
Veritas Omnia Vincit…ROTFLMAO! Man did I need that! I been feeling not quite up to par lately. So I’ve been lurking here without much to say. But this, the “May I Fuck You” series, brought tears to my eyes and coffee to my keyboard! Thank you again!
I do what I can my friend, know that you are in my thoughts and I wish you health and happiness. Please get well soon brother.
Veritas Omnia Vincit, Thank you for your kind words and thoughts brother.
Now that is damn funny!
VOV,
Please expand on this notion as there are many different interests in the military now.
Just a thought!
Maybe APL can help me secure a training contract…you’ll love the series on “May I offer you Reach Around”…it’s designed to help Blue Falcons understand the implications of their actions…it’s usually followed up with the “That will take about six weeks to heal” series…
A good friend of mine who was a Marine used to use the following line on the ladies:
“Care to fuck, or should I apologize?”
Clear text and covered all the bases. I thought it was brilliant.
The correct answer is ‘How about I give you $5 and you go find yourself a whore who’s as cheap as you are?’
He received that very reply on a few occasions. He would then smile and say, “In that case, I apologize. Have a good night,” and move on. More than a few young females were perfectly fine with Option A, though.
This being the new US Army you forgot the most important part of personnel management.
There will have to be separate classes for men and women and of course the third classification…
Men’s being titled: May I suck your dick
Women’s being: May I munch your carpet
Tranny’s being called: May I ______________ (Fill in the blank…)
………….
I wonder how much he gets for his, “So I Guess A Blowjob Is Out Of The Question? Huh Baby?” series.
I’ll pay myself for the “What, You Won’t Kiss Me? Then Why’s Your Mouth On My Pecker?”
Okay, sorry I’ll stop now before I get off on a tangent roll here.
Depends on what the meaning of is is, as we learned some years back from a president fond of utilizing the oral skills of chubby interns…
Mr. President, it’s the third-person singular form of the verb “to be.” Now, can you answer the question?
“They all say Ah’m a rill smart whiz…
but Ah dunno the meanin’ of “IS”…
Ah dunno ‘fwe’er alone…
when she sucked on my bone…
an’ Ah sprayed her blue dress with mah jizz!
HUYUK HUYUK HUYUK
Pretty sure the “How can I love you if you won’t lay down” series is right out!
The Clinton Training series you mean?
The early Clinton series was entitled, “Using the State Police as an Appropriate Method for Detaining Women for Personal Abuse by the Governor”
The follow up series, “How to Survive Impeachment and a Series of Harassment Suits” was quite successful.
What’s next? They going to start ‘proud cutting’ the males?
Pinto Nag…That made me cringe. In fact I just had to get off the floor from the fetal position closely guarding my man junk.
I know that it makes horses crazy –I’ve had to work with a proud-cut before. From what I’m seeing of these asinine “Dick and Jane” training sessions, it wouldn’t surprise me at all.
Geez, PN! That’s supposed to be done to ridglings!
I’ve had two geldings completely cut while I was right there, holding their hooves, and they still got aroused by a mare in heat who kept pestering them. Maybe I just waited too long on calling the vet.
I saw this story earlier, but thankfully I’m so divorced from this crap by time and space I just said “Oh Goody, this will be fun to watch from a distance.”
And here I am working my ass off to make an honest living when I could be making up shit like that and selling it to the Military for an obscene profit!
Why isn’t the female marine to blame at all?
Shouldn’t she have asked the male marine, “can I put my hand on your leg?”
Oh, now you just KNEW this was going to get posted, didn’t you?
Wonder what Dunham would charge DoD annually to license that instead? (smile)
For just half that money, I could present my ‘you would if you loved me’ training.
I have a sea story about a naïve YNSN (E-3 Yeoman, the secretary rate, for the Nautically Challenged), a very experienced bar girl, and $20.00.
She saw new meat, and hit on him hard. After a couple beers an arrangement was made. She took the bill and excused herself to freshen up, and of course faded out the back door, not to be seen again. After all, she said she’d fuck him for $20.00.
She just left out the “over” part, must’a got lost in the translation.
Sounds like the youngster got screwed all right.
Coulda been worse. At least she didn’t get a year’s rent (in one of San Diego’s nicer neighborhoods) out of him without so much as a handjob in return. Okay, depending on when and in what country this took place, $20 US might very well be a year’s rent. But my own educational experience wound up costing me about $34grand when it was all said and done (that BITCH!).
I agree, it seems silly. However, the military has an undeniable problem with sexual assault and harassment, and it is affecting readiness. Remember, not too long ago the head of the Air Force program sexually assaulted a woman, and we have NCO pimps at Ft Hood. It’s an issue.
I don’t know how many of you have endured the existing mandatory training, but it is awful. It’s sort of a ‘Choose your own adventure’ web based thing where you pick what your character will do each point. Most Soldiers try to make the wrong choice so the female gets date raped.
It is a crime, and it is unacceptable. How should the military handle it? What they are doing is not working.
You must be a very slow learner. But, we’ll keep telling you until you either learn it or learn to keep your opinions to yourself.
Just because you say it doesn’t make it so. Show us again how that works in your mind – the military crime statistics are far below that of the civilian population with the military tolerating far less than does the civilian population, and that translates into something for you to continue to whine about? Yeah, whatever.
Get back to us when you grow up, OK?
Sorry, I didn’t realize that you were afraid of different opinions. Do you still think the world is flat and that your grandpa had a pet dinosaur? If so I have a few other opinions that you won’t like.
There is conflicting evidence about the prevalence of sexual assault in the military vs civilian population, but if you knew anything about leadership (which apparently you don’t)’ you would know that even this low rate is unacceptable. What if it was any other crime, what if it was your daughter (or son)?
Again, I don’t think that this training will be any more effective than the existing mandatory training, but something has to be done.
BTW, you seem super old and irrelevant to me, and I am 49. When are you going to grow up and learn to intelligently discuss a topic without throwing a temper tantrum?
http://jiv.sagepub.com/content/15/3/291.short
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2014/05/01/pentagon-survey-reportedly-finds-military-sexual-assault-claims-up-50-percent/
“What if it was any other crime, what if it was your daughter (or son)?” Oh, give me a break with that line of bullshit. Let me guess, if there is one actual sexual assault in the military, that’s one too many and all service personnel should undergo sensitivity training. You are entitled to your opinion, however mush it is bullshit, but if it’s a strong one, I’m sure that others here will support you and agree. I’ll wait.
What an interesting line of argument. How many sexual assaults are acceptable to you?
Again, I don’t think that this training will be effective (this is the third time I have said that), but the military has to do something.
I was listening to the FORSCOM DCG speak the other day, and his opinion was that sexual assault and harassment are one of the biggest challenges to readiness in the Army. The crime itself is a problem, but it also destroys unit cohesion and erodes confidence in leadership.
Interesting line of argument. How many sexual assaults are acceptable to you?
Here are the facts: Sexual assaults and harassment occur between service members. It is a crime, and it is counter to good order and discipline. It erodes cohesion and readiness, and I it takes up a huge amount of leader time.
Once again, I am not convinced that this training will be effective, but the military has to do something.
Look at it this way: Virtually every comment on this post has been a crude joke, and the one guy that says that the military ought to do something about it gets criticized?
Man, you have drunk deep and you have drunk long. I also like the way you credited yourself with quality insults. Self grading is your best bet for good grades. And give yourself an ARCOM. As a matter of fact, add the Moerk Pollyanna Medal too.
And a ham sammich with a luke warm cup of soup!
Oh, and a fly in your fucting ointment!
Yeah, it is called Senior Enlisted Leadership!
Not Microsoft Power Point.
Jackwad!
And just tell me, reddevil, how many times have YOU been sexually assuaulted?
Have you been invited to be the subject of a rape party, or one of the participants?
Hsve you ever been to a party where everyone was stinking drunk and there was a dick measuring contest going on right behind your back?
Have you been groped when you didn’t want it?
Or had your ass grabbed by someone who thought he was being funny, but got his shorts in a wad when you smacked him for it?
Have you been threatened with assault for refusing to have sex with a coworker?
You think it’s all statistics and reports.
Well, it ain’t.
A crude joke, huh? Okay, idiotstick aka reddevil, I read that article and here is a little quote: The video also shows Domitrz playing out a date scenario where the female is in control. He instructs a female Marine to put her hand on a male Marine’s leg to “show that she’s interested.”
Domitrz said the most common reaction for men, “Yes, she wants me,” is flawed. That assumption means, “We completely misread [the female Marine].”
“She was only letting us know she was a little interested, and we took it much further,” Domitrz said.
Well, I call BS on this. I know better. I knew several men who complained bitterly about being an aide to a female Admiral, because when they got into her limo with her, she reached over and grabbed the inside of the leg closest to them. One of them solved the problem, finally, when I told him to tape a candle to the inside of his leg and when she grabbed him, tell her to please take her hand off his candle.
That was the 1960s, reddevil, you ignoramus. It was much worse then than it is now. Your statistical crap doesn’t hold up under close scrutiny.
How many sexual assaults are acceptable? NONE
How much racism is acceptable?
NONE
How many DUIs are acceptable?
NONE
How much substance abuse is acceptable? NONE
Now tell me how many hours you want to dedicate to monthly training on these and other subjects. How much money do you want to budget.
Last but not least what MOS training do you want to cut out to teach these classes?.
***Yawn***
So, yeah, like you totally missed your opportunity to provide actual statistics and instead resort to the insults. Amusing, but not particularly mature. But you are old enough to know that already.
Whatever. Act like a troll, then get all pissy when treated like one. Surprise, surprise. (not)
Actually, you began with the insults, I just responded with better ones… But you are probably used to that.
Are you a vacuum cleaning just running around sucking up attention or just a baiter?
Either way, check your shit at the door and show your creds!
Ripping off somebody with this quote- “you’re entitled to your opinion. what you’re not entitled to is your own facts.”
Because when you ignore facts and just argue an opinion, it’s 3rd grade playground shenanigans.
I think it is important to remember that IF there is a sexual assault problem in the military, it is probably directly related to the fact that he high standards of the military were lowered in order to fill the ranks that were depleted by a democratic administration. When the standards were lowered, the military enlisted some people that would never before have been admitted. Then the public looks at the military and wonders what is wrong with IT.
Now another democratic administration is doing its best to cut the military to bone again.
I have spent 27 years in the service to this nation and hav been assigned to many different units of several different specialties and have NEVER seen an instance of sexual assault in any of them. Does it happen? YES, but I am less worried about my wife on post than I am when she is off post, in town. I don’t care what statistical information you look at, I look at my experience, and gut feeling. They have served my family and I well so far.
Right on!
Many years ago soldiers could go to the gallows for rape. Rape was treated like murder and with some justification. Hanging a rapist sent a message to the troops that was hard to ignore. The SCOTUS said that hanging was too harsh so the military justice system outlawed it when the civilian system did. Perhaps congress should pass a law that reinstates it for soldiers. It worked once, why not again? Hanging a few rapists in front of the troops and their officers would
negate the need for more bullshit training.
I likw this idea!
Can we include hanging for impersonationof a Genuine and or Honorary CPO?
I am certain that most (if not all) Genuine and or Honorary CPOs will vote “Aye”.
When that law was active there weren’t women serving alongside men and using their sexuality as a manipulating tool to succeed among the enlisted men.
Hanging in a clear no mistake case of rape is still acceptable to me.
Hanging in a he said/she said rape case where maybe things didn’t go exactly as the women claimed is a little beyond the pale for me.
We had a mixed sex barracks – females had different rooms than males, but latrines and showers were individual and had VERY high walls and doors. One young sergeant was once caught trying to peek over the walls at one of the females showering… heard afterwards he apparently tripped and fell down that stone German barracks stairwell. Several times. That’s called “peer level counseling.” Very effective.
How about flogging? I’ve heard that flogging works.
/sarc
The problem PN, is that there’s already an awful lot of self-flagellation going on…
The fish stinks and rots from the head. The shit all rolls downhill.
As long as sex assault and using sex as a power trip is part of and condoned by those at the top, it will continue, no matter how many boring lectures the lower levels are subjected to.
It ain’t the juniors at the root of this problem. It’s the SENIORS.
If you don’t get THAT part, YOU aren’t paying attention.
Ex, agreed. I was In a unit that was assigned to GEN Sinclair’s 82nd ABN. in Afghanistan, And while I didn’t personally see or hear of any sexual assaults ( there were no females where I was at) I can tell you that many of his subordinate leaders had attitudes that seemed to reflect what we now know about him. I don’t think any of these guys were rapists, but they thought they were Gods gift to women.
“Domitrz was inspired to raise awareness about sexual assault after his sister was raped in the 1980s….” I’m truly sorry to hear that but I was taught that rape, unlike kissing, is not a sexual act but a violent one. Thus, “May I rape you? would not be an appropriate question.
He probably thinks kissing IS rape.
Odd, but thats not what the little voice in my head was telling me.
Heads Up Folks!
The video I posted below is *NSFW* and I forgot to tag it as such. My apologies.
Dave Hardin, sorry, I know my comment here does not relate to your post above, but I wanted to get this ahead of the video below. Thanks Dave.
Maybe this?
P.S., NSFW, kids, or Prudes!
Reminds me of this one. In the category of “how to and not to do it”.
Sorry that was *NSFW* and I forgot to post it as such. Apologies all around.
The training should have been called, “Can I Kiss Your Royal Irish Ass?”.
The result would have been swift and certain:
Any Irish man or woman would have stood up, walked up to instructor and Punched him in the Throat (PITT).
The KMRIA is never a question, it is a directive!
Out!
PS: Hondo, thanks for keeping us up to date on the ass backwards, full on retard antics of our leaders in DC.
Here ended the lesson!
Word is that the “training” videos intended to prevent sexual assault have been banned at Gitmo because they are inhumane treatment.
But really, with the time we waste doing mandatory training for things like this, I would think the higher ups are trying to bore us into submission. When are we supposed to carry out real world training? If he/she says no, simply respect it and go spank your damn monkey yourself. You dont have to do the walk of shame in the morning after that…
W-H-A-A-A-T!?!?!?
This is where my tax money is going? Some male virgin gets up on a stage and tells everyone it’s naughty to even THINK about touching someone else, never mind KISSING?????
What the hell is wrong with these people?
Hell, I could use that money and give those Marines a lecture they would never forget. But then, I’m not an idiot with a degree in whatever it is….
Geezo Pete.
The fact that the presentation says “if you don’t ask your partner for permission, the answer is no.” I’m sorry, I’m not going to ask my wife for permission every time I want to kiss her, hold her hand, pinch her butt, or whatever.
Y’all are slipping.
Trunk Monkey RULES!!
I’ve always wanted a trunk monkey. With my eldest daughter beginning to date, it’s the perfect option.
Anyone know where you can get one?
I need to get one of those. I have a daughter and four nieces who are all gonna grow up to be stunners. I have about 14 years with my daughter, but my oldest niece will be there in six.
Does anyone else find it ironic that the military is spending more money to hire teachers to educate service members not to rape people, and it’s the teachers that seem to be the only ones who are actually raping people?
It’s that old projection thing again, isn’t it?
Those who make the most noise about it are the most guilty, or something like that.
Now, where else have we seen that? Hmmm….
I don’t know what you’re talking about…
When is one of these kids (who look extremely uncomfortable when this happens) going to yell ‘Get your hands off me, you freakshow!’ at that creepazoid?
When?
This creepy behavior by that drunk old fart is a public embarrassment. I keep hoping one of these kids will have the common sense to kick him right in the kneecap. That is painful as hell.
It gets worse, apparently:
http://www.breitbart.com/big-government/2015/04/09/joe-biden-puts-pacifier-in-his-mouth-taken-from-michael-bloombergs-grandson/
So do submariners still have to ask?
(ducks)
I am surprised All-Points Logistics did not get the contract.
I could see Commander Phil Monkress and the “Less-than-Honorable” COL W II going on the road to teach “May I tickle your taint?”
The association of sexual assault and the military has been contrived for purposes having little to do with eradicating or reducing incidents of sexual assault. Some politicians (those elected, those appointed, and even those wearing military uniforms) have used it to display their concern and caring. [APPLAUSE] Like military suicides, a legitimate issue was distorted and exaggerated such that falsehoods became truth. In the case of sexual misconduct, anonymous surveys which played havoc with common-sense terms led to outlandish conclusions that an epidemic of sexual assault existed in the military. Few looked at the survey questions and few questioned the survey’s validity. Instead, the media and wunderkinds such as Babs Mikulski fed the frenzy, prompting the Pentagonals to address the false crisis. Do sexual assaults occur in the military? Of course. Is there an epidemic? Not even close. The reality is that if the rate of actual sexual assaults in the non-military world was that of the military, police chiefs, as well as federal, state, and local politicians would be fighting one another for the credit.
This is why we have so many problems with just talking to anybody in the Air Force now. We’ve been forced to become social outcast because we are being trained to believe that the simplest hello “can and will” lead to sexual harassment/assault.
No wonder we have problems with relationships now a days.
Okay, here’s your biology lesson for today, boys and girls.
Reproduction is the number one survival drive of all species, all genuses, all classes, all families, all kingdoms – plants and animals, they all want to reproduce. Even fungi want to reproduce. It’s how you populate a planet.
If the number one drive for survival is satisfied, the other two are hunger and thirst, in no particular order. You can go three days without water and three weeks without food. (Well, I can’t, but you get the drift.)
If the first and second survival drives are satisfied, then acquisition of stuff and junk comes next.
Meantime, keep your paws off each other until you’ve got jobs and can support a family.
Any questions? Pop quiz on Friday. Be there or be aquare.
No, Herman, I will not look at the snake you brought to class in your purse. I hate snakes.
Our unit in Germany deployed with 1st Infantry in the winter REFORGER 1979. Their females were strictly segregated into women-only tents and facilities. We, having mixed-sex small teams deploying apart from everyone else most of the time, had women living and sleeping in the same tents (usually a GP Small) as their male counterparts. After three weeks, none of our women had been raped or assaulted… two of 1IDs had been. No one was stupid enough to try and take on a pissed of female who had 3 or 4 very willing and proprietary backers. We, however, were roundly lectured by 1ID over the inappropriateness of our living arrangements.
Read once of the Athenians and Spartans – the Spartan women were outspoken and could do almost anything publicly, and were known as virtuous, good women. The Athenians practiced a more segregated approach, almost Muslim-like, and their women were known for cheating and easy virtue. No idea whether this is apocryphal or not?
…and that was not The Duffel Blog either (we are so screwed).